Unsupportive Mom Upset After Her Deaf Daughter Decides To Hold Her Wedding Ceremony In Sign Language

Unsupportive Mom Upset After Her Deaf Daughter Decides To Hold Her Wedding Ceremony In Sign Language

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Unsupportive Mom Upset After Her Deaf Daughter Decides To Hold Her Wedding Ceremony In Sign Language

Robertas Lisickis and
Saulė Tolstych
Planning, and consequently executing, a wedding is hard enough as it is without anyone trying to prod their requests, preferences, and opinions nobody asked for. An Am I The A-Hole? story popped up some time ago about a deaf bride who was organizing a wedding for mostly deaf guests and hence decided to hold the ceremony in sign language. Well, her mostly not so deaf mother had something to say about that. More Info: Reddit

Weddings are stressful already without someone imposing demands on how things ought to be

Image credits: Virginia State Parks (not the actual photo) So, Reddit user u/Academic-Nose-9239, who identified herself as a 24-year-old female, is deaf. Since childhood, she got bilateral cochlear implants and was forced to attend what she called a mainstream school, never being taught sign language, nor being introduced or immersed into deaf culture. Despite her parents not wanting her to embrace her unavoidable condition, she still ended up learning ASL and got accepted into a deaf university, allowing her to feel more in her element. She even met her now husband there. And it turned out he's from a very large family of deaf people, who OP loves dearly.

A deaf woman turned to the AITA community on Reddit asking if she was wrong to plan her own wedding in sign language despite her mom s protests

Image credits: Academic-Nose-9239 All was fine and dandy until they got to the wedding part of their lives. Since many of the guests were deaf, and it was more comfortable for her being without a hearing aid, it was decided to switch it up a bit and have the ceremony be held in sign language, with interpretation into English for the minority "signing impaired" as the invitation jokingly stated. But, as soon as OP's mother got the invite, she started furiously texting her, attempting to convince her to switch to English and have ASL be the language that's interpreted. Her argument was that this is America and so the primary language should be English, and also everyone who "doesn't choose to 'get cured' (get an implant)" should be the ones getting the translation. Image credits: Academic-Nose-9239 Oh, and she also got offended by the 'signing impaired'. The irony flew right over her head. Throughout the conversation, the mom kept on saying that she should have never let OP go to that school. So, she passed the question on to the internet arbitrators on Reddit. At some point, she also made some edits to her post, clarifying certain things like her parents never even trying to learn ASL, the joke in the invitation, how she was not in fact indoctrinated, and whatnot. Image credits: Academic-Nose-9239 Considering everything, people have ruled that she was not in the wrong to do what she did. While for some it was an easy ruling based on majority/minority numbers, others took the issue further and pointed that it's her wedding, the mom should have already learned sign language by now, and this is besides how poorly the mom treated her daughter. Image credits: Academic-Nose-9239 The post got quite a bit of attention, garnering over 21,300 upvotes and getting a lot of love from the Reddit community in the form of nearly 150 awards, engaging folks to a degree where there were over 3,000 comments in the comment section.

21k upvotes and 3k comments later the community decided that OP isn t the a-hole but her mom is

You can check out the post as well as people's reactions here, and you can check out more Am I The A-Hole? stories here. But before doing that, why not let us know your thoughts on this whole situation in the comment section below! Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Robertas Lisickis Follow Unfollow Robertas Lisickis Writer, BoredPanda staff Robertas, nicknamed the Comma Inquisitor by friends, is a Bored Panda writer and content creator. After his studies at LCC International University, where he got a BA in English Language and Literature, Robertas went on to do freelance teaching, translation, and copywriting work, primarily specializing in IT. He spent nearly three years writing about all things Wi-Fi, eventually being picked up by Bored Panda. Whenever there’s free time, he spends it playing Gwent, or hosting Dungeons & Dragons sessions for his mostly chaotic neutral team. Read more » Saulė Tolstych Follow Unfollow Saulė Tolstych Author, BoredPanda staff Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Her parents should be ashamed for isolating her for her entire childhood and making her feel as if her deafness was repulsive. 94 94points reply J.Norton J.Norton Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago (edited) Cecily Holland: No, not even close. If they were, in your words, wanted to give her an "easier" life, they would have given her a well rounded education, given her all the tools to communicate in both worlds, learnt ASL *themselves* and loved her unconditionally for all that she is and continues to be. They were/are aggressively making this about them, and that is a true shame..... 37 37points reply Load More Replies... Cecily Holland Cecily Holland Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. They were trying to give her every chance at an easier life. You should be ashamed for jumping to conclusions. She’s an ungrateful snobby brat -104 -104points reply Frankenfrog Frankenfrog Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Ah yes, you would know what a brat is, wouldn't you 34 34points reply Emma Garcia Emma Garcia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago (edited) @Cecily Deaf people can't hear, at all. From what I can gain from the post, OP is fully deaf, not just partially deaf. Yes, the proccesers do help, but they do not let her hear as a naturaly hearing person could. As one of the people replied, the choice for the wedding is similar to having a largly French speaking group have the wedding performed in French, and have an English interpreter for the few English speakers that might be there. Learning ASL at a young age would have helped her communiticate, I seriously doubt that OP had many friends or a good time in school, becuase it would have been hard for her to communicate. She had a school for the deaf 10 minutes away, if OP's parents had let her go then she would have learned ASL much earlier in life, she wold have met people with the same disability, who can relate to her and understand her, both in situation and in communication. 23 23points reply Emma Garcia Emma Garcia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago @Cecily Yes, life is harder for people who are different to how society thinks they should be, but being around people who understand and are in a similar possition themselves helps. It would be like being a Spanish speaker suddenly thrown into a place that they speak English{or some other non romance language, since romance languages are easier to switch between} and they have to learn, with no help from family and no friends to help them, how to communicate. 8 8points reply Sinkvenice Sinkvenice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago @Cecily Holland - What is wrong with you? This person explicitly explained instances where her parents showed they were "anti-deaf". Refusing to allow her to go to a deaf school 10 minutes from their house, "This is America and English should be spoken." That's the biggest red flag. You and her parents should get together and go bowling, you seem like you'd get on brilliantly with arseholes like them. 17 17points reply K Witmer K Witmer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Wtf? Are you a troll? This lovely woman was denied a good start in life bc of her toxic parents that imposed their will ignorant will on her. She has every right to live her own life the way she wants. And did you miss the part where she says she pays for her autistic brothers schooling?? What kind of crappy parents make their kid parent their sibling. Are you a Duggar bc you sound like one. 14 14points reply Sinkvenice Sinkvenice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Good work on mentioning paying for her brother's school, I was so fired up that I completely forgot to. OP's parents sound like such awful bigots, they probably think he belongs in some sort of live in facility. Even worse, the kind of place that doesn't allow home visits, which may be why she pays for his school. She sounds like an incredible young woman and should tell her parents that if they're not happy with an interpreter, they can feel free to decline attending. 6 6points reply Slytherin_4_LYF Slytherin_4_LYF Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago A chance at an easier life??? They were ashamed by her disability, got her some implants and thought that would fix it. Of course her parents are the a-holes here! After that i wouldn't even have a translator for the parents because of how they treated her and her disability. 8 8points reply Jessi Zultanky Jessi Zultanky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago You're ridiculous. I have a disability that requires me to use a wheelchair and my parents bought me a chair so I can get around and live as normal life as possible. What would i do if they forced me to walk because they "wanted to give me every chance at an easier life"? The only way that'd work is being shut in and prevented from living well. That's what they did to her by not learning ASL and helping her have tools to communicate. You are extremely ignorant and ableist. I'm so glad you're not my mother or any part of my family. Either you love playing devil's advocate or you're just extremely insensitive and rude. Why are you picking on a deaf person who is just living life? Who hurt you? 4 4points reply Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Dude it's bananas to me that your family didn't learn or atleast allow you to learn ASL. My best friends little brother is deaf, when he was born and the family found out, they all started learning immediately. Like THE WHOLE FAMILY! Before the baby could even hold his own head up, the family was already learning and since I was there all the time I wanted to learn too! Our whole friends group ended up learning (I'm not like, completely fluent! But I can hold a conversation and understand most of whatever is being signed) we had so much fun doing it! And it was great to watch Riley grow up not feeling so alone and different. He grew up not knowing that he was different, well besides the obvious but I mean he grew up understanding that it's "normal," it's okay and that it doesn't change how we all interact with him and how much we care about him. It breaks my heart that it took you until meeting your husband to finally have a family who sees u for who u are! Don't cave! It's YOUR day! 67 67points reply I I I I Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago my daughter learnt it just in case she ever got a deaf child in her class , she has taught some 5 year olds a few words in it 26 26points reply Load More Replies... Ashlea Saunders Ashlea Saunders Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago In primary school I had a deaf boy in my class. Our class had a teachers aid who knew ASL to help him. Twice a week we had a lesson entirely in ASL and because children are little sponges the whole class quickly picked up some of the basics and by half way through the year we could all talk to that boy pretty well. As a kid I thought it was cool to be able to talk to the deaf boy, and as an adult I'm so happy our school encouraged us to learn so he didn't feel isolated.. 7 7points reply Jessi Zultanky Jessi Zultanky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago This makes me so happy. I think all school children should learn at least a few ASL signs so if they meet a deaf person they can communicate. Like you said, kids learn a lot faster than adults. 2 2points reply Raven DeathShade Raven DeathShade Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago I want to learn sign, but I get distracted really easily XD. However, I know a few simple words and phrases, so I can at least tell people I'm learning :). 3 3points reply K W K W Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago The ableism aside I honestly will never understand parents who feel hugely entitled to dictate how their children's weddings are conducted. If my son ever gets married that will be a decision for him and whoever he marries. Op's wedding plans sound beautiful. And I just honestly don't understand how you wouldn't embrace who your kids are. 43 43points reply Load More Comments POST Nikki Sevven Nikki Sevven Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago I think their solution—have the ceremony in ASL and provide an interpreter—was a brilliant solution. Her parents should be ashamed for isolating her for her entire childhood and making her feel as if her deafness was repulsive. 94 94points reply J.Norton J.Norton Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago (edited) Cecily Holland: No, not even close. If they were, in your words, wanted to give her an "easier" life, they would have given her a well rounded education, given her all the tools to communicate in both worlds, learnt ASL *themselves* and loved her unconditionally for all that she is and continues to be. They were/are aggressively making this about them, and that is a true shame..... 37 37points reply Load More Replies... Cecily Holland Cecily Holland Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. They were trying to give her every chance at an easier life. You should be ashamed for jumping to conclusions. She’s an ungrateful snobby brat -104 -104points reply Frankenfrog Frankenfrog Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Ah yes, you would know what a brat is, wouldn't you 34 34points reply Emma Garcia Emma Garcia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago (edited) @Cecily Deaf people can't hear, at all. From what I can gain from the post, OP is fully deaf, not just partially deaf. Yes, the proccesers do help, but they do not let her hear as a naturaly hearing person could. As one of the people replied, the choice for the wedding is similar to having a largly French speaking group have the wedding performed in French, and have an English interpreter for the few English speakers that might be there. Learning ASL at a young age would have helped her communiticate, I seriously doubt that OP had many friends or a good time in school, becuase it would have been hard for her to communicate. She had a school for the deaf 10 minutes away, if OP's parents had let her go then she would have learned ASL much earlier in life, she wold have met people with the same disability, who can relate to her and understand her, both in situation and in communication. 23 23points reply Emma Garcia Emma Garcia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago @Cecily Yes, life is harder for people who are different to how society thinks they should be, but being around people who understand and are in a similar possition themselves helps. It would be like being a Spanish speaker suddenly thrown into a place that they speak English{or some other non romance language, since romance languages are easier to switch between} and they have to learn, with no help from family and no friends to help them, how to communicate. 8 8points reply Sinkvenice Sinkvenice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago @Cecily Holland - What is wrong with you? This person explicitly explained instances where her parents showed they were "anti-deaf". Refusing to allow her to go to a deaf school 10 minutes from their house, "This is America and English should be spoken." That's the biggest red flag. You and her parents should get together and go bowling, you seem like you'd get on brilliantly with arseholes like them. 17 17points reply K Witmer K Witmer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Wtf? Are you a troll? This lovely woman was denied a good start in life bc of her toxic parents that imposed their will ignorant will on her. She has every right to live her own life the way she wants. And did you miss the part where she says she pays for her autistic brothers schooling?? What kind of crappy parents make their kid parent their sibling. Are you a Duggar bc you sound like one. 14 14points reply Sinkvenice Sinkvenice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Good work on mentioning paying for her brother's school, I was so fired up that I completely forgot to. OP's parents sound like such awful bigots, they probably think he belongs in some sort of live in facility. Even worse, the kind of place that doesn't allow home visits, which may be why she pays for his school. She sounds like an incredible young woman and should tell her parents that if they're not happy with an interpreter, they can feel free to decline attending. 6 6points reply Slytherin_4_LYF Slytherin_4_LYF Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago A chance at an easier life??? They were ashamed by her disability, got her some implants and thought that would fix it. Of course her parents are the a-holes here! After that i wouldn't even have a translator for the parents because of how they treated her and her disability. 8 8points reply Jessi Zultanky Jessi Zultanky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago You're ridiculous. I have a disability that requires me to use a wheelchair and my parents bought me a chair so I can get around and live as normal life as possible. What would i do if they forced me to walk because they "wanted to give me every chance at an easier life"? The only way that'd work is being shut in and prevented from living well. That's what they did to her by not learning ASL and helping her have tools to communicate. You are extremely ignorant and ableist. I'm so glad you're not my mother or any part of my family. Either you love playing devil's advocate or you're just extremely insensitive and rude. Why are you picking on a deaf person who is just living life? Who hurt you? 4 4points reply Imogene Cargeaux Imogene Cargeaux Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Dude it's bananas to me that your family didn't learn or atleast allow you to learn ASL. My best friends little brother is deaf, when he was born and the family found out, they all started learning immediately. Like THE WHOLE FAMILY! Before the baby could even hold his own head up, the family was already learning and since I was there all the time I wanted to learn too! Our whole friends group ended up learning (I'm not like, completely fluent! But I can hold a conversation and understand most of whatever is being signed) we had so much fun doing it! And it was great to watch Riley grow up not feeling so alone and different. He grew up not knowing that he was different, well besides the obvious but I mean he grew up understanding that it's "normal," it's okay and that it doesn't change how we all interact with him and how much we care about him. It breaks my heart that it took you until meeting your husband to finally have a family who sees u for who u are! Don't cave! It's YOUR day! 67 67points reply I I I I Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago my daughter learnt it just in case she ever got a deaf child in her class , she has taught some 5 year olds a few words in it 26 26points reply Load More Replies... Ashlea Saunders Ashlea Saunders Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago In primary school I had a deaf boy in my class. Our class had a teachers aid who knew ASL to help him. Twice a week we had a lesson entirely in ASL and because children are little sponges the whole class quickly picked up some of the basics and by half way through the year we could all talk to that boy pretty well. As a kid I thought it was cool to be able to talk to the deaf boy, and as an adult I'm so happy our school encouraged us to learn so he didn't feel isolated.. 7 7points reply Jessi Zultanky Jessi Zultanky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago This makes me so happy. I think all school children should learn at least a few ASL signs so if they meet a deaf person they can communicate. Like you said, kids learn a lot faster than adults. 2 2points reply Raven DeathShade Raven DeathShade Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago I want to learn sign, but I get distracted really easily XD. However, I know a few simple words and phrases, so I can at least tell people I'm learning :). 3 3points reply K W K W Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago The ableism aside I honestly will never understand parents who feel hugely entitled to dictate how their children's weddings are conducted. If my son ever gets married that will be a decision for him and whoever he marries. Op's wedding plans sound beautiful. And I just honestly don't understand how you wouldn't embrace who your kids are. 43 43points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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