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Father Says 11-Year-Old Daughter Is Getting Fat Mother Refuses To Decrease Her Food Portion Sizes

Rokas Laurinavičius and
Justinas Keturka
For many adolescents, entering into puberty brings a lot of intense emotions, confusion, and stress. This period of change makes them really susceptible to developing eating disorders. In fact, about 2.7% of 13-to-18-year-olds in the US have one. So when it comes to her own daughter, Reddit user u/Similar-Ad-831 wants her to have as healthy of a relationship with food as possible. The mom tries to do that by encouraging conscious eating rather than establishing harsh rules. But her husband, who has had a difficult relationship with food for most of his life, argues the opposite.

One mother is concerned that she and her husband can t come to an agreement over their daughter s diet

Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo) Image credits: Similar-Ad-831 Mary Anne, a mother and writer from Silicon Valley who runs the blog Mama Smiles – Joyful Parenting, told Bored Panda that one of the most effective ways people can help their kids form a healthy relationship with food is by setting an example. "Seek help for yourself from health professionals if your own relationship with food is difficult," Mary Anne said. "Consult with your child's pediatrician, who may refer you to a nutritionist or other health experts if you are concerned about your teen's eating habits." Eating disorders are no joke. Young people between the ages of 15 and 24 with anorexia, for example, have 10 times the risk of dying compared to their same-aged peers. Nowadays, girls start to express concerns about what the scales are saying incredibly early in their life. 40-60% of elementary school girls (ages 6-12) are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. Parents play a big role in establishing how their kids view their bodies as children of those who are overly concerned about their weight are at increased risk for modeling their unhealthy attitudes and behaviors. Weight stigma poses a significant threat physically but also to one's psychological well-being. It has been regarded as a significant risk factor for depression, low self-esteem, and body dissatisfaction. "One may experience [eating disorders] as an anxious state of mind, a depressed mood, or may have a mix of anxiety and depression," Anna Hindell, LCSW-R, a psychotherapist based in New York, explained. "Turning to control and restricting food intake or becoming addicted to binging and purging is always a symptom or effect of an underlying feeling that the person lives with. It is usually some unresolved feeling related to low self-esteem, lack of worth, or repressed trauma. People turn to the attempt at controlling food intake or eating their emotions instead of dealing with the underlying problem, if untreated." Experts at the Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute say that helping children develop a healthy relationship with food doesn't require restrictions – with the exception of allergies and sensitivities, or religious and cultural guidelines, no food needs to be banned. "The best way to regulate a teen's diet is to stock your house with healthy, easy-to-eat food and to model good eating habits yourself," Mary Anne added. She has 5 easy mood-boosting recipes for teens on her blog that are an excellent starting point. "It's important to remember that teens have different nutritional needs from adults, so what is healthy for you may not be healthy for your teen. I recommend taking any concerns to a health practitioner for advice, as relationships with food become complicated and unhealthy easily." It's important to remember that teens have different nutritional needs from adults, so what is healthy for you may not be healthy for your teen. I recommend taking any concerns to a health practitioner for advice, as relationships with food become complicated and unhealthy easily. Families should avoid categorizing foods as "good" or "bad" as labels such as "junk food", "healthy" or "unhealthy" can set the stage for people to restrict, sneak, or overindulge in foods they see as forbidden. It's a much better idea to strive to be a positive role model and focus on building helpful habits. Like including veggies in lunch and supper or trying at least one bite of the item on your plate that you don't think you'll like. It sounds like u/Similar-Ad-831 is on the right track. I hope her family comes around.

People think she should continue standing up for herself and her daughter

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Rokas Laurinavičius Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read more » Justinas Keturka Justinas Keturka Author, BoredPanda staff Justin is a photo editor at Bored Panda. He was fascinated with visual arts and arts in general for as long as he can remember. He was obsessed with playing and making music in his teens. After finishing high school, he took a gap year to work odd jobs and try to figure out what he wanted to do next. Finally, around 2016, he started learning how to use Photoshop and hasn't stopped since. He started working as a visual advertisement producer in 2017 and worked there for almost two years. In his spare time, he creates graphic collages and even had his first artwork exhibition at "Devilstone". Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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No. Do not do it. if you're concerned, ask the pediatrician. Otherwise, parents need to stop working out their own neuroses by using their children. Repeat it with me: Children are not a therapy tool. 29 29points reply Tobin Kern Tobin Kern Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Just ask the doctor. If the doctor says your daughter is fat and on the way to obesity and diabetes then make changes. Dont ask the internet lol 2 2points reply Load More Replies... Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Tobin, that's a valid concern. However, they do have a GP who didn't flag any weight issues. Plus she works with people who have eating disorders. She was venting and looking for emotional support on reddit after her husband recruited his parents to side with him against her. 9 9points reply Tobin Kern Tobin Kern Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Well if you need the internet for comfort or validation then perhaps you should seek therapy. Maybe consult an actual dietician. She is probably the type of person who asks her Accountant about her car. -7 -7points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago These are the people who raised the husband (quote from OP on reddit): "Holidays together stopped when Nan and Pop started calling her chubby when she was 8. They don't get unsupervised visits anymore either." 27 27points reply Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Oh no. Calling people names about their appearance / weight is horrible. How you can do that to an 8 yo child is beyond me. How insensitive and stupid. Those grandparents should indeed be watched because they will damage their grandchild like they damaged their own children. 19 19points reply Load More Replies... jonathan rasco jonathan rasco Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Ask a friggin dietician. None of you are experts. 20 20points reply ForgotMyPWSendHelp ForgotMyPWSendHelp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) You don't need a dietician to tell you what a child's diet should be unless they have an eating disorder, allergies, or are malnourished or obese. Millions of parents get by without one. The dad needs some kind of therapy for his relationship with food and probably other stuff his parents shamed him for. As long as the daughter eats a normal diet and has junk food in moderation and her doctor says she's healthy, she's fine. 15 15points reply Load More Replies... Something Something Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If there is any conflict between parents about the child's diet, it's time to talk to a dietitian. It doesn't hurt. 2 2points reply Homer Jay Homer Jay Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Not this couple apparently 2 2points reply anarkzie anarkzie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago "The dad needs some kind of therapy for his relationship with food" You really don't know that. You're only hearing one side of the argument. If the kid is eating multiple helpings, then she maybe overeating and the mum is not acknowledging it. A dietician would be able to give a non bias, professional opinion. 0 0points reply Christoph Christoph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Incorrect. Successful people don't wait until an acute situation whether it be therapy or food. The kid is not succeeding and the parents are at an impasse - this is the PERFECT time to bring in an EXPERT -2 -2points reply Julie C Rose Julie C Rose Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I’ve been to experts and I have absolutely no idea what the f**k “succeeding” even means. 4 4points reply Christoph Christoph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago I could recommend a few great ones...I dunno what kind of experts you are dealing with 0 0points reply Helen Haley Helen Haley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago How are you going to explain to the kid that they're going to a doctor when they aren't sick. The kid will immediately pick up on it, that it is a source of tension, and at that age, all hell will break loose. You've now planted seeds for self-doubt, self-blame, self-destruction all fueled by hormones and ending in an eating or anxiety disorder. If she is still active and happy, just freakin let it be. 0 0points reply Christoph Christoph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago We are going to a specialist or professional who is going to teach us how to better take care of all of our bodies - because learning you don't have to figure out everything alone in life is SUPER empowering. 0 0points reply Agnes Jekyll Agnes Jekyll Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago the kid is succeeding. She is healthy and active, and going through a growth spurt. Experts can be great, but there is no indication she is unwell in any area, except that she is not skinny--not all children should be skinny and they certainly should not be shamed for it. 0 0points reply Christoph Christoph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago An expert opinion and solutions would be MUCH more effective than assuming this is something a kid might grow out of. that then becomes HER problem to deal with through adulthood. Whats all the phobia about experts? 0 0points reply Potato Potato Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No, ask this girl's primary care physician. Ask someone who knows her personal health history and has done all the blood work and other tests. 5 5points reply Julie C Rose Julie C Rose Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I’ve been to three “friggin” dietitians. None of them would endorse the husband’s projection of his own issues. 5 5points reply Rissie Rissie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago (edited) A dietician has nothing to do here. Dad needs a psychologist. Because yes weight gain is about more than just what your parents said. They probably struggled with their weight like he does because of genetic factors. But how you act on it can change. Kiddo needs to stay very active and eat good portions of healthy food. Deny that and she will find other food sources. But most of all she needs good examples. So dad should not fear food, but embrace physical activity. But mostly he needs to stop projecting his fears onto his daughter. 1 1point reply Load More Comments POST Leo Domitrix Leo Domitrix Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago My father used food against us. No. Do not do it. if you're concerned, ask the pediatrician. Otherwise, parents need to stop working out their own neuroses by using their children. Repeat it with me: Children are not a therapy tool. 29 29points reply Tobin Kern Tobin Kern Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Just ask the doctor. If the doctor says your daughter is fat and on the way to obesity and diabetes then make changes. Dont ask the internet lol 2 2points reply Load More Replies... Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Tobin, that's a valid concern. However, they do have a GP who didn't flag any weight issues. Plus she works with people who have eating disorders. She was venting and looking for emotional support on reddit after her husband recruited his parents to side with him against her. 9 9points reply Tobin Kern Tobin Kern Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Well if you need the internet for comfort or validation then perhaps you should seek therapy. Maybe consult an actual dietician. She is probably the type of person who asks her Accountant about her car. -7 -7points reply Viviane Viviane Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago These are the people who raised the husband (quote from OP on reddit): "Holidays together stopped when Nan and Pop started calling her chubby when she was 8. They don't get unsupervised visits anymore either." 27 27points reply Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Oh no. Calling people names about their appearance / weight is horrible. How you can do that to an 8 yo child is beyond me. How insensitive and stupid. Those grandparents should indeed be watched because they will damage their grandchild like they damaged their own children. 19 19points reply Load More Replies... jonathan rasco jonathan rasco Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Ask a friggin dietician. None of you are experts. 20 20points reply ForgotMyPWSendHelp ForgotMyPWSendHelp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago (edited) You don't need a dietician to tell you what a child's diet should be unless they have an eating disorder, allergies, or are malnourished or obese. Millions of parents get by without one. The dad needs some kind of therapy for his relationship with food and probably other stuff his parents shamed him for. As long as the daughter eats a normal diet and has junk food in moderation and her doctor says she's healthy, she's fine. 15 15points reply Load More Replies... Something Something Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago If there is any conflict between parents about the child's diet, it's time to talk to a dietitian. It doesn't hurt. 2 2points reply Homer Jay Homer Jay Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Not this couple apparently 2 2points reply anarkzie anarkzie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago "The dad needs some kind of therapy for his relationship with food" You really don't know that. You're only hearing one side of the argument. If the kid is eating multiple helpings, then she maybe overeating and the mum is not acknowledging it. A dietician would be able to give a non bias, professional opinion. 0 0points reply Christoph Christoph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago Incorrect. Successful people don't wait until an acute situation whether it be therapy or food. The kid is not succeeding and the parents are at an impasse - this is the PERFECT time to bring in an EXPERT -2 -2points reply Julie C Rose Julie C Rose Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I’ve been to experts and I have absolutely no idea what the f**k “succeeding” even means. 4 4points reply Christoph Christoph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago I could recommend a few great ones...I dunno what kind of experts you are dealing with 0 0points reply Helen Haley Helen Haley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago How are you going to explain to the kid that they're going to a doctor when they aren't sick. The kid will immediately pick up on it, that it is a source of tension, and at that age, all hell will break loose. You've now planted seeds for self-doubt, self-blame, self-destruction all fueled by hormones and ending in an eating or anxiety disorder. If she is still active and happy, just freakin let it be. 0 0points reply Christoph Christoph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago We are going to a specialist or professional who is going to teach us how to better take care of all of our bodies - because learning you don't have to figure out everything alone in life is SUPER empowering. 0 0points reply Agnes Jekyll Agnes Jekyll Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago the kid is succeeding. She is healthy and active, and going through a growth spurt. Experts can be great, but there is no indication she is unwell in any area, except that she is not skinny--not all children should be skinny and they certainly should not be shamed for it. 0 0points reply Christoph Christoph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago An expert opinion and solutions would be MUCH more effective than assuming this is something a kid might grow out of. that then becomes HER problem to deal with through adulthood. Whats all the phobia about experts? 0 0points reply Potato Potato Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago No, ask this girl's primary care physician. Ask someone who knows her personal health history and has done all the blood work and other tests. 5 5points reply Julie C Rose Julie C Rose Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 months ago I’ve been to three “friggin” dietitians. None of them would endorse the husband’s projection of his own issues. 5 5points reply Rissie Rissie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago (edited) A dietician has nothing to do here. Dad needs a psychologist. Because yes weight gain is about more than just what your parents said. They probably struggled with their weight like he does because of genetic factors. But how you act on it can change. Kiddo needs to stay very active and eat good portions of healthy food. Deny that and she will find other food sources. But most of all she needs good examples. So dad should not fear food, but embrace physical activity. But mostly he needs to stop projecting his fears onto his daughter. 1 1point reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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