Hey Pandas What s Your Best One Liner?
Hey Pandas, What's Your Best One Liner? Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda Hey Pandas What s Your Best One Liner Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 61points x Facebook Pinterest Twitter 11Kviews 138submissions Finished Ask Pandas1 year ago
Community member Publish Not your original work? Add source One liners are one of the best forms of comedy. I wanna hear yours! This post may include affiliate links. #1 Welcome back to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces, and let me just say I am very disappointed in all of you. Report Final score: 107points Lord pretzell POST HooowlAtTheMoon HooowlAtTheMoon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago oh my god this is my favorite 11 11points reply View More Replies... View more comments #2 I, for one, like Roman numerals. Report Final score: 92points Diana Lopetaitė POST Zophra Zophra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago IV real? 27 27points reply View More Replies... View more comments #3 Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. Report Final score: 87points Annabella Z POST HooowlAtTheMoon HooowlAtTheMoon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago i feel like this would be on one of those "technically true" post pages 12 12points reply View more comments #4 A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?’ Report Final score: 80points IguanaStampede POST Donkey boi Donkey boi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This... this is beautiful! 8 8points reply View more comments #5 I don't respect you enough to care about your opinion of me. Report Final score: 75points Glowdaddy POST MagicalUnicorn MagicalUnicorn Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago i'm gonna use this one 5 5points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 i got arrested for downloading the whole wikipedia, i told them i could explain everything Report Final score: 71points -logansucrose- (he/him) POST Pearl Pearl Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago 8 8points reply #7 I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.
I M LIVID Report Final score: 71points PurpleDoople POST Candia Lee Candia Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Higher! 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #8 If your brains were tnt, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. Report Final score: 61points Glowdaddy POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #9 My friend said the onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.???????????? Report Final score: 60points Thefishtankguy POST Random Anon Random Anon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago With a durian, you can make someone cry and bleed. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #10 Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. Report Final score: 52points Caro Caro POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Foshizzle! 5 5points reply #11 I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what she laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Report Final score: 50points Small Galaxy POST Niyati Niyati Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Pure Gem 4 4points reply #12 I always loved one from the TV Series Castle. "This guy's dropped more pills than a three-fingered pharmacist." Report Final score: 49points Carol Emory POST Jo87 Jo87 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago So bad it's good! 1 1point reply #13 We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? Report Final score: 44points Caro Caro POST Skara Brae Skara Brae Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago You won't find that in Florida either. 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments #14 A steak pun is a rare medium well done. Report Final score: 41points Kari Panda POST Candia Lee Candia Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago A Rare Medium Well Done was a promotional slogan for PBS 7 in El Paso. The El Paso sun logo was made of 7s. 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 Everything is better in moderation, even moderation. Report Final score: 36points Titas Burinskas POST Devil's Advocate Devil's Advocate Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yep, a world without counter-arguments is a boring and broken place 4 4points reply View more comments #16 A theatrical performance about puns is a play on words Report Final score: 36points Emily Chandler POST Alfie kelly Alfie kelly Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Damn 1 1point reply #17 The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese Report Final score: 36points Eric S. POST Random Person Random Person Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Or the tardy bird steals the worm 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #18 "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again." (Tim Vine) Report Final score: 28points Steve Barnett POST Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Good one 3 3points reply View more comments #19 If brains were elastic, you would not have enough to make garters for a sparrow. Report Final score: 26points Emma POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Just saw this on this site-my new favorite "have the day you deserve." 8 8points reply View more comments #20 A lady I work with kept complaining about how she always had a bad day when everyone else was having a good day. She said she was stuck in Murphy's law.
I asked her if she knew what Cole's law was. She didn't. My response, "it's lightly sauced cabbage."
Everyone started screaming. Report Final score: 25points gbst47 POST Theoretical Empiricist Theoretical Empiricist Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You're lucky to be alive. 1 1point reply View more comments #21 He who laughs last thinks slowest. Report Final score: 21points Caro Caro POST Skara Brae Skara Brae Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I heard this one as '...didn't get the joke.' 4 4points reply View more comments #22 Before using the toilet, know exactly where the tie to your bathrobe is. Report Final score: 21points SomePeopleCallMeMaurice POST Dandelion Patch Dandelion Patch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Good advice! 1 1point reply View more comments #23 “Do you know What?”
“No, but Who is a good friend of mine.” Report Final score: 21points GqIce POST Telmo Belo Telmo Belo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I Don't Know is on third 4 4points reply View more comments #24 Sometimes "all that glitters is gold" is really tinsel in a pile of dog cr@p. Report Final score: 20points Jenna B. POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago But the phrase is actually “All that glitters is NOT gold”... 4 4points reply View more comments #25 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Report Final score: 20points Mark and Elmo POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago So GOOD! 3 3points reply View more comments #26 From a book I read, can't remember which one
He is one 'et' away from being an asset Report Final score: 19points K D POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Good one! 0 0points reply #27 When I'm so tired that I'm on auto pilot... The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. Report Final score: 19points Braineating Spleen POST Calypso poet Calypso poet Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago This is the best example I've read so far! (That hasn't been heard a million times) slightly morbid with dead animals. Stealing it to use to describe my husband! 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #28 Some people's birth certificates should be apology letters from the condom factory. Report Final score: 19points Tracey Chananie POST #29 What did the hat say to the tie? "You hang around, I'll go on ahead." Report Final score: 17points Sky Render POST Niall Mac Iomera Niall Mac Iomera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That's a two liner. -2 -2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #30 When somebody tells me to have a nice day, I respond "That's the plan!" Report Final score: 16points John C POST Skara Brae Skara Brae Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I might respond "And a nice cream." (If that isn't clear to anyone, it sounds like 'an ice cream') 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #31 Go brush your tooth... Report Final score: 16points Whitey Black POST Joe Stein Joe Stein Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I live in an area with a huge meth problem. This made me laugh so hard. 5 5points reply View More Replies... View more comments #32 LET ME DRINK ABOUT IT! Report Final score: 16points Arlene Lozano POST Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago CaroCaro noddiing and agreeing. 0 0points reply #33 "I'd rather be a smart ass than a dumbass!"
I've been saying that since I was a teen and it still serves me well as a retort. 'Cuz I am a smart ass Report Final score: 16points Calypso poet POST Lucky2BAlive Lucky2BAlive Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Aren’t you afraid that if you poo you’re IQ will drop? 2 2points reply View more comments #34 My circus, my monkeys. Stay outta my business. Report Final score: 15points Carmen Sandiego POST Rens Rens Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Not my circus, not my monkeys.... 8 8points reply View More Replies... View more comments #35 “Don’t be lasagna”- 12th doctor (Doctor Who) Report Final score: 14points Artemis POST ʕ º ᴥ ºʔ ʕ º ᴥ ºʔ Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Oh oh oh, is this just before they go inside the dalek? 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #36 ....and a man accused of hiding himself under a layer of iron oxide has been placed under a rust. Report Final score: 13points Zak Rasten POST Sam ️ Sam ️ Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago *chef's kiss* 0 0points reply #37 You couldn’t find your own ass with both hands. Report Final score: 13points MoMcB POST Carole Reid Carole Reid Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago In a snowstorm. 4 4points reply View more comments #38 I dreamed I ate a five-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. Report Final score: 12points Lorraine R POST Devil's Advocate Devil's Advocate Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You're probably English, we always wake up "spitting feathers" (needing tea) 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #39 Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says "Can you put me up for the night?" Report Final score: 11points Candia Lee POST Steve Barnett Steve Barnett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Never happened. All the inns were still full. 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments #40 A man accused of hiding himself inside a giant trifle is being held in custard. Report Final score: 11points Zak Rasten POST Zak Rasten (Submission author) Zak Rasten Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That should say custardy not custard! 11 11points reply View More Replies... View more comments #41 I'm not as think as you drunk I am. Report Final score: 11points Dr Nostromo POST Devil's Advocate Devil's Advocate Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago - Homer Simpson 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #42 I'm here to chew bubblegum and [do whatever I'm going to do], and I'm all out of bubblegum Report Final score: 10points J. F. POST olx olx Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago like the it crowd "I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I've just finished my milk" - Maurice Moss. give me one of those sweet, sweet consonants! 5 5points reply View More Replies... View more comments #43 hey girl, you don't just look good, you look lesBIEN (Im a lesbian,its not supposed to be mean) Report Final score: 9points z3r0 POST albernistuff 4sale albernistuff 4sale Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago tres bien 3 3points reply View more comments #44 Just recently in a chat room, someone asked if they made Coyote Off (like a repellant spray of some kind)
I said, "Sure. You can get it at the same place as Bear Off or Moose Off. They even have one for wild rabbits. It's called Jack Off." Report Final score: 9points Dr Nostromo POST Stephen Branley Stephen Branley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago Male rabbits are called bucks. 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #45 He talks so much he should go to On and On Anon Report Final score: 9points Hotomato POST SobyKay SobyKay Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago BAH! 0 0points reply #46 I shot an arrow a low hanging clouds, mist. Report Final score: 8points Piet Puk POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I think this would work better if you took out the comma and inserted the word “and” in its place 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #47 Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do. Report Final score: 8points Mark and Elmo POST Justin Patel Justin Patel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Haha! This needs to be upvoted more 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #48 They were handing out brains, they thought they said grains and said no thank you. Report Final score: 7points Glowdaddy POST Stephen Branley Stephen Branley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I've always preferred "When they were giving out brains you thought they said milkshakes and asked for a thick one" 2 2points reply #49 I don't have a dog in this hunt. Report Final score: 7points Xenon POST #50 It’s kind of fun to do the impossible. Report Final score: 7points Stijn Olbrechts POST #51 I'd rather be resourceful, than smart. Aw heck! ... At my age, I'll take either. Report Final score: 7points RLS POST #52 Officer: Suspect is naked on the street.
Dispatch: Copy that
Officer: It's kinda cold Report Final score: 7points ojjunior POST Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Haha! 0 0points reply View more comments #53 How can I miss you if you won't go away? Report Final score: 5points Argus Brutus Maximus POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Old and stale...sorry/not sorry -2 -2points reply #54 Is it half price if I only look with one eye? Report Final score: 4points Jennifer .S POST #55 Yes, I was wrong once but I divorced him. Report Final score: 4points Hotomato POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago !!! -2 -2points reply #56 - You have more fat cells than brain cells
- I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm just saying I blame you
- I never said you're stupid, I said you lack the ability to be smart Report Final score: 4points Dave van Es POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago They get stronger as you go down the list 1 1point reply #57 I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays. Report Final score: 4points Seán Baron POST #58 You can't cure stupidity but you can sedate it Report Final score: 4points Rannveig Ess POST David Roquemore David Roquemore Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Define stupidity. 0 0points reply #59 When entitled people ask "Do you know who my father is?"... "No, but ask your mother there's a slim chance she may remember." Report Final score: 4points Ru Bee POST Jo87 Jo87 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Oh damn 0 0points reply #60 Not mine, well, Phoebe Buffay's- Oh! I wish could but I don't want to. Report Final score: 3points DUN DUN POST #61 There are two kinds of people in this world. One, those who can form logical conclusions based on limited data. Report Final score: 3points David Martin POST Stephen Branley Stephen Branley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I prefer "Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data" 5 5points reply #62 The ability to speak does not make you intelligent
- Qui Gon Jinn Report Final score: 3points SomeCrazyDogLover POST #63 Your gene pool could use some chlorine. Report Final score: 3points Sleestak POST #64 Person 1: "I'm afraid of the 15th, 9th, and 3rd letters of the alphabet." Person 2: "Oh, I see." Person 1: *faints* Report Final score: 3points PixxelDust POST #65 You look good enough for an open casket funeral! Report Final score: 3points Pryjmaty POST #66 I hate mornings so much I sleep till noon Report Final score: 2points Scarlett O'Hara's Ghost POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Truer words... 0 0points reply View more comments #67 Descartes walks into a restaurant. The waiter asked if he’d like wine with dinner. Descartes said “I don’t think” and disappeared. Report Final score: 2points Deanna Crichley POST John Ballin John Ballin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I heard a slight variation on this joke, where the punchline is him saying, "I think not," but either way, I still find this one hilarious! 0 0points reply View more comments #68 When arguing that I am right/always right: "I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken." Report Final score: 2points over it already POST #69 I'm leaving this world the same way I came into it: screaming and covered in somebody else's blood. Report Final score: 2points Lucinda Speer POST #70 I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like, Tim?’. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.
The brilliant Tim Vine! Report Final score: 1point Seán Baron POST SobyKay SobyKay Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Oh my word did u get fired or demoted? 0 0points reply See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #71 A Roman walks into a bar, puts 2 fingers up and says "5 beers please" Report Final score: 1point Ian Reynolds POST #72 A snake walked into a bar, the bartender asked "how did you do that?" Report Final score: 1point dragons grish POST #73 When I started working for this company, I was young and impoverished.
But after forty years of hard work and loyal service, I am no longer young. Report Final score: 1point Michael Largey POST #74 Pardon me for talking while you were interrupting. Report Final score: 1point Bani Daniell POST #75 I stopped calling my toilet the John and started calling it the Jim. My friends are well impressed when I tell them I go the the Jim twice a day!
Seen in The Rotherham Bugle Report Final score: 1point Johnny Sunshine POST #76 I once heard my friend say “are you a coffin cause I’m dying to get inside of you” h actually got the girls number too. Report Final score: 1point DaShaun Trosper POST #77 On a Friday, say "Day five of the hostage situation" Report Final score: 1point Janus Preez POST #78 Your incompetence is beginning to grow taxing...(I stole this from Underworld and have found it quite useful) Report Final score: 0points Erin Snodgrass POST #79 Give yourself a break do it since a perfect house isn't going to help our tired bodies only the eyes (an advice I give my friends and mum a lot) Report Final score: 0points Meghna Mohan POST Niall Mac Iomera Niall Mac Iomera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago what. 5 5points reply #80 Living and dying in Texas is redundant. Report Final score: 0points Jan Hallett POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #81 Why is a German stone intelligent?
Because its not just a stone, it's ein Stein Report Final score: 0points Ian Reynolds POST #82 I would tell you a joke about noble gases but it wouldn’t get a reaction
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can helium and you can’t curium you may as well barium
To people walked into a bar. One asked for h2o. The other asked for h2o too. He wasn’t specific enough. He promptly died. Knowledge is power kids. Yay. Long live the nerds. Report Final score: 0points CorgiChameleon POST Iapetos Iapetos Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago The delivery of number 3 could use some polish. 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments #83 I hate my social media accounts. I hope they blow up. Report Final score: 0points PixxelDust POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Why do you still have them then? 0 0points reply #84 You might be kind, but German children will always be kinder Report Final score: 0points DuchessDegu POST #85 "Do you live around here often?" Report Final score: 0points thewickedwest POST #86 There is no "I" in team, but there is a "u" in F$#k you. Report Final score: 0points Simon Oosterman POST #87 You go to an American bathroom and suddenly, you're a Russian. When you come out, you're Finnished Report Final score: 0points LeProudDork POST #88 (someone commenting on a woman's practically theoretical dress) "I've seen more cotton in an aspirin bottle." Report Final score: 0points Theoretical Empiricist POST #89 If you wake up and smell the roses chances are you’ve been buried alive. Report Final score: 0points WillemPenn POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Not really, most roses have very little smell, so you need to be very close to the flower in order to smell it at all. 0 0points reply #90 If some one says to me "Drive safely" I reply "I will drive as I want to"
Or "Sleep well" I reply " I will sleep as I want to"
All with a very serious and indignant face. :) Then I smile. Report Final score: 0points Korrie Broos POST Octavia Hansen Octavia Hansen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I reply, "Now you've ruined it. I was gonna drive CRAZY!" 0 0points reply See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #91 If someone is weareing a very bright or off beat shirt or shoes etc I always say " You can wear that shirt/shoes/tie etc with any thing" Then I pause to see how their face lights up and feel proud, then I reply the second part "Because it goes with nothing." :) Report Final score: 0points Korrie Broos POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago kinda makes you sound like an asshole. They think they get a compliment, but actually it's an insult. 0 0points reply View more comments #92 A guy was so lazy that he got up at 3 am so he would be able to do nothing for a longer period of time. Report Final score: 0points John Legere POST Eglė Bukauskaitė Eglė Bukauskaitė Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago 0 0points reply #93 We went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog there. It was a s**t zoo!
Everything is getting smaller or an inferior quality. Terry’s Chocolate Orange is now a chocolate satsuma.
Innuendo – an Italian enema.
We used to cough to hide a fart, now during covid we fart to hide a cough.
Those three little words to keep your wife happy – you’re right dear! Report Final score: 0points Johnny Sunshine POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Let me guess, you define as a boomer agewise? 0 0points reply #94 Get someone else’s life -- yours is not working.
You ask if he had any enemies? Do you have a phone book?
Don’t be so open minded that your brains fall out!
A guy said he wanted to get into my pants.
Not possible, I said, there’s only room for one asshole and I’m it!
A guy said, “If you ain’t from Texas, you ain’t s**t.” I felt bad, but then wondered if I would have felt any better if he said I was s**t.
Have you been to Area 51? Not that I remember.
Customer at a drive thru window: Is Jack here?
Server: No, Jack’s off tonight.
Date said: I can’t tell you what I do for a living and then let you live.
Me: Well, can you hint at it and just beat me up?
Fired at the guy, missed his ear by 3” -- yup, got him right between the eyes.
I did fire a warning shot through his liver.
The car could stop on a dime. Unfortunately, the dime was in some guy’s pocket.
You look tired. Let me hold your wallet.
I am single by choice. You, however, are being rejected.
I’m really an asshole but this is my day off. Report Final score: 0points Octavia Hansen POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You are 100% american. 0 0points reply #95 I shoot in the low 70's, gets any colder than that, I don't go out. Report Final score: 0points Patricia Manteuffel POST #96 How come you're late so soon? you used to be behind before but now you're finally first at last Report Final score: 0points Bradley V. POST #97 Not me, but one of my friends. I was telling him about the time I went behind the bleachers and saw some clueless couple doing IT....and he said, "Would be good practice for when I'm an adult." It was two weeks ago. I'm 13 and he's 14. Report Final score: 0points Pumpkin Spice POST #98 Nothing is better than the best Report Final score: 0points Kumar Ghodekar POST #99 I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
- Groucho Marx Report Final score: 0points Kevin Hickey POST #100 I encourage friends with this classic line from Rodney Dangerfield [google him]: "Look out for number one and try not to step in number two." Report Final score: 0points KellyO POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #101 Tell me something I don't know about you.. Like you phone number Report Final score: -1point Bob Builder POST #102 I went down the local supermarket. I said: ‘I want to make a complaint – this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions. Report Final score: -1point Seán Baron POST #103 I’m an acquired taste, if you don’t like me, acquire some taste. Report Final score: -1point Rebekah Tracy POST #104 What makes you think evolution cares whether or not you believe in it. Report Final score: -1point Allan Miller POST #105 Most people get mad when a sentence doesnt end like its potato Report Final score: -1point olek olok POST #106 When they were handing out brains, you thought they said 'rain' and ran for the porch. Report Final score: -1point Dirk Luchsinger POST #107 I almost went on America’s Got Talent until I realized I was the one that was supposed to have talent to go :-( Report Final score: -1point Justin Patel POST #108 I went to the doctor. All he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula ~ Mitch Hedberg Report Final score: -1point Tracer:-) POST #109 Eagles soar high, but weasles don't get stuck in jet engines. Report Final score: -1point Simon Oosterman POST #110 I could only think of this one, though it was dumb.
What's up? - The sky (or the ceiling) Report Final score: -2points Erjenn Rejano POST Deanna Crichley Deanna Crichley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago When I ask my SO what's up? He always says 'a chicken's butt when she eats'. 6 6points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #111 Can I asked a question? You just did. Report Final score: -2points CorgiChameleon POST #112 "not my circus, not my monkey"..........
or
"la-dee-frickin'-da" Report Final score: -2points Kay Nuehark POST #113 Being a smart a$$ only proves that an a$$ can occasionally be intelligent. Report Final score: -2points Sheila Stamey POST #114 Half the population is below average intelligence. Report Final score: -2points WillemPenn POST #115 Context: Cop busted a guy for painting a guy red and blowing up his house
"Unless you wanna see if your blood is tuscan red, I'd recommend you stay put." Report Final score: -2points Outlawzen POST #116 How you Doing?
"I'm doing as I please!" Report Final score: -3points Sherri Streff POST #117 Have ya ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight ?!!? Report Final score: -3points Patrick Doty POST #118 Hey buddy you got a match?
Yes, your face and my bum. Report Final score: -3points Grant Barke POST Octavia Hansen Octavia Hansen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I had an art director who would hold up his two thumbs. 1 1point reply #119 A seal walked into a club. Report Final score: -3points Flexiegirl94 POST Flexiegirl94 (Submission author) Flexiegirl94 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 12 months ago ... 1 1point reply #120 I live on a ranch. This means I know the difference between horse s**t and bull s**t.
This place is a powder keg and these people are a match away.
When I look at you, I think, THATS the sperm that won?
You are what happens when there is no life guard at the gene pool.
Some people are young and foolish, at least you still have foolish.
Till I spoke to you I didn’t know stupid was a career option.
( These are just a few off the top of my head. I was born and raised in NJ. Sarcasm is our Kung Fu … and it is strong grasshoppers. ) Report Final score: -3points Lucky2BAlive POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Irony is claiming kung fu sarcasm and getting -3 upvotes and ranked 120. 0 0points reply See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #121 A dwarf prisoner escaped becoming a Small Medium at Large Report Final score: -3points T McClung POST Bettye McKee Bettye McKee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago A midget fortune-teller 0 0points reply #122 Is must be hard going through life being so nasty all the time. Report Final score: -4points jm french POST #123 -You are absotively, posolutely correct because pobody's nerfect!
-Huked on fonics werked fer mee
-How about a department of common sense?
-The beatings will continue until morale improves
-The bureaucracy will expand to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy!
-What is the first law of a bureaucracy? Survival.
-Department of redundancy department.
-That boy is about as sharp as a bag of wet mice! Report Final score: -4points TMinus6 and Counting POST Eglė Bukauskaitė Eglė Bukauskaitė Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Working in public service? Very fixated on burocracy 0 0points reply View more comments #124 [someone saying f*ck you]
me: you would want to wouldnt you? Report Final score: -4points just.a.loser POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I respond with "Is that a threat or an offer?" 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #125 I always lie Report Final score: -4points Anton Kider POST #126This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #126 I’m dying, your dying, the world is dying, and the universe in inevitably drifting apart. Happy Day. (o)> Report Final score: -5points CorgiChameleon POST #127This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #127 Live Love Laugh and Enjoy the Lightness of Being Report Final score: -6points Marti Zuidam POST #128This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #128 Everyone knows inventors are crazy.
Inventors know everyone is crazy. Report Final score: -6points Bob Stuart POST #129This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #129 I am only one week away from breaking my own record of not using the word "Beans" for 400 days in a row... Report Final score: -6points Tom Hardeveld POST #130This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #130 A hardworking kid will grow up... tired. Report Final score: -6points Carmela Jimenez POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #131This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #131 A guy lets a fart, smiles, and says "Ducks."
I reply, "Hell no. That was the quack of your ass.". Report Final score: -6points Grady'sRaider POST #132This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #132 'Oh don’t s**t yourself' - absolute fav Report Final score: -7points Weronika Kasperska POST #133This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #133 Yes indeede, sweetie Report Final score: -7points Allen Lavine POST Rebekah Tracy Rebekah Tracy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Steve Urkel? 0 0points reply #134This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #134 Yer a unit of power Harry
I’m a watt?? Report Final score: -7points CorgiChameleon POST #135This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #135 I’m the one that killed Monday, shot Tuesday, put Wednesday in the hospital, Call Thursday, To tell Friday Not to give birth to Saturday on Sunday (dolomite) Report Final score: -8points Allen Lavine POST #136This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #136 There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society...outside of a kennel! - Crystal Allen (Joan Crawford) Report Final score: -9points JB POST #137This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #137 SOME PERSON: Do you want some corona?
ANOTHER PERSON: *achoo* I already have some!! Report Final score: -10points GreenTeaCatt :) POST Bear Hall Bear Hall Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That's two lines. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #138This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #138 If you have a d**k, you ain’t a chick Report Final score: -15points Daniel Demarest POST Fred Fred Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago What about surgery 0 0points reply View more comments Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Lord pretzell Follow Unfollow Lord pretzell Author, Community member I really like this website apart from all the bots and trolls. Read more » Aelita Senvaitytė Aelita Senvaitytė Moderator, BoredPanda staff Aelita is an Editor for Bored Panda. She makes sure all the articles are well done and fun to read!She enjoys all things creative, like drawing, playing guitar, and writing fantasy stories. On lazier days you can find her playing video games or binging a TV show. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Employee They Disrespected I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) Share your thoughts POST Niall Mac Iomera Niall Mac Iomera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Goddamn, this article was pathetic. 0 0points reply Mz Phit Mz Phit Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yeah, cursed at its origins.....with the original request to "HERE" other stories... not a great way to start -1 -1point reply Load More Replies... W S W S Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Can I add anyone who is in government that claims they are there to help the people. -1 -1point reply POST Niall Mac Iomera Niall Mac Iomera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Goddamn, this article was pathetic. 0 0points reply Mz Phit Mz Phit Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yeah, cursed at its origins.....with the original request to "HERE" other stories... not a great way to start -1 -1point reply Load More Replies... W S W S Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Can I add anyone who is in government that claims they are there to help the people. -1 -1point reply Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Subscribe Please enter email address Also on Bored Panda 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law 50 Times People Spotted Stupid Design Decisions In Public Places And Just Had To Share 23 Y.O. 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Hey Pandas What s Your Best One Liner
11Kviews Lord pretzellCommunity member Publish Not your original work? Add source One liners are one of the best forms of comedy. I wanna hear yours! This post may include affiliate links. #1 Welcome back to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces, and let me just say I am very disappointed in all of you. Report Final score: 107points Lord pretzell POST HooowlAtTheMoon HooowlAtTheMoon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago oh my god this is my favorite 11 11points reply View More Replies... View more comments #2 I, for one, like Roman numerals. Report Final score: 92points Diana Lopetaitė POST Zophra Zophra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago IV real? 27 27points reply View More Replies... View more comments #3 Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. Report Final score: 87points Annabella Z POST HooowlAtTheMoon HooowlAtTheMoon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago i feel like this would be on one of those "technically true" post pages 12 12points reply View more comments #4 A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?’ Report Final score: 80points IguanaStampede POST Donkey boi Donkey boi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This... this is beautiful! 8 8points reply View more comments #5 I don't respect you enough to care about your opinion of me. Report Final score: 75points Glowdaddy POST MagicalUnicorn MagicalUnicorn Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago i'm gonna use this one 5 5points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 i got arrested for downloading the whole wikipedia, i told them i could explain everything Report Final score: 71points -logansucrose- (he/him) POST Pearl Pearl Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago 8 8points reply #7 I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.
I M LIVID Report Final score: 71points PurpleDoople POST Candia Lee Candia Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Higher! 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #8 If your brains were tnt, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. Report Final score: 61points Glowdaddy POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #9 My friend said the onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.???????????? Report Final score: 60points Thefishtankguy POST Random Anon Random Anon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago With a durian, you can make someone cry and bleed. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #10 Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. Report Final score: 52points Caro Caro POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Foshizzle! 5 5points reply #11 I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what she laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Report Final score: 50points Small Galaxy POST Niyati Niyati Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Pure Gem 4 4points reply #12 I always loved one from the TV Series Castle. "This guy's dropped more pills than a three-fingered pharmacist." Report Final score: 49points Carol Emory POST Jo87 Jo87 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago So bad it's good! 1 1point reply #13 We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? Report Final score: 44points Caro Caro POST Skara Brae Skara Brae Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago You won't find that in Florida either. 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments #14 A steak pun is a rare medium well done. Report Final score: 41points Kari Panda POST Candia Lee Candia Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago A Rare Medium Well Done was a promotional slogan for PBS 7 in El Paso. The El Paso sun logo was made of 7s. 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 Everything is better in moderation, even moderation. Report Final score: 36points Titas Burinskas POST Devil's Advocate Devil's Advocate Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yep, a world without counter-arguments is a boring and broken place 4 4points reply View more comments #16 A theatrical performance about puns is a play on words Report Final score: 36points Emily Chandler POST Alfie kelly Alfie kelly Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Damn 1 1point reply #17 The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese Report Final score: 36points Eric S. POST Random Person Random Person Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Or the tardy bird steals the worm 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #18 "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again." (Tim Vine) Report Final score: 28points Steve Barnett POST Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Good one 3 3points reply View more comments #19 If brains were elastic, you would not have enough to make garters for a sparrow. Report Final score: 26points Emma POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Just saw this on this site-my new favorite "have the day you deserve." 8 8points reply View more comments #20 A lady I work with kept complaining about how she always had a bad day when everyone else was having a good day. She said she was stuck in Murphy's law.
I asked her if she knew what Cole's law was. She didn't. My response, "it's lightly sauced cabbage."
Everyone started screaming. Report Final score: 25points gbst47 POST Theoretical Empiricist Theoretical Empiricist Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You're lucky to be alive. 1 1point reply View more comments #21 He who laughs last thinks slowest. Report Final score: 21points Caro Caro POST Skara Brae Skara Brae Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I heard this one as '...didn't get the joke.' 4 4points reply View more comments #22 Before using the toilet, know exactly where the tie to your bathrobe is. Report Final score: 21points SomePeopleCallMeMaurice POST Dandelion Patch Dandelion Patch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Good advice! 1 1point reply View more comments #23 “Do you know What?”
“No, but Who is a good friend of mine.” Report Final score: 21points GqIce POST Telmo Belo Telmo Belo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I Don't Know is on third 4 4points reply View more comments #24 Sometimes "all that glitters is gold" is really tinsel in a pile of dog cr@p. Report Final score: 20points Jenna B. POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago But the phrase is actually “All that glitters is NOT gold”... 4 4points reply View more comments #25 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Report Final score: 20points Mark and Elmo POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago So GOOD! 3 3points reply View more comments #26 From a book I read, can't remember which one
He is one 'et' away from being an asset Report Final score: 19points K D POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Good one! 0 0points reply #27 When I'm so tired that I'm on auto pilot... The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. Report Final score: 19points Braineating Spleen POST Calypso poet Calypso poet Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago This is the best example I've read so far! (That hasn't been heard a million times) slightly morbid with dead animals. Stealing it to use to describe my husband! 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #28 Some people's birth certificates should be apology letters from the condom factory. Report Final score: 19points Tracey Chananie POST #29 What did the hat say to the tie? "You hang around, I'll go on ahead." Report Final score: 17points Sky Render POST Niall Mac Iomera Niall Mac Iomera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That's a two liner. -2 -2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #30 When somebody tells me to have a nice day, I respond "That's the plan!" Report Final score: 16points John C POST Skara Brae Skara Brae Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I might respond "And a nice cream." (If that isn't clear to anyone, it sounds like 'an ice cream') 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #31 Go brush your tooth... Report Final score: 16points Whitey Black POST Joe Stein Joe Stein Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I live in an area with a huge meth problem. This made me laugh so hard. 5 5points reply View More Replies... View more comments #32 LET ME DRINK ABOUT IT! Report Final score: 16points Arlene Lozano POST Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago CaroCaro noddiing and agreeing. 0 0points reply #33 "I'd rather be a smart ass than a dumbass!"
I've been saying that since I was a teen and it still serves me well as a retort. 'Cuz I am a smart ass Report Final score: 16points Calypso poet POST Lucky2BAlive Lucky2BAlive Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Aren’t you afraid that if you poo you’re IQ will drop? 2 2points reply View more comments #34 My circus, my monkeys. Stay outta my business. Report Final score: 15points Carmen Sandiego POST Rens Rens Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Not my circus, not my monkeys.... 8 8points reply View More Replies... View more comments #35 “Don’t be lasagna”- 12th doctor (Doctor Who) Report Final score: 14points Artemis POST ʕ º ᴥ ºʔ ʕ º ᴥ ºʔ Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Oh oh oh, is this just before they go inside the dalek? 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #36 ....and a man accused of hiding himself under a layer of iron oxide has been placed under a rust. Report Final score: 13points Zak Rasten POST Sam ️ Sam ️ Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago *chef's kiss* 0 0points reply #37 You couldn’t find your own ass with both hands. Report Final score: 13points MoMcB POST Carole Reid Carole Reid Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago In a snowstorm. 4 4points reply View more comments #38 I dreamed I ate a five-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. Report Final score: 12points Lorraine R POST Devil's Advocate Devil's Advocate Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You're probably English, we always wake up "spitting feathers" (needing tea) 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #39 Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says "Can you put me up for the night?" Report Final score: 11points Candia Lee POST Steve Barnett Steve Barnett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Never happened. All the inns were still full. 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments #40 A man accused of hiding himself inside a giant trifle is being held in custard. Report Final score: 11points Zak Rasten POST Zak Rasten (Submission author) Zak Rasten Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That should say custardy not custard! 11 11points reply View More Replies... View more comments #41 I'm not as think as you drunk I am. Report Final score: 11points Dr Nostromo POST Devil's Advocate Devil's Advocate Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago - Homer Simpson 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #42 I'm here to chew bubblegum and [do whatever I'm going to do], and I'm all out of bubblegum Report Final score: 10points J. F. POST olx olx Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago like the it crowd "I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I've just finished my milk" - Maurice Moss. give me one of those sweet, sweet consonants! 5 5points reply View More Replies... View more comments #43 hey girl, you don't just look good, you look lesBIEN (Im a lesbian,its not supposed to be mean) Report Final score: 9points z3r0 POST albernistuff 4sale albernistuff 4sale Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago tres bien 3 3points reply View more comments #44 Just recently in a chat room, someone asked if they made Coyote Off (like a repellant spray of some kind)
I said, "Sure. You can get it at the same place as Bear Off or Moose Off. They even have one for wild rabbits. It's called Jack Off." Report Final score: 9points Dr Nostromo POST Stephen Branley Stephen Branley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago Male rabbits are called bucks. 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #45 He talks so much he should go to On and On Anon Report Final score: 9points Hotomato POST SobyKay SobyKay Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago BAH! 0 0points reply #46 I shot an arrow a low hanging clouds, mist. Report Final score: 8points Piet Puk POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I think this would work better if you took out the comma and inserted the word “and” in its place 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #47 Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do. Report Final score: 8points Mark and Elmo POST Justin Patel Justin Patel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Haha! This needs to be upvoted more 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #48 They were handing out brains, they thought they said grains and said no thank you. Report Final score: 7points Glowdaddy POST Stephen Branley Stephen Branley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I've always preferred "When they were giving out brains you thought they said milkshakes and asked for a thick one" 2 2points reply #49 I don't have a dog in this hunt. Report Final score: 7points Xenon POST #50 It’s kind of fun to do the impossible. Report Final score: 7points Stijn Olbrechts POST #51 I'd rather be resourceful, than smart. Aw heck! ... At my age, I'll take either. Report Final score: 7points RLS POST #52 Officer: Suspect is naked on the street.
Dispatch: Copy that
Officer: It's kinda cold Report Final score: 7points ojjunior POST Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Haha! 0 0points reply View more comments #53 How can I miss you if you won't go away? Report Final score: 5points Argus Brutus Maximus POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Old and stale...sorry/not sorry -2 -2points reply #54 Is it half price if I only look with one eye? Report Final score: 4points Jennifer .S POST #55 Yes, I was wrong once but I divorced him. Report Final score: 4points Hotomato POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago !!! -2 -2points reply #56 - You have more fat cells than brain cells
- I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm just saying I blame you
- I never said you're stupid, I said you lack the ability to be smart Report Final score: 4points Dave van Es POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago They get stronger as you go down the list 1 1point reply #57 I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays. Report Final score: 4points Seán Baron POST #58 You can't cure stupidity but you can sedate it Report Final score: 4points Rannveig Ess POST David Roquemore David Roquemore Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Define stupidity. 0 0points reply #59 When entitled people ask "Do you know who my father is?"... "No, but ask your mother there's a slim chance she may remember." Report Final score: 4points Ru Bee POST Jo87 Jo87 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Oh damn 0 0points reply #60 Not mine, well, Phoebe Buffay's- Oh! I wish could but I don't want to. Report Final score: 3points DUN DUN POST #61 There are two kinds of people in this world. One, those who can form logical conclusions based on limited data. Report Final score: 3points David Martin POST Stephen Branley Stephen Branley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago I prefer "Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data" 5 5points reply #62 The ability to speak does not make you intelligent
- Qui Gon Jinn Report Final score: 3points SomeCrazyDogLover POST #63 Your gene pool could use some chlorine. Report Final score: 3points Sleestak POST #64 Person 1: "I'm afraid of the 15th, 9th, and 3rd letters of the alphabet." Person 2: "Oh, I see." Person 1: *faints* Report Final score: 3points PixxelDust POST #65 You look good enough for an open casket funeral! Report Final score: 3points Pryjmaty POST #66 I hate mornings so much I sleep till noon Report Final score: 2points Scarlett O'Hara's Ghost POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Truer words... 0 0points reply View more comments #67 Descartes walks into a restaurant. The waiter asked if he’d like wine with dinner. Descartes said “I don’t think” and disappeared. Report Final score: 2points Deanna Crichley POST John Ballin John Ballin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I heard a slight variation on this joke, where the punchline is him saying, "I think not," but either way, I still find this one hilarious! 0 0points reply View more comments #68 When arguing that I am right/always right: "I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken." Report Final score: 2points over it already POST #69 I'm leaving this world the same way I came into it: screaming and covered in somebody else's blood. Report Final score: 2points Lucinda Speer POST #70 I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like, Tim?’. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.
The brilliant Tim Vine! Report Final score: 1point Seán Baron POST SobyKay SobyKay Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Oh my word did u get fired or demoted? 0 0points reply See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #71 A Roman walks into a bar, puts 2 fingers up and says "5 beers please" Report Final score: 1point Ian Reynolds POST #72 A snake walked into a bar, the bartender asked "how did you do that?" Report Final score: 1point dragons grish POST #73 When I started working for this company, I was young and impoverished.
But after forty years of hard work and loyal service, I am no longer young. Report Final score: 1point Michael Largey POST #74 Pardon me for talking while you were interrupting. Report Final score: 1point Bani Daniell POST #75 I stopped calling my toilet the John and started calling it the Jim. My friends are well impressed when I tell them I go the the Jim twice a day!
Seen in The Rotherham Bugle Report Final score: 1point Johnny Sunshine POST #76 I once heard my friend say “are you a coffin cause I’m dying to get inside of you” h actually got the girls number too. Report Final score: 1point DaShaun Trosper POST #77 On a Friday, say "Day five of the hostage situation" Report Final score: 1point Janus Preez POST #78 Your incompetence is beginning to grow taxing...(I stole this from Underworld and have found it quite useful) Report Final score: 0points Erin Snodgrass POST #79 Give yourself a break do it since a perfect house isn't going to help our tired bodies only the eyes (an advice I give my friends and mum a lot) Report Final score: 0points Meghna Mohan POST Niall Mac Iomera Niall Mac Iomera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago what. 5 5points reply #80 Living and dying in Texas is redundant. Report Final score: 0points Jan Hallett POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #81 Why is a German stone intelligent?
Because its not just a stone, it's ein Stein Report Final score: 0points Ian Reynolds POST #82 I would tell you a joke about noble gases but it wouldn’t get a reaction
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can helium and you can’t curium you may as well barium
To people walked into a bar. One asked for h2o. The other asked for h2o too. He wasn’t specific enough. He promptly died. Knowledge is power kids. Yay. Long live the nerds. Report Final score: 0points CorgiChameleon POST Iapetos Iapetos Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago The delivery of number 3 could use some polish. 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments #83 I hate my social media accounts. I hope they blow up. Report Final score: 0points PixxelDust POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Why do you still have them then? 0 0points reply #84 You might be kind, but German children will always be kinder Report Final score: 0points DuchessDegu POST #85 "Do you live around here often?" Report Final score: 0points thewickedwest POST #86 There is no "I" in team, but there is a "u" in F$#k you. Report Final score: 0points Simon Oosterman POST #87 You go to an American bathroom and suddenly, you're a Russian. When you come out, you're Finnished Report Final score: 0points LeProudDork POST #88 (someone commenting on a woman's practically theoretical dress) "I've seen more cotton in an aspirin bottle." Report Final score: 0points Theoretical Empiricist POST #89 If you wake up and smell the roses chances are you’ve been buried alive. Report Final score: 0points WillemPenn POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Not really, most roses have very little smell, so you need to be very close to the flower in order to smell it at all. 0 0points reply #90 If some one says to me "Drive safely" I reply "I will drive as I want to"
Or "Sleep well" I reply " I will sleep as I want to"
All with a very serious and indignant face. :) Then I smile. Report Final score: 0points Korrie Broos POST Octavia Hansen Octavia Hansen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I reply, "Now you've ruined it. I was gonna drive CRAZY!" 0 0points reply See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #91 If someone is weareing a very bright or off beat shirt or shoes etc I always say " You can wear that shirt/shoes/tie etc with any thing" Then I pause to see how their face lights up and feel proud, then I reply the second part "Because it goes with nothing." :) Report Final score: 0points Korrie Broos POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago kinda makes you sound like an asshole. They think they get a compliment, but actually it's an insult. 0 0points reply View more comments #92 A guy was so lazy that he got up at 3 am so he would be able to do nothing for a longer period of time. Report Final score: 0points John Legere POST Eglė Bukauskaitė Eglė Bukauskaitė Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago 0 0points reply #93 We went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog there. It was a s**t zoo!
Everything is getting smaller or an inferior quality. Terry’s Chocolate Orange is now a chocolate satsuma.
Innuendo – an Italian enema.
We used to cough to hide a fart, now during covid we fart to hide a cough.
Those three little words to keep your wife happy – you’re right dear! Report Final score: 0points Johnny Sunshine POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Let me guess, you define as a boomer agewise? 0 0points reply #94 Get someone else’s life -- yours is not working.
You ask if he had any enemies? Do you have a phone book?
Don’t be so open minded that your brains fall out!
A guy said he wanted to get into my pants.
Not possible, I said, there’s only room for one asshole and I’m it!
A guy said, “If you ain’t from Texas, you ain’t s**t.” I felt bad, but then wondered if I would have felt any better if he said I was s**t.
Have you been to Area 51? Not that I remember.
Customer at a drive thru window: Is Jack here?
Server: No, Jack’s off tonight.
Date said: I can’t tell you what I do for a living and then let you live.
Me: Well, can you hint at it and just beat me up?
Fired at the guy, missed his ear by 3” -- yup, got him right between the eyes.
I did fire a warning shot through his liver.
The car could stop on a dime. Unfortunately, the dime was in some guy’s pocket.
You look tired. Let me hold your wallet.
I am single by choice. You, however, are being rejected.
I’m really an asshole but this is my day off. Report Final score: 0points Octavia Hansen POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You are 100% american. 0 0points reply #95 I shoot in the low 70's, gets any colder than that, I don't go out. Report Final score: 0points Patricia Manteuffel POST #96 How come you're late so soon? you used to be behind before but now you're finally first at last Report Final score: 0points Bradley V. POST #97 Not me, but one of my friends. I was telling him about the time I went behind the bleachers and saw some clueless couple doing IT....and he said, "Would be good practice for when I'm an adult." It was two weeks ago. I'm 13 and he's 14. Report Final score: 0points Pumpkin Spice POST #98 Nothing is better than the best Report Final score: 0points Kumar Ghodekar POST #99 I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
- Groucho Marx Report Final score: 0points Kevin Hickey POST #100 I encourage friends with this classic line from Rodney Dangerfield [google him]: "Look out for number one and try not to step in number two." Report Final score: 0points KellyO POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #101 Tell me something I don't know about you.. Like you phone number Report Final score: -1point Bob Builder POST #102 I went down the local supermarket. I said: ‘I want to make a complaint – this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions. Report Final score: -1point Seán Baron POST #103 I’m an acquired taste, if you don’t like me, acquire some taste. Report Final score: -1point Rebekah Tracy POST #104 What makes you think evolution cares whether or not you believe in it. Report Final score: -1point Allan Miller POST #105 Most people get mad when a sentence doesnt end like its potato Report Final score: -1point olek olok POST #106 When they were handing out brains, you thought they said 'rain' and ran for the porch. Report Final score: -1point Dirk Luchsinger POST #107 I almost went on America’s Got Talent until I realized I was the one that was supposed to have talent to go :-( Report Final score: -1point Justin Patel POST #108 I went to the doctor. All he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula ~ Mitch Hedberg Report Final score: -1point Tracer:-) POST #109 Eagles soar high, but weasles don't get stuck in jet engines. Report Final score: -1point Simon Oosterman POST #110 I could only think of this one, though it was dumb.
What's up? - The sky (or the ceiling) Report Final score: -2points Erjenn Rejano POST Deanna Crichley Deanna Crichley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago When I ask my SO what's up? He always says 'a chicken's butt when she eats'. 6 6points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #111 Can I asked a question? You just did. Report Final score: -2points CorgiChameleon POST #112 "not my circus, not my monkey"..........
or
"la-dee-frickin'-da" Report Final score: -2points Kay Nuehark POST #113 Being a smart a$$ only proves that an a$$ can occasionally be intelligent. Report Final score: -2points Sheila Stamey POST #114 Half the population is below average intelligence. Report Final score: -2points WillemPenn POST #115 Context: Cop busted a guy for painting a guy red and blowing up his house
"Unless you wanna see if your blood is tuscan red, I'd recommend you stay put." Report Final score: -2points Outlawzen POST #116 How you Doing?
"I'm doing as I please!" Report Final score: -3points Sherri Streff POST #117 Have ya ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight ?!!? Report Final score: -3points Patrick Doty POST #118 Hey buddy you got a match?
Yes, your face and my bum. Report Final score: -3points Grant Barke POST Octavia Hansen Octavia Hansen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I had an art director who would hold up his two thumbs. 1 1point reply #119 A seal walked into a club. Report Final score: -3points Flexiegirl94 POST Flexiegirl94 (Submission author) Flexiegirl94 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 12 months ago ... 1 1point reply #120 I live on a ranch. This means I know the difference between horse s**t and bull s**t.
This place is a powder keg and these people are a match away.
When I look at you, I think, THATS the sperm that won?
You are what happens when there is no life guard at the gene pool.
Some people are young and foolish, at least you still have foolish.
Till I spoke to you I didn’t know stupid was a career option.
( These are just a few off the top of my head. I was born and raised in NJ. Sarcasm is our Kung Fu … and it is strong grasshoppers. ) Report Final score: -3points Lucky2BAlive POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Irony is claiming kung fu sarcasm and getting -3 upvotes and ranked 120. 0 0points reply See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #121 A dwarf prisoner escaped becoming a Small Medium at Large Report Final score: -3points T McClung POST Bettye McKee Bettye McKee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago A midget fortune-teller 0 0points reply #122 Is must be hard going through life being so nasty all the time. Report Final score: -4points jm french POST #123 -You are absotively, posolutely correct because pobody's nerfect!
-Huked on fonics werked fer mee
-How about a department of common sense?
-The beatings will continue until morale improves
-The bureaucracy will expand to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy!
-What is the first law of a bureaucracy? Survival.
-Department of redundancy department.
-That boy is about as sharp as a bag of wet mice! Report Final score: -4points TMinus6 and Counting POST Eglė Bukauskaitė Eglė Bukauskaitė Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Working in public service? Very fixated on burocracy 0 0points reply View more comments #124 [someone saying f*ck you]
me: you would want to wouldnt you? Report Final score: -4points just.a.loser POST Concept-Peter Roosdorp Concept-Peter Roosdorp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago I respond with "Is that a threat or an offer?" 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #125 I always lie Report Final score: -4points Anton Kider POST #126This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #126 I’m dying, your dying, the world is dying, and the universe in inevitably drifting apart. Happy Day. (o)> Report Final score: -5points CorgiChameleon POST #127This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #127 Live Love Laugh and Enjoy the Lightness of Being Report Final score: -6points Marti Zuidam POST #128This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #128 Everyone knows inventors are crazy.
Inventors know everyone is crazy. Report Final score: -6points Bob Stuart POST #129This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #129 I am only one week away from breaking my own record of not using the word "Beans" for 400 days in a row... Report Final score: -6points Tom Hardeveld POST #130This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #130 A hardworking kid will grow up... tired. Report Final score: -6points Carmela Jimenez POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #131This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #131 A guy lets a fart, smiles, and says "Ducks."
I reply, "Hell no. That was the quack of your ass.". Report Final score: -6points Grady'sRaider POST #132This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #132 'Oh don’t s**t yourself' - absolute fav Report Final score: -7points Weronika Kasperska POST #133This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #133 Yes indeede, sweetie Report Final score: -7points Allen Lavine POST Rebekah Tracy Rebekah Tracy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Steve Urkel? 0 0points reply #134This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #134 Yer a unit of power Harry
I’m a watt?? Report Final score: -7points CorgiChameleon POST #135This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #135 I’m the one that killed Monday, shot Tuesday, put Wednesday in the hospital, Call Thursday, To tell Friday Not to give birth to Saturday on Sunday (dolomite) Report Final score: -8points Allen Lavine POST #136This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #136 There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society...outside of a kennel! - Crystal Allen (Joan Crawford) Report Final score: -9points JB POST #137This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #137 SOME PERSON: Do you want some corona?
ANOTHER PERSON: *achoo* I already have some!! Report Final score: -10points GreenTeaCatt :) POST Bear Hall Bear Hall Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago That's two lines. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #138This submission is hidden. Click here to view. #138 If you have a d**k, you ain’t a chick Report Final score: -15points Daniel Demarest POST Fred Fred Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago What about surgery 0 0points reply View more comments Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Lord pretzell Follow Unfollow Lord pretzell Author, Community member I really like this website apart from all the bots and trolls. Read more » Aelita Senvaitytė Aelita Senvaitytė Moderator, BoredPanda staff Aelita is an Editor for Bored Panda. She makes sure all the articles are well done and fun to read!She enjoys all things creative, like drawing, playing guitar, and writing fantasy stories. On lazier days you can find her playing video games or binging a TV show. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Employee They Disrespected I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) Share your thoughts POST Niall Mac Iomera Niall Mac Iomera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Goddamn, this article was pathetic. 0 0points reply Mz Phit Mz Phit Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yeah, cursed at its origins.....with the original request to "HERE" other stories... not a great way to start -1 -1point reply Load More Replies... W S W S Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Can I add anyone who is in government that claims they are there to help the people. -1 -1point reply POST Niall Mac Iomera Niall Mac Iomera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Goddamn, this article was pathetic. 0 0points reply Mz Phit Mz Phit Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Yeah, cursed at its origins.....with the original request to "HERE" other stories... not a great way to start -1 -1point reply Load More Replies... W S W S Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Can I add anyone who is in government that claims they are there to help the people. -1 -1point reply Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Subscribe Please enter email address Also on Bored Panda 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law 50 Times People Spotted Stupid Design Decisions In Public Places And Just Had To Share 23 Y.O. 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