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Guy Tracks Down A Woman Who Ignored Him On A Dating App To Complain About It But She Puts Him In His Place

Mindaugas Balčiauskas and
Rokas Laurinavičius
Awkward conversations are an essential part of online dating. But the exchange that writer Natalia Antonova had with one of her Bumble admirers proved to be way more uncomfortable than the average small talk. The guy got very bitter that he didn't match with Natalia on the app. So he did what every madman would do: he tracked her down on Instagram and slid into her DMs to complain about it. Luckily, Natalia handled it like a pro and put him in his place. Image credits: Kev Costello (not the actual photo) Image credits: NataliaAntonova Sharing the conversation, Natalia called it "a great moment in incel history." The term, a portmanteau of "involuntary celibate", describes a member of an online subculture of people who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one. Incel online discussions are often characterized by resentment and hatred, misogyny, misanthropy, self-pity and self-loathing, racism, a sense of entitlement to sex, and the endorsement of violence against sexually active people. You could say their culture is a result of toxic masculinity. Aaron Gouveia, the author of Raising Boys to Be Good Men, thinks toxic masculinity is so prominent in our society because it is the default. "It's societal and systemic-the stew in which men automatically marinate and the air we breathe," he told Bored Panda. "Boys are bombarded with toxic masculinity and hyper-masculine messages right from the outset, starting with the 'Lock up your daughters' onesies we put on children to how men are taught to stifle basic human emotions like sadness, empathy, and compassion. It's saying 'no homo' when we hug a male friend or being told we're 'gay' any time we actually get vulnerable with someone. It's pervasive to the point of being inescapable and it's the invisible hands around our necks before we even know we're being strangled. Only by recognizing it, sitting with the uncomfortable truth that we're affected by it, and making a concerted effort to combat it can we start implementing change," Gouveia, whose upcoming book Men and Miscarriage is coming out July 6, explained.

The conversation got really weird really fast

But Natalia didn t lose her cool

And handled the situation perfectly

It might seem that only women have to deal with this crap. But toxic masculinity produces much more than awkward conversations on dating apps. Guys suffer from it too. "All boys and men experience toxic masculinity," Gouveia said. "My three boys play youth sports and we always have at least a few parents who are of the 'stop throwing like a girl' variety, as if anything womanly is an insult. When I was working as a journalist years ago and my wife was in banking, she made more than double my salary. I'd accompany her to lavish corporate retreats and all the other men there would make 'sugar mama' comments to me and wonder how I could stand my wife making more money. When I took paternity leave with my youngest two sons, some people were surprised and asked me how my 'vacation' was upon my return. As if taking care of a newborn is relaxing. Again, toxic masculinity is everywhere all the time and experienced by all." Gouveia thinks that so far we have not contained toxic masculinity. At all. "The emergence of the term is a positive because it's being recognized, but the backlash has been severe and predictable as well," he explained. "You can't see what you won't bother looking for and, unfortunately, a lot of men fall into this category when it comes to toxic masculinity." "I was one of them for a while. My book, Raising Boys to Be Good Men, is written from that vantage point. It's about all the things I did wrong and all the ways I contributed to toxic masculinity without even knowing what that term was. I know full well some people can't be reached but I also believe some men, like me, might change their ways when they realize they've been contributing to a problem they didn't even know existed. When we know better we can do better, and that's why parents are the most important demographic to reach. It's much easier to build boys up to be good men than to change the mindsets of adults who have absorbed a lifetime of toxicity." In 2019, for the first time ever, American Psychological Association (APA) released guidelines to help psychologists work with men and boys. At first glance, this may seem unnecessary. After all, as of 2018, 95.2 percent of chief operating officers at Fortune 500 companies were men. In 16 of the top companies, 80 percent of all high-ranking executives were male. And the 115th Congress, which began in 2017, was 81 percent male. But consider this: men commit 90 percent of homicides in the US and represent 77 percent of homicide victims. They're the demographic group most at risk of being victimized by violent crime. They are also 3.5 times more likely than women to die by suicide, and their life expectancy is 4.9 years shorter than women's. Plus, boys are far more likely to be diagnosed with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder than girls, and they face harsher punishments in school-especially boys of color. "It's very important to note that denouncing toxic masculinity doesn't mean all masculinity is bad," Gouveia added. "We're talking about toxic extremes. For instance, strength is a positive but raising a kid to be tough at all times and never show weakness, emotion, or vulnerability is toxic. Wanting to protect your family is obviously a good thing, but not when fathers of daughters gatekeep their daughters' virginity and think threatening every boy who comes along is acceptable." Saying you're against toxic masculinity is not hating all men or being weak, the author highlighted, it's recognizing that some extreme aspects of masculinity severely limit boys and men and negatively impact society in general.

Here s what people said about the exchange

Image credits: NataliaAntonova Image credits: petenator39 Image credits: _asherdoodle Image credits: aliciakatz Image credits: defnottori_ Image credits: baynegibby Image credits: chick_in_kiev Image credits: NataliaAntonova Image credits: MsShelleyRoman Image credits: kristinnnd Image credits: AJ_F612 Image credits: TaylorrObvi Image credits: MistressMercer Image credits: TheAliciaKraft

One Twitter user also introduced the nice guy she ran into on Bumble

Image credits: sonshine1411 Image credits: sonshine1411 Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Mindaugas Balčiauskas Mindaugas Balčiauskas Author, BoredPanda staff Photo editor at Bored Panda. Mindaugas has worked as a freelance photographer mainly doing events, product photography and has a recurring passion for macro photography. Read more » Rokas Laurinavičius Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like 30 People Confess What Makes Them Reject Someone Immediately On Dating Apps Indrė Lukošiūtė 40 Times Men Did Something So Annoying, It Made Women Ghost Them Instantly Ilona Baliūnaitė 30 Examples Of ‘Nice Guys’ Exposing Their True Colors Mantas Kačerauskas Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million Share your thoughts POST Grady'sRaider Grady'sRaider Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I don't understand why, when someone behaves badly, people continue to engage with them. I'm reminded of an expression, "Don't wrestle with a pig. The pig enjoys it, and you are just going to get dirty." 25 25points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Because it's hilarious. These losers are comedy gold. 21 21points reply Load More Replies... Grady'sRaider Grady'sRaider Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I've found a couple rules to insult comedy. Funny once: If you repeat the same insult twice it's not funny. A third time, it's bullying. It wasn't funny: You are the only one laughing. If insult humor is your go to, people will stay shy of you. IMHO 0 0points reply Something Something Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Wrestling with a pig is good exercise. 6 6points reply Woets Woets Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I agree, why would you spend any of your time with people like this if it's not to make you feel better about yourself? Seriously some self-esteem problems. Ignoring these people is so much stronger than going into it any further. And putting the conversation online to get the likes and validation just confirms my self-esteem point. You are all better than that -5 -5points reply Potato Potato Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Maybe they hope that maybe, just maybe, these people will see the error of their ways and stop treating others like this. I'm glad they put it on the internet, now I know what to expect from dating apps. Usually women aren't believed when they say they are harassed, well here is proof. And why not look for solidarity? It sucks being talked to like this. 4 4points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Creepy stalkers DESERVE to be treated badly - after all, that's what they do for fun - bully and intimidate people and do their best to frighten them. Of course.....if you've never been stalked you have no idea how terrifying it is when some asshole proves that they can find you. 3 3points reply K Witmer K Witmer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yeah bc calling people out on their crappy behavior never benefits anyone. Dear god what is wrong w holding people accountable and sharing your horrible experience so you feel less alone while actively helping others bc you shed a light on stuff that tends to be kept in the dark therefore leading to victim blaming which you're doing 100% w this comment. 3 3points reply Kathryn Baylis Kathryn Baylis Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago (edited) FFS, BP! STOP with the constant reloading and pop up ads! I can’t even scroll down through a whole article, or finish a comment, without some ad page bumping me out, and when I X out of the ad page, it puts me back at the top of the article and I have to struggle to scroll down again!!! STOP IT!!! 20 20points reply Mangelo Il Fumatori Mangelo Il Fumatori Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I had to install an adblocker on my browser to stop that stupid reloading. 7 7points reply Load More Replies... Annika Jorgensen Annika Jorgensen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) My addblockers have to stop about 2.5-4K reloading adds from Bored panda these days. its almost impossible for me to load any articles at all 0 0points reply Paddling Panda Paddling Panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago THAT'S why it's so slow now. I thought my phone was glitching. Thank you for this. 0 0points reply Eepe Eepe Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Try duck duck go (the browser) it has an ad blocker. You are asked if you want to use a “panda lite” version or something, but I haven’t notice me a difference aside from the pages actually loading... and no ad problem. 0 0points reply Gin Marie Gin Marie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago How about the times a woman turns a guy down, he calls her...."Whore." Dude, I just chose CELIBACY over you. 18 18points reply Paddling Panda Paddling Panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago Right? I absolutely do NOT miss online dating...or dating at all. :-) 0 0points reply Load More Replies... Load More Comments POST Grady'sRaider Grady'sRaider Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I don't understand why, when someone behaves badly, people continue to engage with them. I'm reminded of an expression, "Don't wrestle with a pig. The pig enjoys it, and you are just going to get dirty." 25 25points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Because it's hilarious. These losers are comedy gold. 21 21points reply Load More Replies... Grady'sRaider Grady'sRaider Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I've found a couple rules to insult comedy. Funny once: If you repeat the same insult twice it's not funny. A third time, it's bullying. It wasn't funny: You are the only one laughing. If insult humor is your go to, people will stay shy of you. IMHO 0 0points reply Something Something Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Wrestling with a pig is good exercise. 6 6points reply Woets Woets Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I agree, why would you spend any of your time with people like this if it's not to make you feel better about yourself? Seriously some self-esteem problems. Ignoring these people is so much stronger than going into it any further. And putting the conversation online to get the likes and validation just confirms my self-esteem point. You are all better than that -5 -5points reply Potato Potato Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Maybe they hope that maybe, just maybe, these people will see the error of their ways and stop treating others like this. I'm glad they put it on the internet, now I know what to expect from dating apps. Usually women aren't believed when they say they are harassed, well here is proof. And why not look for solidarity? It sucks being talked to like this. 4 4points reply Aunt Messy Aunt Messy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Creepy stalkers DESERVE to be treated badly - after all, that's what they do for fun - bully and intimidate people and do their best to frighten them. Of course.....if you've never been stalked you have no idea how terrifying it is when some asshole proves that they can find you. 3 3points reply K Witmer K Witmer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yeah bc calling people out on their crappy behavior never benefits anyone. Dear god what is wrong w holding people accountable and sharing your horrible experience so you feel less alone while actively helping others bc you shed a light on stuff that tends to be kept in the dark therefore leading to victim blaming which you're doing 100% w this comment. 3 3points reply Kathryn Baylis Kathryn Baylis Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago (edited) FFS, BP! STOP with the constant reloading and pop up ads! I can’t even scroll down through a whole article, or finish a comment, without some ad page bumping me out, and when I X out of the ad page, it puts me back at the top of the article and I have to struggle to scroll down again!!! STOP IT!!! 20 20points reply Mangelo Il Fumatori Mangelo Il Fumatori Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I had to install an adblocker on my browser to stop that stupid reloading. 7 7points reply Load More Replies... Annika Jorgensen Annika Jorgensen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) My addblockers have to stop about 2.5-4K reloading adds from Bored panda these days. its almost impossible for me to load any articles at all 0 0points reply Paddling Panda Paddling Panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago THAT'S why it's so slow now. I thought my phone was glitching. Thank you for this. 0 0points reply Eepe Eepe Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Try duck duck go (the browser) it has an ad blocker. You are asked if you want to use a “panda lite” version or something, but I haven’t notice me a difference aside from the pages actually loading... and no ad problem. 0 0points reply Gin Marie Gin Marie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago How about the times a woman turns a guy down, he calls her...."Whore." Dude, I just chose CELIBACY over you. 18 18points reply Paddling Panda Paddling Panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago Right? I absolutely do NOT miss online dating...or dating at all. :-) 0 0points reply Load More Replies... Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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