50 Brutal Jokes For People Who Like Dark Humor
50 Brutal Jokes For People Who Like Dark Humor Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda 50 Brutal Jokes For People Who Like Dark Humor Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 348points x Facebook Pinterest Twitter 550Kviews Funny, Jokes10 months ago
Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė
Publish Not your original work? Add source Okay, so we all know that liking dark jokes is a sign of intelligence (and maybe some underlying problems). The darker, more ironical, and satirical is the humor of your preference, the likely higher your IQ. Or, at the very least, that's what I like to think. Liking these dark jokes might also reflect our view of the world. We all know that life tends to get icky at more than one point of its runtime, and it's us taking it in stride and having the courage to laugh at our woes. Well, at least, smirk it all off. Okay, okay, nod it off. Anyway, you probably didn't click on this article to read about the meaning of life, but rather to be amused by our collection of only the very best dark jokes. Sure enough, they'll cover each and every pressing topic you might encounter at some point - from losing your limbs to losing your mind; these cool jokes will leave no stone unturned. So, if your bothers need some relating to, you've come to the right place to make your troubles less and your mood far better. Now, the usual - to check out these clever jokes, you'll have to scroll downward. By letting yourself enjoy these dark humor items, you'll probably feel rather smug, but don't forget about your friends - they might want to borrow that smugness from you, so don't forget to share this article with your folks. Of course, lest you forget, let us remind you to vote for the most hilarious jokes and maybe add in your choice in the comments. I think the steps are all covered, and it's absolutely about time for some laughs! This post may include affiliate links. #1 I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden. Riccardo Falconi Report 561points POST Carlina Cornell Carlina Cornell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago thats funny 84 84points reply View more comments #2 My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals. Report 548points POST AvaFlxwer 1 AvaFlxwer 1 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago bro 93 93points reply View more comments #3 When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates. Glenn Carstens-Peters Report 546points POST Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago It is still a lovely way to show the other person “yes, I have a knife”. 131 131points reply View More Replies... View more comments #4 My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?” engin akyurt Report 538points POST Mica Silvia Mica Silvia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Oh cmon ..this is the best one on here. 109 109points reply View More Replies... View more comments #5 I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Jens Mahnke Report 504points POST glowworm2 glowworm2 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago ? 60 60points reply View more comments #6 Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst. Thgusstavo Santana Report 464points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago So...don’t expect any gifts under the tree? 51 51points reply View More Replies... View more comments #7 You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. Filipe Dos Santos Mendes Report 449points POST Softball05 Softball05 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago well, they're not wrong 84 84points reply View More Replies... View more comments #8 My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right. Rachel Claire Report 443points POST Candia Lee Candia Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This is the first LOL of the bunch for me. Hope others read down this far. 82 82points reply View More Replies... View more comments #9 I'd like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though. Alexander Dummer Report 439points POST PebbleBoy Gaming PebbleBoy Gaming Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Ha ha ha 47 47points reply View more comments #10 When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Report 431points POST Tee Witt Tee Witt Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I found this to be the best one, could not stop laughing, cruel me. 86 86points reply View More Replies... View more comments #11 The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved. Gustavo Fring Report 416points POST Candia Lee Candia Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Why do I appreciate the horrible logic in this? Truth be told, he'll get treatment as a prisoner. 114 114points reply View More Replies... View more comments #12 Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?" Elle Hughes Report 400points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Now call the police 52 52points reply View More Replies... View more comments #13 The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me. George Milton Report 394points POST gpc1965 gpc1965 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Took me a second. Very funny. 64 64points reply View more comments #14 A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone." Anton Atanasov Report 393points POST Valentina Randi Valentina Randi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago hello paranoia my old friend 85 85points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf. Report 390points POST Blue Purple Blue Purple Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago yea probbably 55 55points reply View more comments #16 I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. NIKOLAY OSMACHKO Report 358points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Who would do such thing??? Give this guy a break 73 73points reply View More Replies... View more comments #17 What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where. Skylar Kang Report 345points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Damn!that was good! 74 74points reply View More Replies... View more comments #18 Turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey. Anna Shvets Report 338points POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Me neither. 57 57points reply View More Replies... View more comments #19 A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend." Sebastián León Prado Report 311points POST Carlina Cornell Carlina Cornell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago lmao 43 43points reply View more comments #20 I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer. studmuffin1119 Report 310points POST Jon Dee Jon Dee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago It's a joke.... He is not actually asking what they stand for.... 64 64points reply View More Replies... View more comments #21 As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice. Bernie Almanzar Report 303points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Lol 36 36points reply View more comments #22 I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it. Report 300points POST M. A. McKnight M. A. McKnight Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago *Ouch* 53 53points reply View more comments #23 I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive. NicholasHomann Report 298points POST Lynda Jones Lynda Jones Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Just let it go Buddy 60 60points reply View more comments #24 My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home. Report 296points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Understandable 70 70points reply View more comments #25 My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste." Jonathan Borba Report 293points POST Aahzmandus Pervect Aahzmandus Pervect Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What does that say about the wife? 126 126points reply View More Replies... View more comments #26 My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother. Tima Miroshnichenko Report 284points POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago It happens. 53 53points reply View more comments #27 One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted. Ron Lach Report 279points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago So you don't like your parents saying you are their treasure? 41 41points reply View More Replies... View more comments #28 Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver! Ricardo Esquivel Report 276points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I'm sure the two incidents are not connected 81 81points reply View More Replies... View more comments #29 I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Being a sniper is awesome. Report 276points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago tottaly unrelated right? 37 37points reply View More Replies... View more comments #30 A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue." Karolina Grabowska Report 272points POST gpc1965 gpc1965 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "die a log" 60 60points reply View More Replies... View more comments #31 My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow. Sharon McCutcheon Report 272points POST Valentina Randi Valentina Randi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago reading these while half asleep will make you fully wake up....in an interesting way 59 59points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #32 My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him. Report 272points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago Or suicide. Or car crash. 43 43points reply View More Replies... View more comments #33 Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible. Report 223points POST Brian Bennett Brian Bennett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago We'll never get out alive!!!!!! 7 7points reply View more comments #34 I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution. Report 222points POST Immortal Emperor Paradox Immortal Emperor Paradox Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Similar to comedians in India right now. 44 44points reply View More Replies... View more comments #35 Siri, why am I still single?! *Siri activates front camera* Omid Armin Report 222points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago That's painfully true. 45 45points reply View More Replies... View more comments #36 I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine. Report 217points POST Madre_Dr4gnZFly Madre_Dr4gnZFly Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Ouch. 29 29points reply View More Replies... View more comments #37 Dark humour is like food, not everyone gets it. Pixabay Report 217points POST Ga Di Ga Di Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago yeah, like a kid with cancer - it never grows old 22 22points reply View More Replies... View more comments #38 What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo. Report 210points Elyce POST AppleDragon AppleDragon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago S A V A G E 85 85points reply View more comments #39 "I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days." Report 204points POST Missa Rei Missa Rei Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago *Silence from the patient*........ 59 59points reply View More Replies... View more comments #40 My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both." Report 198points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Somehow I'm 34 and can relate 81 81points reply View More Replies... View more comments #41 Since the pandemic started, my wife just stands there sadly looking through the window. I should probably go let her in. Report 195points POST GalaxyGriffin GalaxyGriffin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Key word "Probably" 36 36points reply View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #42 Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them. Report 182points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago "Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life" sir Terrence Pratchett. 158 158points reply View More Replies... View more comments #43 An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough. Report 181points POST Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago *bonk* 59 59points reply View More Replies... View more comments #44 I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess. Report 180points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago thats true very true 29 29points reply View More Replies... View more comments #45 I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof. Report 177points POST Accio Bacon Accio Bacon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago try sticking a fork in it... 43 43points reply View More Replies... View more comments #46 What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm. Report 173points POST My O My My O My Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yup 37 37points reply View more comments #47 I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once. Report 159points POST Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago oop- 35 35points reply View more comments #48 "Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!" Report 152points POST PenitentEyeball PenitentEyeball Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago “Now where are all the old ones?…” 32 32points reply View more comments #49 Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too. Report 152points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Oh that makes me feel better! 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments #50 Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear. Report 152points POST My O My My O My Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Um. Well. Not all? 62 62points reply View More Replies... View more comments Note: this post originally had 136 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! 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Title Update Miglė Follow Unfollow Miglė Author, Community member This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself. Read more » Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė Author, BoredPanda staff Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.
Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything! Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Both like to crack open a cold one! (: 31 31points reply Joshua HJN Joshua HJN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago oMG 11 11points reply Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Should I feel guilty for laughing at this? Lol. I don't. It was funny. I'm stealing this and using it as an ice breaker next time I meet someone new.. this is actually probably why I don't have friends. Maybe I should change my approach.. then again, why would I want a friend who doesn't find this funny. Lol. 5 5points reply BasedWang BasedWang Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i love you 1 1point reply • ThePurpleAddict • • ThePurpleAddict • Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago thats really good LMAO 0 0points reply Carol Emory Carol Emory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Old man is flying down the freeway in his new corvette. He soon sees a state patrolman behind him with lights on. He takes off driving nearly 100 mph. When the siren sounds, he comes to his senses and pulls over. Before the cop reaches the window, the man apologizes for running. The cop says "I've heard every excuse there is, but if you tell me something original, I'll let you go." The man says "Well you see officer, a few years back, my wife ran off with a state patrolman...so when I saw your lights in the rearview mirror...I thought you were trying to bring her back!" Cop tips his hat "Have a nice day!" 30 30points reply Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Missing my favorite: How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw. Also good: Whats worse than 9 babies in a garbage bin? 1 baby in 9 garbage bins. 24 24points reply BasedWang BasedWang Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago then theres, whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a corvette in my garage 9 9points reply Load More Replies... fuggnuggins fuggnuggins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What about the classic: dead baby. 0 0points reply Freya the Wanderer Freya the Wanderer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Don't get ME started on dead baby jokes! I know a bunch of 'em. 4 4points reply Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago they never get old 7 7points reply Aeon Flux Aeon Flux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Neither do dead babies. 3 3points reply fuggnuggins fuggnuggins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Because they're dead. 1 1point reply Talya Wilson Talya Wilson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago Yeah we got it. 1 1point reply Linda Lee Linda Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago How do you get dead babies off the back of a truck? With a pitchfork. How do you get 100 dead babies in one bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw. 2 2points reply Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Hahaha. 0 0points reply Andrea Careless Andrea Careless Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This is the one dark humour joke I don’t find funny, and I love dark humour. Maybe it’s because I’m a mother. 1 1point reply Joshua HJN Joshua HJN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago WAI BABIES 1 1point reply Ta Zhiah White Ta Zhiah White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 7 months ago WHAT DID THE BABIES DO 0 0points reply Load More Comments POST Jess Ovo Jess Ovo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? .. .. Both like to crack open a cold one! (: 31 31points reply Joshua HJN Joshua HJN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago oMG 11 11points reply Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Should I feel guilty for laughing at this? Lol. I don't. It was funny. I'm stealing this and using it as an ice breaker next time I meet someone new.. this is actually probably why I don't have friends. Maybe I should change my approach.. then again, why would I want a friend who doesn't find this funny. Lol. 5 5points reply BasedWang BasedWang Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i love you 1 1point reply • ThePurpleAddict • • ThePurpleAddict • Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago thats really good LMAO 0 0points reply Carol Emory Carol Emory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Old man is flying down the freeway in his new corvette. He soon sees a state patrolman behind him with lights on. He takes off driving nearly 100 mph. When the siren sounds, he comes to his senses and pulls over. Before the cop reaches the window, the man apologizes for running. The cop says "I've heard every excuse there is, but if you tell me something original, I'll let you go." The man says "Well you see officer, a few years back, my wife ran off with a state patrolman...so when I saw your lights in the rearview mirror...I thought you were trying to bring her back!" Cop tips his hat "Have a nice day!" 30 30points reply Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Missing my favorite: How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw. Also good: Whats worse than 9 babies in a garbage bin? 1 baby in 9 garbage bins. 24 24points reply BasedWang BasedWang Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago then theres, whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a corvette in my garage 9 9points reply Load More Replies... fuggnuggins fuggnuggins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What about the classic: dead baby. 0 0points reply Freya the Wanderer Freya the Wanderer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Don't get ME started on dead baby jokes! I know a bunch of 'em. 4 4points reply Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago they never get old 7 7points reply Aeon Flux Aeon Flux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Neither do dead babies. 3 3points reply fuggnuggins fuggnuggins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Because they're dead. 1 1point reply Talya Wilson Talya Wilson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago Yeah we got it. 1 1point reply Linda Lee Linda Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago How do you get dead babies off the back of a truck? With a pitchfork. How do you get 100 dead babies in one bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw. 2 2points reply Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Hahaha. 0 0points reply Andrea Careless Andrea Careless Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This is the one dark humour joke I don’t find funny, and I love dark humour. Maybe it’s because I’m a mother. 1 1point reply Joshua HJN Joshua HJN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago WAI BABIES 1 1point reply Ta Zhiah White Ta Zhiah White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 7 months ago WHAT DID THE BABIES DO 0 0points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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50 Brutal Jokes For People Who Like Dark Humor
550Kviews Miglė andJustė Kairytė - Barkauskienė
Publish Not your original work? Add source Okay, so we all know that liking dark jokes is a sign of intelligence (and maybe some underlying problems). The darker, more ironical, and satirical is the humor of your preference, the likely higher your IQ. Or, at the very least, that's what I like to think. Liking these dark jokes might also reflect our view of the world. We all know that life tends to get icky at more than one point of its runtime, and it's us taking it in stride and having the courage to laugh at our woes. Well, at least, smirk it all off. Okay, okay, nod it off. Anyway, you probably didn't click on this article to read about the meaning of life, but rather to be amused by our collection of only the very best dark jokes. Sure enough, they'll cover each and every pressing topic you might encounter at some point - from losing your limbs to losing your mind; these cool jokes will leave no stone unturned. So, if your bothers need some relating to, you've come to the right place to make your troubles less and your mood far better. Now, the usual - to check out these clever jokes, you'll have to scroll downward. By letting yourself enjoy these dark humor items, you'll probably feel rather smug, but don't forget about your friends - they might want to borrow that smugness from you, so don't forget to share this article with your folks. Of course, lest you forget, let us remind you to vote for the most hilarious jokes and maybe add in your choice in the comments. I think the steps are all covered, and it's absolutely about time for some laughs! This post may include affiliate links. #1 I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden. Riccardo Falconi Report 561points POST Carlina Cornell Carlina Cornell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago thats funny 84 84points reply View more comments #2 My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals. Report 548points POST AvaFlxwer 1 AvaFlxwer 1 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago bro 93 93points reply View more comments #3 When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates. Glenn Carstens-Peters Report 546points POST Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago It is still a lovely way to show the other person “yes, I have a knife”. 131 131points reply View More Replies... View more comments #4 My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?” engin akyurt Report 538points POST Mica Silvia Mica Silvia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Oh cmon ..this is the best one on here. 109 109points reply View More Replies... View more comments #5 I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Jens Mahnke Report 504points POST glowworm2 glowworm2 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago ? 60 60points reply View more comments #6 Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst. Thgusstavo Santana Report 464points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago So...don’t expect any gifts under the tree? 51 51points reply View More Replies... View more comments #7 You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. Filipe Dos Santos Mendes Report 449points POST Softball05 Softball05 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago well, they're not wrong 84 84points reply View More Replies... View more comments #8 My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right. Rachel Claire Report 443points POST Candia Lee Candia Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This is the first LOL of the bunch for me. Hope others read down this far. 82 82points reply View More Replies... View more comments #9 I'd like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though. Alexander Dummer Report 439points POST PebbleBoy Gaming PebbleBoy Gaming Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Ha ha ha 47 47points reply View more comments #10 When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Report 431points POST Tee Witt Tee Witt Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I found this to be the best one, could not stop laughing, cruel me. 86 86points reply View More Replies... View more comments #11 The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved. Gustavo Fring Report 416points POST Candia Lee Candia Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Why do I appreciate the horrible logic in this? Truth be told, he'll get treatment as a prisoner. 114 114points reply View More Replies... View more comments #12 Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?" Elle Hughes Report 400points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Now call the police 52 52points reply View More Replies... View more comments #13 The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me. George Milton Report 394points POST gpc1965 gpc1965 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Took me a second. Very funny. 64 64points reply View more comments #14 A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone." Anton Atanasov Report 393points POST Valentina Randi Valentina Randi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago hello paranoia my old friend 85 85points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf. Report 390points POST Blue Purple Blue Purple Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago yea probbably 55 55points reply View more comments #16 I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. NIKOLAY OSMACHKO Report 358points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Who would do such thing??? Give this guy a break 73 73points reply View More Replies... View more comments #17 What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where. Skylar Kang Report 345points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Damn!that was good! 74 74points reply View More Replies... View more comments #18 Turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey. Anna Shvets Report 338points POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Me neither. 57 57points reply View More Replies... View more comments #19 A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend." Sebastián León Prado Report 311points POST Carlina Cornell Carlina Cornell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago lmao 43 43points reply View more comments #20 I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer. studmuffin1119 Report 310points POST Jon Dee Jon Dee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago It's a joke.... He is not actually asking what they stand for.... 64 64points reply View More Replies... View more comments #21 As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice. Bernie Almanzar Report 303points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Lol 36 36points reply View more comments #22 I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it. Report 300points POST M. A. McKnight M. A. McKnight Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago *Ouch* 53 53points reply View more comments #23 I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive. NicholasHomann Report 298points POST Lynda Jones Lynda Jones Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Just let it go Buddy 60 60points reply View more comments #24 My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home. Report 296points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Understandable 70 70points reply View more comments #25 My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste." Jonathan Borba Report 293points POST Aahzmandus Pervect Aahzmandus Pervect Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What does that say about the wife? 126 126points reply View More Replies... View more comments #26 My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother. Tima Miroshnichenko Report 284points POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago It happens. 53 53points reply View more comments #27 One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted. Ron Lach Report 279points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago So you don't like your parents saying you are their treasure? 41 41points reply View More Replies... View more comments #28 Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver! Ricardo Esquivel Report 276points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I'm sure the two incidents are not connected 81 81points reply View More Replies... View more comments #29 I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Being a sniper is awesome. Report 276points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago tottaly unrelated right? 37 37points reply View More Replies... View more comments #30 A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue." Karolina Grabowska Report 272points POST gpc1965 gpc1965 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "die a log" 60 60points reply View More Replies... View more comments #31 My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow. Sharon McCutcheon Report 272points POST Valentina Randi Valentina Randi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago reading these while half asleep will make you fully wake up....in an interesting way 59 59points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #32 My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him. Report 272points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago Or suicide. Or car crash. 43 43points reply View More Replies... View more comments #33 Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible. Report 223points POST Brian Bennett Brian Bennett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago We'll never get out alive!!!!!! 7 7points reply View more comments #34 I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution. Report 222points POST Immortal Emperor Paradox Immortal Emperor Paradox Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Similar to comedians in India right now. 44 44points reply View More Replies... View more comments #35 Siri, why am I still single?! *Siri activates front camera* Omid Armin Report 222points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago That's painfully true. 45 45points reply View More Replies... View more comments #36 I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine. Report 217points POST Madre_Dr4gnZFly Madre_Dr4gnZFly Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Ouch. 29 29points reply View More Replies... View more comments #37 Dark humour is like food, not everyone gets it. Pixabay Report 217points POST Ga Di Ga Di Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago yeah, like a kid with cancer - it never grows old 22 22points reply View More Replies... View more comments #38 What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo. Report 210points Elyce POST AppleDragon AppleDragon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago S A V A G E 85 85points reply View more comments #39 "I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days." Report 204points POST Missa Rei Missa Rei Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago *Silence from the patient*........ 59 59points reply View More Replies... View more comments #40 My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both." Report 198points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Somehow I'm 34 and can relate 81 81points reply View More Replies... View more comments #41 Since the pandemic started, my wife just stands there sadly looking through the window. I should probably go let her in. Report 195points POST GalaxyGriffin GalaxyGriffin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Key word "Probably" 36 36points reply View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #42 Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them. Report 182points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago "Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life" sir Terrence Pratchett. 158 158points reply View More Replies... View more comments #43 An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough. Report 181points POST Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago *bonk* 59 59points reply View More Replies... View more comments #44 I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess. Report 180points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago thats true very true 29 29points reply View More Replies... View more comments #45 I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof. Report 177points POST Accio Bacon Accio Bacon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago try sticking a fork in it... 43 43points reply View More Replies... View more comments #46 What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm. Report 173points POST My O My My O My Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yup 37 37points reply View more comments #47 I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once. Report 159points POST Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago oop- 35 35points reply View more comments #48 "Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!" Report 152points POST PenitentEyeball PenitentEyeball Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago “Now where are all the old ones?…” 32 32points reply View more comments #49 Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too. Report 152points POST Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Oh that makes me feel better! 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments #50 Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear. Report 152points POST My O My My O My Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Um. Well. Not all? 62 62points reply View More Replies... View more comments Note: this post originally had 136 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Miglė Follow Unfollow Miglė Author, Community member This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself. Read more » Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė Author, BoredPanda staff Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.
Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything! Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like 80 Of The Funniest Puns Ever Akvile Petraityte 100 Country Jokes To Kindle Your Wanderlust Saimonas Lukošius 50 Times People Saw Hilarious Puns And Just Had To Share Them On This Dedicated Online Group Austėja Akavickaitė Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life Add your comment POST Jess Ovo Jess Ovo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? .. .. Both like to crack open a cold one! (: 31 31points reply Joshua HJN Joshua HJN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago oMG 11 11points reply Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Should I feel guilty for laughing at this? Lol. I don't. It was funny. I'm stealing this and using it as an ice breaker next time I meet someone new.. this is actually probably why I don't have friends. Maybe I should change my approach.. then again, why would I want a friend who doesn't find this funny. Lol. 5 5points reply BasedWang BasedWang Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i love you 1 1point reply • ThePurpleAddict • • ThePurpleAddict • Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago thats really good LMAO 0 0points reply Carol Emory Carol Emory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Old man is flying down the freeway in his new corvette. He soon sees a state patrolman behind him with lights on. He takes off driving nearly 100 mph. When the siren sounds, he comes to his senses and pulls over. Before the cop reaches the window, the man apologizes for running. The cop says "I've heard every excuse there is, but if you tell me something original, I'll let you go." The man says "Well you see officer, a few years back, my wife ran off with a state patrolman...so when I saw your lights in the rearview mirror...I thought you were trying to bring her back!" Cop tips his hat "Have a nice day!" 30 30points reply Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Missing my favorite: How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw. Also good: Whats worse than 9 babies in a garbage bin? 1 baby in 9 garbage bins. 24 24points reply BasedWang BasedWang Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago then theres, whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a corvette in my garage 9 9points reply Load More Replies... fuggnuggins fuggnuggins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What about the classic: dead baby. 0 0points reply Freya the Wanderer Freya the Wanderer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Don't get ME started on dead baby jokes! I know a bunch of 'em. 4 4points reply Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago they never get old 7 7points reply Aeon Flux Aeon Flux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Neither do dead babies. 3 3points reply fuggnuggins fuggnuggins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Because they're dead. 1 1point reply Talya Wilson Talya Wilson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago Yeah we got it. 1 1point reply Linda Lee Linda Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago How do you get dead babies off the back of a truck? With a pitchfork. How do you get 100 dead babies in one bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw. 2 2points reply Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Hahaha. 0 0points reply Andrea Careless Andrea Careless Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This is the one dark humour joke I don’t find funny, and I love dark humour. Maybe it’s because I’m a mother. 1 1point reply Joshua HJN Joshua HJN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago WAI BABIES 1 1point reply Ta Zhiah White Ta Zhiah White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 7 months ago WHAT DID THE BABIES DO 0 0points reply Load More Comments POST Jess Ovo Jess Ovo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? .. .. Both like to crack open a cold one! (: 31 31points reply Joshua HJN Joshua HJN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago oMG 11 11points reply Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Should I feel guilty for laughing at this? Lol. I don't. It was funny. I'm stealing this and using it as an ice breaker next time I meet someone new.. this is actually probably why I don't have friends. Maybe I should change my approach.. then again, why would I want a friend who doesn't find this funny. Lol. 5 5points reply BasedWang BasedWang Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i love you 1 1point reply • ThePurpleAddict • • ThePurpleAddict • Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago thats really good LMAO 0 0points reply Carol Emory Carol Emory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Old man is flying down the freeway in his new corvette. He soon sees a state patrolman behind him with lights on. He takes off driving nearly 100 mph. When the siren sounds, he comes to his senses and pulls over. Before the cop reaches the window, the man apologizes for running. The cop says "I've heard every excuse there is, but if you tell me something original, I'll let you go." The man says "Well you see officer, a few years back, my wife ran off with a state patrolman...so when I saw your lights in the rearview mirror...I thought you were trying to bring her back!" Cop tips his hat "Have a nice day!" 30 30points reply Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Missing my favorite: How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw. Also good: Whats worse than 9 babies in a garbage bin? 1 baby in 9 garbage bins. 24 24points reply BasedWang BasedWang Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago then theres, whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a corvette in my garage 9 9points reply Load More Replies... fuggnuggins fuggnuggins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago What about the classic: dead baby. 0 0points reply Freya the Wanderer Freya the Wanderer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Don't get ME started on dead baby jokes! I know a bunch of 'em. 4 4points reply Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago they never get old 7 7points reply Aeon Flux Aeon Flux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Neither do dead babies. 3 3points reply fuggnuggins fuggnuggins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Because they're dead. 1 1point reply Talya Wilson Talya Wilson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago Yeah we got it. 1 1point reply Linda Lee Linda Lee Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago How do you get dead babies off the back of a truck? With a pitchfork. How do you get 100 dead babies in one bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw. 2 2points reply Kanuli Kanuli Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Hahaha. 0 0points reply Andrea Careless Andrea Careless Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This is the one dark humour joke I don’t find funny, and I love dark humour. Maybe it’s because I’m a mother. 1 1point reply Joshua HJN Joshua HJN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago WAI BABIES 1 1point reply Ta Zhiah White Ta Zhiah White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 7 months ago WHAT DID THE BABIES DO 0 0points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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