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25 Y O Woman Sparks Family Feud After Outing Her Ex As Gay During Argument With Religious MIL Interview With Author

Robertas Lisickis and
Saulė Tolstych
Humans have to be some of the most, if not the most, complicated beings on the planet. On top of functioning on a basic level as biological beings with innate instincts and needs, we are also expected to somehow operate on a social level. And you know how that goes, and you know where this is going. A woman in her mid 20s has recently turned to the Am I The A-Hole community for some perspective with a story involving her now ex-husband who turned out to be gay-but that wasn't the problem as much as the cheating, the lying, his fundamentalist mother, the ex never telling anyone about his sexual orientation, and everything in between. More Info: Reddit

Relationships can spiral out of control very easily given a certain context and the right people

Image credits: Amanda Wood (not the actual photo) Reddit user u/life_after_love, with whom Bored Panda got in touch, shared what she called a "long and sucky story," but in a nutshell, she found out her husband was cheating on her with another man. Apparently, he wanted a "normal life" with a wife and kids, seemingly serving as an alibi of sorts for him to continue living his life as a homosexual man, but she was having none of it. So, the two split, but it doesn't end there. For context, the ex's family are fundamentalists, with the mother being very extreme and intrusive in the now ended relationship. They don't believe in divorce, so this move immediately prompted the mother-in-law to interfere and effectively go nuts on OP.

And this woman got the short end of stick when she found out her husband cheated and he s gay and long story short there s a family feud now

Image credits: life_after_love Besides it being a bad break-up situation, Life After Love also found out the ex didn't tell his family about him cheating, and told the mother that OP was actually divorcing him because they weren't making love as often as she actually wanted. Oh, and he didn't come out to his family, either. While OP did try to defuse the situation, explaining that she was cheated on and avoiding any talk about him actually being gay, because she knew the parents well enough not to and it's none of anyone's business anyway, the MIL was relentless, and started defending him, saying "men are just that way" and that she's actually the problem because she needs to try more with her looks and whatnot. This was the breaking point. While she did not intend to be mean, or to cause any trouble at all, and she owns up to this, she is human, and she got provoked and exploded. Image credits: life_after_love "I told her that the only thing that would make me more attractive to my ex would be a sex change operation and that I hoped he and his boyfriend adopted her some grandchildren so she could finally shut the hell up about it," explained Life After Love. Needless to say, it all turned into a huge family drama real quick. There were sobbing phone calls, the family's cultural values may get the ex disowned, and everyone is blaming OP. Image credits: life_after_love As of the time of this article, the story is still pretty fresh, but there were some developments in it, as explained OP: "The only thing new is that it looks like I'm going to have to press charges on the ex for breaking the restraining order. My Ring system showed he was at the house trying to get in yesterday afternoon before I got home from work." "Other than that, I'm trying to decide now whether to move out of the community. It's a smallish town and a lot of the families are interconnected, so my ex's version of events has caused me some problems recently with friends and people in the local LDS stake." Image credits: life_after_love OP turned to the Am I The A-Hole community to figure out who's at fault here. In the beginning, there was a huge influx of YTAs (you're the a-hole) because she exposed a huge secret about the ex, but the tide turned soon after a whole lot of people came in to defend her. They argued that lying is still lying, and cheating is still cheating, and this is besides the fact that the ex willingly kept his sexual orientation a secret, and with this trying to push her into some faux traditional family scheme without her consent. In other words, the guy had a-hole written all over him. Image credits: life_after_love "I really didn't know what to expect and it was helpful to see the way that other people weighed the situation because I'm so conflicted about it myself," elaborated Life After Love. "I'm mortified that the whole thing happened in the first place, but it's comforting to hear that even a lot of LGBTQ people understand and don't blame me." "I also understand why those who said 'Everyone Sucks Here' and 'You're The A-Hole' have their opinion. It helped me get some personal resolution on the situation so I can move forward. After having been lied to so much and made to feel like the problem, it's hard to not default to that 'it must be my fault' position out of the gate."

While some did genuinely think OP is wrong most still argued that she s not the bad guy in this situation expressing their support

The post quickly picked up traction online, gaining over 19,000 upvotes and nearly 60 Reddit awards. As of this article, the post is already locked, which means people cannot comment any more, but Life After Love still managed to get some edits in for context and the post was flared as Not The A-Hole. "The worst thing is that my reputation in my community and LDS stake has been ruined because of what my ex has been telling people and I'm not sure if that can be fixed," said the woman. "People are nice enough not to say anything for the most part, but there's been a noticeable change with the way I'm treated. My stake president called me in for a chat, and I told him about the cheating, so he said he understood and would try to correct some of the rumors, but I don't know. It breaks my heart that I tried so hard to do everything right and it's still seen as my fault." We've also asked OP if she could share any advice for anyone else dealing with similar situations, and she had this to say: "If you're going through hell, just keep going. It can't last forever. I'm tired and sad and very upset with all of this, but I won't let my ex steal any more of my life than he already has. I'm going to get therapy and rebuild and try to be happy in spite of him because everyone deserves that. Don't be poisoned by your pain and finish tearing yourself down in someone else's place." She also noted that there was a commenter who mentioned that her post could be misinterpreted as anti-LGBTQ propaganda, which has been weighing on her, but she reassured that it's not the case and kindly asks people to not generalize and stereotype based on this story: "I just want to say that there are several LGBTQ people in my life that I love very much and who would never do this to anyone and I would be so sad if my story was used to harm or denigrate them. My ex didn't hurt me because he's gay, he hurt me because he's hurt inside somehow and he just passed all that fear and darkness on to me. I don't want bad things for him or any other LGBTQ person and if anything, his family set this situation up by being so intolerant." You can get the full scoop by checking out the story in context on Reddit. But before you go, tell us your thoughts on this in the comment section below! Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Robertas Lisickis Follow Unfollow Robertas Lisickis Writer, BoredPanda staff Robertas, nicknamed the Comma Inquisitor by friends, is a Bored Panda writer and content creator. After his studies at LCC International University, where he got a BA in English Language and Literature, Robertas went on to do freelance teaching, translation, and copywriting work, primarily specializing in IT. He spent nearly three years writing about all things Wi-Fi, eventually being picked up by Bored Panda. Whenever there’s free time, he spends it playing Gwent, or hosting Dungeons & Dragons sessions for his mostly chaotic neutral team. Read more » Saulė Tolstych Follow Unfollow Saulė Tolstych Author, BoredPanda staff Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like MIL Barely Sees Her Grandkids, Lies That Husband Doesn’t Want Them In Their House, Later Gets Exposed In Front Of The Whole Family Monika Pašukonytė Husband Asks If He Is Wrong For Cancelling Trip As His Pregnant Wife Asked Him To Not Drink Any Alcohol Saulė Tolstych "She Cried And Begged, But I Asked Her Again To Leave": Groom Upset His Mother Invited His Late Wife's Parents To His New Wedding, Kicks Her Out Monika Pašukonytė Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million Start the discussion POST Ahna Moreau Ahna Moreau Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Sounds like the ex is willing to set her on fire to keep himself warm, so he’s just getting back what he was trying to do to her instead. He doesn’t want to suffer any consequences but he’s willing to use her as a breeder, waste years of her life, harass her to the point of the law getting involved, and then ruin her name in her community to the point she feels she has to move away to get peace and then he wants to cry about losing his shitty family? Bollocks. I’m queer and outing people is normally heinous but this man is a monster. You don’t get to punch people over and over and then cry victim when they knock your ass out. 78 78points reply Marcellus II Marcellus II Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Indeed, he set this up himself. He knows his family so knew MIL would do something like that, he's been building a house of lies so it was on him to add an extra shed of lies to prevent this. Also: Chances are the MIL will not believe he's gay, pure pig-headed unwillingness to face facts is the way to pull through. 6 6points reply Load More Replies... RaroaRaroa RaroaRaroa Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yes. Hiding the truth from his family is understandable on its own, but marrying someone who is oblivious to keep it a secret, and then making the failure of his cover story sound like her doing is despicable. Although no matter what reason he gave, the MIL is going to blame the wife. He cheated - you didn't keep him happy. He's gay - you turned him off women. He was raised by horrible people. It hasn't helped. 0 0points reply David Andrews David Andrews Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I started out reading expecting to have some sympathy for the husband's situation, thinking it would be a case of a man who cannot face who he is, so throws himself into being what he sees as the straight, married with children, but then finds he can't keep living with the pretence. A really shitty thing to do to her, but at least he would have not been intending to hurt her, thinking he could make it work. However the fact that he had a long term partner already shows he knew exactly who he was and was comfortable with it, he just did not want to deal with the effects that would have on his life. She could have just thrown the MIL out her house and said nothing, however he intentionally put the wife in this position, so can deal with the fallout 33 33points reply Sky Render Sky Render Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) I've no sympathy for manipulators, and that man was a textbook manipulator. He deserved to have his web of lies pulled apart, as does anyone who engages in such underhanded behavior. Honesty is a cornerstone of trust, and trust is one of the sustaining pillars of a healthy marriage. Should you topple that pillar, don't be surprised at the consequences of doing so. 31 31points reply Sky Render Sky Render Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago In response to Gabby: yes, I am gay; just ask my wife. Yes, I do have extremely homophobic family; my father saw fit to rape me when I was a child for not being cisgendered, and also constantly slammed gay people when I was growing up. Also, my father was a manipulator who ruined his entire family over the course of 35 years, culminating in an attempted double murder on my mother and I. So kindly don't tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. 2 2points reply Load More Replies... Stephanie Keith Stephanie Keith Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Gabby, You're wrong. He knew exactly what he was doing and manipulated the girl and everyone else. I do understand you wanting people to have empathy and understanding for how he feels as well. I get that, I really do. I just know there are ways to handle every situation to where we don't have to hurt anyone. To intentionally do what he did is horrible and we are all supposed to learn from our mistakes and do better. Let's just hope this helps someone else do better in the future. 2 2points reply Gabby M Gabby M Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Are you gay? Do you have an extremely religious, homophobic family who would disown you if they found out you were gay? If not, then you don't know just how scary it can feel to be outed to your family. His actions were wrong. But I would not call him a textbook manipulator. He clearly has a lot of internalized homophobia to sort through. -13 -13points reply Seabeast Seabeast Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago He told his mother that his wife was responsible for the divorce by not giving him enough sex, throwing her under the bus. He could at the very least have told mommy that the divorce was due to his cheating, without telling her who he was cheating with. 6 6points reply VeninTheNonBinaryRogue VeninTheNonBinaryRogue Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No he doesn’t, it said he’s been dating a man since before he was dating the girl. While it’s not good to out someone, he was manipulative, and that’s not ok. He’s the asshole in this situation, not her. 4 4points reply Stephanie Keith Stephanie Keith Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Gabby, again I to understand what you're saying and how you're feeling. But you're adding how you feel about it. Saying he has internalized homophobia, that's how you feel, you can't say that's how he feels. He could have done all this because of fear and fear alone. I don't know because I don't know the person, neither do you. He was wrong in what he did, period! We probably shouldn't be trying to diagnose anyone seeing how we are not familiar with him and we certainly are not doctors. 0 0points reply Load More Comments POST Ahna Moreau Ahna Moreau Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Sounds like the ex is willing to set her on fire to keep himself warm, so he’s just getting back what he was trying to do to her instead. He doesn’t want to suffer any consequences but he’s willing to use her as a breeder, waste years of her life, harass her to the point of the law getting involved, and then ruin her name in her community to the point she feels she has to move away to get peace and then he wants to cry about losing his shitty family? Bollocks. I’m queer and outing people is normally heinous but this man is a monster. You don’t get to punch people over and over and then cry victim when they knock your ass out. 78 78points reply Marcellus II Marcellus II Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Indeed, he set this up himself. He knows his family so knew MIL would do something like that, he's been building a house of lies so it was on him to add an extra shed of lies to prevent this. Also: Chances are the MIL will not believe he's gay, pure pig-headed unwillingness to face facts is the way to pull through. 6 6points reply Load More Replies... RaroaRaroa RaroaRaroa Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yes. Hiding the truth from his family is understandable on its own, but marrying someone who is oblivious to keep it a secret, and then making the failure of his cover story sound like her doing is despicable. Although no matter what reason he gave, the MIL is going to blame the wife. He cheated - you didn't keep him happy. He's gay - you turned him off women. He was raised by horrible people. It hasn't helped. 0 0points reply David Andrews David Andrews Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I started out reading expecting to have some sympathy for the husband's situation, thinking it would be a case of a man who cannot face who he is, so throws himself into being what he sees as the straight, married with children, but then finds he can't keep living with the pretence. A really shitty thing to do to her, but at least he would have not been intending to hurt her, thinking he could make it work. However the fact that he had a long term partner already shows he knew exactly who he was and was comfortable with it, he just did not want to deal with the effects that would have on his life. She could have just thrown the MIL out her house and said nothing, however he intentionally put the wife in this position, so can deal with the fallout 33 33points reply Sky Render Sky Render Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) I've no sympathy for manipulators, and that man was a textbook manipulator. He deserved to have his web of lies pulled apart, as does anyone who engages in such underhanded behavior. Honesty is a cornerstone of trust, and trust is one of the sustaining pillars of a healthy marriage. Should you topple that pillar, don't be surprised at the consequences of doing so. 31 31points reply Sky Render Sky Render Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago In response to Gabby: yes, I am gay; just ask my wife. Yes, I do have extremely homophobic family; my father saw fit to rape me when I was a child for not being cisgendered, and also constantly slammed gay people when I was growing up. Also, my father was a manipulator who ruined his entire family over the course of 35 years, culminating in an attempted double murder on my mother and I. So kindly don't tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. 2 2points reply Load More Replies... Stephanie Keith Stephanie Keith Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Gabby, You're wrong. He knew exactly what he was doing and manipulated the girl and everyone else. I do understand you wanting people to have empathy and understanding for how he feels as well. I get that, I really do. I just know there are ways to handle every situation to where we don't have to hurt anyone. To intentionally do what he did is horrible and we are all supposed to learn from our mistakes and do better. Let's just hope this helps someone else do better in the future. 2 2points reply Gabby M Gabby M Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Are you gay? Do you have an extremely religious, homophobic family who would disown you if they found out you were gay? If not, then you don't know just how scary it can feel to be outed to your family. His actions were wrong. But I would not call him a textbook manipulator. He clearly has a lot of internalized homophobia to sort through. -13 -13points reply Seabeast Seabeast Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago He told his mother that his wife was responsible for the divorce by not giving him enough sex, throwing her under the bus. He could at the very least have told mommy that the divorce was due to his cheating, without telling her who he was cheating with. 6 6points reply VeninTheNonBinaryRogue VeninTheNonBinaryRogue Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No he doesn’t, it said he’s been dating a man since before he was dating the girl. While it’s not good to out someone, he was manipulative, and that’s not ok. He’s the asshole in this situation, not her. 4 4points reply Stephanie Keith Stephanie Keith Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Gabby, again I to understand what you're saying and how you're feeling. But you're adding how you feel about it. Saying he has internalized homophobia, that's how you feel, you can't say that's how he feels. He could have done all this because of fear and fear alone. I don't know because I don't know the person, neither do you. He was wrong in what he did, period! We probably shouldn't be trying to diagnose anyone seeing how we are not familiar with him and we certainly are not doctors. 0 0points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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