Funny Phrases To Laugh Your Way Out Of Awkward Conversations
Funny Phrases To Laugh Your Way Out Of Awkward Conversations Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda Funny Phrases To Laugh Your Way Out Of Awkward Conversations Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 26points x Facebook Pinterest Twitter Funny1 week ago
Marisha Kazaryan
Publish Not your original work? Add source Life can throw different situations at us. And while we have no way of predicting what's coming next, we can at least be prepared to respond. But how, you ask, if we don't know what to be ready for? Well, experience shows that even in the most awkward of situations, humor can be very helpful, and saying funny stuff (or maybe even a little sarcastic) in response to something rude often works wonders. When you are in an argument or someone is trying to insult you, say something funny and clever, and then observe the other person's reaction. One problem you could possibly encounter here is that our mind might not always be ready to come up with a witty and funny phrase at a moment's notice. That's absolutely fine; improvisation is not an easy skill to master. Not to worry though, there is a way around this too. If you are not a natural-born comedian who can pull random funny things to say out of a hat (not many of us are), try memorizing some funny quotes. Next time somebody is taking too much interest in your private life or commenting on your personal tastes, a short funny comeback will immediately change the course of the conversation, also showing all the commenters that while staying perfectly polite, you are not one to take others' nonsense. Here are some funny inspirational quotes to help you handle uncomfortable situations and counterparts without directly confronting them. Share with us in the comments how you deal with awkward conversations and people who tend to cross boundaries. This post may include affiliate links. #1 Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then it’s suspicious. Report 22points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply View more comments #2 Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion. Report 21points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago ...but recently I had a fight with myself, and now we don't talk... 5 5points reply View more comments #3 When people tell me, “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver. Report 19points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago When you wake up sober on Monday morning, it's probably a Tuesday noon. 0 0points reply #4 Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it. Report 19points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago (edited) ... and some prefer living in darkness 3 3points reply #5 I’m sorry, I have to go. You’re boring me to death and my survival instincts are kicking in. Report 18points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I'm stealing this insult ! 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 Don’t you tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. Report 18points POST #7 Some days you’re the bird. Some days you’re the statue. Report 18points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Sometimes I think being reborn as a gull or pigeon could be fun 2 2points reply View more comments #8 I stopped fighting my inner demons, we’re on the same side now. Report 17points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This could be described as my life's greatest achievement 0 0points reply #9 Life is a bowl of soup, and I’m a fork. Report 16points POST Louwolfy Louwolfy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago HAHA i love this one 1 1point reply View more comments #10 Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest. Report 15points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes. 4 4points reply View more comments #11 Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. Report 15points POST #12 I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. Report 15points POST #13 If you’re not supposed to eat at night, then why is there a light bulb in the fridge? Report 14points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Duh! 0 0points reply #14 I’m not sluggish. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing. Report 14points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Sleeping IS doing something 2 2points reply View more comments #15 Whoever said, “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.” Report 14points POST #16 I put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastinate.’ Report 14points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Attaboy 0 0points reply #17 It might look like I’m doing nothing. But, in my head, I’m quite busy. Report 14points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Doing nothing is actually exhausting - you never know when you're done 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #18 I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches live. Report 13points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I know a place or two ? 0 0points reply #19 Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone. Report 13points POST #20 “Stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backwards. Report 13points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I never realized that 0 0points reply View more comments #21 They say don’t try this at home… so I went to my friend’s home! Report 13points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago A village somewhere is missing their idiot 2 2points reply #22 I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. Report 12points POST #23 If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off of it! Report 12points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Like from the edges, you mean? Damn, I wandered off to the dodgy corner of the internets again. 0 0points reply #24 The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day. Report 12points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago And all the birthday cakes 0 0points reply #25 I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Report 12points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Why? This one will be easy to guess, everybody wins. No? Ok. 0 0points reply #26 I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy, but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex. Report 12points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I love this and will add it to my life motto 2 2points reply #27 Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? Report 12points POST Louwolfy Louwolfy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago good point 0 0points reply #28 Beauty fades. Dumb is forever. Report 12points POST #29 I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning”—if it were a good morning, I’d still be sleeping and not talking to people! Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago My boss always begins with 'Good morning', and then he proceeds to tell me why it isn't. 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #30 My brain has too many tabs open. Report 11points POST #31 Whatever you’re doing, always give 100 percent. Unless you’re donating blood. Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Then give 120% for a good cause 1 1point reply #32 I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago. Report 11points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Relatable 2 2points reply View more comments #33 Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones at the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on. Report 11points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Ha ha. I do this!!! 0 0points reply #34 The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions. Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago If you think the problems I create are bad, wait to see my solutions! 0 0points reply #35 They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I don’t want even the slightest risk. Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. 0 0points reply #36 They say money doesn’t bring you happiness. Still, it is better to verify things for yourself. Report 11points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Sorry but money buys me a whole lot of happiness. 0 0points reply View more comments #37 Think nothing is impossible? Try slamming a revolving door. Report 11points POST Francine Govan Francine Govan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Or stapling water to a tree!! 1 1point reply #38 I’m not sleeping, I’m resting my eyelids. Report 11points POST billie wright billie wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Love this one! 1 1point reply View more comments #39 He who laughs last, didn't get it. Report 11points POST #40 Don’t worry, if Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Report 10points POST #41 I’d be offended, but I’m too busy mentally correcting your errors. Report 10points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This.... ha ha 0 0points reply #42 I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed. Report 10points POST #43 If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it. Report 10points POST #44 Chocolate doesn’t ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands. Report 10points POST #45 A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. Report 10points POST #46 As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me. Report 10points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I needed that bs excuse today, thanks BP 0 0points reply #47 Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. Report 10points POST #48 Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people. Report 10points POST #49 I’m never wrong. I’m just different levels of right. Report 10points POST #50 People say ‘Go big or go home’ like going home is a bad thing. Report 10points POST #51 I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect. Report 10points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Cant argue with that logic 0 0points reply #52 I am an example to others. A bad example. Report 10points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Well, someone has to set a bad example 0 0points reply #53 World Magazine has come out with a new survey: Apparently, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. Report 10points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Thank god they didn't arrive at 7/5th 0 0points reply #54 The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. Report 10points POST #55 You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Report 10points POST #56 My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Report 9points POST #57 I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking. Report 9points POST #58 Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble. Report 9points POST #59 Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer. Report 9points POST #60 The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second checkout lane. Report 9points POST #61 Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy. Report 9points POST #62 If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Report 9points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I thought wine was the answer....... but i don't really remember what the question was 0 0points reply #63 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Report 9points POST #64 Those who criticize our generation seem to forget who raised it! Report 9points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #65 Death is hereditary. Report 9points POST #66 Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. Report 9points POST #67 Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Report 9points POST #68 I’m jealous of my parents. I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs, one who is smart, has devilishly good looks, and knows all sorts of funny sayings. Report 8points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago That's what your kid said! 1 1point reply #69 My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, it makes me cry. Report 8points POST #70 Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything. Report 8points POST #71 I finally found a machine at the gym that I like: the vending machine! Report 8points POST #72 If you can’t live without me, then why aren’t you dead yet? Report 8points POST Vix Spiderthrust Vix Spiderthrust Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago See also Ken Dodd: "How can I miss you if you won't go away?" 2 2points reply #73 I get enough exercise from pushing my luck. Report 8points POST #74 A diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure. Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #75 I do all my ironing in the dryer. Report 8points POST #76 It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has avarage taste. Report 8points POST #77 I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor, though. Report 8points POST #78 How many times must I flush before you finally go away? Report 8points POST #79 I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them. Report 8points POST #80 A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth. Report 8points POST #81 A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people. Report 8points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Thank you for your kind encouragement. 0 0points reply #82 Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception. Report 8points POST #83 Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong. Report 8points POST #84 The road to success is always under construction. Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #85 There are people who are living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death. Report 8points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Here I am, entertain me 0 0points reply #86 They say crime doesn’t pay. So does my current job make me a criminal? Report 8points POST #87 We can’t all be princesses. Someone has to wave when I roll by. Report 8points POST #88 When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing. Report 8points POST #89 You know what they say—dynamite comes in small packages. Report 7points POST #90 Somebody said today that I’m lazy. I nearly answered him. Report 7points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago (edited) Happens to the best of us! 1 1point reply #91 You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? Report 7points POST #92 Cancel my subscription—I don’t need your issues. Report 7points POST #93 A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station… Report 7points POST #94 According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella. Report 7points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #95 Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation. Report 7points POST #96 Don’t you wish they made a clap-on-clap-off device for some people’s mouths? Report 7points POST #97 My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do. Report 7points POST #98 I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive! Report 7points POST #99 Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals. Report 7points POST #100 Never ask a starfish for directions. Report 7points POST #101 He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Report 7points POST #102 I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. Report 7points POST #103 If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Report 7points POST #104 You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Report 7points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #105 Want to know what it’s like to have the best kid in the world? You’ll have to ask Grandma and Grandpa. Report 6points POST #106 I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then. Report 6points POST #107 Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter. Report 6points POST #108 Do people talk about you behind your back?
Simply fart. Report 6points POST #109 With a face like yours, you have a good chance in a lawsuit against your parents. Report 6points POST #110 There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing. Report 6points POST #111 There’s no “we” in fries. Report 6points POST #112 Your bank account can always be overdrawn. It’ll never be overfilled. Report 6points POST #113 I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food. Where does pasta even live? Report 6points POST #114 I’m not ignoring the alarm clock, I’m waiting to see who breaks first. Report 6points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #115 I’m cooler than the other side of the pillow. Report 6points POST #116 In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, I’m going to shake you off. Report 6points POST #117 Everyone is today years old when they find out coriander is dead and dry cilantro. Report 6points POST #118 Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Report 6points POST #119 Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Report 6points POST #120 When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, find the person that life handed vodka to, and have a party. Report 6points POST #121 Where there is a "will," there are 500 relatives. Report 6points POST #122 Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bare arms! Report 6points POST #123 Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. Report 6points POST #124 God created the world. Everything else is made in China. Report 5points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #125 I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. Report 5points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Saimonas Lukošius Saimonas Lukošius Author, BoredPanda staff Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts. Read more » Marisha Kazaryan Marisha Kazaryan Writer, BoredPanda staff I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important!
Good coffee and good music make everything better. When I’m not telling stories, you’ll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Funny Phrases To Laugh Your Way Out Of Awkward Conversations
Saimonas Lukošius andMarisha Kazaryan
Publish Not your original work? Add source Life can throw different situations at us. And while we have no way of predicting what's coming next, we can at least be prepared to respond. But how, you ask, if we don't know what to be ready for? Well, experience shows that even in the most awkward of situations, humor can be very helpful, and saying funny stuff (or maybe even a little sarcastic) in response to something rude often works wonders. When you are in an argument or someone is trying to insult you, say something funny and clever, and then observe the other person's reaction. One problem you could possibly encounter here is that our mind might not always be ready to come up with a witty and funny phrase at a moment's notice. That's absolutely fine; improvisation is not an easy skill to master. Not to worry though, there is a way around this too. If you are not a natural-born comedian who can pull random funny things to say out of a hat (not many of us are), try memorizing some funny quotes. Next time somebody is taking too much interest in your private life or commenting on your personal tastes, a short funny comeback will immediately change the course of the conversation, also showing all the commenters that while staying perfectly polite, you are not one to take others' nonsense. Here are some funny inspirational quotes to help you handle uncomfortable situations and counterparts without directly confronting them. Share with us in the comments how you deal with awkward conversations and people who tend to cross boundaries. This post may include affiliate links. #1 Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then it’s suspicious. Report 22points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply View more comments #2 Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion. Report 21points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago ...but recently I had a fight with myself, and now we don't talk... 5 5points reply View more comments #3 When people tell me, “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver. Report 19points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago When you wake up sober on Monday morning, it's probably a Tuesday noon. 0 0points reply #4 Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it. Report 19points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago (edited) ... and some prefer living in darkness 3 3points reply #5 I’m sorry, I have to go. You’re boring me to death and my survival instincts are kicking in. Report 18points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I'm stealing this insult ! 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 Don’t you tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. Report 18points POST #7 Some days you’re the bird. Some days you’re the statue. Report 18points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Sometimes I think being reborn as a gull or pigeon could be fun 2 2points reply View more comments #8 I stopped fighting my inner demons, we’re on the same side now. Report 17points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This could be described as my life's greatest achievement 0 0points reply #9 Life is a bowl of soup, and I’m a fork. Report 16points POST Louwolfy Louwolfy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago HAHA i love this one 1 1point reply View more comments #10 Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest. Report 15points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes. 4 4points reply View more comments #11 Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. Report 15points POST #12 I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. Report 15points POST #13 If you’re not supposed to eat at night, then why is there a light bulb in the fridge? Report 14points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Duh! 0 0points reply #14 I’m not sluggish. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing. Report 14points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Sleeping IS doing something 2 2points reply View more comments #15 Whoever said, “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.” Report 14points POST #16 I put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastinate.’ Report 14points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Attaboy 0 0points reply #17 It might look like I’m doing nothing. But, in my head, I’m quite busy. Report 14points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Doing nothing is actually exhausting - you never know when you're done 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #18 I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches live. Report 13points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I know a place or two ? 0 0points reply #19 Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone. Report 13points POST #20 “Stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backwards. Report 13points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I never realized that 0 0points reply View more comments #21 They say don’t try this at home… so I went to my friend’s home! Report 13points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago A village somewhere is missing their idiot 2 2points reply #22 I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. Report 12points POST #23 If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off of it! Report 12points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Like from the edges, you mean? Damn, I wandered off to the dodgy corner of the internets again. 0 0points reply #24 The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day. Report 12points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago And all the birthday cakes 0 0points reply #25 I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Report 12points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Why? This one will be easy to guess, everybody wins. No? Ok. 0 0points reply #26 I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy, but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex. Report 12points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I love this and will add it to my life motto 2 2points reply #27 Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? Report 12points POST Louwolfy Louwolfy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago good point 0 0points reply #28 Beauty fades. Dumb is forever. Report 12points POST #29 I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning”—if it were a good morning, I’d still be sleeping and not talking to people! Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago My boss always begins with 'Good morning', and then he proceeds to tell me why it isn't. 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #30 My brain has too many tabs open. Report 11points POST #31 Whatever you’re doing, always give 100 percent. Unless you’re donating blood. Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Then give 120% for a good cause 1 1point reply #32 I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago. Report 11points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Relatable 2 2points reply View more comments #33 Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones at the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on. Report 11points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Ha ha. I do this!!! 0 0points reply #34 The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions. Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago If you think the problems I create are bad, wait to see my solutions! 0 0points reply #35 They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I don’t want even the slightest risk. Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. 0 0points reply #36 They say money doesn’t bring you happiness. Still, it is better to verify things for yourself. Report 11points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Sorry but money buys me a whole lot of happiness. 0 0points reply View more comments #37 Think nothing is impossible? Try slamming a revolving door. Report 11points POST Francine Govan Francine Govan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Or stapling water to a tree!! 1 1point reply #38 I’m not sleeping, I’m resting my eyelids. Report 11points POST billie wright billie wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Love this one! 1 1point reply View more comments #39 He who laughs last, didn't get it. Report 11points POST #40 Don’t worry, if Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Report 10points POST #41 I’d be offended, but I’m too busy mentally correcting your errors. Report 10points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This.... ha ha 0 0points reply #42 I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed. Report 10points POST #43 If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it. Report 10points POST #44 Chocolate doesn’t ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands. Report 10points POST #45 A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. Report 10points POST #46 As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me. Report 10points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I needed that bs excuse today, thanks BP 0 0points reply #47 Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. Report 10points POST #48 Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people. Report 10points POST #49 I’m never wrong. I’m just different levels of right. Report 10points POST #50 People say ‘Go big or go home’ like going home is a bad thing. Report 10points POST #51 I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect. Report 10points POST Lorinda Woerner Lorinda Woerner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Cant argue with that logic 0 0points reply #52 I am an example to others. A bad example. Report 10points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Well, someone has to set a bad example 0 0points reply #53 World Magazine has come out with a new survey: Apparently, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. Report 10points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Thank god they didn't arrive at 7/5th 0 0points reply #54 The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. Report 10points POST #55 You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Report 10points POST #56 My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Report 9points POST #57 I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking. Report 9points POST #58 Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble. Report 9points POST #59 Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer. Report 9points POST #60 The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second checkout lane. Report 9points POST #61 Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy. Report 9points POST #62 If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Report 9points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I thought wine was the answer....... but i don't really remember what the question was 0 0points reply #63 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Report 9points POST #64 Those who criticize our generation seem to forget who raised it! Report 9points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #65 Death is hereditary. Report 9points POST #66 Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. Report 9points POST #67 Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Report 9points POST #68 I’m jealous of my parents. I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs, one who is smart, has devilishly good looks, and knows all sorts of funny sayings. Report 8points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago That's what your kid said! 1 1point reply #69 My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, it makes me cry. Report 8points POST #70 Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything. Report 8points POST #71 I finally found a machine at the gym that I like: the vending machine! Report 8points POST #72 If you can’t live without me, then why aren’t you dead yet? Report 8points POST Vix Spiderthrust Vix Spiderthrust Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago See also Ken Dodd: "How can I miss you if you won't go away?" 2 2points reply #73 I get enough exercise from pushing my luck. Report 8points POST #74 A diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure. Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #75 I do all my ironing in the dryer. Report 8points POST #76 It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has avarage taste. Report 8points POST #77 I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor, though. Report 8points POST #78 How many times must I flush before you finally go away? Report 8points POST #79 I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them. Report 8points POST #80 A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth. Report 8points POST #81 A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people. Report 8points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Thank you for your kind encouragement. 0 0points reply #82 Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception. Report 8points POST #83 Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong. Report 8points POST #84 The road to success is always under construction. Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #85 There are people who are living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death. Report 8points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Here I am, entertain me 0 0points reply #86 They say crime doesn’t pay. So does my current job make me a criminal? Report 8points POST #87 We can’t all be princesses. Someone has to wave when I roll by. Report 8points POST #88 When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing. Report 8points POST #89 You know what they say—dynamite comes in small packages. Report 7points POST #90 Somebody said today that I’m lazy. I nearly answered him. Report 7points POST Anonymous Anonymous Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago (edited) Happens to the best of us! 1 1point reply #91 You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? Report 7points POST #92 Cancel my subscription—I don’t need your issues. Report 7points POST #93 A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station… Report 7points POST #94 According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella. Report 7points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #95 Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation. Report 7points POST #96 Don’t you wish they made a clap-on-clap-off device for some people’s mouths? Report 7points POST #97 My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do. Report 7points POST #98 I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive! Report 7points POST #99 Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals. Report 7points POST #100 Never ask a starfish for directions. Report 7points POST #101 He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Report 7points POST #102 I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. Report 7points POST #103 If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Report 7points POST #104 You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Report 7points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #105 Want to know what it’s like to have the best kid in the world? You’ll have to ask Grandma and Grandpa. Report 6points POST #106 I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then. Report 6points POST #107 Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter. Report 6points POST #108 Do people talk about you behind your back?
Simply fart. Report 6points POST #109 With a face like yours, you have a good chance in a lawsuit against your parents. Report 6points POST #110 There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing. Report 6points POST #111 There’s no “we” in fries. Report 6points POST #112 Your bank account can always be overdrawn. It’ll never be overfilled. Report 6points POST #113 I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food. Where does pasta even live? Report 6points POST #114 I’m not ignoring the alarm clock, I’m waiting to see who breaks first. Report 6points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #115 I’m cooler than the other side of the pillow. Report 6points POST #116 In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, I’m going to shake you off. Report 6points POST #117 Everyone is today years old when they find out coriander is dead and dry cilantro. Report 6points POST #118 Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Report 6points POST #119 Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Report 6points POST #120 When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, find the person that life handed vodka to, and have a party. Report 6points POST #121 Where there is a "will," there are 500 relatives. Report 6points POST #122 Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bare arms! Report 6points POST #123 Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. Report 6points POST #124 God created the world. Everything else is made in China. Report 5points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #125 I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. Report 5points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Saimonas Lukošius Saimonas Lukošius Author, BoredPanda staff Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts. Read more » Marisha Kazaryan Marisha Kazaryan Writer, BoredPanda staff I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important!
Good coffee and good music make everything better. When I’m not telling stories, you’ll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Employee They Disrespected I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) Join the conversation POST POST Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) Popular on Bored Panda Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past Management Introduces Disciplinary Rules To Make Most Of Employees, Freaks Out When They Turn The Rules Against Them 32-Year-Old Independent Modern Woman Draws Comics On Her Observations About Society (30 New Pics) Employee Gets Told They're "Replaceable", So They Play Along And It Ruins The Company User Submissions The Best Microscopic Photos From The Nikon Small World Photomicrography Competition 2022 (92 Pics) I Am So Passionate About Creating Mystical Art, Here Are Some Of The Magical Notebooks I Have Made (23 New Pics) 30 Comics About Making It Through Life While Fighting Mental Health Issues By This Artist “I Own An Official Nanosecond”: 35 Rare Items Owned By Our Community I Photographed This Ukrainian Village Because It Is My Solace That Inspires Me (38 pics) By Changing His Lifestyle And Eating Habits At Age 60, Steve Ramsden Has Successfully Lost Over 60 Lbs And Now Has A Body Of A Bodybuilder Almost finished... 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Subscribe to our top stories Subscribe Please enter email address Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mother’s Day Celebration He’d Planned "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight" Woman Goes Viral With 7.7M Views When She Shares That Her Date Called Her An Uber To Go Home After He Saw How She Was Dressed “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law Employee Gets Told They're "Replaceable", So They Play Along And It Ruins The Company Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. 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Son Tells His Parents He’ll Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out They’re Paying For Sister’s Education Yet Didn’t Pay For His "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director Management Introduces Disciplinary Rules To Make Most Of Employees, Freaks Out When They Turn The Rules Against Them 32-Year-Old Independent Modern Woman Draws Comics On Her Observations About Society (30 New Pics) 50 Times Teachers Hung The Funniest Signs In Their Classrooms And They Ended Up Being Praised Online Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) Also on Bored Panda 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics) Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year Woman Goes Viral With 7.7M Views When She Shares That Her Date Called Her An Uber To Go Home After He Saw How She Was Dressed Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want “AITA? I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On” 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" 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