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6 Useful Tips On How To Deal With Angry People According To Psychology Professor On TikTok

Jurgita Dominauskaitė
BoredPanda staff The variety of emotions people feel is one of the things that makes our species so unique. But they can complicate our lives, especially when we can't fully control them or when we're not completely aware of them. One of the strongest emotions that is more difficult to control is anger. People say things that they wouldn't normally and they can really hurt other people-both emotionally and physically. Controlling your anger is totally up to you, but what to do if someone is mad at you? Anger professor Ryan Martin has created a series on his TikTok account talking about this problem. He gives some tips and directions on how we should behave when someone is mad at us. More info: TikTok

Anger researcher Ryan Martin created a TikTok series talking about how to deal with angry people and gives some tips that might help

Image credits: angerprofessor Ryan Martin is a professor of Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. He researches the expressions of anger and explores the reasons behind people getting angry so he can advise them how to use it in a more productive way. Dr. Ryan Martin is also the host of the popular psychology podcast, Psychology and Stuff. Among other things, he has a TikTok account with 110k followers where he speaks about things related to anger, anger management and other interesting sides of human psychology.

The first thing to do is to ask yourself if you ve done anything that might justify the person s anger

Image credits: angerprofessor He has quite a few series going on and one of them is all about how to deal with angry people. Currently it has six parts, with the first part having 732k views. The professor kicks off the series with the most difficult part of dealing with angry people: when you ask yourself if the person that is mad at you is justified. He doesn't mean that they are justified to yell at you or hurt you, and if the person is reacting in an inappropriate way, his advice would be to say "I made a mistake and I'll fix it but you shouldn't treat me that way."

Try to de-escalate the situation by engaging in a non-complementary behavior i e staying calm

Image credits: Frederick Dennstedt (not the actual photo) In the second part, Dr. Ryan talks about complementary and non-complementary behavior. He claims that you should embrace the latter, meaning not to try and match the other person's behavior but behave the opposite of them. According to the professor, "If you stay calm and even lower your voice a little bit, they are likely to match that and lower their voice a little bit." However, people that saw this video didn't particularly agree with this as they had experiences when being calm just irritated the other person even more.

If someone is angry at you but socially withdraws you should find another way to communicate that would work in that situation

Image credits: angerprofessor The anger researcher continues the series with explaining what to do if someone is angry at you but they express it by stopping communication. This is a tricky situation as a person is entitled to their own space, but you still want to resolve the conflict. In the video, Ryan describes how he would deal with such a person, "First thing I would say is find a way to communicate with them that serves your relationship: text, phone, in person, whatever. Say something to the effect of the following: 'I believe you are angry with me. It seems you don't want to talk about it. That's OK but when you are, I am ready.'"

While in an argument it would be wise not to generalize the other person s behavior and to know when to disengage from an unproductive conversation

Image credits: Kurayba (not the actual photo) Another important thing to have in mind is to not generalize the other person's behavior as it would not be productive at the time of the argument. Ryan thinks it's best to avoid saying things like "you always yell at me when you're mad" or "why don't you ever talk to me about this stuff?" because these behavior patterns should be discussed when everyone is calm and not in the heat of a fight. It is also useful to know when to disengage. Maybe the argument got too intense and it would be best for your safety. Or if you see that this will not lead anywhere and it would be more productive to return to the matter with a clearer mind.

If you get in an argument over text you should take your time to think and a good response would be to ask non-judgemental questions

Image credits: Nate Steiner (not the actual photo) In the last part of the series, Ryan discusses a point that some of his viewers brought up: how to deal with angry messages? The professor is not a fan of answering with aggression, so because there is an option to not respond right away, you can think a bit about what you would like to say. The psychologist believes that asking questions would be a good idea, like "Can you tell me more about why you're mad?" or "How would you like to resolve this?" Image credits: angerprofessor Because all humans are different, it is pretty safe to assume that these tips wouldn't work for everyone, but it's worth a try if everything else fails. In general, Dr. Ryan is teaching us that we should be understanding and try to resolve the conflict by looking at it objectively and thinking before speaking.

You can watch the first part of the series in this video

@angerprofessorDealing with Angry People: Part 1. Ask yourself questions ##anger ##emotion ##selfhelp ##angermanagement ##psychology♬ original sound – Ryan Martin Video credits: angerprofessor What do you think of Dr. Ryan Martin's tactics of dealing with angry people? Have you tried any of these approaches, and did they work to your advantage? Let's have a discussion in the comment section!

Some people found the tips useful but others expressed their doubts

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Jurgita Dominauskaitė Follow Unfollow Jurgita Dominauskaitė Author, BoredPanda staff Jurgita is a content creator at Bored Panda. She studied Lithuanian Philology and Italian Language, but it was not enough to feed her hunger for knowledge so she also got a Master’s degree in Translation.

She is a positive and hard-working panda. In her spare time this panda likes to read, learn new languages and go for long walks. Her favorite writer is Umberto Eco and she will trade bamboo for strawberries. Read more » Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Good point: seeming OVERLY detached can send the message that you don't care that the other person is upset. The point is not to RETALIATE with anger. 23 23points reply iblowsheep iblowsheep Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. If the bitch gets mad that you aren't mad, then that just means she is deliberately trying to make you mad, so f**k that bullshit. -20 -20points reply Load More Replies... Aliquid A Aliquid A Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago If that's your attitude and vocabulary, I'm sure she has a very legitimate reason for being mad at you. 20 20points reply Daniel Marsh Daniel Marsh Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Another tip for dealing with angry people: hear what they have to say, instead of coming up with defensive reasons to invalidate their concerns. In spite of his foul language, iblowsheep does bring up a reasonable point that it's a bad thing when other people simply want to see that you're rattled. 9 9points reply Alphabet Soupy Alphabet Soupy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago But it’s an ASSUMPTION that by staying calm, they’re manipulating you. Or maybe projection. 1 1point reply Daniel Marsh Daniel Marsh Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yes... it COULD be. 0 0points reply Zophra Zophra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Good point! 4 4points reply Christina Uhlir Christina Uhlir Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago iblowsheep, except your disgusting, repulsive language you're right. Some people just like to argue for various reasons; and, .......so you know, the gender has nothing to do with it, OK??? 1 1point reply iblowsheep iblowsheep Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. yes, because EVERYTHING that is typed into a comment section is a perfect example of who is typing it. And you missed the opportunity like so many others before you to take a jab at the correlation between my username and my IQ. lighten up dude! -9 -9points reply Rissie Rissie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago The correlation comes from your choice of words. Also. The username does suggest you want to be controversial to the point of being confrontational, even if it's not meant that way, that ís what it looks like. And since you are the one typing it, it really does say something about you. Whether you want to be a nasty troll or just seek attention by always having the last (nasty) word. It's a negative way of gaining attention. And it's your choice to do so. 2 2points reply Aliquid A Aliquid A Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) "Everything" is irrelevant. and a perfect example isn't needed. Most people on this board NEVER have that attitude or use that type of vocabulary. I don't need to lighten up, I'm not bothered at all, I'm just making an observation. 0 0points reply Earl Grey Earl Grey Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago (edited) This only works among people who have a shared reality and shared facts to reason with. I have had to deal with people who are angry and upset all… the… time. I mean professionally CAPS LOCK ANGRY at anything and everything. They need professional care, which is neither a skill I possess nor a service I provide. So avoidance is the only viable strategy with that lot. With any reasonable person, you can eventually get to the triggers and root causes to sort things out if the relationship is valued by both parties. 20 20points reply SykesDaMan SykesDaMan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago HOW DARE YOU???!!! ... Sorry! I saw your caps lock comment and couldn't resist! Sorry again! :p 11 11points reply Load More Replies... йЫ щЪё йЫ щЪё Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago So true! Came here to say exactly that. I am exhausted of these articles that suggest you do all the work, tippy-toe around these toxic people. But when you are stuck with suck co-worker, who constantly spits out passive-aggressive remarks, angry comments- it is becoming utterly painful. Sometimes I have a really bad day, and just one stupid snarky remark can really just make me cry. Why do I have to be the bigger person and try to let it go? These people are truly just feeding of other people's emotions and have no desire to better themselves. F**k them. And screw those managers that do nothing about it. 4 4points reply Penny Fan Penny Fan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago My ex husband wouldn't stop needling until I was in tears of rage. Then he'd suddenly become the voice of reason because I was "too emotional"... 14 14points reply Lola Lola Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago He’s the reason some people snap and kill. His behavior was psychotic. I’m glad he’s your ex. 10 10points reply Load More Replies... Craig Reynolds Craig Reynolds Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago He sounds like a narcissist that enjoys triggering you so that he can then gaslight you. 2 2points reply Lauren Caswell Lauren Caswell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Staying calm was also my undoing :( I'm sorry you went through that 2 2points reply Load More Comments POST Daniel Marsh Daniel Marsh Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago One person wrote, "when I stay calm, my girlfriend gets angrier." Good point: seeming OVERLY detached can send the message that you don't care that the other person is upset. The point is not to RETALIATE with anger. 23 23points reply iblowsheep iblowsheep Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. If the bitch gets mad that you aren't mad, then that just means she is deliberately trying to make you mad, so f**k that bullshit. -20 -20points reply Load More Replies... Aliquid A Aliquid A Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago If that's your attitude and vocabulary, I'm sure she has a very legitimate reason for being mad at you. 20 20points reply Daniel Marsh Daniel Marsh Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Another tip for dealing with angry people: hear what they have to say, instead of coming up with defensive reasons to invalidate their concerns. In spite of his foul language, iblowsheep does bring up a reasonable point that it's a bad thing when other people simply want to see that you're rattled. 9 9points reply Alphabet Soupy Alphabet Soupy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago But it’s an ASSUMPTION that by staying calm, they’re manipulating you. Or maybe projection. 1 1point reply Daniel Marsh Daniel Marsh Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yes... it COULD be. 0 0points reply Zophra Zophra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Good point! 4 4points reply Christina Uhlir Christina Uhlir Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago iblowsheep, except your disgusting, repulsive language you're right. Some people just like to argue for various reasons; and, .......so you know, the gender has nothing to do with it, OK??? 1 1point reply iblowsheep iblowsheep Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. yes, because EVERYTHING that is typed into a comment section is a perfect example of who is typing it. And you missed the opportunity like so many others before you to take a jab at the correlation between my username and my IQ. lighten up dude! -9 -9points reply Rissie Rissie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago The correlation comes from your choice of words. Also. The username does suggest you want to be controversial to the point of being confrontational, even if it's not meant that way, that ís what it looks like. And since you are the one typing it, it really does say something about you. Whether you want to be a nasty troll or just seek attention by always having the last (nasty) word. It's a negative way of gaining attention. And it's your choice to do so. 2 2points reply Aliquid A Aliquid A Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) "Everything" is irrelevant. and a perfect example isn't needed. Most people on this board NEVER have that attitude or use that type of vocabulary. I don't need to lighten up, I'm not bothered at all, I'm just making an observation. 0 0points reply Earl Grey Earl Grey Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago (edited) This only works among people who have a shared reality and shared facts to reason with. I have had to deal with people who are angry and upset all… the… time. I mean professionally CAPS LOCK ANGRY at anything and everything. They need professional care, which is neither a skill I possess nor a service I provide. So avoidance is the only viable strategy with that lot. With any reasonable person, you can eventually get to the triggers and root causes to sort things out if the relationship is valued by both parties. 20 20points reply SykesDaMan SykesDaMan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago HOW DARE YOU???!!! ... Sorry! I saw your caps lock comment and couldn't resist! Sorry again! :p 11 11points reply Load More Replies... йЫ щЪё йЫ щЪё Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago So true! Came here to say exactly that. I am exhausted of these articles that suggest you do all the work, tippy-toe around these toxic people. But when you are stuck with suck co-worker, who constantly spits out passive-aggressive remarks, angry comments- it is becoming utterly painful. Sometimes I have a really bad day, and just one stupid snarky remark can really just make me cry. Why do I have to be the bigger person and try to let it go? These people are truly just feeding of other people's emotions and have no desire to better themselves. F**k them. And screw those managers that do nothing about it. 4 4points reply Penny Fan Penny Fan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago My ex husband wouldn't stop needling until I was in tears of rage. Then he'd suddenly become the voice of reason because I was "too emotional"... 14 14points reply Lola Lola Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago He’s the reason some people snap and kill. His behavior was psychotic. I’m glad he’s your ex. 10 10points reply Load More Replies... Craig Reynolds Craig Reynolds Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago He sounds like a narcissist that enjoys triggering you so that he can then gaslight you. 2 2points reply Lauren Caswell Lauren Caswell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Staying calm was also my undoing :( I'm sorry you went through that 2 2points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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