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Mom Lists Reasons She Won’ t Put Her Daughter In Daycare

Rokas Laurinavičius and
Justinas Keturka
A mom has just gone viral on TikTok after she revealed she used to work in a daycare where hugging children was considered abuse. The woman went on to explain that it's actually one of the reasons why she won't work and look after her daughter at home instead. Other motives included subpar food menus and overall strict guidelines that prevent kids from being, well, kids. The woman added that she could go on about these things but chose not to. However, as her clip gained more and more views, people in the comments took it upon themselves to expand on this important topic. When the woman saw that the discussion wasn't going to stop anytime soon, she released a follow-up video. More info: TikTok Image credits: olddavenportfam Image credits: olddavenportfam Last month, the U.S. Department of Treasury sent a pretty similar message. It determined that the nation's childcare system is "unworkable," saying it is plagued by market failures that put quality care out of reach for many families. In one of its reports, Treasury details the struggle many parents face to afford childcare, especially as bills pile up before their peak earning years. Additionally, Treasury found that many industry workers are paid low wages, suffer high turnover, and face discrimination. Treasury is making the case for federal government support for paid family leave, universal preschool, and significant tax credits for parents and dependent care as Democrats in Congress work to write a social-spending bill that could total $3.5 trillion. "Having a well-functioning childcare sector is good for working families. It's good for children. I would also emphasize it's good for the rest of us," Catherine Wolfram, Treasury's acting assistant secretary for economic policy, said. "It's critical to a well-functioning economy."

The video has been viewed over a million times

@olddavenportfamI could go on about things.. there's a lot.. #crunchymom #childcareworker #sahm #workingmom #childcare #experience♬ The Magic Bomb (Questions I Get Asked) [Extended Mix] – Hoàng Read Talya Stone, a former editor-in-chief and the woman behind the blogs Motherhood: The Real Deal and 40 Now What, told Bored Panda that she has questioned the things that went on in her daughter's daycare as well but "the simple fact of the matter is, parents rely on daycare in order to be able to continue their careers and manage the juggle between raising a family and earning a living." "Even though we may feel the conditions are far from ideal or up to our standards, quite frankly for most parents at least, not sending their children is just not an option," she said. "I still feel the advantages of daycare still far outweigh the negatives, and also it's important to note the positive implications on a child's development and happiness also, not to mention the fact they provide support for families to sustain the responsibilities of raising a family where often the traditional support structure of extended families of once upon a time has all but vanished for many." With that being said, finding the right fit for your child can be quite challenging. "Not all daycare [centers] are the same. It's important to do your research, spend time there, meet all the staff, get a sense of the atmosphere and management, the facilities, activities, and food provided, ask lots of questions, and most importantly trust your gut," Talya Stone said. "If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Do the children seem happy there? What sort of feedback do other parents have? It's important to remember that every child is different as is every daycare and it's down to you as the parent to try and create the best match between the two as possible."

And the mom eventually released a follow-up

Image credits: olddavenportfam Image credits: olddavenportfam No wonder these TikToks have resonated with the public so much. Earlier this year, a national panel survey of 2,500 working parents, found that nearly 20% of working parents had to either quit or reduce their hours solely due to a lack of childcare. Only 30% of all working parents had any form of backup childcare, and there were significant disparities between low and high-income households. The survey revealed that 26% of women who became unemployed during the pandemic said it was due to a lack of childcare. Vice President Kamala Harris addressed the dire problem for women in The Washington Post, claiming that the economy cannot fully recover unless women fully participate. She said that "without affordable and accessible child care, working mothers are forced to make an unfair choice." Talya Stone also thinks that the government has to do more and support women if they want to keep them in work. "There needs to be better access to affordable, high quality and, ideally, subsidized childcare," the UK mom told us. "The bottom line is the future of the economy hinges on childcare, and unless parents can be supported adequately in this area, the economy will not be able to feel the full benefit of more mothers in the workforce. The U.S. is woefully behind compared to other advanced countries, and it's high time they caught up as one of the most advanced nations in the world."@olddavenportfamReply to @silversirentreasures just my personal preference from the 4 centers I've been at #childcareworker #childcarecenter #sahm #educated♬ The Magic Bomb (Questions I Get Asked) [Extended Mix] – Hoàng Read

The TikToker continued to share her thoughts in the comment sections under her videos

And the discussion quickly spread to other platforms as well

Parents and industry workers have been expressing similar concerns for quite some time now

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Rokas Laurinavičius Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read more » Justinas Keturka Justinas Keturka Author, BoredPanda staff Justin is a photo editor at Bored Panda. He was fascinated with visual arts and arts in general for as long as he can remember. He was obsessed with playing and making music in his teens. After finishing high school, he took a gap year to work odd jobs and try to figure out what he wanted to do next. Finally, around 2016, he started learning how to use Photoshop and hasn't stopped since. He started working as a visual advertisement producer in 2017 and worked there for almost two years. In his spare time, he creates graphic collages and even had his first artwork exhibition at "Devilstone". Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Most people don't live a life where only one income can provide for a family. I mean in some areas, two incomes don't even cut without subsidization of some sort. I understand where this woman is coming from but all it does is foster a level of shame and guilt on parents who can't afford to make that choice or the choice they can afford isn't a prime caring facility. It would be like people who say "I will never send my parents to a nursing home, that is why I have private around the clock care for them in house." Well bully for you that you and your parents can afford that. Some people can't afford around the clock care and they physically, emotionally, and financially can't stay home 24/7 to provide that care themselves. It's a lot more nuanced than just saying daycare is bad don't do it. 51 51points reply classbag classbag Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago (edited) Yes to all of this. It also just sounds like this woman worked at a really crappy facility. Yes, these places absolutely exist, but such places do not describe all daycares. My daughter's daycare is excellent. The problem in the US is that daycare in general is expensive and people don't receive enough parental leave. But this woman painting all daycares like they're the shitty one she worked at is just fear mongering and creating unnecessary anxiety among parents who don't have many other options. 17 17points reply Load More Replies... Karen Lyon Karen Lyon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago @classbag & Nunya Bus Absolutely! It depends on the state you live in for both senior care and child care. This "my experience is universal" BS is so old. 1 1point reply Kitty Jordan Kitty Jordan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago This, exactly! Her "no shame in those who do though" is inadequate when you're essentially mongering fear amongst those who have no choice. 5 5points reply Aria Whitaker Aria Whitaker Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago BINGO! 4 4points reply Suz66 Suz66 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago I was thinking that too. Unless you can work from home, what's the alternative? 0 0points reply Chucky Cheezburger Chucky Cheezburger Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Yeah, like whats she doing to pay the bills? She just straight up said she doesn't work...But her bills are paid somehow. Is the kiddos father? Is she independently wealthy? I applaud her for wanting to take care of kid, but I wanna know who's taking care of her because if it's Uncle Sam, she needs to get off her butt and get a job. If the kids father is still around, he needs to pay some support to take care of kid. If can't work because she's disabled in some way that's one thing, but using her kid as an excuse not to work when's she is able is a load of bull crap. -1 -1point reply Anne Kanters-Eerden Anne Kanters-Eerden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago I'm from the Netherlands and work in daycare. TBH I'm shocked by this info. Here we need a special education and a background check to be able to work in daycare. And we play and cuddle with all the kids, so strange that it's not allowed in the US. 31 31points reply Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Yep. Very strict in the Netherlands. Special education is very high quality too. 7 7points reply Load More Replies... classbag classbag Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago (edited) You are required by law to have a background check to work at a daycare, and workers are allowed to play with children. Some daycares may violate background check policy or some may tell workers not to be too affectionate with children, but on average, most daycare centers are fine. It's not like they're all drab poorly run prisons for kids with criminals as the caretakers. Millions of families send their children to daycare in the US without issue. One woman fear mongering on the internet doesn't speak for everyone. 6 6points reply Suz66 Suz66 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Could that law be only in certain states 0 0points reply Samantha Lomb Samantha Lomb Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago This isn't the US if background checks aren't required to work with kids. I've had to be fingerprinted just to volunteer at summer camp 4 4points reply Moodles Moodles Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Same as UK. My daughter went (part time) to nursery from 9 months until 4 when she started school and was never short of cuddles, affection and playing from wonderful staff with the necessary qualifications. And background checks are essential. Her father is Dutch, so I know the Netherlands to have the same strict rules 2 2points reply Karen Lyon Karen Lyon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago @Anne Kanters-Eerden: I have been in education for the last 32 years. I've never had the experience that she is talking about. I have always been able to hug my little ones, hold their hands, rub their backs to help them relax at nap time, all of that. It's not "abuse" at many sites. 1 1point reply Elsie Elsie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago agree with some of this stuff All centers require a background check at least on crime do you know how much trouble they'd be in if they hired a sex offender? Of course children eat and nap at the same time do you know how hectic life would be for children and workers if everyone ate different and slept at different times? The place would be dimmed and quiet at all times I do agree they don't all follow the laws of kids to adult ratios and even then they are too high I was with 12 - 2 year olds by myself which is the law but when it's 14 pure insanity I also can't stand how they call it school or workers teachers generally the highest age is 5 they are the only ones who might be learning and not much I think it's just to make parents feel more comfortable with their money and time One thing that bothered me was most the parents who get the care for free through government programs are more likely to complain or make demands 1 1point reply Lea S. Lea S. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago It's allowed at lots of places on the U.S. Different centers, districts, counties, states, all have different rules. 0 0points reply Marcellus II Marcellus II Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago It's all a cost thing. Like in the USA, in the UK it used to be completely paid by parents --- unlike the USA, everything very strict... so full-time (say 9--17h, 5d/week) nursery ends up costing more than an average salary. Clearly in the USA "market forces" are allowed to lower that significantly. 0 0points reply Elsie Elsie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago I agree with some of this stuff All centers require a background check at least on crime do you know how much trouble they'd be in if they hired a sex offender? Of course children eat and nap at the same time do you know how hectic life would be for children and workers if everyone ate different and slept at different times? The place would be dimmed and quiet at all times I do agree they don't all follow the laws of kids to adult ratios and even then they are too high I was with 12 - 2 year olds by myself which is the law but when it's 14 pure insanity I also can't stand how they call it school or workers teachers generally the highest age is 5 they are the only ones who might be learning and not much I think it's just to make parents feel more comfortable with their money and time One thing that bothered me was most the parents who get the care for free through government programs are more likely to complain or make demands 0 0points reply Elsie Elsie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Well here in the US it's mostly an unwanted job especially with covid. Workers are basically underpaid babysitters. I bet your role paid you much better 0 0points reply Andy Andy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Its almost like they are not your private babysitter Some of the points about background checks and staffing levels are really important, and right to be concerned with. But then adding in that they won't tailer when children have naps, when they play, what they eat etc to the desires of each individual parent just makes her sound entitled and dilutes serious points. 22 22points reply WilvanderHeijden WilvanderHeijden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 11 months ago (edited) In the Netherlands they are your private babysitter. The educated and highly trained and skilled staff of daycares do their best to be the best substitute for the parents. Including hugging the kids and playing with them. Daycares also don't cost you 20% to 25% of your income over here. 6 6points reply Load More Replies... Adriaan Verhelle Adriaan Verhelle Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Because the government steps in. Total cost is still same as here in US. -3 -3points reply WilvanderHeijden WilvanderHeijden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 11 months ago Total cost could be the same, but the parents don't have to pay the total cost in the Netherlands, do they? They don't have to complain that daycare is eating away 25% of their income. Also, if you have more children in daycare you pay less for the second child. 0 0points reply Adriaan Verhelle Adriaan Verhelle Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago (edited) No parent should ever complain about that cost. It is a known before you got into kids. When it comes to more kids, I am really glad Belgium reversed this and is now giving less for each extra kid. First kid costs the most and it is not the governments job to fund peoples large family wish. 0 0points reply Adriaan Verhelle Adriaan Verhelle Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Exactly, even at home, most of the kids I know are not allowed to take random naps during the day. Parents want to install some sort of circadian rhythm after all. Also, all her arguments also apply to schools... 2 2points reply Karen Lyon Karen Lyon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago @Andy: Exactly! What does she think elementary school is like? They don't have individual schedules for things like lunch and snack time. She's self-absorbed to the point of cluelessness. 1 1point reply Martha Meyer Martha Meyer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago As someone who was in a daycare where kids all had to do everything at the same time always (that was East Germany before the wall came down), I can tell you how harmful that is for kids. 0 0points reply Alexandra Konigsburg Alexandra Konigsburg Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago Mt stepmother grew up in Dresden and from her descriptions of it, having kids on the same nap time was hardly an issue in comparison. 0 0points reply Load More Comments POST Nunya Bus Nunya Bus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago I think a bigger question is the privilege, luck, good fortune whatever you want to call it that you can stay at home with your child. Most people don't live a life where only one income can provide for a family. I mean in some areas, two incomes don't even cut without subsidization of some sort. I understand where this woman is coming from but all it does is foster a level of shame and guilt on parents who can't afford to make that choice or the choice they can afford isn't a prime caring facility. It would be like people who say "I will never send my parents to a nursing home, that is why I have private around the clock care for them in house." Well bully for you that you and your parents can afford that. Some people can't afford around the clock care and they physically, emotionally, and financially can't stay home 24/7 to provide that care themselves. It's a lot more nuanced than just saying daycare is bad don't do it. 51 51points reply classbag classbag Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago (edited) Yes to all of this. It also just sounds like this woman worked at a really crappy facility. Yes, these places absolutely exist, but such places do not describe all daycares. My daughter's daycare is excellent. The problem in the US is that daycare in general is expensive and people don't receive enough parental leave. But this woman painting all daycares like they're the shitty one she worked at is just fear mongering and creating unnecessary anxiety among parents who don't have many other options. 17 17points reply Load More Replies... Karen Lyon Karen Lyon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago @classbag & Nunya Bus Absolutely! It depends on the state you live in for both senior care and child care. This "my experience is universal" BS is so old. 1 1point reply Kitty Jordan Kitty Jordan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago This, exactly! Her "no shame in those who do though" is inadequate when you're essentially mongering fear amongst those who have no choice. 5 5points reply Aria Whitaker Aria Whitaker Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago BINGO! 4 4points reply Suz66 Suz66 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago I was thinking that too. Unless you can work from home, what's the alternative? 0 0points reply Chucky Cheezburger Chucky Cheezburger Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Yeah, like whats she doing to pay the bills? She just straight up said she doesn't work...But her bills are paid somehow. Is the kiddos father? Is she independently wealthy? I applaud her for wanting to take care of kid, but I wanna know who's taking care of her because if it's Uncle Sam, she needs to get off her butt and get a job. If the kids father is still around, he needs to pay some support to take care of kid. If can't work because she's disabled in some way that's one thing, but using her kid as an excuse not to work when's she is able is a load of bull crap. -1 -1point reply Anne Kanters-Eerden Anne Kanters-Eerden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago I'm from the Netherlands and work in daycare. TBH I'm shocked by this info. Here we need a special education and a background check to be able to work in daycare. And we play and cuddle with all the kids, so strange that it's not allowed in the US. 31 31points reply Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Yep. Very strict in the Netherlands. Special education is very high quality too. 7 7points reply Load More Replies... classbag classbag Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago (edited) You are required by law to have a background check to work at a daycare, and workers are allowed to play with children. Some daycares may violate background check policy or some may tell workers not to be too affectionate with children, but on average, most daycare centers are fine. It's not like they're all drab poorly run prisons for kids with criminals as the caretakers. Millions of families send their children to daycare in the US without issue. One woman fear mongering on the internet doesn't speak for everyone. 6 6points reply Suz66 Suz66 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Could that law be only in certain states 0 0points reply Samantha Lomb Samantha Lomb Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago This isn't the US if background checks aren't required to work with kids. I've had to be fingerprinted just to volunteer at summer camp 4 4points reply Moodles Moodles Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Same as UK. My daughter went (part time) to nursery from 9 months until 4 when she started school and was never short of cuddles, affection and playing from wonderful staff with the necessary qualifications. And background checks are essential. Her father is Dutch, so I know the Netherlands to have the same strict rules 2 2points reply Karen Lyon Karen Lyon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago @Anne Kanters-Eerden: I have been in education for the last 32 years. I've never had the experience that she is talking about. I have always been able to hug my little ones, hold their hands, rub their backs to help them relax at nap time, all of that. It's not "abuse" at many sites. 1 1point reply Elsie Elsie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago agree with some of this stuff All centers require a background check at least on crime do you know how much trouble they'd be in if they hired a sex offender? Of course children eat and nap at the same time do you know how hectic life would be for children and workers if everyone ate different and slept at different times? The place would be dimmed and quiet at all times I do agree they don't all follow the laws of kids to adult ratios and even then they are too high I was with 12 - 2 year olds by myself which is the law but when it's 14 pure insanity I also can't stand how they call it school or workers teachers generally the highest age is 5 they are the only ones who might be learning and not much I think it's just to make parents feel more comfortable with their money and time One thing that bothered me was most the parents who get the care for free through government programs are more likely to complain or make demands 1 1point reply Lea S. Lea S. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago It's allowed at lots of places on the U.S. Different centers, districts, counties, states, all have different rules. 0 0points reply Marcellus II Marcellus II Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago It's all a cost thing. Like in the USA, in the UK it used to be completely paid by parents --- unlike the USA, everything very strict... so full-time (say 9--17h, 5d/week) nursery ends up costing more than an average salary. Clearly in the USA "market forces" are allowed to lower that significantly. 0 0points reply Elsie Elsie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago I agree with some of this stuff All centers require a background check at least on crime do you know how much trouble they'd be in if they hired a sex offender? Of course children eat and nap at the same time do you know how hectic life would be for children and workers if everyone ate different and slept at different times? The place would be dimmed and quiet at all times I do agree they don't all follow the laws of kids to adult ratios and even then they are too high I was with 12 - 2 year olds by myself which is the law but when it's 14 pure insanity I also can't stand how they call it school or workers teachers generally the highest age is 5 they are the only ones who might be learning and not much I think it's just to make parents feel more comfortable with their money and time One thing that bothered me was most the parents who get the care for free through government programs are more likely to complain or make demands 0 0points reply Elsie Elsie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Well here in the US it's mostly an unwanted job especially with covid. Workers are basically underpaid babysitters. I bet your role paid you much better 0 0points reply Andy Andy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Its almost like they are not your private babysitter Some of the points about background checks and staffing levels are really important, and right to be concerned with. But then adding in that they won't tailer when children have naps, when they play, what they eat etc to the desires of each individual parent just makes her sound entitled and dilutes serious points. 22 22points reply WilvanderHeijden WilvanderHeijden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 11 months ago (edited) In the Netherlands they are your private babysitter. The educated and highly trained and skilled staff of daycares do their best to be the best substitute for the parents. Including hugging the kids and playing with them. Daycares also don't cost you 20% to 25% of your income over here. 6 6points reply Load More Replies... Adriaan Verhelle Adriaan Verhelle Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Because the government steps in. Total cost is still same as here in US. -3 -3points reply WilvanderHeijden WilvanderHeijden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 11 months ago Total cost could be the same, but the parents don't have to pay the total cost in the Netherlands, do they? They don't have to complain that daycare is eating away 25% of their income. Also, if you have more children in daycare you pay less for the second child. 0 0points reply Adriaan Verhelle Adriaan Verhelle Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago (edited) No parent should ever complain about that cost. It is a known before you got into kids. When it comes to more kids, I am really glad Belgium reversed this and is now giving less for each extra kid. First kid costs the most and it is not the governments job to fund peoples large family wish. 0 0points reply Adriaan Verhelle Adriaan Verhelle Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago Exactly, even at home, most of the kids I know are not allowed to take random naps during the day. Parents want to install some sort of circadian rhythm after all. Also, all her arguments also apply to schools... 2 2points reply Karen Lyon Karen Lyon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago @Andy: Exactly! What does she think elementary school is like? They don't have individual schedules for things like lunch and snack time. She's self-absorbed to the point of cluelessness. 1 1point reply Martha Meyer Martha Meyer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 11 months ago As someone who was in a daycare where kids all had to do everything at the same time always (that was East Germany before the wall came down), I can tell you how harmful that is for kids. 0 0points reply Alexandra Konigsburg Alexandra Konigsburg Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago Mt stepmother grew up in Dresden and from her descriptions of it, having kids on the same nap time was hardly an issue in comparison. 0 0points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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