40 Times Celebrities Said Something So Funny It Had To Be Written Down
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Saulė Tolstych
Publish Not your original work? Add source There are some instances in life where you'd like to impress the hell out of the people around you. Those instances might be the first date with someone unbelievably brilliant, a job interview for being a dolphin caretaker, or your high school class reunion in Booger Hole, West Virginia. While you can definitely impress those people with your physical qualities (though showing off your biceps and your deltoids would be a bit… kooky), a more balanced way would be to knock 'em stiff with your wit. Alas, not all of us are blessed with sparkling personalities and brains that work at the speed of light, coming up with scintillating remarks on any given topic. As sad as it might sound, there's a life raft for the rest of us-memorizing hilarious quotes by famous people. After all, some of them deserved their stardom exactly by being smarter, more humorous, and clever than the median population. Okay, so, this is a list and a savior in one-a glorious compendium of only the smartest and the sharpest quotes proudly articulated by various famous people and successfully documented by quick-reflexed journalists. From well-versed scientists like Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein to the most amazing Betty White and to the legendary writer Oscar Wilde-these clever quotes are worth memorizing and are a sure shot to amuse someone with. Well, at least amuse yourself with, but that's a good start nonetheless. Now, guess what's the plan here? Sure, sure, you are right-it's to scroll on down below and to check out the funny quotes for yourself! I think we've done a thorough enough intro on what you're about to find on this list, and your part would be to vote on the ones that are the foxiest and most amusing-worth memorizing. Also, don't forget to share this article with your friends, as it is always fun to compare their choices with your own. The end. This post may include affiliate links. #1 “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
—Betty White Report 372points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago She is great, she is lovely. 80 80points reply View More Replies... View more comments #2 “The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.”
― Stephen Hawking Report 299points POST Snorkeldorf Snorkeldorf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Brilliant man with a wonderful sense of humor. 81 81points reply View More Replies... View more comments #3 “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton Report 298points POST Stephanie Did It Stephanie Did It Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Looks AND Brains! 76 76points reply View More Replies... View more comments #4 “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”– Jim Carey Report 262points POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No doubt. 41 41points reply View more comments #5 “The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”
— Tom Clancy Report 245points POST May May Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "Truth is stranger than fiction" - Lord Byron 60 60points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
—Jack Handey Report 240points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i have heard this quote before and it is so funny 37 37points reply View More Replies... View more comments #7 “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” —Albert Einstein Report 230points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Foshizzle, Dude! 26 26points reply View More Replies... View more comments #8 When Mick Jagger insisted that his wrinkles were actually laugh lines, jazz singer George Melly replied, “Surely nothing could be that funny.” Report 224points POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago HA! 30 30points reply View more comments #9 “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall Report 220points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Jack Whitehall is so utterly adorable! 34 34points reply View More Replies... View more comments #10 “This book was written using 100% recycled words.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters Report 215points POST Miriam L Miriam L Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago GNU Sir Pratchett 28 28points reply View More Replies... View more comments #11 “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell Report 205points POST Stephanie Did It Stephanie Did It Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Also take a road trip or go camping 54 54points reply View More Replies... View more comments #12 “He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.”
― Michelle Obama Report 194points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I know it’s never going to happen, but I would love, love, love to have Michelle Obama run for President! 95 95points reply View More Replies... View more comments #13 "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” ― Bob Hope Report 191points POST Mazer Mazer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Government sanctioned criminals 17 17points reply View More Replies... View more comments #14 "The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him."
— Oscar Wilde Report 191points POST Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I could embroider this on a little pillow slip and gift it to my hubby :D 36 36points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 “Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.“ — Greg Tamblyn Report 190points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago true 22 22points reply View more comments #16 “There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you're interrupting.“– Mark Twain Report 189points POST Softball05 Softball05 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My nine-year- old eavesdropping self agrees. 32 32points reply View more comments #17 “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —Isaac Asimov Report 185points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago FUN FACT: Isaac Asimov is the only person who has authored a book in each major category of the Dewey Decimal System 80 80points reply View More Replies... View more comments #18 “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”— Winnie the Pooh Report 179points POST Piet Puk Piet Puk Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago 'Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you are done.' Steve Martin 68 68points reply View more comments #19 “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx Report 172points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago And books don't poop. 20 20points reply View More Replies... View more comments #20 “I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
— Stephen Hawking Report 170points POST Chicago Dog Lover Chicago Dog Lover Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Well, lots of people say, "God will protect me (like from COVID)." To those who believe in God: He/She/They/It gave you a brain and expects you to use it to help protect yourself! 77 77points reply View More Replies... View more comments #21 A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
—Graham Norton Report 168points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Graham Norton is THE BEST! I’m still working on my Big Red Chair story that I’ll never be able to tell because I no longer have enough money to travel abroad. Should the magic genie show up, I want to be ready! 26 26points reply View more comments #22 "The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."— Terry Pratchett Report 163points POST Mimi La Souris Mimi La Souris Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago (edited) Mr. Pratchett, i love you forever 34 34points reply View More Replies... View more comments #23 “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
― Steven Wright Report 158points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago my new excuse 26 26points reply View More Replies... View more comments #24 "When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative."
― Chris Rock. Report 156points POST Stephanie Did It Stephanie Did It Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Wow. I'm my own spin doctor! 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #25 “Life isn't a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk.”
― Darynda Jones Report 151points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment has been deleted. 9 9points reply View more comments #26 “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” —Anonymous Report 151points POST Bran Dragon Bran Dragon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Anonymous sure is famous ;) 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments #27 “I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams Report 150points POST william mcgloin william mcgloin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago You could fill this entire post with quotes from Douglas Adams, and still not get them all. I really miss him. 60 60points reply View More Replies... View more comments #28 “I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, ‘If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Just not these four.’”
— Sheila Lee Report 138points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I don’t know who this Shiela Lee is, but she’s a hoot! 15 15points reply View More Replies... View more comments #29 “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone Report 137points POST Mimi La Souris Mimi La Souris Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago correct :D 11 11points reply #30 “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”—Oscar Wilde Report 134points POST Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago When they're picking a fight you could say "I love you" and see what happens. I guess they'll explode because it infuriates them, so it's a win win. 21 21points reply View More Replies... View more comments #31 “The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.”
—Zach Galifianakis Report 131points POST Priscilla Reshell Priscilla Reshell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago That's true lol 17 17points reply View more comments #32 "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin Report 130points POST Ace b Ace b Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Or the apocalypse 14 14points reply View More Replies... View more comments #33 ”Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”— Doug Larson Report 126points POST Grant Barke Grant Barke Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And frogs. 28 28points reply View more comments #34 "I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me."
― Stephen Fry Report 120points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago YEP! Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep! 16 16points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #35 “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.“ — George Burns Report 116points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I miss George Burns! Old bastard up and died...what was he thinking? 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments #36 “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
—Joan Rivers Report 114points POST Mimi La Souris Mimi La Souris Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago this woman was very funny, too bad that we remember her more for these operations than for her mind 16 16points reply View More Replies... View more comments #37 “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” —George Carlin Report 111points POST Snorkeldorf Snorkeldorf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) My favorite George Carlin quote based on anything and everything that came out in the news. This just in. Scientists have discovered: "Saliva causes cancer, but only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.". And, yes, I am a cancer survivor. 38 38points reply View More Replies... View more comments #38 “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
—Noel Coward Report 109points POST Sandy Kavanaugh Sandy Kavanaugh Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And on a short pier! 31 31points reply View More Replies... View more comments #39 “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
—Steven Wright Report 107points POST Judah Phelps Judah Phelps Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yup. 8 8points reply View more comments #40 "Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” — Tina Fey Report 89points POST Kirsten Kerkhof Kirsten Kerkhof Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I always tell my dancers that the top dancers are basically 50% skill and 50% stage presence. Yes, they are good dancers, but they are even better at selling the idea why they are good dancers. 23 23points reply View more comments Note: this post originally had 170 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Saimonas Lukošius Saimonas Lukošius Author, BoredPanda staff Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts. Read more » Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė Writer, BoredPanda staff Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.
Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything! Read more » Jurgita Dominauskaitė Follow Unfollow Jurgita Dominauskaitė Writer, BoredPanda staff Jurgita is a content creator at Bored Panda. She studied Lithuanian Philology and Italian Language, but it was not enough to feed her hunger for knowledge so she also got a Master’s degree in Translation.
She is a positive and hard-working panda. In her spare time this panda likes to read, learn new languages and go for long walks. Her favorite writer is Umberto Eco and she will trade bamboo for strawberries. Read more » Saulė Tolstych Follow Unfollow Saulė Tolstych Author, BoredPanda staff Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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That is not failure, that is life" -Captain Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek the Next Generation. It reminds me that when something doesn't work out, it's not always because I messed up. Helps keep me from being too hard on myself. 16 16points reply RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people" - Sir Terry Pratchett (and honestly, this certainly seems truer and truer in current times) 10 10points reply Amy Stone-Chandler Amy Stone-Chandler Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My mother: "Can't use logic with people that are illogical." Unknown comic: "best way to a man's heart? A knife through his chest." (joking obviously!) 2 2points reply Load More Comments POST Sarah Sarah Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago One of my favourites: "It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That is not failure, that is life" -Captain Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek the Next Generation. It reminds me that when something doesn't work out, it's not always because I messed up. Helps keep me from being too hard on myself. 16 16points reply RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people" - Sir Terry Pratchett (and honestly, this certainly seems truer and truer in current times) 10 10points reply Amy Stone-Chandler Amy Stone-Chandler Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My mother: "Can't use logic with people that are illogical." Unknown comic: "best way to a man's heart? A knife through his chest." (joking obviously!) 2 2points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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40 Times Celebrities Said Something So Funny It Had To Be Written Down
Saimonas Lukošius, Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė, Jurgita Dominauskaitė andSaulė Tolstych
Publish Not your original work? Add source There are some instances in life where you'd like to impress the hell out of the people around you. Those instances might be the first date with someone unbelievably brilliant, a job interview for being a dolphin caretaker, or your high school class reunion in Booger Hole, West Virginia. While you can definitely impress those people with your physical qualities (though showing off your biceps and your deltoids would be a bit… kooky), a more balanced way would be to knock 'em stiff with your wit. Alas, not all of us are blessed with sparkling personalities and brains that work at the speed of light, coming up with scintillating remarks on any given topic. As sad as it might sound, there's a life raft for the rest of us-memorizing hilarious quotes by famous people. After all, some of them deserved their stardom exactly by being smarter, more humorous, and clever than the median population. Okay, so, this is a list and a savior in one-a glorious compendium of only the smartest and the sharpest quotes proudly articulated by various famous people and successfully documented by quick-reflexed journalists. From well-versed scientists like Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein to the most amazing Betty White and to the legendary writer Oscar Wilde-these clever quotes are worth memorizing and are a sure shot to amuse someone with. Well, at least amuse yourself with, but that's a good start nonetheless. Now, guess what's the plan here? Sure, sure, you are right-it's to scroll on down below and to check out the funny quotes for yourself! I think we've done a thorough enough intro on what you're about to find on this list, and your part would be to vote on the ones that are the foxiest and most amusing-worth memorizing. Also, don't forget to share this article with your friends, as it is always fun to compare their choices with your own. The end. This post may include affiliate links. #1 “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
—Betty White Report 372points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago She is great, she is lovely. 80 80points reply View More Replies... View more comments #2 “The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.”
― Stephen Hawking Report 299points POST Snorkeldorf Snorkeldorf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Brilliant man with a wonderful sense of humor. 81 81points reply View More Replies... View more comments #3 “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton Report 298points POST Stephanie Did It Stephanie Did It Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Looks AND Brains! 76 76points reply View More Replies... View more comments #4 “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”– Jim Carey Report 262points POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No doubt. 41 41points reply View more comments #5 “The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”
— Tom Clancy Report 245points POST May May Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "Truth is stranger than fiction" - Lord Byron 60 60points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
—Jack Handey Report 240points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago i have heard this quote before and it is so funny 37 37points reply View More Replies... View more comments #7 “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” —Albert Einstein Report 230points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Foshizzle, Dude! 26 26points reply View More Replies... View more comments #8 When Mick Jagger insisted that his wrinkles were actually laugh lines, jazz singer George Melly replied, “Surely nothing could be that funny.” Report 224points POST R Carson R Carson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago HA! 30 30points reply View more comments #9 “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall Report 220points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Jack Whitehall is so utterly adorable! 34 34points reply View More Replies... View more comments #10 “This book was written using 100% recycled words.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters Report 215points POST Miriam L Miriam L Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago GNU Sir Pratchett 28 28points reply View More Replies... View more comments #11 “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell Report 205points POST Stephanie Did It Stephanie Did It Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Also take a road trip or go camping 54 54points reply View More Replies... View more comments #12 “He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.”
― Michelle Obama Report 194points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I know it’s never going to happen, but I would love, love, love to have Michelle Obama run for President! 95 95points reply View More Replies... View more comments #13 "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” ― Bob Hope Report 191points POST Mazer Mazer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Government sanctioned criminals 17 17points reply View More Replies... View more comments #14 "The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him."
— Oscar Wilde Report 191points POST Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I could embroider this on a little pillow slip and gift it to my hubby :D 36 36points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 “Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.“ — Greg Tamblyn Report 190points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago true 22 22points reply View more comments #16 “There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you're interrupting.“– Mark Twain Report 189points POST Softball05 Softball05 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My nine-year- old eavesdropping self agrees. 32 32points reply View more comments #17 “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —Isaac Asimov Report 185points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago FUN FACT: Isaac Asimov is the only person who has authored a book in each major category of the Dewey Decimal System 80 80points reply View More Replies... View more comments #18 “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”— Winnie the Pooh Report 179points POST Piet Puk Piet Puk Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago 'Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you are done.' Steve Martin 68 68points reply View more comments #19 “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx Report 172points POST Ryan Deschanel Ryan Deschanel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago And books don't poop. 20 20points reply View More Replies... View more comments #20 “I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
— Stephen Hawking Report 170points POST Chicago Dog Lover Chicago Dog Lover Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Well, lots of people say, "God will protect me (like from COVID)." To those who believe in God: He/She/They/It gave you a brain and expects you to use it to help protect yourself! 77 77points reply View More Replies... View more comments #21 A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
—Graham Norton Report 168points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Graham Norton is THE BEST! I’m still working on my Big Red Chair story that I’ll never be able to tell because I no longer have enough money to travel abroad. Should the magic genie show up, I want to be ready! 26 26points reply View more comments #22 "The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."— Terry Pratchett Report 163points POST Mimi La Souris Mimi La Souris Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago (edited) Mr. Pratchett, i love you forever 34 34points reply View More Replies... View more comments #23 “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
― Steven Wright Report 158points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago my new excuse 26 26points reply View More Replies... View more comments #24 "When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative."
― Chris Rock. Report 156points POST Stephanie Did It Stephanie Did It Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Wow. I'm my own spin doctor! 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #25 “Life isn't a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk.”
― Darynda Jones Report 151points POST Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment has been deleted. 9 9points reply View more comments #26 “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” —Anonymous Report 151points POST Bran Dragon Bran Dragon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Anonymous sure is famous ;) 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments #27 “I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams Report 150points POST william mcgloin william mcgloin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago You could fill this entire post with quotes from Douglas Adams, and still not get them all. I really miss him. 60 60points reply View More Replies... View more comments #28 “I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, ‘If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Just not these four.’”
— Sheila Lee Report 138points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I don’t know who this Shiela Lee is, but she’s a hoot! 15 15points reply View More Replies... View more comments #29 “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone Report 137points POST Mimi La Souris Mimi La Souris Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago correct :D 11 11points reply #30 “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”—Oscar Wilde Report 134points POST Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago When they're picking a fight you could say "I love you" and see what happens. I guess they'll explode because it infuriates them, so it's a win win. 21 21points reply View More Replies... View more comments #31 “The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.”
—Zach Galifianakis Report 131points POST Priscilla Reshell Priscilla Reshell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago That's true lol 17 17points reply View more comments #32 "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin Report 130points POST Ace b Ace b Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Or the apocalypse 14 14points reply View More Replies... View more comments #33 ”Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”— Doug Larson Report 126points POST Grant Barke Grant Barke Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And frogs. 28 28points reply View more comments #34 "I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me."
― Stephen Fry Report 120points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago YEP! Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep! 16 16points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #35 “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.“ — George Burns Report 116points POST Mary Rose Kent Mary Rose Kent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I miss George Burns! Old bastard up and died...what was he thinking? 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments #36 “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
—Joan Rivers Report 114points POST Mimi La Souris Mimi La Souris Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 10 months ago this woman was very funny, too bad that we remember her more for these operations than for her mind 16 16points reply View More Replies... View more comments #37 “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” —George Carlin Report 111points POST Snorkeldorf Snorkeldorf Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) My favorite George Carlin quote based on anything and everything that came out in the news. This just in. Scientists have discovered: "Saliva causes cancer, but only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.". And, yes, I am a cancer survivor. 38 38points reply View More Replies... View more comments #38 “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
—Noel Coward Report 109points POST Sandy Kavanaugh Sandy Kavanaugh Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago And on a short pier! 31 31points reply View More Replies... View more comments #39 “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
—Steven Wright Report 107points POST Judah Phelps Judah Phelps Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Yup. 8 8points reply View more comments #40 "Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” — Tina Fey Report 89points POST Kirsten Kerkhof Kirsten Kerkhof Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I always tell my dancers that the top dancers are basically 50% skill and 50% stage presence. Yes, they are good dancers, but they are even better at selling the idea why they are good dancers. 23 23points reply View more comments Note: this post originally had 170 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Saimonas Lukošius Saimonas Lukošius Author, BoredPanda staff Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts. Read more » Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė Writer, BoredPanda staff Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.
Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything! Read more » Jurgita Dominauskaitė Follow Unfollow Jurgita Dominauskaitė Writer, BoredPanda staff Jurgita is a content creator at Bored Panda. She studied Lithuanian Philology and Italian Language, but it was not enough to feed her hunger for knowledge so she also got a Master’s degree in Translation.
She is a positive and hard-working panda. In her spare time this panda likes to read, learn new languages and go for long walks. Her favorite writer is Umberto Eco and she will trade bamboo for strawberries. Read more » Saulė Tolstych Follow Unfollow Saulė Tolstych Author, BoredPanda staff Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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That is not failure, that is life" -Captain Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek the Next Generation. It reminds me that when something doesn't work out, it's not always because I messed up. Helps keep me from being too hard on myself. 16 16points reply RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people" - Sir Terry Pratchett (and honestly, this certainly seems truer and truer in current times) 10 10points reply Amy Stone-Chandler Amy Stone-Chandler Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My mother: "Can't use logic with people that are illogical." Unknown comic: "best way to a man's heart? A knife through his chest." (joking obviously!) 2 2points reply Load More Comments POST Sarah Sarah Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago One of my favourites: "It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That is not failure, that is life" -Captain Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek the Next Generation. It reminds me that when something doesn't work out, it's not always because I messed up. Helps keep me from being too hard on myself. 16 16points reply RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago "The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people" - Sir Terry Pratchett (and honestly, this certainly seems truer and truer in current times) 10 10points reply Amy Stone-Chandler Amy Stone-Chandler Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My mother: "Can't use logic with people that are illogical." Unknown comic: "best way to a man's heart? A knife through his chest." (joking obviously!) 2 2points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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