"Am I A Jerk For Saying That I Wouldn't Be Playing Mom With My Ex's Affair Baby?" Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree Bored Panda iOS App Available on App Store Continue in App Bored Panda Android App Available on Google Play Continue in App By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda “ Am I A Jerk For Saying That I Wouldn’ t Be Playing Mom With My Ex’ s Affair Baby ” Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 149points 7.3K Parenting6 months ago

“ Am I A Jerk For Saying That I Wouldn’ t Be Playing Mom With My Ex’ s Affair Baby ”

Rokas Laurinavičius and
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Divorce is hard on everyone. Especially the kids. Reddit user Honest-Wish7885 is a mom-of-four who thought she had it all and enjoyed a happy family life until her husband cheated on her with another woman. Long story short, the marriage ended, and the ex-husband's infidelity resulted in him having a baby through the affair. The other woman ended up passing away and the man became a single parent to the toddler, plus he regularly meets his other kids. As you can tell, it's a very complex situation. And it didn't take long for it to become even more complicated. As his ex-wife dropped off their kids, the 3-year-old girl that was conceived through the affair started calling her "Mommy." It's heartbreaking, for sure, and the little one is completely innocent, but the woman does not feel comfortable with it and, to the man's disappointment, refuses to adopt this role. Wondering about the right course of action, she made a post on the "Am I the A***ole?" subreddit, describing everything in detail and asking people if she's in the wrong. Image credits: 138843 (not the actual photo) Image credits: Josh Applegate (not the actual photo) Those who want a marriage also want it to last, but the scary U.S. statistic tells us that nearly 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. Emotional detachment is often harder to grasp and far less defined than the physical one. There aren't any exact formulas to calculate how long two people who have been co-dependent for so long might need to come to terms with their new predicament. "One way that I advise clients to learn to separate themselves from seeking approval, looking for validation, or remaining emotionally connected to a spouse is by learning to declare, not ask," mom, coach, and certified divorce specialist (TM) (CDS) Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS, explained. "An example of this would be keeping your soon-to-be-ex on a need-to-know basis, and saying things like, "I am going to start looking at new apartments," instead of asking, "Can I start looking for new apartments?" This basically sets the boundary that says, "I am gaining my independence now, and you don't have access to all parts of my life anymore." The sooner people are able to cut ties emotionally, the cleaner their divorce process generally is. So it sounds like the author of this post has managed to do so. And when it comes to Juniper… Can you really blame the woman? As difficult as it is, she is not her responsibility. "An affair is difficult enough to survive with the wisest of choices. But if a couple must deal with the child of an affair, it often seems as if nothing they do will result in a triumph," said psychologist and author Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D., best known for the book His Needs, Her Needs: Building a Marriage That Lasts. " If she pretends to be the child's mom, she is forever burdened with a constant reminder of the worst experience of her life. But if she refuses, the woman can walk away with a lot of guilt. The first safety instruction for an airplane emergency is to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others. This woman seems to be taking care of herself and her own kids first, and I don't think we can judge her for it.

People think the woman has every right to refuse to play the little girl s mom

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Rokas Laurinavičius Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read more » Ilona Baliūnaitė Ilona Baliūnaitė Author, BoredPanda staff Ilona is a photo editor at Bored Panda with an MA in Communication Of Creative Society. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a social media manager and freelance graphic designer. When she is not photoshopping or searching for the most interesting photos for stories, she is usually watching good movies and says that The Godfather is the best. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Brings tears in your eyes because she didn't ask to be born and life is already being cruel. Can't fault the OP because she has kids of her own to deal with. Messy, messy, messy. 15 15points reply K. Anderson K. Anderson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I would feel guilty to be mean to a baby -7 -7points reply Chris Primosch Chris Primosch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago It's actually the father who is being mean to the baby by putting her into this position. 12 12points reply MagNat MagNat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago She's not mean to the baby, she's refusing to play mommy. 7 7points reply Janice Blanton Janice Blanton Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Simple solution is that the pick up and drop off of your biological children shouldn't be done in the presence of the affair baby. Neither you or the child should be subjected to such emotional manipulation when the situation is so easily avoidable. 80 80points reply S S Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago THIS!! She wouldn't know the difference if he didn't make sure she saw it every time. 42 42points reply Load More Replies... Stephen R Hipp Stephen R Hipp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago All of that is irrelevant. We are here. Not there. The child now knows. It has no mom. Would it be so terrible. The dad is a piece of s**t. That is irrelevant. The child knows, that is what is relevant -2 -2points reply Mitzi McGill Mitzi McGill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Aww dont call her the affair baby. -8 -8points reply Kristina H.N. Kristina H.N. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago (edited) Then what to call her? The daughter-of-an-ex-husband-who-cheated-and-now-wants-for-his-ex-to-practically-raise-the-kid? 8 8points reply Mitzi McGill Mitzi McGill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago How about we call her the little girl? 0 0points reply Kristina H.N. Kristina H.N. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago It ain't your husband, not sure why you're telling a grown up woman what to say ? 1 1point reply Beth S Beth S Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago (edited) Poor little tyke... that being said absolutely NTA. This guy has some big brass balls asking this of his ex wife. I wonder if there is a program the ex-husband can get his daughter involved in that will help provide her with a strong female role model. Something akin to the big brothers/big sisters group. 51 51points reply Say What Say What Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Yes or he could always hire a nanny. 20 20points reply Load More Replies... Marian Moore Marian Moore Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago he would probably screw the nanny and make another baby. 9 9points reply Sara G Sara G Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago That's a big expense 4 4points reply Jessica Macklemoore Jessica Macklemoore Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Most people cant afford that, esp a single father who is probably paying alimony and child support, as he should be. Nannys make more money per year than I do lol I know cuz I used to be one and I made 16 ph in 2003 without paying any taxes so that was all take home. In my area a full time nanny now makes about 20-25 per hr. -1 -1point reply Anna Banana Anna Banana Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 6 months ago That would probably be beneficial, but I don't think she's really missing a mother figure at this age. If he was truly a great father then I doubt she would be going out of her way to find herself a mommy, I don't think it's a concept she's grasped quite yet (the plot of "Look who's talking" notwithstanding). I don't know much about kids so feel free to correct me, but the girl barely knows the OP, it seems like her dad should be her whole world at this point. I think he's been at least encouraging this. 11 11points reply Stephen R Hipp Stephen R Hipp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago Yep, cause the system produces outstanding citizens -2 -2points reply Load More Comments POST Tash Tash Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Not OP's fault at all but i feel so sorry for that little girl :( 89 89points reply Wistiti Wistiti Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago I think that's exactly what the brass-balls is hoping for. 26 26points reply Load More Replies... fu yu fu yu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago I feel so bad as well. Brings tears in your eyes because she didn't ask to be born and life is already being cruel. Can't fault the OP because she has kids of her own to deal with. Messy, messy, messy. 15 15points reply K. Anderson K. Anderson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I would feel guilty to be mean to a baby -7 -7points reply Chris Primosch Chris Primosch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago It's actually the father who is being mean to the baby by putting her into this position. 12 12points reply MagNat MagNat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago She's not mean to the baby, she's refusing to play mommy. 7 7points reply Janice Blanton Janice Blanton Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Simple solution is that the pick up and drop off of your biological children shouldn't be done in the presence of the affair baby. Neither you or the child should be subjected to such emotional manipulation when the situation is so easily avoidable. 80 80points reply S S Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago THIS!! She wouldn't know the difference if he didn't make sure she saw it every time. 42 42points reply Load More Replies... Stephen R Hipp Stephen R Hipp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago All of that is irrelevant. We are here. Not there. The child now knows. It has no mom. Would it be so terrible. The dad is a piece of s**t. That is irrelevant. The child knows, that is what is relevant -2 -2points reply Mitzi McGill Mitzi McGill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Aww dont call her the affair baby. -8 -8points reply Kristina H.N. Kristina H.N. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago (edited) Then what to call her? The daughter-of-an-ex-husband-who-cheated-and-now-wants-for-his-ex-to-practically-raise-the-kid? 8 8points reply Mitzi McGill Mitzi McGill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago How about we call her the little girl? 0 0points reply Kristina H.N. Kristina H.N. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago It ain't your husband, not sure why you're telling a grown up woman what to say ? 1 1point reply Beth S Beth S Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago (edited) Poor little tyke... that being said absolutely NTA. This guy has some big brass balls asking this of his ex wife. I wonder if there is a program the ex-husband can get his daughter involved in that will help provide her with a strong female role model. Something akin to the big brothers/big sisters group. 51 51points reply Say What Say What Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Yes or he could always hire a nanny. 20 20points reply Load More Replies... Marian Moore Marian Moore Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago he would probably screw the nanny and make another baby. 9 9points reply Sara G Sara G Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago That's a big expense 4 4points reply Jessica Macklemoore Jessica Macklemoore Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 months ago Most people cant afford that, esp a single father who is probably paying alimony and child support, as he should be. Nannys make more money per year than I do lol I know cuz I used to be one and I made 16 ph in 2003 without paying any taxes so that was all take home. In my area a full time nanny now makes about 20-25 per hr. -1 -1point reply Anna Banana Anna Banana Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 6 months ago That would probably be beneficial, but I don't think she's really missing a mother figure at this age. If he was truly a great father then I doubt she would be going out of her way to find herself a mommy, I don't think it's a concept she's grasped quite yet (the plot of "Look who's talking" notwithstanding). I don't know much about kids so feel free to correct me, but the girl barely knows the OP, it seems like her dad should be her whole world at this point. I think he's been at least encouraging this. 11 11points reply Stephen R Hipp Stephen R Hipp Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 5 months ago Yep, cause the system produces outstanding citizens -2 -2points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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