Mom Is Expecting Her Younger Daughter To Make Her Mentally Ill Daughter Her Bridesmaid But The Bride To Be Can t See That Happening
Mom Is Expecting Her Younger Daughter To Make Her Mentally Ill Daughter Her Bridesmaid, But The Bride-To-Be Can't See That Happening Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree Bored Panda iOS App Available on App Store Continue in App Bored Panda Android App Available on Google Play Continue in App By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda Mom Is Expecting Her Younger Daughter To Make Her Mentally Ill Daughter Her Bridesmaid But The Bride-To-Be Can t See That Happening Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 132points 2.2K Occasions, People10 months ago
Saulė Tolstych
It's hard having someone in the family that isn't very capable of taking care of themselves as then your whole life revolves around that person, not leaving much room for your own needs. You can't really run away from it, especially if you're living together and even if you refuse to be the caretaker, knowing that you're abandoning a family member can make you feel really guilty and cause friction with other family members. Reddit user TiredSister87524 has to face this dilemma herself because she has a mentally ill sister that she has taken care of for her whole life. And now that she is getting married, she is expected to make the sister a bridesmaid; however, she would rather not and is asking if she's a terrible sister for that. More info: Reddit
She is a positive and hard-working panda. In her spare time this panda likes to read, learn new languages and go for long walks. Her favorite writer is Umberto Eco and she will trade bamboo for strawberries. Read more » Saulė Tolstych Follow Unfollow Saulė Tolstych Author, BoredPanda staff Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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I may have mental health issues but I wouldn't dream of doing the things Op's sister has done to OP, that's just cruelty, we don't know the full story so I hate to assume, but in any case, OP isn't responsible for her sister, even if anything did happen to their mother (there are assisted living places for this kind of thing) and whilst I understand it isn't nice to be rejected, OP can have whoever she wants as her bridesmaids, family is never entitled to a role like that. I do feel for the sister but if the behaviour is that bad, then it's honestly a risk having her there at all, at least OP isn't barring her from the wedding completely - though she does have the right to do so, as it's her wedding. 86 86points reply Pernille Dyre Pernille Dyre Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Thank you. The family is wrong in so many ways - they have used OP for years.... And as a person with diagnoses - you know... 21 21points reply Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I feel like this is quite common in families like this. Like, the person who isn't neurotypical always gets an easy out while the rest of the siblings have to pay for that child's consequences. It was definitely the case in my family... and just because your sibling has "issues" it doesn't mean they're not responsible for their actions. When parents allow this behavior to go on and they create this world of "they can do no wrong because they're not neurotypical" that person usually becomes entitled and pushes rhe boundaries knowing they won't have any repercussions. The family is wrong and OP deserves their own life... their perfect day and their own future free from the confines of their siblings issues. Sharing Blood doesn't mean we are obligated to be one another permanent care takers... I hate this idea. Why should you have to compromise on your dreams just because someone in your family can't take care of themselves. Some ppl want to.. but you shouldn't be obligated 6 6points reply Dodo Dodo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago Yup. My sister has a severe mental health issue and she gets away with so much because of it. I've let her get away with so much because of it. She has no concept of boundaries and as much as I try to enforce them, I have my own mental health issues, I get exhausted trying to police her behaviour every single time we interact. We've all given her a free pass for far too long and it's made it harder to fix - and that's exactly what I see when I read this story. 6 6points reply Tobias Rieper Tobias Rieper Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i completely agree i have mental health issues and whilst i get its not someone's fault they are responsible for their own actions and using mental health as a way to do what you want is not cool and is the reason for the stigma that having mental health issues brings sometimes too many people play the mental health card when they dont have issues just to get out of doing something or as an excuse for something. definitely NTA 5 5points reply Romenriel Romenriel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Is it possible that the sister has some personality disorder that makes her behave that way? 1 1point reply Leo Domitrix Leo Domitrix Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago @Romenriel, it's possible, but a bride should still be allowed to say no to whomever she wants ------ and my sis only wanted me in her bridal party to even up the numbers, and said so, and yeah, it sucked, but I already knew we didn't get along, so not a shocker. 8 8points reply Sarah Sarah Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The headline here is misleading. Realy, it ought to be titled "Woman does not want her sister, whom she isn't close to and doesn't like, in her wedding party". Mental illness or not, if you aren't close with someone you just aren't close. Sounds like her family thinks she should be in the wedding party because it's the expected thing to do, not because the sisters have any kind of special relationship. 46 46points reply Marcellus II Marcellus II Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The mad illusion that she could somehow turn her into a non-disruptive 'regular guest', though... 24 24points reply Load More Replies... Auntriarch Auntriarch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Absolutely, if she's there in any capacity, she will wreck the wedding. And the rest of the family will let her. And blame the OP 6 6points reply Bryn Bryn Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "Woman doesn't want narcissistic sister to be a bridesmaid" 8 8points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) So much wrong here. Why did the OP drive for 4 hrs instead of just calling the police for the sister's threat to jump off the bridge? The OP should get some counseling to overcome any guilt she feels. If I were in her shoes, I'd be tempted to just elope. If she does have the sister in the wedding party, she should make one of her brother's promise to watch over her to prevent any issues. The mother should flat out tell the sister that any 'bad behaviour' will not be tolerated and if it occurs, she will taken home by the brother. 33 33points reply Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) [Edited for misread content:] The ideal thing is for the bride to talk to her parents and brothers and say that the only way the sister is allowed at the wedding is if a parent or brother agrees to remove her if she becomes disruptive. Which will be a huge problem if the parents are paying for the wedding. And I bet you anything there's fierce resistance to this, the brothers do NOT want to take any responsibility for the problem child, and the parents DO want to get out of the house and enjoy themselves for once. 14 14points reply Load More Replies... Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And if the parents *are* paying for the wedding, then the bride needs to keep an alternate elopement plan in place, if the parents refuse to make any plan to keep the sister from being a problem. 7 7points reply Katchen Katchen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Parent, singular. OP’s father is dead. 4 4points reply Amber Tyler Amber Tyler Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) If the "troubled sister" is as bad as it sounds I'm pretty sure that the sad truth is the Bride and her Groom are paying for their own Wedding. And regardless of who's paying for it the wedding party is entirely up to the bride and groom and only the bride and groom.. Have the Maid or Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids YOU WANT! I folded on EVERY RIDICULOUS thing that my mother wanted and SHE STILL WASN'T HAPPY! I'm the one filled with regrets I gave up the dress, MOH, my chosen hair style and the mentally ill person was my mother and she still caused her scene and tried her hardest to make my day ALL ABOUT HER. FOLLOW YOUR HEART IT'S YOUR WEDDING DO IT THE WAY YOU AND YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WANT. IN THE END YOU'LL BE HAPPY YOU DID! Please don't live to regret the choice to please everyone else IT'S NOT THEIR WEDDING 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I have to consider that the whole family needs therapy. Seriously. If you're hoping to get a special job and you don't especially like or care about your sister, why sabotage that job by driving to your sister? Call the police to send a crisis team and go to the job interview. Or, did she fear she wouldn't get the job and so her sister became the excuse for not even trying? -5 -5points reply Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Well it's like this. If you can hang up on your suicidal sister in crisis, and go to the interview and ace the interview, and be proud of getting the job even though it came at the cost of your sister killing herself... you aren't a normal human being. You're a sociopath or a Republican. -1 -1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No one said anything about hanging up on her. I'm not sure where you even got that? What I said was this - help will get to the sister before she could when she's 4 hours away. Suppose the car broke down or the sister got into an accident and never reached the suicidal one at all? In addition, the 'mentally ill' one might just be pulling more of her bad behaviour like she did by sleeping with her boyfriend, racking up $10 grand on her credit card and telling another boyfriend that she cheated on him. So many people here have stated her behaviours seem to be excused by her saying she's mentally ill so what are the chances that she deliberately tried to mess up the job interview like she deliberately slept with a boyfriend, lied to another boyfriend and racked up thousands of dollars on someone else's credit card? She sounds like an anti-social psychopath. 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yes, we don't know who is paying for the wedding, but it needs to be made clear that someone will remove her if she starts acting out. Hire someone - an adult babysitter of sorts. We don't know that the mom doesn't get out of the house...she might go to the pub and take the daughter with her for all we know. I've seen that done with mentally ill children/adult children when the parent(s) decide they aren't going to stay home all the time. Unfortunately, often when the adult takes the child to the pub, the adult allows the child to drink/sneak a sip of their drink too, which isn't a good thing when they're on psych meds. 0 0points reply Sakura Sakura Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago About the first thing, sometimes when someone's having a mental breakdown, calling the cops is a very, very bad idea. First off (I'm assuming this is in America), cops can be very trigger-happy. There are numerous cases of cops killing mentally ill people because they are not trained to help them, and are instead trained to 'remove threats'. So if someone who is mentally unstable were to lunge at the cops or move unpredictably, the cop might kill them. This happens fairly frequently in the US, and there's not very much accountability for it. Also, someone who's in a dangerous psychological position could panic and hurt themselves if confronted by cops, as it will startle them. So if this is happening in the US, that's probably why. (Some other countries likely have cops that can deal with this, but in the US the cops are pretty much a paramilitary force.) 8 8points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Just going to C&P what I said above. I'm in the USA. If someone told me they were going to jump off of a bridge, I wouldn't say, "Hey, can you wait 4 hrs til I get there." I'd be calling the police because you have no guarantee that the person will not decompensate in the time it takes to drive there for 4 hrs. Police can and do call crisis teams. I used to work in a psychiatric hospital and my hubby does EMS work. Time is of the essence with suicidal people. 1 1point reply Sakura Sakura Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The problem is, there have been too many cases where cops get called to help someone in a mental crisis, and they end up killing the person in the mental crisis. It's not uncommon, and there is very little accountability. 1 1point reply Cheryl Goins Cheryl Goins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And the cops don't always go - you call the cops who, in turn, can and do call the crisis team. If you're 4 hours away, you call someone. You don't trust that the person can/will hold their impulse, your car won't break down or you won't have an accident and not get there at all. Four hours is far when a life is at stake. 0 0points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I agree with the counseling. As for calling the police - it does not always end well. Some people in crisis will become paranoid if strangers approach them, especially if in uniform. Some police are patient, sensitive, and capable when dealing with someone having a crisis, others will escalate the tension or treat the mentally ill like a deadly threat. 6 6points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If someone told me they were going to jump off of a bridge, I wouldn't say, "Hey, can you wait 4 hrs til I get there." I'd be calling the police because you have no guarantee that the person will not decompensate in the time it takes to drive there for 4 hrs. Police can and do call crisis teams. I used to work in a psychiatric hospital and my hubby does EMS work. Time is of the essence with suicidal people. 3 3points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) That's a good point, WildBerry, regarding the urgency of the situation. I may have been influenced by several cases of badly handled situations reported in the media. Those make the news. The time I talked a woman into letting two cops drive her to the hospital isn't going be a headline. One of my colleagues worked in a psychiatric ward. It could be heartbreaking -- when suicidal people were released, some were happy to be saved and some were looking forward to ending it all. 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Vivane - I think you just touched upon something --- the media doesn't tell us about all of the times police help people. Here, our EMS often works hand in hand with the police because it's very rural. I should have written a book about some of my experiences working in psych. Many were very sad, some were touching and some were outright joyous. The human mind !! :-) 0 0points reply Samhhain Cat Samhhain Cat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My brother got married on top of a mountain with his now-wife, two other people, and the justice of the peace, just so he could get married without my mother being there. It meant I wasn't able to go either, but it was HIS day and I'm proud of him that he did it right for him. 4 4points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Samhhain Cat - that's very nice that you can be understanding that it was his day. I admire you for it. :-) 2 2points reply Josephine Josephine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago WildBerry. You took the words out of my literal mouth. I told my phone to "elope and forget them for a day". All the OP is going to have is a memory that will make her want a "do over" if she tries to have a wedding for these people. 3 3points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Josephine - Eloping might be safer as far as not having to deal with her sister and her mother's wrath about the sister. But this is a tough call because she truly wants to have family there. Perhaps elope and then have a small but elegant dinner with her immediate family and her husband's family that includes her sister? Keeping the number of people down at the dinner might be something that the sister would handle better too. :-) 2 2points reply ERIKA H. ERIKA H. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If only it were all that easy 1 1point reply Leodavinci Leodavinci Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I have to agree. In my experience, it's nearly impossible to have a family member, who is ordinarily non-involved, actually do something that they are not accustomed to doing... and do it properly. When something inevitably goes wrong the excuses are always "I just turned around for a moment" or "Things seemed to be okay" or "You're over reacting". 4 4points reply Load More Comments POST RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Speaking as someone with pretty severe mental health issues myself (Schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome) It honestly sounds like OP's sister has always been allowed to get away with things because "oh she has issues", that shouldn't be the case. I may have mental health issues but I wouldn't dream of doing the things Op's sister has done to OP, that's just cruelty, we don't know the full story so I hate to assume, but in any case, OP isn't responsible for her sister, even if anything did happen to their mother (there are assisted living places for this kind of thing) and whilst I understand it isn't nice to be rejected, OP can have whoever she wants as her bridesmaids, family is never entitled to a role like that. I do feel for the sister but if the behaviour is that bad, then it's honestly a risk having her there at all, at least OP isn't barring her from the wedding completely - though she does have the right to do so, as it's her wedding. 86 86points reply Pernille Dyre Pernille Dyre Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Thank you. The family is wrong in so many ways - they have used OP for years.... And as a person with diagnoses - you know... 21 21points reply Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I feel like this is quite common in families like this. Like, the person who isn't neurotypical always gets an easy out while the rest of the siblings have to pay for that child's consequences. It was definitely the case in my family... and just because your sibling has "issues" it doesn't mean they're not responsible for their actions. When parents allow this behavior to go on and they create this world of "they can do no wrong because they're not neurotypical" that person usually becomes entitled and pushes rhe boundaries knowing they won't have any repercussions. The family is wrong and OP deserves their own life... their perfect day and their own future free from the confines of their siblings issues. Sharing Blood doesn't mean we are obligated to be one another permanent care takers... I hate this idea. Why should you have to compromise on your dreams just because someone in your family can't take care of themselves. Some ppl want to.. but you shouldn't be obligated 6 6points reply Dodo Dodo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago Yup. My sister has a severe mental health issue and she gets away with so much because of it. I've let her get away with so much because of it. She has no concept of boundaries and as much as I try to enforce them, I have my own mental health issues, I get exhausted trying to police her behaviour every single time we interact. We've all given her a free pass for far too long and it's made it harder to fix - and that's exactly what I see when I read this story. 6 6points reply Tobias Rieper Tobias Rieper Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i completely agree i have mental health issues and whilst i get its not someone's fault they are responsible for their own actions and using mental health as a way to do what you want is not cool and is the reason for the stigma that having mental health issues brings sometimes too many people play the mental health card when they dont have issues just to get out of doing something or as an excuse for something. definitely NTA 5 5points reply Romenriel Romenriel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Is it possible that the sister has some personality disorder that makes her behave that way? 1 1point reply Leo Domitrix Leo Domitrix Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago @Romenriel, it's possible, but a bride should still be allowed to say no to whomever she wants ------ and my sis only wanted me in her bridal party to even up the numbers, and said so, and yeah, it sucked, but I already knew we didn't get along, so not a shocker. 8 8points reply Sarah Sarah Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The headline here is misleading. Realy, it ought to be titled "Woman does not want her sister, whom she isn't close to and doesn't like, in her wedding party". Mental illness or not, if you aren't close with someone you just aren't close. Sounds like her family thinks she should be in the wedding party because it's the expected thing to do, not because the sisters have any kind of special relationship. 46 46points reply Marcellus II Marcellus II Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The mad illusion that she could somehow turn her into a non-disruptive 'regular guest', though... 24 24points reply Load More Replies... Auntriarch Auntriarch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Absolutely, if she's there in any capacity, she will wreck the wedding. And the rest of the family will let her. And blame the OP 6 6points reply Bryn Bryn Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "Woman doesn't want narcissistic sister to be a bridesmaid" 8 8points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) So much wrong here. Why did the OP drive for 4 hrs instead of just calling the police for the sister's threat to jump off the bridge? The OP should get some counseling to overcome any guilt she feels. If I were in her shoes, I'd be tempted to just elope. If she does have the sister in the wedding party, she should make one of her brother's promise to watch over her to prevent any issues. The mother should flat out tell the sister that any 'bad behaviour' will not be tolerated and if it occurs, she will taken home by the brother. 33 33points reply Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) [Edited for misread content:] The ideal thing is for the bride to talk to her parents and brothers and say that the only way the sister is allowed at the wedding is if a parent or brother agrees to remove her if she becomes disruptive. Which will be a huge problem if the parents are paying for the wedding. And I bet you anything there's fierce resistance to this, the brothers do NOT want to take any responsibility for the problem child, and the parents DO want to get out of the house and enjoy themselves for once. 14 14points reply Load More Replies... Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And if the parents *are* paying for the wedding, then the bride needs to keep an alternate elopement plan in place, if the parents refuse to make any plan to keep the sister from being a problem. 7 7points reply Katchen Katchen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Parent, singular. OP’s father is dead. 4 4points reply Amber Tyler Amber Tyler Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) If the "troubled sister" is as bad as it sounds I'm pretty sure that the sad truth is the Bride and her Groom are paying for their own Wedding. And regardless of who's paying for it the wedding party is entirely up to the bride and groom and only the bride and groom.. Have the Maid or Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids YOU WANT! I folded on EVERY RIDICULOUS thing that my mother wanted and SHE STILL WASN'T HAPPY! I'm the one filled with regrets I gave up the dress, MOH, my chosen hair style and the mentally ill person was my mother and she still caused her scene and tried her hardest to make my day ALL ABOUT HER. FOLLOW YOUR HEART IT'S YOUR WEDDING DO IT THE WAY YOU AND YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WANT. IN THE END YOU'LL BE HAPPY YOU DID! Please don't live to regret the choice to please everyone else IT'S NOT THEIR WEDDING 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I have to consider that the whole family needs therapy. Seriously. If you're hoping to get a special job and you don't especially like or care about your sister, why sabotage that job by driving to your sister? Call the police to send a crisis team and go to the job interview. Or, did she fear she wouldn't get the job and so her sister became the excuse for not even trying? -5 -5points reply Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Well it's like this. If you can hang up on your suicidal sister in crisis, and go to the interview and ace the interview, and be proud of getting the job even though it came at the cost of your sister killing herself... you aren't a normal human being. You're a sociopath or a Republican. -1 -1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No one said anything about hanging up on her. I'm not sure where you even got that? What I said was this - help will get to the sister before she could when she's 4 hours away. Suppose the car broke down or the sister got into an accident and never reached the suicidal one at all? In addition, the 'mentally ill' one might just be pulling more of her bad behaviour like she did by sleeping with her boyfriend, racking up $10 grand on her credit card and telling another boyfriend that she cheated on him. So many people here have stated her behaviours seem to be excused by her saying she's mentally ill so what are the chances that she deliberately tried to mess up the job interview like she deliberately slept with a boyfriend, lied to another boyfriend and racked up thousands of dollars on someone else's credit card? She sounds like an anti-social psychopath. 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yes, we don't know who is paying for the wedding, but it needs to be made clear that someone will remove her if she starts acting out. Hire someone - an adult babysitter of sorts. We don't know that the mom doesn't get out of the house...she might go to the pub and take the daughter with her for all we know. I've seen that done with mentally ill children/adult children when the parent(s) decide they aren't going to stay home all the time. Unfortunately, often when the adult takes the child to the pub, the adult allows the child to drink/sneak a sip of their drink too, which isn't a good thing when they're on psych meds. 0 0points reply Sakura Sakura Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago About the first thing, sometimes when someone's having a mental breakdown, calling the cops is a very, very bad idea. First off (I'm assuming this is in America), cops can be very trigger-happy. There are numerous cases of cops killing mentally ill people because they are not trained to help them, and are instead trained to 'remove threats'. So if someone who is mentally unstable were to lunge at the cops or move unpredictably, the cop might kill them. This happens fairly frequently in the US, and there's not very much accountability for it. Also, someone who's in a dangerous psychological position could panic and hurt themselves if confronted by cops, as it will startle them. So if this is happening in the US, that's probably why. (Some other countries likely have cops that can deal with this, but in the US the cops are pretty much a paramilitary force.) 8 8points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Just going to C&P what I said above. I'm in the USA. If someone told me they were going to jump off of a bridge, I wouldn't say, "Hey, can you wait 4 hrs til I get there." I'd be calling the police because you have no guarantee that the person will not decompensate in the time it takes to drive there for 4 hrs. Police can and do call crisis teams. I used to work in a psychiatric hospital and my hubby does EMS work. Time is of the essence with suicidal people. 1 1point reply Sakura Sakura Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The problem is, there have been too many cases where cops get called to help someone in a mental crisis, and they end up killing the person in the mental crisis. It's not uncommon, and there is very little accountability. 1 1point reply Cheryl Goins Cheryl Goins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And the cops don't always go - you call the cops who, in turn, can and do call the crisis team. If you're 4 hours away, you call someone. You don't trust that the person can/will hold their impulse, your car won't break down or you won't have an accident and not get there at all. Four hours is far when a life is at stake. 0 0points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I agree with the counseling. As for calling the police - it does not always end well. Some people in crisis will become paranoid if strangers approach them, especially if in uniform. Some police are patient, sensitive, and capable when dealing with someone having a crisis, others will escalate the tension or treat the mentally ill like a deadly threat. 6 6points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If someone told me they were going to jump off of a bridge, I wouldn't say, "Hey, can you wait 4 hrs til I get there." I'd be calling the police because you have no guarantee that the person will not decompensate in the time it takes to drive there for 4 hrs. Police can and do call crisis teams. I used to work in a psychiatric hospital and my hubby does EMS work. Time is of the essence with suicidal people. 3 3points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) That's a good point, WildBerry, regarding the urgency of the situation. I may have been influenced by several cases of badly handled situations reported in the media. Those make the news. The time I talked a woman into letting two cops drive her to the hospital isn't going be a headline. One of my colleagues worked in a psychiatric ward. It could be heartbreaking -- when suicidal people were released, some were happy to be saved and some were looking forward to ending it all. 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Vivane - I think you just touched upon something --- the media doesn't tell us about all of the times police help people. Here, our EMS often works hand in hand with the police because it's very rural. I should have written a book about some of my experiences working in psych. Many were very sad, some were touching and some were outright joyous. The human mind !! :-) 0 0points reply Samhhain Cat Samhhain Cat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My brother got married on top of a mountain with his now-wife, two other people, and the justice of the peace, just so he could get married without my mother being there. It meant I wasn't able to go either, but it was HIS day and I'm proud of him that he did it right for him. 4 4points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Samhhain Cat - that's very nice that you can be understanding that it was his day. I admire you for it. :-) 2 2points reply Josephine Josephine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago WildBerry. You took the words out of my literal mouth. I told my phone to "elope and forget them for a day". All the OP is going to have is a memory that will make her want a "do over" if she tries to have a wedding for these people. 3 3points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Josephine - Eloping might be safer as far as not having to deal with her sister and her mother's wrath about the sister. But this is a tough call because she truly wants to have family there. Perhaps elope and then have a small but elegant dinner with her immediate family and her husband's family that includes her sister? Keeping the number of people down at the dinner might be something that the sister would handle better too. :-) 2 2points reply ERIKA H. ERIKA H. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If only it were all that easy 1 1point reply Leodavinci Leodavinci Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I have to agree. In my experience, it's nearly impossible to have a family member, who is ordinarily non-involved, actually do something that they are not accustomed to doing... and do it properly. When something inevitably goes wrong the excuses are always "I just turned around for a moment" or "Things seemed to be okay" or "You're over reacting". 4 4points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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Mom Is Expecting Her Younger Daughter To Make Her Mentally Ill Daughter Her Bridesmaid But The Bride-To-Be Can t See That Happening
Jurgita Dominauskaitė andSaulė Tolstych
It's hard having someone in the family that isn't very capable of taking care of themselves as then your whole life revolves around that person, not leaving much room for your own needs. You can't really run away from it, especially if you're living together and even if you refuse to be the caretaker, knowing that you're abandoning a family member can make you feel really guilty and cause friction with other family members. Reddit user TiredSister87524 has to face this dilemma herself because she has a mentally ill sister that she has taken care of for her whole life. And now that she is getting married, she is expected to make the sister a bridesmaid; however, she would rather not and is asking if she's a terrible sister for that. More info: Reddit
This woman doesn t want her mentally ill sister to be her bridesmaid but has received a very negative reaction from her family
Image credits: Lee Haywood (not the actual photo) The narrator of the story is a 25-year-old woman named Sarah who has a 27-year-old sister who is mentally ill. It is quite serious as she requires constant monitoring and she can't function as a normal person. The original poster (OP) doesn't reveal what her sister is diagnosed with, but she reveals that "her needs are complex and sometimes conflicting. She has had a number of diagnoses and misdiagnoses over the years, along with bad reactions to medications" in the comments. Sarah ended up taking care of her sister her whole life because when she was 8, her dad had a stroke, so her mom couldn't do everything by herself. The OP has two older brothers, but it seems that they weren't as involved. When Sarah's dad passed away, she was 19 years old and now the mom is the sister's primary carer.25-year-old Sarah has an older sister with severe mental illness and as long as she can remember she has had to take care of her
Image credits: TiredSister87524Through the years there were several occasions when the sister did unforgivable things that Sarah brushed off because she understood that it was the illness doing
Image credits: TiredSister87524 Sarah reveals how difficult it has been living with a mentally unstable sister and what nasty behavior she had to endure. The OP feels like she burnt out over the years of being the understanding sister and feels like there is no more real sisterly connection between them. The woman thinks that her sister does love her in her own kind of way and can be really sweet at times, but it doesn't last long and even though anyone would say that Sarah is a very loving sister, the only thing she can feel towards her older sister is apathy. Image credits: TiredSister87524Because of her experience Sarah doesn t want to make her sister a bridesmaid as she knows what might happen
Image credits: TiredSister87524 The woman repeats several times in the comments, responding to people's opinions, that she doesn't forget that her sister is mentally ill and her actions are not her fault but a result of the disease that keeps her captive. Having that in mind, Sarah doesn't want her sister to be her bridesmaid because as long as she remembers, every single time there was an event when she should have been the center of attention, her sister has had to disrupt it in some way. Image credits: TiredSister87524Sarah still wants her sister to be at the wedding but just as a regular guest
Image credits: TiredSister87524However this angered the mother and her brothers who thought that would devastate the older sister
Image credits: TiredSister87524 The OP still wants her sister to be at the wedding, but just as a regular guest so her mom will be able to keep an eye on her. Also, bridesmaids are usually people you care about the most, so a sister she lost a connection with wouldn't meet that requirement. It troubles Sarah because she knows that there is a tradition in her family to always choose sisters as bridesmaids. Even saying the thought out loud to her mom and brothers led to a conflict. Her mom especially expressed her disappointment, saying that she's not sure if she can hope for Sarah to take over the sister's care when the mom is too old for that. Image credits: TiredSister87524Sarah is on the verge of giving up to not upset her family but wanted to know if she was the only one who thought this wasn t right
Image credits: TiredSister87524 The reaction of her relatives and her own doubts made Sarah think that she is an evil person. At the same time, she feels like she has an obligation to make her sister a bridesmaid, but that's a wedding decision she should want to make willingly. Other Redditors thought that it's her big day and she shouldn't give in to the pressure of her family. Some of them suggested giving the sister a different role in the wedding so that she won't feel left out. Others pointed out that if she wasn't a bridesmaid in the brothers' weddings, why should Sarah make her one?She definitely isn t alone as other redditors fully supported her decision and reasoning
Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Jurgita Dominauskaitė Follow Unfollow Jurgita Dominauskaitė Writer, BoredPanda staff Jurgita is a content creator at Bored Panda. She studied Lithuanian Philology and Italian Language, but it was not enough to feed her hunger for knowledge so she also got a Master’s degree in Translation.She is a positive and hard-working panda. In her spare time this panda likes to read, learn new languages and go for long walks. Her favorite writer is Umberto Eco and she will trade bamboo for strawberries. Read more » Saulė Tolstych Follow Unfollow Saulė Tolstych Author, BoredPanda staff Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like 30 Times Brides Rightfully Called Out Their Bridesmaids For Ruining Their Weddings Vėja Elkimavičiūtė 40 Times Weddings Were So Bad, They Deserved To Be Shamed On This Facebook Page Viktorija Ošikaitė This Woman Is Told She's No Longer A Bridesmaid And Has To Take Pictures Instead, So She Just Leaves The Wedding Justinas Keturka Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million Leave a comment POST RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Speaking as someone with pretty severe mental health issues myself (Schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome) It honestly sounds like OP's sister has always been allowed to get away with things because "oh she has issues", that shouldn't be the case. I may have mental health issues but I wouldn't dream of doing the things Op's sister has done to OP, that's just cruelty, we don't know the full story so I hate to assume, but in any case, OP isn't responsible for her sister, even if anything did happen to their mother (there are assisted living places for this kind of thing) and whilst I understand it isn't nice to be rejected, OP can have whoever she wants as her bridesmaids, family is never entitled to a role like that. I do feel for the sister but if the behaviour is that bad, then it's honestly a risk having her there at all, at least OP isn't barring her from the wedding completely - though she does have the right to do so, as it's her wedding. 86 86points reply Pernille Dyre Pernille Dyre Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Thank you. The family is wrong in so many ways - they have used OP for years.... And as a person with diagnoses - you know... 21 21points reply Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I feel like this is quite common in families like this. Like, the person who isn't neurotypical always gets an easy out while the rest of the siblings have to pay for that child's consequences. It was definitely the case in my family... and just because your sibling has "issues" it doesn't mean they're not responsible for their actions. When parents allow this behavior to go on and they create this world of "they can do no wrong because they're not neurotypical" that person usually becomes entitled and pushes rhe boundaries knowing they won't have any repercussions. The family is wrong and OP deserves their own life... their perfect day and their own future free from the confines of their siblings issues. Sharing Blood doesn't mean we are obligated to be one another permanent care takers... I hate this idea. Why should you have to compromise on your dreams just because someone in your family can't take care of themselves. Some ppl want to.. but you shouldn't be obligated 6 6points reply Dodo Dodo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago Yup. My sister has a severe mental health issue and she gets away with so much because of it. I've let her get away with so much because of it. She has no concept of boundaries and as much as I try to enforce them, I have my own mental health issues, I get exhausted trying to police her behaviour every single time we interact. We've all given her a free pass for far too long and it's made it harder to fix - and that's exactly what I see when I read this story. 6 6points reply Tobias Rieper Tobias Rieper Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i completely agree i have mental health issues and whilst i get its not someone's fault they are responsible for their own actions and using mental health as a way to do what you want is not cool and is the reason for the stigma that having mental health issues brings sometimes too many people play the mental health card when they dont have issues just to get out of doing something or as an excuse for something. definitely NTA 5 5points reply Romenriel Romenriel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Is it possible that the sister has some personality disorder that makes her behave that way? 1 1point reply Leo Domitrix Leo Domitrix Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago @Romenriel, it's possible, but a bride should still be allowed to say no to whomever she wants ------ and my sis only wanted me in her bridal party to even up the numbers, and said so, and yeah, it sucked, but I already knew we didn't get along, so not a shocker. 8 8points reply Sarah Sarah Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The headline here is misleading. Realy, it ought to be titled "Woman does not want her sister, whom she isn't close to and doesn't like, in her wedding party". Mental illness or not, if you aren't close with someone you just aren't close. Sounds like her family thinks she should be in the wedding party because it's the expected thing to do, not because the sisters have any kind of special relationship. 46 46points reply Marcellus II Marcellus II Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The mad illusion that she could somehow turn her into a non-disruptive 'regular guest', though... 24 24points reply Load More Replies... Auntriarch Auntriarch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Absolutely, if she's there in any capacity, she will wreck the wedding. And the rest of the family will let her. And blame the OP 6 6points reply Bryn Bryn Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "Woman doesn't want narcissistic sister to be a bridesmaid" 8 8points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) So much wrong here. Why did the OP drive for 4 hrs instead of just calling the police for the sister's threat to jump off the bridge? The OP should get some counseling to overcome any guilt she feels. If I were in her shoes, I'd be tempted to just elope. If she does have the sister in the wedding party, she should make one of her brother's promise to watch over her to prevent any issues. The mother should flat out tell the sister that any 'bad behaviour' will not be tolerated and if it occurs, she will taken home by the brother. 33 33points reply Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) [Edited for misread content:] The ideal thing is for the bride to talk to her parents and brothers and say that the only way the sister is allowed at the wedding is if a parent or brother agrees to remove her if she becomes disruptive. Which will be a huge problem if the parents are paying for the wedding. And I bet you anything there's fierce resistance to this, the brothers do NOT want to take any responsibility for the problem child, and the parents DO want to get out of the house and enjoy themselves for once. 14 14points reply Load More Replies... Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And if the parents *are* paying for the wedding, then the bride needs to keep an alternate elopement plan in place, if the parents refuse to make any plan to keep the sister from being a problem. 7 7points reply Katchen Katchen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Parent, singular. OP’s father is dead. 4 4points reply Amber Tyler Amber Tyler Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) If the "troubled sister" is as bad as it sounds I'm pretty sure that the sad truth is the Bride and her Groom are paying for their own Wedding. And regardless of who's paying for it the wedding party is entirely up to the bride and groom and only the bride and groom.. Have the Maid or Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids YOU WANT! I folded on EVERY RIDICULOUS thing that my mother wanted and SHE STILL WASN'T HAPPY! I'm the one filled with regrets I gave up the dress, MOH, my chosen hair style and the mentally ill person was my mother and she still caused her scene and tried her hardest to make my day ALL ABOUT HER. FOLLOW YOUR HEART IT'S YOUR WEDDING DO IT THE WAY YOU AND YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WANT. IN THE END YOU'LL BE HAPPY YOU DID! Please don't live to regret the choice to please everyone else IT'S NOT THEIR WEDDING 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I have to consider that the whole family needs therapy. Seriously. If you're hoping to get a special job and you don't especially like or care about your sister, why sabotage that job by driving to your sister? Call the police to send a crisis team and go to the job interview. Or, did she fear she wouldn't get the job and so her sister became the excuse for not even trying? -5 -5points reply Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Well it's like this. If you can hang up on your suicidal sister in crisis, and go to the interview and ace the interview, and be proud of getting the job even though it came at the cost of your sister killing herself... you aren't a normal human being. You're a sociopath or a Republican. -1 -1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No one said anything about hanging up on her. I'm not sure where you even got that? What I said was this - help will get to the sister before she could when she's 4 hours away. Suppose the car broke down or the sister got into an accident and never reached the suicidal one at all? In addition, the 'mentally ill' one might just be pulling more of her bad behaviour like she did by sleeping with her boyfriend, racking up $10 grand on her credit card and telling another boyfriend that she cheated on him. So many people here have stated her behaviours seem to be excused by her saying she's mentally ill so what are the chances that she deliberately tried to mess up the job interview like she deliberately slept with a boyfriend, lied to another boyfriend and racked up thousands of dollars on someone else's credit card? She sounds like an anti-social psychopath. 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yes, we don't know who is paying for the wedding, but it needs to be made clear that someone will remove her if she starts acting out. Hire someone - an adult babysitter of sorts. We don't know that the mom doesn't get out of the house...she might go to the pub and take the daughter with her for all we know. I've seen that done with mentally ill children/adult children when the parent(s) decide they aren't going to stay home all the time. Unfortunately, often when the adult takes the child to the pub, the adult allows the child to drink/sneak a sip of their drink too, which isn't a good thing when they're on psych meds. 0 0points reply Sakura Sakura Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago About the first thing, sometimes when someone's having a mental breakdown, calling the cops is a very, very bad idea. First off (I'm assuming this is in America), cops can be very trigger-happy. There are numerous cases of cops killing mentally ill people because they are not trained to help them, and are instead trained to 'remove threats'. So if someone who is mentally unstable were to lunge at the cops or move unpredictably, the cop might kill them. This happens fairly frequently in the US, and there's not very much accountability for it. Also, someone who's in a dangerous psychological position could panic and hurt themselves if confronted by cops, as it will startle them. So if this is happening in the US, that's probably why. (Some other countries likely have cops that can deal with this, but in the US the cops are pretty much a paramilitary force.) 8 8points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Just going to C&P what I said above. I'm in the USA. If someone told me they were going to jump off of a bridge, I wouldn't say, "Hey, can you wait 4 hrs til I get there." I'd be calling the police because you have no guarantee that the person will not decompensate in the time it takes to drive there for 4 hrs. Police can and do call crisis teams. I used to work in a psychiatric hospital and my hubby does EMS work. Time is of the essence with suicidal people. 1 1point reply Sakura Sakura Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The problem is, there have been too many cases where cops get called to help someone in a mental crisis, and they end up killing the person in the mental crisis. It's not uncommon, and there is very little accountability. 1 1point reply Cheryl Goins Cheryl Goins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And the cops don't always go - you call the cops who, in turn, can and do call the crisis team. If you're 4 hours away, you call someone. You don't trust that the person can/will hold their impulse, your car won't break down or you won't have an accident and not get there at all. Four hours is far when a life is at stake. 0 0points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I agree with the counseling. As for calling the police - it does not always end well. Some people in crisis will become paranoid if strangers approach them, especially if in uniform. Some police are patient, sensitive, and capable when dealing with someone having a crisis, others will escalate the tension or treat the mentally ill like a deadly threat. 6 6points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If someone told me they were going to jump off of a bridge, I wouldn't say, "Hey, can you wait 4 hrs til I get there." I'd be calling the police because you have no guarantee that the person will not decompensate in the time it takes to drive there for 4 hrs. Police can and do call crisis teams. I used to work in a psychiatric hospital and my hubby does EMS work. Time is of the essence with suicidal people. 3 3points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) That's a good point, WildBerry, regarding the urgency of the situation. I may have been influenced by several cases of badly handled situations reported in the media. Those make the news. The time I talked a woman into letting two cops drive her to the hospital isn't going be a headline. One of my colleagues worked in a psychiatric ward. It could be heartbreaking -- when suicidal people were released, some were happy to be saved and some were looking forward to ending it all. 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Vivane - I think you just touched upon something --- the media doesn't tell us about all of the times police help people. Here, our EMS often works hand in hand with the police because it's very rural. I should have written a book about some of my experiences working in psych. Many were very sad, some were touching and some were outright joyous. The human mind !! :-) 0 0points reply Samhhain Cat Samhhain Cat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My brother got married on top of a mountain with his now-wife, two other people, and the justice of the peace, just so he could get married without my mother being there. It meant I wasn't able to go either, but it was HIS day and I'm proud of him that he did it right for him. 4 4points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Samhhain Cat - that's very nice that you can be understanding that it was his day. I admire you for it. :-) 2 2points reply Josephine Josephine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago WildBerry. You took the words out of my literal mouth. I told my phone to "elope and forget them for a day". All the OP is going to have is a memory that will make her want a "do over" if she tries to have a wedding for these people. 3 3points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Josephine - Eloping might be safer as far as not having to deal with her sister and her mother's wrath about the sister. But this is a tough call because she truly wants to have family there. Perhaps elope and then have a small but elegant dinner with her immediate family and her husband's family that includes her sister? Keeping the number of people down at the dinner might be something that the sister would handle better too. :-) 2 2points reply ERIKA H. ERIKA H. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If only it were all that easy 1 1point reply Leodavinci Leodavinci Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I have to agree. In my experience, it's nearly impossible to have a family member, who is ordinarily non-involved, actually do something that they are not accustomed to doing... and do it properly. When something inevitably goes wrong the excuses are always "I just turned around for a moment" or "Things seemed to be okay" or "You're over reacting". 4 4points reply Load More Comments POST RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Speaking as someone with pretty severe mental health issues myself (Schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome) It honestly sounds like OP's sister has always been allowed to get away with things because "oh she has issues", that shouldn't be the case. I may have mental health issues but I wouldn't dream of doing the things Op's sister has done to OP, that's just cruelty, we don't know the full story so I hate to assume, but in any case, OP isn't responsible for her sister, even if anything did happen to their mother (there are assisted living places for this kind of thing) and whilst I understand it isn't nice to be rejected, OP can have whoever she wants as her bridesmaids, family is never entitled to a role like that. I do feel for the sister but if the behaviour is that bad, then it's honestly a risk having her there at all, at least OP isn't barring her from the wedding completely - though she does have the right to do so, as it's her wedding. 86 86points reply Pernille Dyre Pernille Dyre Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Thank you. The family is wrong in so many ways - they have used OP for years.... And as a person with diagnoses - you know... 21 21points reply Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I feel like this is quite common in families like this. Like, the person who isn't neurotypical always gets an easy out while the rest of the siblings have to pay for that child's consequences. It was definitely the case in my family... and just because your sibling has "issues" it doesn't mean they're not responsible for their actions. When parents allow this behavior to go on and they create this world of "they can do no wrong because they're not neurotypical" that person usually becomes entitled and pushes rhe boundaries knowing they won't have any repercussions. The family is wrong and OP deserves their own life... their perfect day and their own future free from the confines of their siblings issues. Sharing Blood doesn't mean we are obligated to be one another permanent care takers... I hate this idea. Why should you have to compromise on your dreams just because someone in your family can't take care of themselves. Some ppl want to.. but you shouldn't be obligated 6 6points reply Dodo Dodo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago Yup. My sister has a severe mental health issue and she gets away with so much because of it. I've let her get away with so much because of it. She has no concept of boundaries and as much as I try to enforce them, I have my own mental health issues, I get exhausted trying to police her behaviour every single time we interact. We've all given her a free pass for far too long and it's made it harder to fix - and that's exactly what I see when I read this story. 6 6points reply Tobias Rieper Tobias Rieper Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i completely agree i have mental health issues and whilst i get its not someone's fault they are responsible for their own actions and using mental health as a way to do what you want is not cool and is the reason for the stigma that having mental health issues brings sometimes too many people play the mental health card when they dont have issues just to get out of doing something or as an excuse for something. definitely NTA 5 5points reply Romenriel Romenriel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Is it possible that the sister has some personality disorder that makes her behave that way? 1 1point reply Leo Domitrix Leo Domitrix Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago @Romenriel, it's possible, but a bride should still be allowed to say no to whomever she wants ------ and my sis only wanted me in her bridal party to even up the numbers, and said so, and yeah, it sucked, but I already knew we didn't get along, so not a shocker. 8 8points reply Sarah Sarah Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The headline here is misleading. Realy, it ought to be titled "Woman does not want her sister, whom she isn't close to and doesn't like, in her wedding party". Mental illness or not, if you aren't close with someone you just aren't close. Sounds like her family thinks she should be in the wedding party because it's the expected thing to do, not because the sisters have any kind of special relationship. 46 46points reply Marcellus II Marcellus II Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The mad illusion that she could somehow turn her into a non-disruptive 'regular guest', though... 24 24points reply Load More Replies... Auntriarch Auntriarch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Absolutely, if she's there in any capacity, she will wreck the wedding. And the rest of the family will let her. And blame the OP 6 6points reply Bryn Bryn Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "Woman doesn't want narcissistic sister to be a bridesmaid" 8 8points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) So much wrong here. Why did the OP drive for 4 hrs instead of just calling the police for the sister's threat to jump off the bridge? The OP should get some counseling to overcome any guilt she feels. If I were in her shoes, I'd be tempted to just elope. If she does have the sister in the wedding party, she should make one of her brother's promise to watch over her to prevent any issues. The mother should flat out tell the sister that any 'bad behaviour' will not be tolerated and if it occurs, she will taken home by the brother. 33 33points reply Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) [Edited for misread content:] The ideal thing is for the bride to talk to her parents and brothers and say that the only way the sister is allowed at the wedding is if a parent or brother agrees to remove her if she becomes disruptive. Which will be a huge problem if the parents are paying for the wedding. And I bet you anything there's fierce resistance to this, the brothers do NOT want to take any responsibility for the problem child, and the parents DO want to get out of the house and enjoy themselves for once. 14 14points reply Load More Replies... Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And if the parents *are* paying for the wedding, then the bride needs to keep an alternate elopement plan in place, if the parents refuse to make any plan to keep the sister from being a problem. 7 7points reply Katchen Katchen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Parent, singular. OP’s father is dead. 4 4points reply Amber Tyler Amber Tyler Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) If the "troubled sister" is as bad as it sounds I'm pretty sure that the sad truth is the Bride and her Groom are paying for their own Wedding. And regardless of who's paying for it the wedding party is entirely up to the bride and groom and only the bride and groom.. Have the Maid or Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids YOU WANT! I folded on EVERY RIDICULOUS thing that my mother wanted and SHE STILL WASN'T HAPPY! I'm the one filled with regrets I gave up the dress, MOH, my chosen hair style and the mentally ill person was my mother and she still caused her scene and tried her hardest to make my day ALL ABOUT HER. FOLLOW YOUR HEART IT'S YOUR WEDDING DO IT THE WAY YOU AND YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WANT. IN THE END YOU'LL BE HAPPY YOU DID! Please don't live to regret the choice to please everyone else IT'S NOT THEIR WEDDING 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I have to consider that the whole family needs therapy. Seriously. If you're hoping to get a special job and you don't especially like or care about your sister, why sabotage that job by driving to your sister? Call the police to send a crisis team and go to the job interview. Or, did she fear she wouldn't get the job and so her sister became the excuse for not even trying? -5 -5points reply Otter Otter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Well it's like this. If you can hang up on your suicidal sister in crisis, and go to the interview and ace the interview, and be proud of getting the job even though it came at the cost of your sister killing herself... you aren't a normal human being. You're a sociopath or a Republican. -1 -1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No one said anything about hanging up on her. I'm not sure where you even got that? What I said was this - help will get to the sister before she could when she's 4 hours away. Suppose the car broke down or the sister got into an accident and never reached the suicidal one at all? In addition, the 'mentally ill' one might just be pulling more of her bad behaviour like she did by sleeping with her boyfriend, racking up $10 grand on her credit card and telling another boyfriend that she cheated on him. So many people here have stated her behaviours seem to be excused by her saying she's mentally ill so what are the chances that she deliberately tried to mess up the job interview like she deliberately slept with a boyfriend, lied to another boyfriend and racked up thousands of dollars on someone else's credit card? She sounds like an anti-social psychopath. 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yes, we don't know who is paying for the wedding, but it needs to be made clear that someone will remove her if she starts acting out. Hire someone - an adult babysitter of sorts. We don't know that the mom doesn't get out of the house...she might go to the pub and take the daughter with her for all we know. I've seen that done with mentally ill children/adult children when the parent(s) decide they aren't going to stay home all the time. Unfortunately, often when the adult takes the child to the pub, the adult allows the child to drink/sneak a sip of their drink too, which isn't a good thing when they're on psych meds. 0 0points reply Sakura Sakura Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago About the first thing, sometimes when someone's having a mental breakdown, calling the cops is a very, very bad idea. First off (I'm assuming this is in America), cops can be very trigger-happy. There are numerous cases of cops killing mentally ill people because they are not trained to help them, and are instead trained to 'remove threats'. So if someone who is mentally unstable were to lunge at the cops or move unpredictably, the cop might kill them. This happens fairly frequently in the US, and there's not very much accountability for it. Also, someone who's in a dangerous psychological position could panic and hurt themselves if confronted by cops, as it will startle them. So if this is happening in the US, that's probably why. (Some other countries likely have cops that can deal with this, but in the US the cops are pretty much a paramilitary force.) 8 8points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Just going to C&P what I said above. I'm in the USA. If someone told me they were going to jump off of a bridge, I wouldn't say, "Hey, can you wait 4 hrs til I get there." I'd be calling the police because you have no guarantee that the person will not decompensate in the time it takes to drive there for 4 hrs. Police can and do call crisis teams. I used to work in a psychiatric hospital and my hubby does EMS work. Time is of the essence with suicidal people. 1 1point reply Sakura Sakura Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago The problem is, there have been too many cases where cops get called to help someone in a mental crisis, and they end up killing the person in the mental crisis. It's not uncommon, and there is very little accountability. 1 1point reply Cheryl Goins Cheryl Goins Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And the cops don't always go - you call the cops who, in turn, can and do call the crisis team. If you're 4 hours away, you call someone. You don't trust that the person can/will hold their impulse, your car won't break down or you won't have an accident and not get there at all. Four hours is far when a life is at stake. 0 0points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I agree with the counseling. As for calling the police - it does not always end well. Some people in crisis will become paranoid if strangers approach them, especially if in uniform. Some police are patient, sensitive, and capable when dealing with someone having a crisis, others will escalate the tension or treat the mentally ill like a deadly threat. 6 6points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If someone told me they were going to jump off of a bridge, I wouldn't say, "Hey, can you wait 4 hrs til I get there." I'd be calling the police because you have no guarantee that the person will not decompensate in the time it takes to drive there for 4 hrs. Police can and do call crisis teams. I used to work in a psychiatric hospital and my hubby does EMS work. Time is of the essence with suicidal people. 3 3points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) That's a good point, WildBerry, regarding the urgency of the situation. I may have been influenced by several cases of badly handled situations reported in the media. Those make the news. The time I talked a woman into letting two cops drive her to the hospital isn't going be a headline. One of my colleagues worked in a psychiatric ward. It could be heartbreaking -- when suicidal people were released, some were happy to be saved and some were looking forward to ending it all. 1 1point reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Vivane - I think you just touched upon something --- the media doesn't tell us about all of the times police help people. Here, our EMS often works hand in hand with the police because it's very rural. I should have written a book about some of my experiences working in psych. Many were very sad, some were touching and some were outright joyous. The human mind !! :-) 0 0points reply Samhhain Cat Samhhain Cat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My brother got married on top of a mountain with his now-wife, two other people, and the justice of the peace, just so he could get married without my mother being there. It meant I wasn't able to go either, but it was HIS day and I'm proud of him that he did it right for him. 4 4points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Samhhain Cat - that's very nice that you can be understanding that it was his day. I admire you for it. :-) 2 2points reply Josephine Josephine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago WildBerry. You took the words out of my literal mouth. I told my phone to "elope and forget them for a day". All the OP is going to have is a memory that will make her want a "do over" if she tries to have a wedding for these people. 3 3points reply WildBerry WildBerry Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) Josephine - Eloping might be safer as far as not having to deal with her sister and her mother's wrath about the sister. But this is a tough call because she truly wants to have family there. Perhaps elope and then have a small but elegant dinner with her immediate family and her husband's family that includes her sister? Keeping the number of people down at the dinner might be something that the sister would handle better too. :-) 2 2points reply ERIKA H. ERIKA H. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If only it were all that easy 1 1point reply Leodavinci Leodavinci Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I have to agree. In my experience, it's nearly impossible to have a family member, who is ordinarily non-involved, actually do something that they are not accustomed to doing... and do it properly. When something inevitably goes wrong the excuses are always "I just turned around for a moment" or "Things seemed to be okay" or "You're over reacting". 4 4points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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