5 Reasons Someone Might Stay in a Verbally Abusive Relationship HEAD TOPICS

5 Reasons Someone Might Stay in a Verbally Abusive Relationship

10/23/2022 8:02:00 AM

Denial rationalization normalization and more

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Psychology Today

It's hard to believe that someone we care about would choose to stay in a verbally abusive relationship when we're positive that we ourselves would be long gone. But understanding what drives them can give us better tools to be helpful. Denial rationalization normalization and more Let’s begin at the beginning—withchildhood—because this is really where it starts for most targets of verbal abuse. They grow up in households where verbal abuse (put-downs, not being heard, being ignored or stonewalled, being picked on, marginalized, yelled at, or gaslighted) was their regular day-to-day experience. Children form mental models of how the world works from early experiences, and if verbal abuse is consistent, they think it goes on everywhere. As young adults, they’re likely to gravitate toward people who treat them in similar ways because they think the behavior is “normal.” They’re likely to deny the impact of words—“they’re only words, not fists”—and to make excuses for the abuser (“My mom is tough with me because she wants me to be strong”; “He means well, but he just loses it sometimes”; and similar statements). Read more:
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