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“ Am I The Jerk For Making My Daughter Sleep In The Backyard After What She Did To Our Housemaid ”

Rokas Laurinavičius and
Justinas Keturka
There's a Lithuanian proverb that roughly translates to "Liars have short legs." Meaning, eventually they get caught. This teenager is learning it the hard way. When the 16-year-old got in trouble with her parents for disrespecting the family's maid, she developed a cunning scheme on how to get the lady fired. The girl secretly placed her iPhone in the maid's bag and put up a show to convince her parents that it was actually a theft. (A- for creativity but an F in common decency.) However, the teen's plan had a major flaw. One that ultimately brought her to justice: she forgot about the secret camera in the house. When the cat was out of the bag, her dad, Redditor u/HallNum032 disciplined her one more time, only this punishment was more severe. He really wanted the girl to get the message. But after a while, the man started doubting himself and turned to the internet to ask if he overreacted. Here's what he wrote. Image credits: Pankaj Shah (not the actual photo) Image credits: HallNum032 Who their kids are friends with is something many moms and dads are concerned about. Writer, director, broadcaster, and founder of the parenting blog Honest Mum, Vicki Broadbent, thinks that parents can intervene when their children are mixing with others they might deem unsuitable or dangerous, but they have to be smart about it. "The key is to build trust in your kids first and try to see the world and their relationships from their perspective so you can have a meaningful conversation," Broadbent told Bored Panda. "Berating and becoming upset with them will lead to a stand-off and them switching off." Instead, the mom suggests sitting down and having an honest conversation with your kid. "Read between the lines," Broadbent added. "Remember that things might not be how they seem. Your child might feel pressured into this friendship at school or feel they can't make other friends … so now is the time to problem-solve with them and consider potentially speaking to their teachers too." She pointed out that teachers can separate friendships or split up the class to help children build new connections, as well as speaking directly to the child in question who might be struggling to offer their support and ideas. "Listening, really listening to your child's perspective and respecting their feelings are paramount during this talk and subsequent ones." Vicki reminded us that it's important to also question whether you're being too judgemental. Equally, she said, ask yourself if your own child is the one leading or contributing to bad behavior and if so, how can you help them. Talya Stone, a former editor-in-chief turned parenting blogger and the woman behind Motherhood: The Real Deal and 40 Now What, agrees that it's a very tricky spot. "You can't choose your teenager's friends [and] you have to be careful not to seem like you are working against your teenager by criticizing their friends [either]," Stone explained to us. You could, for example, highlight that you don't like their behavior. But you have to be strategic about this approach too. "Setting clear boundaries on where they can go, when they can go, and what they can do and monitoring those boundaries to ensure they are being adhered to … [could be one rational way] of dealing with any unwanted behaviors and offering up consequences when need be." Also, it might be a good idea to talk to them about unwanted behaviors at a calm time. "Maybe you're reading a story in the weekend papers about anti-social behavior you can form a discussion around. Or maybe it's a low-key chat while you're giving them a lift somewhere. Be sure to be non-confrontational. It's a sure-fire way to end up in conflict." Whether or not you should also be your kid's friend is a whole other discussion. And equally as challenging. The answer, for the most part, depends on your own parenting philosophy. Vicki Broadbent, the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (the US and Canada), for instance, said, "It's critical in my opinion to be your child's friend as well as their parent. Friendship is based on shared values, boundaries, respect, and love, the same as parenting. When you have built a foundation of trust and love with your children, they will be more open and candid with you about their lives and vitally, they will know they can reach out to you with problems big and small, you just have to keep the conversation going. Equally, when you mess up as all humans do, apologizing to your child will enable them to model their behavior on you. To follow your lead. They need to know that problems can be resolved and mistakes are there as lessons so they can keep doing better." Of course, all of this doesn't mean that your family will be able to avoid similar situations. It does, however, mean that navigating them will be much easier.

People think the dad was reasonable

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Rokas Laurinavičius Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read more » Justinas Keturka Justinas Keturka Author, BoredPanda staff Justin is a photo editor at Bored Panda. He was fascinated with visual arts and arts in general for as long as he can remember. He was obsessed with playing and making music in his teens. After finishing high school, he took a gap year to work odd jobs and try to figure out what he wanted to do next. Finally, around 2016, he started learning how to use Photoshop and hasn't stopped since. He started working as a visual advertisement producer in 2017 and worked there for almost two years. In his spare time, he creates graphic collages and even had his first artwork exhibition at "Devilstone". Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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POST Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) I'd have her checked out by a psychiatrist, also. She's a germaphobe, she's abusive, and she'd rather starve than do chores. Some mental health issues start or become worse during adolescence. It doesn't let her off the hook (a lot of people with mental health issues try to find strategies to reduce the impact on themselves and others). I've even read of people incapable of empathy being decent to others out of principle. 88 88points reply BMcG BMcG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Bad behavior should not be without consequence, mental illness is not an excuse to treat others poorly. 28 28points reply Load More Replies... Daphne Williams Daphne Williams Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You're confused. Viviane comment is not about no consequences, it's about getting someone psychological help when they need it. Otherwise, punishment or not, her behavior will continue to get worse. 31 31points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. No s**t. Wow, you’re so smart. -25 -25points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Sarcasm and s**t talking doesn’t show up on text. I’m not confused Daphne. Keep trying -26 -26points reply Potato Potato Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You ok? 2 2points reply just me just me Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Agreed. While enforcing proper behavior it may be helpful to also look for any larger underlying issues, though. 18 18points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. What’s proper behavior? That’s a steep comment. Iran, Iraq, Saudi, let’s look for underlying issues. The world is bigger than your backyard -22 -22points reply Katherine Boag Katherine Boag Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago They said also, not INSTEAD 5 5points reply Nujoie Roberts Nujoie Roberts Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Was gonna say THIS!!! 0 0points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I’m scared to death of my mentally ill Marine friends. -21 -21points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. No s**t? Wow that’s genius. I never thought of that. I must be ignorant. Sarchasim -24 -24points reply Tracy Sellars Tracy Sellars Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Well now, aren't you just an extra ball of delight. Also what is "Sarchasim"? That is not a word. Ignorant is a valid word and that most definitely suits your multiple responses. 2 2points reply Jamma Jamma Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Also if this behavior came out of no where seemingly, she may have experienced some traumatic event that she doesn't feel like she can disclose and is manifesting in this extreme terrible behavior. A psychologist/counselor is a good idea. (NOT excusing her or saying she's a victim, just trying to think of root causes.) 16 16points reply 13 13 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago NEW FRIENDS OF THE BAD SORT. It's right there in the text. 5 5points reply Jamma Jamma Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Just saying "bad new friends" may not tell her whole story. You can have bad new friends who are just assholes, or who shoplift, or who sexually assault people -- there's a range of possibilities. 14 14points reply CatWoman312 CatWoman312 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago True. Very sociopathic behavior 5 5points reply fu yu fu yu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Agreed. This girl is 16. She has problems. But she should still be punished, She knows right from wrong. 4 4points reply Anna Repp Anna Repp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Exactly what I wanted to say! This sudden change in character could be a sign of mental health problems. Same for refusing food for days - this does not sound like a "typical teenage thing". 1 1point reply Ayden Manning Ayden Manning Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You took the words right out of my head 0 0points reply Rannveig Ess Rannveig Ess Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Agree 1000%, Viviane, and I find it sad that instead of these parents, who think they're being such great parents, can only think of some abusive punishment to teach their daughter a lesson? Kids' personalities make huge changes because they are doing drugs (this mom said her daughter had new friends, and she's changed...) or mental and emotional illnesses that do appear at certain ages in young people. That they'd allow the daughter to abuse the housekeeper more than once is sad. That they think giving the woman 1/2 day off is some kind of philanthropic act is sad. Half of all mental health disorders over the life course occur first between the ages of 7 years and 24 years. That the parent runs to social media to see if what they did is OK with the Faceless Masses instead of thinking maybe something is seriously amiss or their child is in pain pisses me off. I just don't get some people. This is your child. -2 -2points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I was gonna say this girl is mental but that would get me attacked. -12 -12points reply Jamma Jamma Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago There are positive ways to phrase that she may need help with mental health. 13 13points reply Ellie Rosser Ellie Rosser Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago She ended up in hospital to avoid punishment last time. She needs major professional counseling and help. This is not ok and it is not going to get better with more forms of punishment. 34 34points reply Sarah Moore Sarah Moore Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Absolutely correct. Punishment is a temporary solution. We have to teach our children to be disciplined and in order to do that, they must be thinking properly. This girl needs professional help. It sounds like she has problems with empathy; she could have a serious condition, or just need to talk to someone dedicated to her mental well-being. 3 3points reply Load More Replies... CatWoman312 CatWoman312 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Honestly I’d take it a step farther and make your daughter change schools so she can find herself new friends. She’s a spoiled c word and it’s only going to get worse. Your punishment seems fair, but to hear that she starved herself to get out of chores shows how spoiled she is and how far she will take things to get her way. You’re the parent, she’s the child. You need to find a way to make her remember this or you’re going to end up paying for lawyers and bail money in a few years when she reaches adulthood 20 20points reply Load More Comments POST Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago (edited) I'd have her checked out by a psychiatrist, also. She's a germaphobe, she's abusive, and she'd rather starve than do chores. Some mental health issues start or become worse during adolescence. It doesn't let her off the hook (a lot of people with mental health issues try to find strategies to reduce the impact on themselves and others). I've even read of people incapable of empathy being decent to others out of principle. 88 88points reply BMcG BMcG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Bad behavior should not be without consequence, mental illness is not an excuse to treat others poorly. 28 28points reply Load More Replies... Daphne Williams Daphne Williams Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You're confused. Viviane comment is not about no consequences, it's about getting someone psychological help when they need it. Otherwise, punishment or not, her behavior will continue to get worse. 31 31points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. No s**t. Wow, you’re so smart. -25 -25points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Sarcasm and s**t talking doesn’t show up on text. I’m not confused Daphne. Keep trying -26 -26points reply Potato Potato Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You ok? 2 2points reply just me just me Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Agreed. While enforcing proper behavior it may be helpful to also look for any larger underlying issues, though. 18 18points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. What’s proper behavior? That’s a steep comment. Iran, Iraq, Saudi, let’s look for underlying issues. The world is bigger than your backyard -22 -22points reply Katherine Boag Katherine Boag Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago They said also, not INSTEAD 5 5points reply Nujoie Roberts Nujoie Roberts Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Was gonna say THIS!!! 0 0points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I’m scared to death of my mentally ill Marine friends. -21 -21points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. No s**t? Wow that’s genius. I never thought of that. I must be ignorant. Sarchasim -24 -24points reply Tracy Sellars Tracy Sellars Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Well now, aren't you just an extra ball of delight. Also what is "Sarchasim"? That is not a word. Ignorant is a valid word and that most definitely suits your multiple responses. 2 2points reply Jamma Jamma Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Also if this behavior came out of no where seemingly, she may have experienced some traumatic event that she doesn't feel like she can disclose and is manifesting in this extreme terrible behavior. A psychologist/counselor is a good idea. (NOT excusing her or saying she's a victim, just trying to think of root causes.) 16 16points reply 13 13 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 year ago NEW FRIENDS OF THE BAD SORT. It's right there in the text. 5 5points reply Jamma Jamma Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Just saying "bad new friends" may not tell her whole story. You can have bad new friends who are just assholes, or who shoplift, or who sexually assault people -- there's a range of possibilities. 14 14points reply CatWoman312 CatWoman312 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago True. Very sociopathic behavior 5 5points reply fu yu fu yu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Agreed. This girl is 16. She has problems. But she should still be punished, She knows right from wrong. 4 4points reply Anna Repp Anna Repp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Exactly what I wanted to say! This sudden change in character could be a sign of mental health problems. Same for refusing food for days - this does not sound like a "typical teenage thing". 1 1point reply Ayden Manning Ayden Manning Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago You took the words right out of my head 0 0points reply Rannveig Ess Rannveig Ess Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Agree 1000%, Viviane, and I find it sad that instead of these parents, who think they're being such great parents, can only think of some abusive punishment to teach their daughter a lesson? Kids' personalities make huge changes because they are doing drugs (this mom said her daughter had new friends, and she's changed...) or mental and emotional illnesses that do appear at certain ages in young people. That they'd allow the daughter to abuse the housekeeper more than once is sad. That they think giving the woman 1/2 day off is some kind of philanthropic act is sad. Half of all mental health disorders over the life course occur first between the ages of 7 years and 24 years. That the parent runs to social media to see if what they did is OK with the Faceless Masses instead of thinking maybe something is seriously amiss or their child is in pain pisses me off. I just don't get some people. This is your child. -2 -2points reply Miguel justino C Miguel justino C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I was gonna say this girl is mental but that would get me attacked. -12 -12points reply Jamma Jamma Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago There are positive ways to phrase that she may need help with mental health. 13 13points reply Ellie Rosser Ellie Rosser Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago She ended up in hospital to avoid punishment last time. She needs major professional counseling and help. This is not ok and it is not going to get better with more forms of punishment. 34 34points reply Sarah Moore Sarah Moore Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Absolutely correct. Punishment is a temporary solution. We have to teach our children to be disciplined and in order to do that, they must be thinking properly. This girl needs professional help. It sounds like she has problems with empathy; she could have a serious condition, or just need to talk to someone dedicated to her mental well-being. 3 3points reply Load More Replies... CatWoman312 CatWoman312 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 year ago Honestly I’d take it a step farther and make your daughter change schools so she can find herself new friends. She’s a spoiled c word and it’s only going to get worse. Your punishment seems fair, but to hear that she starved herself to get out of chores shows how spoiled she is and how far she will take things to get her way. You’re the parent, she’s the child. You need to find a way to make her remember this or you’re going to end up paying for lawyers and bail money in a few years when she reaches adulthood 20 20points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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