150 Funny Neighbor Jokes To Laugh At With Your Neighbor
150 Funny Neighbor Jokes To Laugh At With Your Neighbor Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda 148 Funny Neighbor Jokes To Laugh At Or With Your Neighbor Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 16points x Facebook Pinterest Twitter Funny, Jokes1 week ago
Violeta Lyskoit
Publish Not your original work? Add source The definition of a perfect neighbor varies per person. Some may think of someone like Ned Flanders. Others might dream of someone like Elisha Cuthbert from The Girl Next Door (2004). Either way, just like we don't get to pick our families, we don't get to choose our neighbors. And often, the result of this is an abundance of neighbor jokes online. Funny neighbor jokes often arise from various situations that happen in the neighborhood. One may decide to move the furniture around the house late at night or have a quarrel on the balcony. While no neighbor is perfect (as we are all flawed human beings), it's the neighbors with a lack of common sense or respect for others that usually become the subjects of jokes about neighbors. However, if simple communication fails, redirecting your discontent with your neighbors into funny jokes might help keep the peace in the community. While neighborhood jokes might not solve your disputes with the neighbors, they may as well save you some precious nerves. Below, we've compiled a list of puns and funny jokes about neighbors that will hopefully raise your spirits and remind you that we all live under the same sky and tackle similar problems. And heck, sometimes we ourselves are those pesky neighbors! So tend one's own garden, water your own grass, and enjoy these funny jokes for adults, neighbors' edition! This post may include affiliate links. #1 "My internet went down yesterday. I think my cheap neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible." Report 21points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago what's next, i have to pay for my own water?? 4 4points reply View more comments #2 Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there. Report 17points POST Hypoxia Smurf Hypoxia Smurf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Our precocious cat regularly crashed noisy parties around our wooded hamlet, and we naturally had to retrieve her -- after partying a little, of course. 2 2points reply #3 "Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the backyard to keep the nosey neighbors guessing." Report 17points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago One day you'll dig up some bones and immediately call your wife to tell her. Guess what- 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments #4 "Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take is really audible through the floor." Report 16points POST Pjerrot Pjerrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 days ago Welcome to My Home 0 0points reply #5 "My neighbor would play his trumpet at night so I changed my Wi-Fi name to 'I can hear you.' He changed his to 'I know.'" Report 16points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago hahahaha 3 3points reply #6 My neighbors said they wanted to talk to me about my bad home security habits. So I said “Sure, my door is always open.” Report 14points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago *frustrated neighbor noises* 1 1point reply View more comments #7 Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument. Report 14points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago And get to take sides :P 3 3points reply #8 "My neighbors love my taste in music. They even call the police to listen it." Report 14points POST Pjerrot Pjerrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 days ago Nice Folks 0 0points reply #9 "My neighbor asked me to stop playing Oasis songs all night long. I said maybe..." Report 14points POST The Radio Demon The Radio Demon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago "After it allllllllllll, please don't call the cooooooopssss!" 1 1point reply #10 A guy asks his neighbor: “Please let me borrow your electric drill.” The neighbor asks: “What do you want it for?” The guy replies: “I want to get some sleep.” Report 12points POST Hypoxia Smurf Hypoxia Smurf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Long ago in San Francisco, we rented the downstairs flat in a two-story Victorian in the Haight-Ashbury. The upstairs tenants seemed to vacuum for hours every evening and roll bowling balls across their floor all night. Our complaints were futile. We moved to the Fillmore ASAP. 0 0points reply #11 "So I asked my neighbor if he could help me figure out what DIY means. He said, 'Do it yourself.' Unhelpful prick." Report 11points POST #12 "My neighbor is singing under the shower again. Luckily, I can't hear her through my binoculars." Report 11points POST Cliff Anderson Cliff Anderson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago The bldg neighbor called the police to report a naked man in the bldg across the street. When the police arrived she pointed out the window and the policeman said, “lady, you can’t see anything from this angle!” She replied, “Stand on the bed, stand on the bed!” 0 0points reply #13 Why did the family choose to move out of the neighborhood while the neighbors were playing tennis?
Because they were a racquet. Report 10points POST #14 "My neighbors called the cops on me again for playing the drums at 3 am in the morning. They should just buy me a set so I can practice in my own house." Report 10points POST #15 "I watched a video on how to get better internet. I'll inform my neighbor right away." Report 10points POST #16 That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog. Report 9points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I laugh at a lot of cr*p, but this crossed the line for me. 6 6points reply View More Replies... View more comments #17 "My neighbor named his dog 5 Miles so he could say everyday he walked 5 Miles. Well this morning I ran over 5 miles." Report 9points POST Mistletoe Mistletoe Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 days ago Not not not not funny. 0 0points reply #18 "Once I was taking a shower singing 'Believe' by Cher and at the chorus part I heard my neighbor sing it with me." Report 9points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Aww 1 1point reply #19 "As she’s been searching for my name on her computer, I think my neighbor is stalking me. I saw it through my telescope last night." Report 8points POST #20 "I think my new neighbors are really poor. You should have heard the fuss they made when their 2 year old kid swallowed a 10 pence coin earlier!" Report 8points POST #21 "A salesperson called me: 'Are you interested in selling your house? 'I'm interested in my neighbor selling him, so I booked him an appointment, I replied." Report 8points POST #22 Convince your neighbours that evolution is working backwards by not shaving for a week, walking to your car gradually more stooped each morning and wearing a monkey costume on the Friday. Report 8points POST #23 With no spray tan on his hair, what do you call Trump?
Your next-door grumpy old neighbor. Report 7points POST #24 "The Guinness World Record for most concussions belongs to my neighbor. He lives very close, just a stone’s throw away." Report 7points POST #25 "I used to believe my neighbor when he said he slept standing up. But he’s been lying." Report 7points POST #26 "She is furious with our next-door neighbor who sunbathes topless. Personally, I’m on the fence." Report 7points POST #27 "My neighbor banged on the wall at 3.30 am, can you believe that? Luckily I was still up playing music. He banged and shouted, 'Can we have a little respect please?' So I shouted back, 'I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan, but okay, this one is for you.'" Report 7points POST ojjunior ojjunior Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Erasure. 0 0points reply #28 A man answers his door and finds a piano tuner waiting on the step. "Can I help", says the man. "I haven't ordered a piano tuner", I said. "I know you haven't, your neighbors did for you." Report 7points POST #29 "My neighbors officially hate me. Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbor's house was on fire! Well, when we got there, the wife was crying into her husband's arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever. Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on them, watching the fire. Talk about bad timing..." Report 7points POST Helen Rohrlach Helen Rohrlach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 days ago I laughed at this one. 0 0points reply #30 In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Report 7points POST #31 "The Bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself. So I treat everyone like garbage." Report 7points POST #32 Son: "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad: "Well, it's difficult to explain, so let me give you an example. You are my son - I'm confident about that."
Son: "How about confidential?"
Dad: "You see our neighbor little Timmy over there? He's my son - that's confidential." Report 7points POST #33 "I asked my indian neighbor if I could have some bread. He said, 'naan.'" Report 7points POST Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago n a a n. 0 0points reply #34 "Our neighbor's backyard is directly behind ours. We put up a shed, and he told us it was ruining his view (of us?) " Lauren Franza, M.A. Ed Report 7points POST #35 "I keep hearing that my next-door neighbor is actually a big cat dressed in a human suit. My musician neighbor is scaring me." Report 6points POST #36 "Sadly, my neighbor died after falling into a giant vat of coffee, but thankfully he didn’t suffer. It was instant." Report 6points POST #37 "Our neighbor’s 6-year-old son was sleeping in their house. I immediately called the police. Because it was a kidnap." Report 6points POST #38 "I just got back from the funeral of my 82 year old neighbor who died after falling off his roof when fixing his TV antenna. The funeral was sad, but the reception was excellent." Report 6points POST #39 "My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden." Report 6points POST #40 "I just got skylights put in my place. The woman upstairs is furious." Report 6points POST #41 "I thought I'd caught my neighbor spying on me with their binoculars last night. It was just my reflection in their bedroom mirror though." Report 6points POST #42 "My neighbors hate it when I talk to my plants just before I go to bed. They're in luck tonight though, the batteries of my megaphone ran out." Report 6points POST #43 "I have a feeling our neighbors are inbred. I asked the daughter out on a date and her dad came out and said that she doesn't do long-distance relationships." Report 6points POST #44 Built a nine-foot-high wall around my garden. The neighbors can't get over it. Report 6points POST #45 "I'm annoyed with my loud obnoxious neighbor. Now I know how Canada feels." Report 6points POST #46 The wife told her husband, "Look at your neighbor, everyday he kisses his wife before going to work, why don't you do the same?" "I would, but would she accept?", husband answered. Report 6points POST #47 An elderly woman phoned the police and said she saw her neighbor, naked walking around his bedroom with blinds open. Police turn up and says to her, "Sorry madam, but you cannot even see his bedroom, there is a fence and a bush blocking the view." She replies, "You can if you stand on top of the wardrobe." Report 6points POST #48 "My new sexy neighbor just sneezed, so by instinct and good manners I said, 'Bless you.' She said, "Thanks', but looked a little confused that her wardrobe was talking to her." Report 6points POST #49 "I recently found a TV show about 2 best friends, their angry neighbor and a rival restaurant. God, I love Spongebob." Report 6points POST #50 "My neighbor asked for my Wi-Fi password because his wasn't working. I asked if he was sure because I was connected on his and it worked fine." Report 6points POST #51 "Being short is cool? Seriously, if you are short, please marry a tall person, I'm tired of changing bulb for my neighbor and her husband." Report 6points POST #52 "I hate people who do not understand the looming threat of water shortage. Like my neighbor. She refused when I offered to bath together to save water." Report 6points POST #53 "I was going to go outside, but I noticed my neighbors were out so I'll just wait." Report 6points POST #54 Want to freak out your neighbors?
Name your Wi-Fi "FBI Surveillance Van." Report 6points POST Karen Grace Karen Grace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Ours has an ID number for the van as well. 0 0points reply #55 "My neighbor called cops to say she hasn't seen my daughter outside in months. Daughter went off to college 2 years ago." Report 6points POST #56 What is the best way to get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope. Report 5points POST #57 "My wife ran off with my neighbor next door. I sure do miss him." Report 5points POST #58 Holidays are my neighbor's fetish. I thought he was just jealous when he asked, “Can I come in your suitcase?” Report 5points POST #59 "Since my neighbor and I became good friends, we decided to rent a parking space together. We have a lot in common." Report 5points POST #60 Wife: "The neighbor kisses his wife every morning before he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?"
Husband: "I guess I don’t know her that well." Report 5points POST #61 "I saw my neighbor going outside again and again to check his mailbox. When I asked why is he doing that, he replied, 'My computer says I have got mail.'" Report 5points POST #62 "My next door neighbor just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands. With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having." Report 5points POST #63 "My neighbors are always listening to loud music whether they want to or not." Report 5points POST Hypoxia Smurf Hypoxia Smurf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Every lot in my wooded mountain hamlet is at least an acre in size, so no neighbors are TOO close... except the turds across the dirt road. When they get rowdy, I just roll my 150-watt Yamaha concert amp with 15-inch speakers over to the sliding door, plug in the fake Les Paul guitar through a distortion box, and let rip with a Jimi Hendrix-style national anthem. That sometimes quiets them down. 0 0points reply #64 "My crazy neighbor rang my doorbell aggressively at 3 am. I almost dropped my drilling machine!" Report 5points POST #65 "Every day I see my big-breasted neighbor doing gardening work in front of the house. I really hope his wife tells him to put a shirt on someday." Report 5points POST #66 Son: "Dad, some guys from the neighborhood are at the gate calling you."
Dad: "What are they saying?"
Son: "I don't know, but they have a box saying donation for swimming pool."
Dad: Cool, go give them a glass of water." Report 5points POST #67 "Had a water balloon fight with some of the kids in my neighborhood today. I won! No one is a match for me and my kettle." Report 5points POST #68 "If I ever win the lottery, all of my neighbors are going to be so rich! I'm going to move to a rich neighborhood." Report 5points POST #69 "My neighbors have been listening to music all night! I love my stereo." Report 5points POST #70 "Who says old people aren't friendly? Only today as I came home from work my 80 year old neighbor was waving at me with such enthusiasm. And she had a lovely open fire going in the living room." Report 5points POST Sinclair13 Sinclair13 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I don't get it? 0 0points reply #71 "I've been learning to speak Urdu for a few weeks now. It's not an easy language but now I can at least communicate with my neighbors." Report 5points POST #72 "I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors, she didn't listen..." Report 5points POST #73 "The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now. So I thought I'd check on my elderly 85 year old neighbor Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops. She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather." Report 5points POST #74 Wizard said:" I'll fulfill your every desire, but your neighbor would get it twice."
"Poke out my eye." Report 5points POST #75 "My neighbor keeps coming over to borrow thyme. He stays for an hour making small talk before asking to borrow some thyme for his soup. I'm so sick of wasting my thyme." Report 5points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #76 "My neighbors went on holiday, and they've given me a spare key so I could feed their dog. I'm not sure, though. I've never seen a dog eat a spare key before." Report 5points POST #77 "My house is protected 24/7 by a nosy neighbor!" Report 5points POST #78 People are almost always better than their neighbors think they are. Report 5points POST #79 "My neighbor told me he was thinking of putting in a skylight in his apartment. He lived below me." Gerard Brown Report 5points POST #80 "Every night at 10 pm our old lady neighbor yells, 'Sassy girl!' She is calling her cat." Ericha Faldborg Report 5points POST #81 "Honestly, I have the worst neighbor ever! He keeps on banging on the wall at 3 am. It completely ruins my drumming practice." Report 4points POST #82 "My wife told me to throw the shovel over their fence after our neighbor’s dog pooped in our yard. However, that didn’t solve the problem." Report 4points POST #83 "I stared intensely as my neighbor removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear. 'Oo yeah', I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, 'you keep emptying that washing machine, baby.'" Report 4points POST #84 "I helped my neighbor with something this morning and she said, 'I could marry you!' I couldn’t believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return!" Report 4points POST #85 "I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbors so much. They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs." Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #86 "My rich neighbor just had a private ice rink built! I said to him, 'Can I try it?', and he said, 'Yeah, but it'll cost you a dollar.' What a cheap skate, I thought." Report 4points POST #87 Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?"
Robot: "Guilty as charged." Report 4points POST #88 "Everyone in my neighborhood wears woolen jumpers that are a size too small for them. We are a very tight knit community." Report 4points POST #89 "My neighbors are so inconsiderate. They're out, and for the last 2 hours I've had to listen to the incessant beeping of their smoke detector." Report 4points POST #90 "I found out today, that arguments about fences are the major cause of feuds between neighbors. So I went and took our neighbor's fence down, just in case." Report 4points POST #91 "Just had my next-door neighbor knocking on my door when I was playing the guitar, he said, 'Excuse me mate, we can't hear a thing next door. 'Not a problem', I replied and turned up my amp to number 8. Should be able to hear it now." Report 4points POST #92 What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
"You're the chairman of the board!" Report 4points POST #93 People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors. Report 4points POST #94 A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?', asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'Ok, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!' Report 4points POST #95 Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches. "What time do you think it is?" One of them asks the other. "Just make a ton of noise", says the other. The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways. After a few seconds of screaming a light turn on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "You crazy kids! It's 2 in the morning!" Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #96 Teacher: "Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?"
Sarah: "Our neighbor is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious." Report 4points POST #97 "I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbor said, 'Well, are you going to help?' I said, 'No, six should be enough.'" Report 4points POST #98 "Once I got annoyed with my Nokia and threw it at the wall. Now I'm in jail for murdering my neighbor." Report 4points POST #99 Angry neighbor: "You slept with my wife, I am going to make you pay for that!"
Man: "Why should I pay twice?" Report 4points POST #100 "I installed a high-voltage fence around my property. My neighbor is dead against it." Report 4points POST #101 "My neighbors recently made a sex tape. Well, obviously they don't know that yet!" Report 4points POST #102 A man asks his neighbor if it's okay to pet his dog. "Yes, he's a sweetheart, never bit a soul in his life, of course you can!", says the neighbor. The man pats the dog and the dog bites his hand. "I thought you said your dog is a sweetheart and doesn't bite!", exclaims the man. The neighbor looks at him shrugging and says, "Yes, but that's not my dog." Report 4points POST #103 "My neighbour was about to lose his house. So I decided to organise a neighbourhood wide charity orgy to help him. It was truly inspiring to see the whole neighbourhood come together like that." Report 4points POST #104 "I saw my neighbor gluing his drill back together. What a complete tool." Report 4points POST #105 "Mom! At school, they tell me I'm too distracted!"
"Kid, I'm your neighbor, your house is across the street." Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #106 "When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying. But later I learnt it's my neighbor." Report 4points POST #107 "I saw my neighbor putting some more soil down on his lawn the other day. The plot thickens..." Report 4points POST #108 "My neighbor asked me to take care of her dog while she was on holiday. When she got back to find it dead, she should've remembered I told her: 'I don't mind.'" Report 4points POST #109 The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people. Report 4points POST #110 Even the devil’s eyes can’t be as sharp as the neighbors. Report 4points POST #111 Good fences make good neighbors. Report 4points POST #112 "My neighbor decorated my dead tree with empty bud light cans then sent me a text saying my tree was budding." Herb Mays Report 4points POST #113 "He would work on his car every day, after 2 months I offered help and he said, 'It's not broke, I just hate my family.'" Report 4points POST #114 "My neighbor used to sit on his porch and play 'Every Breath You Take' by The Police when I came home from work." Raff Report 4points POST #115 "Our new neighbors thought our Wi-Fi was our last name so they gave us a Christmas card addressed to the 'Linksys Family.'" flacidrapper Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #116 "My old neighbor painted fake rust spots on his truck and drove around with a life size female deer in the passenger seat." T-Rex Mom Report 4points POST #117 "While doing some landscaping my weird neighbor called the cops telling them we were moving the trees and digging tunnels under her house." Chance Cox Report 4points POST #118 "One winter my neighbor was screaming that there was a dead body in the snow. Turned out someone just dropped a glove." Debra Henderson Report 4points POST #119 "My friend's neighbor asked if he could borrow his TV for the night." Report 4points POST #120 "I consider my neighbor to be a key worker. He picks locks." Report 3points POST #121 "After getting to know each other, I decided to share my water supply with my neighbor. We got a long well." Report 3points POST #122 What do you call the bad neighborhoods in Italy?
Spaghettos. Report 3points POST #123 "My neighbor Is so annoying, he bangs on the wall so loud sometimes that I can't even hear myself drilling." Report 3points POST #124 "My neighbor is committing fraud, she's got a 'Baby on Board' sign in the back window of her car. She hasn't even got a baby. It died yesterday." Report 3points POST #125 "The kid next door booted a football into my garden, so I punctured it with a knife. He almost bled to death but I think he learnt his lesson." Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #126 "I was going through my Sky+ planner, deleting some old films when I shouted to my wife, 'Shall we get rid of Jennifer's body?!' Not a good idea when you have nosy neighbors." Report 3points POST #127 Police: "Where do you live?"
Me: "With my parents."
Police: "Where do your parents live?"
Me: "With me."
Police: "Where do you all live?"
Me: "Together."
Police: "Where is your house?"
Me: "Next to my neighbor's house."
Police: "Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: "If I tell you, you won't believe me."
Police: "Tell me."
Me: "Next to my house." Report 3points POST #128 A man looks over his garden wall to see his neighbor digging a hole in the back garden. “What are you up to?”, he asks. “I’m digging a hole for my dead hamster,” he replies. “Sorry to hear that, but it’s a big hole for a hamster isn’t it?” “Of course it is, it’s inside your f*cking cat”, he yells. Report 3points POST #129 Neighbors: The strangers who live next door. Report 3points POST #130 A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it. Report 3points POST #131 No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor. Report 3points POST #132 Love thy neighbor… but don't pull down your hedge. Report 3points POST #133 Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse. Report 3points POST #134 "I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving." Report 3points POST #135 "My blonde neighbor has put 'Missing Cat' posters all over the trees on our estate. I said to her, 'I thought your cat died last week, Becky?' 'It did, that's why I'm missing him.'" Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #136 "My neighbor wrongly accused me of property theft. I didn't take a fence." Report 3points POST #137 And to the surprise of everybody, after a few minutes, he starts talking. "I was born to live 3 days, my mother will die in 6 days and my father in 14 days", he says. After 3 days the baby dies. After 6 days it is the mother passes away. The father becomes histerical. He knows he is next. He sells all his possessions, spends all his money. 14 days later his neighbor dies. Report 3points POST #138 "My next-door neighbor accused me of stealing her underwear from her washing line. I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants." Report 3points POST #139 "I saw my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop this morning.
He seemed to be waiting for the bus, so I said, 'Jump in, I'll give you ride.' He said 'Go to hell', so I thought he was very ungrateful. But then I just zipped up my backpack and kept walking." Report 3points POST #140 What did the beaver say when he found out his new neighbor was a fish?
Cod dam. Report 3points POST #141 "Mom, I'm sleeping with the neighbor!"
"That's unacceptable young lady! He could be your dad!"
"But Mom, you don't understand. Age doesn't matter for true love!"
"I didn't say anything about age." Report 3points POST #142 "Neighbor asks if I've got any old car batteries. 'Yeah, I've got tons of old ones. I can give them to you free of charge', he replied." Report 3points POST #143 Few of us could bear to have ourselves for neighbors. Report 3points POST #144 If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes. Report 3points POST #145 Neighbor: "I was wondering if you could check your shed only my cat has gone missi.."
Me: "Before we go any further, Margaret, is there a reward?"
Neighbor: "Well, yes."
Me: "How much?"
Neighbor: "Twenty pounds."
Me: "In that case, no, I haven't seen your cat. Which is a shame because I did hear a noise."
Neighbor: "Oh really, what sort of a noise?"
Me: "Kind of like a fifty pound-noise." Report 2points POST #146 "I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say...that thing was fast. I had run a red light to get it!" Report 2points POST #147 When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets, just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors! Report 2points POST #148 "My asian neighbor asked if he could walk the dog. They didn't come back for a while, I was worried about my dog so I went to his house, the dog was on the wok." Report 2points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė Author, BoredPanda staff Žydrūnė is a SEO listicles curator. She is a dreamer who likes active free time, nature, loves her friends, books and chips. She like to create surrealistic visual art, so she often watches Photoshop tutorials instead of movies. Also, Žydrūnė can't imagine life without her bicycle. "I am the person who will go to the store by bicycle, even though the distance to it is only 100m." Hates Coca-Cola and Mcdonalds. Read more » Violeta Lyskoit Violeta Lyskoit Writer, BoredPanda staff Violeta has completed her higher education at Northumbria University with a bachelor's degree in Media & Journalism (so you better believe she's checking her facts). If she's not writing or editing pics for the Gram, she's probably hitting legs at the gym. Also, she's a firm believer that pineapple belongs on a pizza. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! 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148 Funny Neighbor Jokes To Laugh At Or With Your Neighbor
Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė andVioleta Lyskoit
Publish Not your original work? Add source The definition of a perfect neighbor varies per person. Some may think of someone like Ned Flanders. Others might dream of someone like Elisha Cuthbert from The Girl Next Door (2004). Either way, just like we don't get to pick our families, we don't get to choose our neighbors. And often, the result of this is an abundance of neighbor jokes online. Funny neighbor jokes often arise from various situations that happen in the neighborhood. One may decide to move the furniture around the house late at night or have a quarrel on the balcony. While no neighbor is perfect (as we are all flawed human beings), it's the neighbors with a lack of common sense or respect for others that usually become the subjects of jokes about neighbors. However, if simple communication fails, redirecting your discontent with your neighbors into funny jokes might help keep the peace in the community. While neighborhood jokes might not solve your disputes with the neighbors, they may as well save you some precious nerves. Below, we've compiled a list of puns and funny jokes about neighbors that will hopefully raise your spirits and remind you that we all live under the same sky and tackle similar problems. And heck, sometimes we ourselves are those pesky neighbors! So tend one's own garden, water your own grass, and enjoy these funny jokes for adults, neighbors' edition! This post may include affiliate links. #1 "My internet went down yesterday. I think my cheap neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible." Report 21points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago what's next, i have to pay for my own water?? 4 4points reply View more comments #2 Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there. Report 17points POST Hypoxia Smurf Hypoxia Smurf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Our precocious cat regularly crashed noisy parties around our wooded hamlet, and we naturally had to retrieve her -- after partying a little, of course. 2 2points reply #3 "Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the backyard to keep the nosey neighbors guessing." Report 17points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago One day you'll dig up some bones and immediately call your wife to tell her. Guess what- 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments #4 "Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take is really audible through the floor." Report 16points POST Pjerrot Pjerrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 days ago Welcome to My Home 0 0points reply #5 "My neighbor would play his trumpet at night so I changed my Wi-Fi name to 'I can hear you.' He changed his to 'I know.'" Report 16points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago hahahaha 3 3points reply #6 My neighbors said they wanted to talk to me about my bad home security habits. So I said “Sure, my door is always open.” Report 14points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago *frustrated neighbor noises* 1 1point reply View more comments #7 Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument. Report 14points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago And get to take sides :P 3 3points reply #8 "My neighbors love my taste in music. They even call the police to listen it." Report 14points POST Pjerrot Pjerrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 days ago Nice Folks 0 0points reply #9 "My neighbor asked me to stop playing Oasis songs all night long. I said maybe..." Report 14points POST The Radio Demon The Radio Demon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago "After it allllllllllll, please don't call the cooooooopssss!" 1 1point reply #10 A guy asks his neighbor: “Please let me borrow your electric drill.” The neighbor asks: “What do you want it for?” The guy replies: “I want to get some sleep.” Report 12points POST Hypoxia Smurf Hypoxia Smurf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Long ago in San Francisco, we rented the downstairs flat in a two-story Victorian in the Haight-Ashbury. The upstairs tenants seemed to vacuum for hours every evening and roll bowling balls across their floor all night. Our complaints were futile. We moved to the Fillmore ASAP. 0 0points reply #11 "So I asked my neighbor if he could help me figure out what DIY means. He said, 'Do it yourself.' Unhelpful prick." Report 11points POST #12 "My neighbor is singing under the shower again. Luckily, I can't hear her through my binoculars." Report 11points POST Cliff Anderson Cliff Anderson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago The bldg neighbor called the police to report a naked man in the bldg across the street. When the police arrived she pointed out the window and the policeman said, “lady, you can’t see anything from this angle!” She replied, “Stand on the bed, stand on the bed!” 0 0points reply #13 Why did the family choose to move out of the neighborhood while the neighbors were playing tennis?
Because they were a racquet. Report 10points POST #14 "My neighbors called the cops on me again for playing the drums at 3 am in the morning. They should just buy me a set so I can practice in my own house." Report 10points POST #15 "I watched a video on how to get better internet. I'll inform my neighbor right away." Report 10points POST #16 That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog. Report 9points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I laugh at a lot of cr*p, but this crossed the line for me. 6 6points reply View More Replies... View more comments #17 "My neighbor named his dog 5 Miles so he could say everyday he walked 5 Miles. Well this morning I ran over 5 miles." Report 9points POST Mistletoe Mistletoe Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 days ago Not not not not funny. 0 0points reply #18 "Once I was taking a shower singing 'Believe' by Cher and at the chorus part I heard my neighbor sing it with me." Report 9points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Aww 1 1point reply #19 "As she’s been searching for my name on her computer, I think my neighbor is stalking me. I saw it through my telescope last night." Report 8points POST #20 "I think my new neighbors are really poor. You should have heard the fuss they made when their 2 year old kid swallowed a 10 pence coin earlier!" Report 8points POST #21 "A salesperson called me: 'Are you interested in selling your house? 'I'm interested in my neighbor selling him, so I booked him an appointment, I replied." Report 8points POST #22 Convince your neighbours that evolution is working backwards by not shaving for a week, walking to your car gradually more stooped each morning and wearing a monkey costume on the Friday. Report 8points POST #23 With no spray tan on his hair, what do you call Trump?
Your next-door grumpy old neighbor. Report 7points POST #24 "The Guinness World Record for most concussions belongs to my neighbor. He lives very close, just a stone’s throw away." Report 7points POST #25 "I used to believe my neighbor when he said he slept standing up. But he’s been lying." Report 7points POST #26 "She is furious with our next-door neighbor who sunbathes topless. Personally, I’m on the fence." Report 7points POST #27 "My neighbor banged on the wall at 3.30 am, can you believe that? Luckily I was still up playing music. He banged and shouted, 'Can we have a little respect please?' So I shouted back, 'I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan, but okay, this one is for you.'" Report 7points POST ojjunior ojjunior Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Erasure. 0 0points reply #28 A man answers his door and finds a piano tuner waiting on the step. "Can I help", says the man. "I haven't ordered a piano tuner", I said. "I know you haven't, your neighbors did for you." Report 7points POST #29 "My neighbors officially hate me. Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbor's house was on fire! Well, when we got there, the wife was crying into her husband's arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever. Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on them, watching the fire. Talk about bad timing..." Report 7points POST Helen Rohrlach Helen Rohrlach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 days ago I laughed at this one. 0 0points reply #30 In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Report 7points POST #31 "The Bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself. So I treat everyone like garbage." Report 7points POST #32 Son: "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad: "Well, it's difficult to explain, so let me give you an example. You are my son - I'm confident about that."
Son: "How about confidential?"
Dad: "You see our neighbor little Timmy over there? He's my son - that's confidential." Report 7points POST #33 "I asked my indian neighbor if I could have some bread. He said, 'naan.'" Report 7points POST Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago n a a n. 0 0points reply #34 "Our neighbor's backyard is directly behind ours. We put up a shed, and he told us it was ruining his view (of us?) " Lauren Franza, M.A. Ed Report 7points POST #35 "I keep hearing that my next-door neighbor is actually a big cat dressed in a human suit. My musician neighbor is scaring me." Report 6points POST #36 "Sadly, my neighbor died after falling into a giant vat of coffee, but thankfully he didn’t suffer. It was instant." Report 6points POST #37 "Our neighbor’s 6-year-old son was sleeping in their house. I immediately called the police. Because it was a kidnap." Report 6points POST #38 "I just got back from the funeral of my 82 year old neighbor who died after falling off his roof when fixing his TV antenna. The funeral was sad, but the reception was excellent." Report 6points POST #39 "My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden." Report 6points POST #40 "I just got skylights put in my place. The woman upstairs is furious." Report 6points POST #41 "I thought I'd caught my neighbor spying on me with their binoculars last night. It was just my reflection in their bedroom mirror though." Report 6points POST #42 "My neighbors hate it when I talk to my plants just before I go to bed. They're in luck tonight though, the batteries of my megaphone ran out." Report 6points POST #43 "I have a feeling our neighbors are inbred. I asked the daughter out on a date and her dad came out and said that she doesn't do long-distance relationships." Report 6points POST #44 Built a nine-foot-high wall around my garden. The neighbors can't get over it. Report 6points POST #45 "I'm annoyed with my loud obnoxious neighbor. Now I know how Canada feels." Report 6points POST #46 The wife told her husband, "Look at your neighbor, everyday he kisses his wife before going to work, why don't you do the same?" "I would, but would she accept?", husband answered. Report 6points POST #47 An elderly woman phoned the police and said she saw her neighbor, naked walking around his bedroom with blinds open. Police turn up and says to her, "Sorry madam, but you cannot even see his bedroom, there is a fence and a bush blocking the view." She replies, "You can if you stand on top of the wardrobe." Report 6points POST #48 "My new sexy neighbor just sneezed, so by instinct and good manners I said, 'Bless you.' She said, "Thanks', but looked a little confused that her wardrobe was talking to her." Report 6points POST #49 "I recently found a TV show about 2 best friends, their angry neighbor and a rival restaurant. God, I love Spongebob." Report 6points POST #50 "My neighbor asked for my Wi-Fi password because his wasn't working. I asked if he was sure because I was connected on his and it worked fine." Report 6points POST #51 "Being short is cool? Seriously, if you are short, please marry a tall person, I'm tired of changing bulb for my neighbor and her husband." Report 6points POST #52 "I hate people who do not understand the looming threat of water shortage. Like my neighbor. She refused when I offered to bath together to save water." Report 6points POST #53 "I was going to go outside, but I noticed my neighbors were out so I'll just wait." Report 6points POST #54 Want to freak out your neighbors?
Name your Wi-Fi "FBI Surveillance Van." Report 6points POST Karen Grace Karen Grace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Ours has an ID number for the van as well. 0 0points reply #55 "My neighbor called cops to say she hasn't seen my daughter outside in months. Daughter went off to college 2 years ago." Report 6points POST #56 What is the best way to get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope. Report 5points POST #57 "My wife ran off with my neighbor next door. I sure do miss him." Report 5points POST #58 Holidays are my neighbor's fetish. I thought he was just jealous when he asked, “Can I come in your suitcase?” Report 5points POST #59 "Since my neighbor and I became good friends, we decided to rent a parking space together. We have a lot in common." Report 5points POST #60 Wife: "The neighbor kisses his wife every morning before he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?"
Husband: "I guess I don’t know her that well." Report 5points POST #61 "I saw my neighbor going outside again and again to check his mailbox. When I asked why is he doing that, he replied, 'My computer says I have got mail.'" Report 5points POST #62 "My next door neighbor just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands. With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having." Report 5points POST #63 "My neighbors are always listening to loud music whether they want to or not." Report 5points POST Hypoxia Smurf Hypoxia Smurf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Every lot in my wooded mountain hamlet is at least an acre in size, so no neighbors are TOO close... except the turds across the dirt road. When they get rowdy, I just roll my 150-watt Yamaha concert amp with 15-inch speakers over to the sliding door, plug in the fake Les Paul guitar through a distortion box, and let rip with a Jimi Hendrix-style national anthem. That sometimes quiets them down. 0 0points reply #64 "My crazy neighbor rang my doorbell aggressively at 3 am. I almost dropped my drilling machine!" Report 5points POST #65 "Every day I see my big-breasted neighbor doing gardening work in front of the house. I really hope his wife tells him to put a shirt on someday." Report 5points POST #66 Son: "Dad, some guys from the neighborhood are at the gate calling you."
Dad: "What are they saying?"
Son: "I don't know, but they have a box saying donation for swimming pool."
Dad: Cool, go give them a glass of water." Report 5points POST #67 "Had a water balloon fight with some of the kids in my neighborhood today. I won! No one is a match for me and my kettle." Report 5points POST #68 "If I ever win the lottery, all of my neighbors are going to be so rich! I'm going to move to a rich neighborhood." Report 5points POST #69 "My neighbors have been listening to music all night! I love my stereo." Report 5points POST #70 "Who says old people aren't friendly? Only today as I came home from work my 80 year old neighbor was waving at me with such enthusiasm. And she had a lovely open fire going in the living room." Report 5points POST Sinclair13 Sinclair13 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I don't get it? 0 0points reply #71 "I've been learning to speak Urdu for a few weeks now. It's not an easy language but now I can at least communicate with my neighbors." Report 5points POST #72 "I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors, she didn't listen..." Report 5points POST #73 "The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now. So I thought I'd check on my elderly 85 year old neighbor Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops. She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather." Report 5points POST #74 Wizard said:" I'll fulfill your every desire, but your neighbor would get it twice."
"Poke out my eye." Report 5points POST #75 "My neighbor keeps coming over to borrow thyme. He stays for an hour making small talk before asking to borrow some thyme for his soup. I'm so sick of wasting my thyme." Report 5points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #76 "My neighbors went on holiday, and they've given me a spare key so I could feed their dog. I'm not sure, though. I've never seen a dog eat a spare key before." Report 5points POST #77 "My house is protected 24/7 by a nosy neighbor!" Report 5points POST #78 People are almost always better than their neighbors think they are. Report 5points POST #79 "My neighbor told me he was thinking of putting in a skylight in his apartment. He lived below me." Gerard Brown Report 5points POST #80 "Every night at 10 pm our old lady neighbor yells, 'Sassy girl!' She is calling her cat." Ericha Faldborg Report 5points POST #81 "Honestly, I have the worst neighbor ever! He keeps on banging on the wall at 3 am. It completely ruins my drumming practice." Report 4points POST #82 "My wife told me to throw the shovel over their fence after our neighbor’s dog pooped in our yard. However, that didn’t solve the problem." Report 4points POST #83 "I stared intensely as my neighbor removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear. 'Oo yeah', I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, 'you keep emptying that washing machine, baby.'" Report 4points POST #84 "I helped my neighbor with something this morning and she said, 'I could marry you!' I couldn’t believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return!" Report 4points POST #85 "I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbors so much. They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs." Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #86 "My rich neighbor just had a private ice rink built! I said to him, 'Can I try it?', and he said, 'Yeah, but it'll cost you a dollar.' What a cheap skate, I thought." Report 4points POST #87 Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?"
Robot: "Guilty as charged." Report 4points POST #88 "Everyone in my neighborhood wears woolen jumpers that are a size too small for them. We are a very tight knit community." Report 4points POST #89 "My neighbors are so inconsiderate. They're out, and for the last 2 hours I've had to listen to the incessant beeping of their smoke detector." Report 4points POST #90 "I found out today, that arguments about fences are the major cause of feuds between neighbors. So I went and took our neighbor's fence down, just in case." Report 4points POST #91 "Just had my next-door neighbor knocking on my door when I was playing the guitar, he said, 'Excuse me mate, we can't hear a thing next door. 'Not a problem', I replied and turned up my amp to number 8. Should be able to hear it now." Report 4points POST #92 What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
"You're the chairman of the board!" Report 4points POST #93 People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors. Report 4points POST #94 A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?', asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'Ok, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!' Report 4points POST #95 Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches. "What time do you think it is?" One of them asks the other. "Just make a ton of noise", says the other. The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways. After a few seconds of screaming a light turn on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "You crazy kids! It's 2 in the morning!" Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #96 Teacher: "Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?"
Sarah: "Our neighbor is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious." Report 4points POST #97 "I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbor said, 'Well, are you going to help?' I said, 'No, six should be enough.'" Report 4points POST #98 "Once I got annoyed with my Nokia and threw it at the wall. Now I'm in jail for murdering my neighbor." Report 4points POST #99 Angry neighbor: "You slept with my wife, I am going to make you pay for that!"
Man: "Why should I pay twice?" Report 4points POST #100 "I installed a high-voltage fence around my property. My neighbor is dead against it." Report 4points POST #101 "My neighbors recently made a sex tape. Well, obviously they don't know that yet!" Report 4points POST #102 A man asks his neighbor if it's okay to pet his dog. "Yes, he's a sweetheart, never bit a soul in his life, of course you can!", says the neighbor. The man pats the dog and the dog bites his hand. "I thought you said your dog is a sweetheart and doesn't bite!", exclaims the man. The neighbor looks at him shrugging and says, "Yes, but that's not my dog." Report 4points POST #103 "My neighbour was about to lose his house. So I decided to organise a neighbourhood wide charity orgy to help him. It was truly inspiring to see the whole neighbourhood come together like that." Report 4points POST #104 "I saw my neighbor gluing his drill back together. What a complete tool." Report 4points POST #105 "Mom! At school, they tell me I'm too distracted!"
"Kid, I'm your neighbor, your house is across the street." Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #106 "When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying. But later I learnt it's my neighbor." Report 4points POST #107 "I saw my neighbor putting some more soil down on his lawn the other day. The plot thickens..." Report 4points POST #108 "My neighbor asked me to take care of her dog while she was on holiday. When she got back to find it dead, she should've remembered I told her: 'I don't mind.'" Report 4points POST #109 The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people. Report 4points POST #110 Even the devil’s eyes can’t be as sharp as the neighbors. Report 4points POST #111 Good fences make good neighbors. Report 4points POST #112 "My neighbor decorated my dead tree with empty bud light cans then sent me a text saying my tree was budding." Herb Mays Report 4points POST #113 "He would work on his car every day, after 2 months I offered help and he said, 'It's not broke, I just hate my family.'" Report 4points POST #114 "My neighbor used to sit on his porch and play 'Every Breath You Take' by The Police when I came home from work." Raff Report 4points POST #115 "Our new neighbors thought our Wi-Fi was our last name so they gave us a Christmas card addressed to the 'Linksys Family.'" flacidrapper Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #116 "My old neighbor painted fake rust spots on his truck and drove around with a life size female deer in the passenger seat." T-Rex Mom Report 4points POST #117 "While doing some landscaping my weird neighbor called the cops telling them we were moving the trees and digging tunnels under her house." Chance Cox Report 4points POST #118 "One winter my neighbor was screaming that there was a dead body in the snow. Turned out someone just dropped a glove." Debra Henderson Report 4points POST #119 "My friend's neighbor asked if he could borrow his TV for the night." Report 4points POST #120 "I consider my neighbor to be a key worker. He picks locks." Report 3points POST #121 "After getting to know each other, I decided to share my water supply with my neighbor. We got a long well." Report 3points POST #122 What do you call the bad neighborhoods in Italy?
Spaghettos. Report 3points POST #123 "My neighbor Is so annoying, he bangs on the wall so loud sometimes that I can't even hear myself drilling." Report 3points POST #124 "My neighbor is committing fraud, she's got a 'Baby on Board' sign in the back window of her car. She hasn't even got a baby. It died yesterday." Report 3points POST #125 "The kid next door booted a football into my garden, so I punctured it with a knife. He almost bled to death but I think he learnt his lesson." Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #126 "I was going through my Sky+ planner, deleting some old films when I shouted to my wife, 'Shall we get rid of Jennifer's body?!' Not a good idea when you have nosy neighbors." Report 3points POST #127 Police: "Where do you live?"
Me: "With my parents."
Police: "Where do your parents live?"
Me: "With me."
Police: "Where do you all live?"
Me: "Together."
Police: "Where is your house?"
Me: "Next to my neighbor's house."
Police: "Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: "If I tell you, you won't believe me."
Police: "Tell me."
Me: "Next to my house." Report 3points POST #128 A man looks over his garden wall to see his neighbor digging a hole in the back garden. “What are you up to?”, he asks. “I’m digging a hole for my dead hamster,” he replies. “Sorry to hear that, but it’s a big hole for a hamster isn’t it?” “Of course it is, it’s inside your f*cking cat”, he yells. Report 3points POST #129 Neighbors: The strangers who live next door. Report 3points POST #130 A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it. Report 3points POST #131 No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor. Report 3points POST #132 Love thy neighbor… but don't pull down your hedge. Report 3points POST #133 Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse. Report 3points POST #134 "I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving." Report 3points POST #135 "My blonde neighbor has put 'Missing Cat' posters all over the trees on our estate. I said to her, 'I thought your cat died last week, Becky?' 'It did, that's why I'm missing him.'" Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #136 "My neighbor wrongly accused me of property theft. I didn't take a fence." Report 3points POST #137 And to the surprise of everybody, after a few minutes, he starts talking. "I was born to live 3 days, my mother will die in 6 days and my father in 14 days", he says. After 3 days the baby dies. After 6 days it is the mother passes away. The father becomes histerical. He knows he is next. He sells all his possessions, spends all his money. 14 days later his neighbor dies. Report 3points POST #138 "My next-door neighbor accused me of stealing her underwear from her washing line. I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants." Report 3points POST #139 "I saw my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop this morning.
He seemed to be waiting for the bus, so I said, 'Jump in, I'll give you ride.' He said 'Go to hell', so I thought he was very ungrateful. But then I just zipped up my backpack and kept walking." Report 3points POST #140 What did the beaver say when he found out his new neighbor was a fish?
Cod dam. Report 3points POST #141 "Mom, I'm sleeping with the neighbor!"
"That's unacceptable young lady! He could be your dad!"
"But Mom, you don't understand. Age doesn't matter for true love!"
"I didn't say anything about age." Report 3points POST #142 "Neighbor asks if I've got any old car batteries. 'Yeah, I've got tons of old ones. I can give them to you free of charge', he replied." Report 3points POST #143 Few of us could bear to have ourselves for neighbors. Report 3points POST #144 If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes. Report 3points POST #145 Neighbor: "I was wondering if you could check your shed only my cat has gone missi.."
Me: "Before we go any further, Margaret, is there a reward?"
Neighbor: "Well, yes."
Me: "How much?"
Neighbor: "Twenty pounds."
Me: "In that case, no, I haven't seen your cat. Which is a shame because I did hear a noise."
Neighbor: "Oh really, what sort of a noise?"
Me: "Kind of like a fifty pound-noise." Report 2points POST #146 "I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say...that thing was fast. I had run a red light to get it!" Report 2points POST #147 When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets, just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors! Report 2points POST #148 "My asian neighbor asked if he could walk the dog. They didn't come back for a while, I was worried about my dog so I went to his house, the dog was on the wok." Report 2points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė Author, BoredPanda staff Žydrūnė is a SEO listicles curator. She is a dreamer who likes active free time, nature, loves her friends, books and chips. She like to create surrealistic visual art, so she often watches Photoshop tutorials instead of movies. Also, Žydrūnė can't imagine life without her bicycle. "I am the person who will go to the store by bicycle, even though the distance to it is only 100m." Hates Coca-Cola and Mcdonalds. Read more » Violeta Lyskoit Violeta Lyskoit Writer, BoredPanda staff Violeta has completed her higher education at Northumbria University with a bachelor's degree in Media & Journalism (so you better believe she's checking her facts). If she's not writing or editing pics for the Gram, she's probably hitting legs at the gym. Also, she's a firm believer that pineapple belongs on a pizza. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! 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