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Parents Demand That The Bride Shares The Wedding With Her Sister And Her Toxic Fiancé – She Uninvites Them All

Rokas Laurinavičius and
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Everyone who's planning to get married probably has a pretty clear vision of what they want their big day to look like. But when you have a pandemic ravaging the world, it begins to change. Add unreasonable family members to the mix and your picture of a dreamy ceremony turns into a poor scribble. A couple of months ago, a now-deleted Reddit user found herself in a tough spot. Her parents, who agreed to pay 2/3 of her wedding expenses, started using their financial support as an argument to try and force her to share the wedding with her sister. Eventually, they got so persistent, the woman felt she just had to put her foot down. So she uninvited her family from the entire thing. However, after everything was said and done, she wasn't sure if it was the right call. So she made a post on the platform, describing the situation and asking people whether or not she acted like a jerk. Image credits: partyhelpgroup (not the actual photo) Image credits: flignir Michelle Lew, the owner of Lavender Crown Events, a wedding planning company servicing San Jose, Silicon Valley, and the surrounding areas, told Bored Panda that it's totally common for parents to help contribute to the wedding budget. "Sometimes it is culturally normal for one side of the family to contribute more (i.e. in Chinese weddings, the groom's family traditionally pays in China whereas it's normal for the bride's family to pay for the wedding in the United States)," Lew explained. "In most cases that I encounter, parents will determine a set budget for a particular category, such as the bride's parents paying for the dress or photography. Of course, each family is in a different financial situation from the next, but it is normal for parents to want to contribute towards their child's wedding like they would help with tuition or co-signing a lease." The numbers agree with Lew. For example, in 2016, just 1 in 10 couples paid for their wedding entirely by themselves, The Knot's annual Real Weddings survey of nearly 13,000 couples revealed. Furthermore, according to a report from marketplace WeddingWire.com, parents of the bride and groom collectively contribute about $19,000 to the wedding, or about 2/3 of the total cost-just like in our story! On average, however, $12,000 comes from the bride's parents and $7,000 from the groom's. Wedding planner Lisa Burton, who has over 14 years of experience throwing weddings abroad, said joint weddings are not common at all. "In over 1,600 weddings, I've only planned one double wedding," Burton told Bored Panda. "It was two sisters who got married in Turkey and from the start, they decided to have a joint wedding. They were incredibly close and so were their partners but the main advantage was the cost-saving. The couples decided between them who would walk down the aisle first, it was all very amicable." "I believe in this instance the father of the brides paid for the wedding reception so I imagine he was overjoyed with the cost-saving," Burton noted. "Whilst I think parents are a great source of advice and I'd like to think that one day my daughter will discuss her plans with me (she's only 12), I don't think a parent should ever try to control how a child plans their wedding. A wedding is a wonderful way for a couple to show their style, display their individuality, and decide how to uniquely celebrate the start of their new life together." Burton said the complication comes when a couple accepts financial contributions, in which case it may be hard to keep full control of the plans. It's not always the case but more often than not, accepting a financial donation from family members may mean they expect a hand in the plans. So beware. 'It's YOUR day' is actually a tenet, guiding Lavender Crown Events. Lew said communication throughout the planning stage of the wedding is very important; the couple lets her know what they want rather than what the parent wants. And should the parents want to pay for the entire wedding and take over all the decisions, she'd be happy to help plan an anniversary or vow renewal with the focus on the parents instead of taking the day away from the couple. And that's the way it should be!

People think the OP had every right to make this decision

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Rokas Laurinavičius Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read more » Mindaugas Balčiauskas Mindaugas Balčiauskas Author, BoredPanda staff Photo editor at Bored Panda. Mindaugas has worked as a freelance photographer mainly doing events, product photography and has a recurring passion for macro photography. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Why do they invite someone at all? This whole notion is crooked. 69 69points reply Rissie Rissie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago There is something terribly wrong. Not to be going on stereotypes but this feels like someone who is not a bride is planning a huge party for themselves while someone else doesn't want to spend too much money. Ditch them and celebrate your own way? 29 29points reply Load More Replies... Elizabeth Molloy Elizabeth Molloy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Totally agree! 1 1point reply Evelyn Haskins Evelyn Haskins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Maybe she is pregnant??? 0 0points reply Nomadus Aureus Nomadus Aureus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Depending on her cultural background a wedding could mean having half the town round. In my own culture, there used to be this back and forth about who *has* to be invited and yes, both sets of parents get a say in the list. Mainly because traditionally they would be the ones paying for it. Luckily, nowadays big weddings aren't really a thing. My great grandparents had 400 people, my parents 250 I think. 7 7points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That's very common. My grandmother planned my mother's wedding, and there were over 400 guests - my parents only knew about 20 people there. My gran invited ALL of her business contacts, relatives from all over the world, about 40 children, and it was a clusterf**k of epic proportions. Mom hated it. Everyone had a lousy time. ...///... She tried to pull the same bullshit on me, there was a huge fight. I won. There were 38 people at my wedding, INCLUDING me and my husband. 7 7points reply Hans Hans Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago 38 sound just right to have some time to take to everz individual at least briefly... 6 6points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That, plus with fewer people, we could afford the good champagne. 4 4points reply Elizabeth Molloy Elizabeth Molloy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago There were 7 at ours, both sets of parents and a friend who drove us in his 1950s car. It was lovely. 4 4points reply Evelyn Haskins Evelyn Haskins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Sounds much like our son's wedding. We were asked who we we wanted to invite. Close relatives only. Our family had one stable, the couple themselves has another table for their own friends, and that Bride's parents had a hall full. Business people. 2 2points reply Roxanne D'souza Roxanne D'souza Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Oh man, it happens often. I'm from India and parents usually throw their kids lavish weddings. And the guest list is always 200 and above, most of them being relatives and parent's friends. So many times the parents introduce their friends to the couple at the wedding. 6 6points reply Vic Vic Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yup, I had my parents friends, my sisters friends at my wedding as well. And in Indian weddings people don't really need to RSVP. You invite and estimate how many will show up.. 1 1point reply KMill KMill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That’s how it used to be - the bride’s parents were the official hosts. They pay, they plan, they invite. Nowadays things are different but it was the norm once upon a time. 3 3points reply danielw danielw Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago and once upon a time, it was a village affair. You didn't have formal invites unless you were nobility. Everybody else, just set a date and the entire community showed up and held a pot luck. I kind like that idea... mostly because potlucks are awesome. 1 1point reply Ozacoter Ozacoter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago Depending on the country its very normal. It feels like half of my cousins wedding guests were my uncles friends. Its one of the reasons why i dont want to get married. I would like a very small wedding and that would imply a lot of fighting. 1 1point reply Evelyn Haskins Evelyn Haskins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Elope. One of my daughters did (after finally getting a divorce from th $**&%$$#$). their youngest son was the ring bearer, we weren't there -- it was in NOOO OrLEEEns just before Katrina when they were over there at an academic conference :-) Lovely Bloke, lovely kids, and our Governor General drank to them when they got home :-) 1 1point reply Annette Easton Annette Easton Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago My MIL tried that at my wedding too. First she tried to give us a listing of all the people she wanted invited, we said no. Then she asked us to just give her a stack of unaddressed invitations for her to hand out to people, we of course said no. She also wanted all of the RSVPs to be sent to her. For the record my (now Ex) husband and I were living in Canada, his family lived in the US, and we were getting married in the US a few hours away from where they lived. 1 1point reply danielw danielw Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yeah... that would have been a deal breaker then and there. In any case you know that Sister was absolutely going to try and change everything from the colors, to the minister to the songs, to absolutely insisting on pyrotechnics during the kiss and releasing a hundred white doves. 0 0points reply MagNat MagNat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Also, Rosie can only benefit from waiting a year. Maybe she and Mick will break up before the wedding. 42 42points reply Vicky Zar Vicky Zar Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago She already agreed to marry him. You think she will magically see him for what he is in the next year? I have a feeling she does not mind 2 2points reply Load More Replies... Ozacoter Ozacoter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago Maybe he cheats... 1 1point reply anarkzie anarkzie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I agree with what the brother said, give them their money back and go with your original plan. With your parents no longer feeling like it's their show because they are no longer financing it they will probably stop being d***s. Whatever happens keep the venue as its yours and don't get bullied in to compromising. 34 34points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago She's giving the money back. You have to read all the words. 10 10points reply Load More Replies... Vicky Zar Vicky Zar Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago No need for name calling anerkzie 2 2points reply anarkzie anarkzie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Hey dumb a**e, perhaps you can read all the words in my comment and tell where I said that she was not going to give the money back? We are literally quoting from the same section of the page. -26 -26points reply Honu Honu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yes. I wouldn't have jumped all the way to disinviting them unless they got ugly about it. 4 4points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago They got ugly about it. 8 8points reply Honu Honu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago It's hard to say how ugly they would've gotten if she'd started with going back to the original plans where she just had her guests and paid for the whole thing. It sounds to me like that was bundled with the disinvite, which is pretty hurtful. -3 -3points reply danielw danielw Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Honu, it was an ugly thing to ask in the first place, and then trying to scold the OP like a child while demanding it to be so, and saying that she should learn to share the spotlight was... utterly unacceptable. Granted, if I was her Fiance, I would never have allowed Mick to be present at all, from the start. Sounds like the kind of guy who could only ruin a party. 3 3points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago She DID give her parents their money back and plan the wedding she wanted. You have to read all the words in the article. 1 1point reply Signe Manat Hansen Signe Manat Hansen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago "they will probably stop being d***s" lol someone didn't grow up with toxic parents 0 0points reply Load More Comments POST Hans Hans Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago "My parents wanted to invite all about 40 people to our wedding"...wait, what? Why do they invite someone at all? This whole notion is crooked. 69 69points reply Rissie Rissie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago There is something terribly wrong. Not to be going on stereotypes but this feels like someone who is not a bride is planning a huge party for themselves while someone else doesn't want to spend too much money. Ditch them and celebrate your own way? 29 29points reply Load More Replies... Elizabeth Molloy Elizabeth Molloy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Totally agree! 1 1point reply Evelyn Haskins Evelyn Haskins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Maybe she is pregnant??? 0 0points reply Nomadus Aureus Nomadus Aureus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Depending on her cultural background a wedding could mean having half the town round. In my own culture, there used to be this back and forth about who *has* to be invited and yes, both sets of parents get a say in the list. Mainly because traditionally they would be the ones paying for it. Luckily, nowadays big weddings aren't really a thing. My great grandparents had 400 people, my parents 250 I think. 7 7points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That's very common. My grandmother planned my mother's wedding, and there were over 400 guests - my parents only knew about 20 people there. My gran invited ALL of her business contacts, relatives from all over the world, about 40 children, and it was a clusterf**k of epic proportions. Mom hated it. Everyone had a lousy time. ...///... She tried to pull the same bullshit on me, there was a huge fight. I won. There were 38 people at my wedding, INCLUDING me and my husband. 7 7points reply Hans Hans Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago 38 sound just right to have some time to take to everz individual at least briefly... 6 6points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That, plus with fewer people, we could afford the good champagne. 4 4points reply Elizabeth Molloy Elizabeth Molloy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago There were 7 at ours, both sets of parents and a friend who drove us in his 1950s car. It was lovely. 4 4points reply Evelyn Haskins Evelyn Haskins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Sounds much like our son's wedding. We were asked who we we wanted to invite. Close relatives only. Our family had one stable, the couple themselves has another table for their own friends, and that Bride's parents had a hall full. Business people. 2 2points reply Roxanne D'souza Roxanne D'souza Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Oh man, it happens often. I'm from India and parents usually throw their kids lavish weddings. And the guest list is always 200 and above, most of them being relatives and parent's friends. So many times the parents introduce their friends to the couple at the wedding. 6 6points reply Vic Vic Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yup, I had my parents friends, my sisters friends at my wedding as well. And in Indian weddings people don't really need to RSVP. You invite and estimate how many will show up.. 1 1point reply KMill KMill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That’s how it used to be - the bride’s parents were the official hosts. They pay, they plan, they invite. Nowadays things are different but it was the norm once upon a time. 3 3points reply danielw danielw Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago and once upon a time, it was a village affair. You didn't have formal invites unless you were nobility. Everybody else, just set a date and the entire community showed up and held a pot luck. I kind like that idea... mostly because potlucks are awesome. 1 1point reply Ozacoter Ozacoter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago Depending on the country its very normal. It feels like half of my cousins wedding guests were my uncles friends. Its one of the reasons why i dont want to get married. I would like a very small wedding and that would imply a lot of fighting. 1 1point reply Evelyn Haskins Evelyn Haskins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Elope. One of my daughters did (after finally getting a divorce from th $**&%$$#$). their youngest son was the ring bearer, we weren't there -- it was in NOOO OrLEEEns just before Katrina when they were over there at an academic conference :-) Lovely Bloke, lovely kids, and our Governor General drank to them when they got home :-) 1 1point reply Annette Easton Annette Easton Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago My MIL tried that at my wedding too. First she tried to give us a listing of all the people she wanted invited, we said no. Then she asked us to just give her a stack of unaddressed invitations for her to hand out to people, we of course said no. She also wanted all of the RSVPs to be sent to her. For the record my (now Ex) husband and I were living in Canada, his family lived in the US, and we were getting married in the US a few hours away from where they lived. 1 1point reply danielw danielw Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yeah... that would have been a deal breaker then and there. In any case you know that Sister was absolutely going to try and change everything from the colors, to the minister to the songs, to absolutely insisting on pyrotechnics during the kiss and releasing a hundred white doves. 0 0points reply MagNat MagNat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Also, Rosie can only benefit from waiting a year. Maybe she and Mick will break up before the wedding. 42 42points reply Vicky Zar Vicky Zar Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago She already agreed to marry him. You think she will magically see him for what he is in the next year? I have a feeling she does not mind 2 2points reply Load More Replies... Ozacoter Ozacoter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago Maybe he cheats... 1 1point reply anarkzie anarkzie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I agree with what the brother said, give them their money back and go with your original plan. With your parents no longer feeling like it's their show because they are no longer financing it they will probably stop being d***s. Whatever happens keep the venue as its yours and don't get bullied in to compromising. 34 34points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago She's giving the money back. You have to read all the words. 10 10points reply Load More Replies... Vicky Zar Vicky Zar Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago No need for name calling anerkzie 2 2points reply anarkzie anarkzie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Hey dumb a**e, perhaps you can read all the words in my comment and tell where I said that she was not going to give the money back? We are literally quoting from the same section of the page. -26 -26points reply Honu Honu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yes. I wouldn't have jumped all the way to disinviting them unless they got ugly about it. 4 4points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago They got ugly about it. 8 8points reply Honu Honu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago It's hard to say how ugly they would've gotten if she'd started with going back to the original plans where she just had her guests and paid for the whole thing. It sounds to me like that was bundled with the disinvite, which is pretty hurtful. -3 -3points reply danielw danielw Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Honu, it was an ugly thing to ask in the first place, and then trying to scold the OP like a child while demanding it to be so, and saying that she should learn to share the spotlight was... utterly unacceptable. Granted, if I was her Fiance, I would never have allowed Mick to be present at all, from the start. Sounds like the kind of guy who could only ruin a party. 3 3points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago She DID give her parents their money back and plan the wedding she wanted. You have to read all the words in the article. 1 1point reply Signe Manat Hansen Signe Manat Hansen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago "they will probably stop being d***s" lol someone didn't grow up with toxic parents 0 0points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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