The Best Jokes About British People That Won t Fail To Make You Laugh
The Best Jokes About British People That Won't Fail To Make You Laugh Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda The Best Jokes About British People That Won t Fail To Make You Laugh Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact -12points x Facebook Pinterest Twitter Funny, Jokes4 months ago
Melanie Gervasoni
Publish Not your original work? Add source The British have a reputation for having a stiff upper lip, being super polite and reserved, but there's a whole other side of them that never gets enough love. They adore their jokes, puns, and funny one-liners, and they value them so much to the point they've become famous for their witty British humor! This is especially true for the English, who have a long comedy tradition of creating puns, jokes, and telling funny anecdotes. If you have ever lived in Britain, or if you have visited the country, then you must have come across the self-deprecating humor that is so common here. British comedy never lacks a good amount of sarcasm, banter, and puns, and even those topics that could be considered off-limits are subjected to the brutality of British comedians. Self-deprecation is so common that the British will never refrain from some good jokes about themselves. For example, if you decide to joke about how many times they drink tea per day, they will surely find it funny. In fact, there are many jokes about tea drinking here which are very popular among people and considered an integral part of their culture. Since British comedy is pretty unique and sometimes hard to understand if you're not used to it, we've got some of the best jokes about British people that are sure to make you laugh out loud! This post may include affiliate links. #1 How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up. Report 34points POST sugar-dusted-strawberries sugar-dusted-strawberries Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago *snerk* 0 0points reply View more comments #2 The past tense of William Shakespeare. Wouldiwas Shookspeared. Report 33points POST DennyS (denzoren) DennyS (denzoren) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The lesser known brother. 10 10points reply View more comments #3 What do you call an Australian visiting England on vacation?
Returning to the scene of the crime. Report 33points POST Allan Hviid Allan Hviid Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This is more an Aussie joke, TBF 8 8points reply View more comments #4 My father is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London. He works around the clock. Report 28points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ba Dum Tss 5 5points reply View more comments #5 What would an English football fan do if England won the World Cup?
Stop playing FIFA and go to bed. Report 22points POST Kona Pake Kona Pake Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago More like, they’d be partying till dawn. 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 How much space has the EU left?
1GB. Report 20points POST N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ok - reluctantly, I'll admit this one is clever 3 3points reply #7 An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman enter a bar. The Englishmen wanted to go, so they all had to leave. Report 16points POST Kayjunmoon Kayjunmoon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Welcome to the Brexit:) 2 2points reply View more comments #8 Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Doctor!
Doctor who?
That’s a great T.V. show, isn’t it? Report 15points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Not a fan of the modern ones. The episodes from the 70s and 80s are good though. 4 4points reply View more comments #9 "British people be like “Ken I get a cupa wa aaa.”" crystalreyess1 Report 13points POST Tweaked Tweaked Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The only accent this might make sense in, is a Scottish one. And Scots do not like being referred to as British. x) 8 8points reply View More Replies... View more comments #10 "I heard Europe is starting to look sexy. Now that it has lost a few pounds." Report 13points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. But there's still plenty of Greeks to ruin the Euro. -4 -4points reply View more comments #11 How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
No Brussels! Report 12points POST Matthew Eden Matthew Eden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 months ago This is probably the best joke here. 0 0points reply View more comments #12 What did Britain say to its trade partners?
See EU later. Report 12points POST DennyS (denzoren) DennyS (denzoren) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago EU: Eu for real? -1 -1point reply #13 Why did they name it Brexit?
They should have gone for the Great British Break Off! Report 12points POST N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) Ok - reluctantly, I'll admit this one is quite clever too 0 0points reply #14 What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A referee. Report 11points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That would make sense if England consistently failed to get out of the group stages but they generally make it to the quarters and last time around they made it to the semis (ultimately finishing 4th in the play off for 3rd place). 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 What’s the difference between a triangle and Manchester United?
A triangle has three points. Report 10points POST Kona Pake Kona Pake Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Don’t diss MU! 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #16 What do you call a London train that is full of lecturers?
A tube filled with smarties. Report 9points POST N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Oooh, this was soooo close to being a real joke! The actual punchline is "a tube of Smarties", but you get half a point for effort. 2 2points reply #17 My British cousin recently opened up her own fish and chips shop. She named it "Oh My Cod." Report 9points POST badger badger Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago there's a great chippie in London called Fishcoteque. 6 6points reply View more comments #18 Why doesn't England have a designated kidney bank?
They have a Liverpool. Report 8points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There’s a Kidney Wood. It’s in Luton. I’ve been there. It’s very nice. 2 2points reply View more comments #19 "I bought some new “London Bridge Jeans.” They keep falling down." Report 8points POST #20 What do you call a Dollar Store in England?
Pound Town. Report 8points POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Actually Pound Town is where your mum works. And it isn't a store. 9 9points reply View More Replies... View more comments #21 What’s the difference between Google Chrome and Manchester City?
Chrome has history. Report 7points POST DennyS (denzoren) DennyS (denzoren) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Aguerrrroooooooooooooooo (for anyone that gets the reference). 3 3points reply View more comments #22 "What time does Andy Murray go to bed?
Tennish." rexydan24 Report 7points POST James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That's actually Sean Connery but hey ho 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #23 Why is it that England football players can’t have dogs?
Because they can’t hold on to a lead. Report 6points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Yowch 0 0points reply #24 Brits prefer brooms over vacuum cleaners when it comes to cleaning their floors. But that might be a sweeping generalization. Report 6points POST Kona Pake Kona Pake Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Are you a Brit? They pronounce vacuum cleaners as Hoovers. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #25 What do Brexit and my dog have in common?
They beg to be let out, but just sit at the door when they finally are. Report 6points POST #26 "I’m so lonely. Even Brexit has been on more dates than me this year." Report 6points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I don’t get it 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #27 What’s a redneck with a British accent called?
An Australian. Report 6points POST #28 Where was a bunch of British people attacked by a gang of chickens?
Peckham. Report 5points POST #29 What is London called when it doesn't have any electricity?
Londoff. Report 5points POST #30 Did you know that Shakespeare once made a performance about puns?
It was a play on words. Report 5points POST #31 What do you call someone who is only kind of from Britain?
Brit-ish. Report 5points POST John Parkes John Parkes Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago welsharianscottofuckinwaleish 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #32 "British people be like “Oi.”" nynydapimp Report 5points POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Oi k******d. 8 8points reply View More Replies... View more comments #33 "I have no idea what’s going on with Brexit… Which is something I have in common with Britain’s government." Report 5points POST #34 With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say Make America Great Britain again! Report 5points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. A question: Two B's, Brexit and Biden, one will in time do their nation a power of good, the other is an unmitigated disaster, which is which? SPOILER: For those who don't know the correct answer, Brexit good Biden bad! -9 -9points reply View More Replies... View more comments #35 Why is England described as being a wet country?
The Queen has reigned over it for decades. Report 4points POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Although I don't find this very funny, at least it makes sense. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #36 What do you do after reaching Greenwich?
Find something to occupy you in the mean time. Report 4points POST #37 A woman just fainted whilst riding The London Eye. She’s slowly coming round. Report 4points POST #38 "British people be like “Black lives ma-a.”" jorrrmani Report 4points POST Hugh Cookson Hugh Cookson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, this is only the one's who are willfully and woefully undereducated (given that we have a reasonably good, free educational system), either that or they come from Essex or the rougher parts of Kent .... Most of us in what is laughably and possibly ironically called the 'United' Kingdom don't have a glottal stop but do have a huge range of wonderful and diverse range of regional accents, each with their own idiosyncrasies ..... please don't generalise, it's annoying and makes you look stupid. 7 7points reply View More Replies... View more comments #39 "British people could watch their family be murdered and be like "Hmmm I don't quite fancy that."" 1JoshGadFan1 Report 4points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Stiff upper lip and all that. 1 1point reply #40 Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves. Report 4points POST #41 Why doesn't any member of the royal family go to Starbucks?
They don't have an option for royal-tea. Report 3points POST Anime fan 2012 Anime fan 2012 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago She is the only one able to over-power Chuck Norris, he might be amazing but The Queen can make him a gentleman 0 0points reply View more comments #42 An English detective was running around the country looking for Leeds for his case. Report 3points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Leeds the city or Leeds the castle (for those who don't know, they're not in the same place)? 0 0points reply #43 The English baker was infamous for being a bad musician. He could never play the crumpet really well. Report 3points POST Anime fan 2012 Anime fan 2012 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Us brits love our marmite and Cheese Crumpets with a nice cuppa in the mornin, we do 0 0points reply View more comments #44 Two English fishes were debating how to pay for the lunch they were going to order. Finally, both of them agreed to chip in. Report 3points POST #45 Why do Brits end up losing weight easily?
Every time they make a purchase, they lose a couple of pounds. Report 3points POST #46 Why are penguins so scared of entering Great Britain?
They don't like to go near Wales. Report 3points POST #47 Why was Sherlock Holmes looking at the Monopoly box with suspicion?
He thought a game was afoot. Report 3points POST #48 A British man started a locksmith service in July 2020. He named it Surelock Homes. Report 3points POST #49 My friend, an ice-cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands. He even went as far as naming his ice cream shop "The Rolling Cones". Report 3points POST #50 The name of the most famous barber in all of Britain is "Jack The Clipper." Report 3points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Sweeney Todd says ‘do I not exist to you?’ 1 1point reply View more comments #51 What do Great Britain and bad houseguests have in common?
They take forever to leave… Report 3points POST #52 What does the Lochness monster call his favorite dish?
Fish & Ships. Report 2points POST #53 How do individuals in Scotland, England, Northern Ireland, and Wales ask each other about their well-being on text?
U K? Report 2points POST #54 Why didn't Frideric Handel shop in London?
He had gone Baroque. Report 2points POST Muffy Pease Muffy Pease Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Tangentially, sign hung on music store door: "Gone Chopin, Bach in a Minuet". 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #55 "The last time I talked to my brother he was really sick. I haven't talked to him in a while so I don't know if he is sick Orwell anymore." Report 2points POST #56 Why did the evil man try to poison the baker and his assistant?
He wanted to try killing two Brits with a scone. Report 2points POST #57 Why shouldn't you argue with someone while riding the London Eye?
There's no point, you'll just keep moving in circles. Report 2points POST John Parkes John Parkes Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Most of these can be applied to any country in the world. Like this one could be called "why dont you argue with someone on any ferris wheel in the f*****g world or on a roundabout. 2 2points reply #58 If they were going to make a British food version of "Game Of Thrones", they'd name it "Game Of Scones." Report 2points POST #59 My friend just invested in a new company that provides haircuts to British people on flights. It's called "British Hairways." Report 2points POST #60 The conjoined twins went to Great Britain for what reason?
So the other one could learn to drive. Report 2points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That's not a British joke, it could apply to numerous other countries. 2 2points reply #61 When you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman, what should you do?
Park in it, of course. Report 2points POST Soupyx Soupyx Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 weeks ago It's meant to be "park in it, man" but I still love this joke and ehh close enough 0 0points reply View more comments #62 Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour?”
It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don’t need u. Report 2points POST #63 What is the longest word in the English language?
"Smiles." Because there is a mile between its first and last letters. Report 2points POST Adrienne Mcginley Adrienne Mcginley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That's not a British joke. Americans speak English too. 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #64 What do people like to wear in England?
Tea-shirts. Report 2points POST #65 "British people getting stabbed be like: "Oit there mate, bit rude to put that knoife in me chest innit?"" fgtwentyeight Report 2points POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I am not sure what language these "British people" are speaking in these jokes. 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #66 "British people be like "I'm bri ish."" goodbeanalt Report 2points POST James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Americans s ole the T for ha par y in Bos on ;) 2 2points reply View more comments #67 "British people watching spider man be like “Peta paka.”" jiggydudej Report 2points POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Have the people making these jokes ever met a British person? 12 12points reply View More Replies... View more comments #68 "British people be like "ROIGHT wots oll dis den."" quinnmacncheese Report 2points POST #69 "British people be like "Subscribe to my Youchube."" sexyenzyme Report 2points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Well, that's the closest phonetic spelling of the correct pronunciation, as opposed to the incorrect "Youtoob". 2 2points reply View more comments #70 "British people be like: “Yu luuk beutiful loaf.”" kisthes Report 2points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Luv not loaf you fool. 2 2points reply #71 "British people b like "Yoove gOHt to be joe king."" assatrology Report 2points POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago When you are trying to make a joke about someone's pronunciation, perhaps using "people b like" undermines you superiority. 3 3points reply View more comments #72 "British people be like “Mafffmatics is hard, innit!?”" Param_arya Report 2points POST #73 "British people be like “I soar a film.”" daisy_hex/status Report 2points POST #74 "British people be like: "I'm not bovered."" Circe_Speaks Report 2points POST James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That "Bovverd" 2 v's you inbred hick 5 5points reply View more comments #75 "British people be like “You must fink I’m schewpid innit.”" Rxcheeel Report 2points POST Dead Died Death Dead Died Death Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Never heard anyone say schewpid in all the time I've lived here. People would assume you had a speech impediment. 2 2points reply View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #76 "British people be like: “Roight, look at this beauchiful bloody wohk of aaaht.”" Dani1818 Report 2points POST #77 "British people be like “Can I get a chuna sanwich?”" killedkenny7 Report 2points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) Can I get some funny jokes pls. Hold the chuna sandwich though 0 0points reply #78 "British people be like: “I faught we were in dis togeva.”" playstayysean Report 2points POST #79 "British people be like “Fookin ell.”" dietcokexbust Report 2points POST DennyS (denzoren) DennyS (denzoren) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Also, bollocks. 2 2points reply #80 "British people be like “Fank you” and then “Isso k.”" fatima_b5 Report 2points POST #81 "British people be like “Litchrally.”" queersocialism Report 2points POST #82 "British people be like "Can I get a boao of wooa."" 22ang1 Report 2points POST James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I'm British and I dont know what that says 9 9points reply View More Replies... View more comments #83 "British people b like “Fink it frough bruv.”" REDSEASHAWTY Report 2points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ug 0 0points reply #84 "British people be like “Bluhy ell.”" bobbyteriyaki Report 2points POST #85 "Why do number plates on cars in Britain have different colours on the front and on the back of the car?
So Brits can tell where the front and the back of the car is." xslfo Report 2points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No. They’re the same colour unless broken and the mechanic you take your car to is all out of the colours you want . What the hell even is this thread. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #86 How much do cockneys pay for shampoo?
Pantene. Jazzy0082 Report 2points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago At this rate, we will need a separate thread for explanations of these jokes 0 0points reply #87 Did you hear what the English, the Irish and the Scots did when they heard the world was coming to an end?
The English all went out and got drunk. The Irish all went to church. And the Scots had a closing down sale. Report 2points POST #88 What’s the good thing with jokes about the brexit?
They will be still relevant in a decade. Report 2points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago They will, but the joke will be on the pessimists that are scared the UK won't remember how to actually do well for itself. It will. 0 0points reply #89 Why can’t British people go to North Korea?
Nobody at the ticket counter knows what “North career” means. Report 2points POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Does it have a meaning? 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #90 What had the English telecom representative said to the man who wanted to describe a nuisance caller?
Oh, you again. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago ????????????????? 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #91 What does the English owl call his favorite TV show?
Dr. Whoot. Report 1point POST #92 Why did children have to always main a 3-foot distance from English kings?
The kings had limited heirspace. Report 1point POST #93 Why did the woman have a horrible time in London?
She had a horrible heir day. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What? What? What? How is this a joke? 4 4points reply #94 Why did the graduate reminisce his college days in England so fondly?
Those were the best of Thames. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Cos the Thames famously runs all the way through every county of England. 2 2points reply #95 Why was the pet owner having such a hard time with the puppy he'd just adopted in England?
The puppy couldn't be thamed. Report 1point POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago It’s pronounced like Tems, so the pupper couldn’t be Tem-d, which don’t make no sense 0 0points reply View more comments See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #96 What had the son said to his mom when she expressed her worry about him going to the Big Ben?
It's just the Big Ben, there's no reason to be alarmed. Report 1point POST Scagsy Scagsy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What? These are actually physically painful. I'm gonna finish the thread because I never leave one when I start. But seriously, can you die from **CRINGE**? 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments #97 What was the man feeling after he got swindled right under Big Ben?
He was ticked off. Report 1point POST #98 What did the English banker say to the river who was looking to open a new account?
You can easily bank on me. Report 1point POST #99 Why is everybody in London always nearly late?
They're always nearly on the Thames. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago My god, these "jokes" are painful. 8 8points reply View More Replies... View more comments #100 What is the main distinction between ohms and watts?
Watts measure energy, while Ohms are the places that Brits reside in. Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Maybe if you’re an idiot or a cockney. Nobody else h drops. 1 1point reply #101 Why was the English man so sad about being in college, so far away from his lover?
He couldn't Oxford to see her. Report 1point POST John Parkes John Parkes Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago It just gets worse... 1 1point reply View more comments #102 A pair of English twins loved to play with water while traveling. Their favorite part of summer trips was always Bath time. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What? Has this been through Google translate a few times? It makes no sense? 2 2points reply View more comments #103 A man told his wife from Brighton, "You really Brighton up my life". Report 1point POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Bp you need some better jokes. Come on. 0 0points reply #104 A couple was standing under the famous London clock, when the husband asked his wife, "I wish we could have Ben here when it was being built." Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago And she slapped him upside the head for being unfunny and replied “Gerald, don’t be stupid. Only the bell is called Big Ben, the tower is the Elizabeth Tower.” 4 4points reply View more comments #105 A group of friends was going around England trying to look for greater theatres in order to recreate their amazing London experience. They were globe-trotting. Report 1point POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ngl not too bad -3 -3points reply See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #106 The English Strait was having a rough month, so his friend suggested that he channel his energy into being productive. Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The English Strait is in Antarctica. The bit of sea that separates the U.K. from France is called the Strait of Dover (or Dover Strait). 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments #107 Two friends decided to ride around a park for 10 hours straight. After the crazy experience, one of them mentioned "That was a wild Hyde." Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Has some AI computer programme come up with these? Hyde sounds like ride and it is a park, so of course they got together to make a joke...... 3 3points reply #108 The English dessert was really grateful that her friend, the Haggis, was by her side all the time. "Thank you so much for pudding up with my mess!" said the dessert. Report 1point POST #109 The chef made sure he took a tour of all the bakeries in England. He didn't want to leave a single scone unturned. Report 1point POST #110 The English prince has been having a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. He has to appoint a tudor. Report 1point POST Kona Pake Kona Pake Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What you really mean is his daddy appointed a tudor. 3 3points reply #111 "I want to get the term 'England's Royalty' printed on my hoodie. I think it has a nice ring." Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago ?????????? 2 2points reply #112 English warlords didn't have a lot of choices when it came to their enemies. They could only play the hand that they were celt. Report 1point POST #113 My friend's favorite series is Harry Potter, so she goes to England many times in a year. Fortunately, she is Rowling in money. Report 1point POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago My most sarcastic eye rolls from Hogwarts Castle #slytherinsforever 1 1point reply #114 An English journalist went to the train station to catch his scheduled train at 2 pm when someone accidentally mistook him for a luggage handler. "I can't handle your luggage, I'm only a re-porter", he chuckled. Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago These are terrible! 5 5points reply #115 Many British people tend to make pour decisions after going to the pub. Report 1point POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #116 What do British people eat in the morning?
Cheerios mate! Report 1point POST Kayjunmoon Kayjunmoon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Come on BP. This is shocking. Get a grip of your threads. 4 4points reply View more comments #117 Why was the tourist getting his eyesight fixed before going to Britain?
He wanted to see the London eye. Report 1point POST Scagsy Scagsy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Nah man. I'm bailing. This is the worst thread that I have ever seen. 6 6points reply View more comments #118 What is the reason for British people driving on the left?
Because they have no rights. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What rights don't we have? Some of these jokes are just pathetic. 7 7points reply View More Replies... View more comments #119 When British women have their periods, what do they call them?
A bloody mess. Report 1point POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Seriously, what is going on with this thread? 3 3points reply View more comments #120 "Remember when Britain was still part of the EU?
I still remember it like it was yesterday." Report 1point POST #121 A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds. She must be exhausted. Report 1point POST #122 "British people be like munday, chewsday, wensday, thuhsday, FROIday, sa-a-day, sunday." spacekittens420 Report 1point POST Marcy Wu Marcy Wu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago We invented the language, we can say it how we want 0 0points reply #123 ""Fank yew" - any British person ever." gucciano Report 1point POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No. Reception ages children maybe. 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #124 "British people be like “Arry pah uh.”" emmarcarlson Report 1point POST #125 "British people be like “Roit wots oll this then.”" da_arc_troopa Report 1point POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #126 "Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?
Because god doesn't trust the English in the dark." Charlie_Mouse Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What? 1 1point reply View more comments #127 It drives me crazy when British people talk about the big pile of trash in the ocean. They shouldn’t talk like that about their country. Report 0points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Aivaras Kaziukonis Aivaras Kaziukonis Author, BoredPanda staff Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football. Read more » Melanie Gervasoni Follow Unfollow Melanie Gervasoni Writer, BoredPanda staff Copywriter and content writer who plans to visit all the countries in the world. Obsessed with oversize hoodies. Very loud, like every Italian.
Melanie spends most of her time in front of a screen, just noting some ideas she could use in her articles. When she's not writing, she watches TV series, plays video games, learns some Spanish (thanks, Duolingo!), and looks for the perfect music playlist on Deezer. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Employee They Disrespected I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) What do you think ? POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There might be a couple of genuine odd jokes in this lot, otherwise it is a painful list of unfunny. Half of this stuff does not even make sense. If you want some good jokes about British people ask us British people and we will provide, we do not mind a good joke or a funny insult, it is our culture, this is just a lazy list of jokes based on what "British" people sound like in bad Hollywood films. 11 11points reply N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I've worked out the accent entries - they're using a definition of British that's referring to the five mile radius surrounding Watford. 5 5points reply Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, wrong side of London. It would be surrounding Dagenham. 2 2points reply Load More Replies... N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ah, you see I was basing it on the fact that Watford and Borehamwood are very close (not sure if the five miles is accurate), and Borehamwood is where EastEnders is filmed.... But since when had geographic accuracy been a factor in taking the mickey out of people's accents. ? 0 0points reply RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Whoever made this be like: "England = London lol" and clearly has never met any actual British people. There's some good stuff here but most of it is just painfully unfunny. Like, honestly just cringeworthy and lazily made. 4 4points reply Load More Comments POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There might be a couple of genuine odd jokes in this lot, otherwise it is a painful list of unfunny. Half of this stuff does not even make sense. If you want some good jokes about British people ask us British people and we will provide, we do not mind a good joke or a funny insult, it is our culture, this is just a lazy list of jokes based on what "British" people sound like in bad Hollywood films. 11 11points reply N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I've worked out the accent entries - they're using a definition of British that's referring to the five mile radius surrounding Watford. 5 5points reply Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, wrong side of London. It would be surrounding Dagenham. 2 2points reply Load More Replies... N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ah, you see I was basing it on the fact that Watford and Borehamwood are very close (not sure if the five miles is accurate), and Borehamwood is where EastEnders is filmed.... But since when had geographic accuracy been a factor in taking the mickey out of people's accents. ? 0 0points reply RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Whoever made this be like: "England = London lol" and clearly has never met any actual British people. There's some good stuff here but most of it is just painfully unfunny. Like, honestly just cringeworthy and lazily made. 4 4points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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The Best Jokes About British People That Won t Fail To Make You Laugh
Aivaras Kaziukonis andMelanie Gervasoni
Publish Not your original work? Add source The British have a reputation for having a stiff upper lip, being super polite and reserved, but there's a whole other side of them that never gets enough love. They adore their jokes, puns, and funny one-liners, and they value them so much to the point they've become famous for their witty British humor! This is especially true for the English, who have a long comedy tradition of creating puns, jokes, and telling funny anecdotes. If you have ever lived in Britain, or if you have visited the country, then you must have come across the self-deprecating humor that is so common here. British comedy never lacks a good amount of sarcasm, banter, and puns, and even those topics that could be considered off-limits are subjected to the brutality of British comedians. Self-deprecation is so common that the British will never refrain from some good jokes about themselves. For example, if you decide to joke about how many times they drink tea per day, they will surely find it funny. In fact, there are many jokes about tea drinking here which are very popular among people and considered an integral part of their culture. Since British comedy is pretty unique and sometimes hard to understand if you're not used to it, we've got some of the best jokes about British people that are sure to make you laugh out loud! This post may include affiliate links. #1 How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up. Report 34points POST sugar-dusted-strawberries sugar-dusted-strawberries Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago *snerk* 0 0points reply View more comments #2 The past tense of William Shakespeare. Wouldiwas Shookspeared. Report 33points POST DennyS (denzoren) DennyS (denzoren) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The lesser known brother. 10 10points reply View more comments #3 What do you call an Australian visiting England on vacation?
Returning to the scene of the crime. Report 33points POST Allan Hviid Allan Hviid Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This is more an Aussie joke, TBF 8 8points reply View more comments #4 My father is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London. He works around the clock. Report 28points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ba Dum Tss 5 5points reply View more comments #5 What would an English football fan do if England won the World Cup?
Stop playing FIFA and go to bed. Report 22points POST Kona Pake Kona Pake Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago More like, they’d be partying till dawn. 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 How much space has the EU left?
1GB. Report 20points POST N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ok - reluctantly, I'll admit this one is clever 3 3points reply #7 An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman enter a bar. The Englishmen wanted to go, so they all had to leave. Report 16points POST Kayjunmoon Kayjunmoon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Welcome to the Brexit:) 2 2points reply View more comments #8 Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Doctor!
Doctor who?
That’s a great T.V. show, isn’t it? Report 15points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Not a fan of the modern ones. The episodes from the 70s and 80s are good though. 4 4points reply View more comments #9 "British people be like “Ken I get a cupa wa aaa.”" crystalreyess1 Report 13points POST Tweaked Tweaked Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The only accent this might make sense in, is a Scottish one. And Scots do not like being referred to as British. x) 8 8points reply View More Replies... View more comments #10 "I heard Europe is starting to look sexy. Now that it has lost a few pounds." Report 13points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. But there's still plenty of Greeks to ruin the Euro. -4 -4points reply View more comments #11 How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
No Brussels! Report 12points POST Matthew Eden Matthew Eden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 months ago This is probably the best joke here. 0 0points reply View more comments #12 What did Britain say to its trade partners?
See EU later. Report 12points POST DennyS (denzoren) DennyS (denzoren) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago EU: Eu for real? -1 -1point reply #13 Why did they name it Brexit?
They should have gone for the Great British Break Off! Report 12points POST N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) Ok - reluctantly, I'll admit this one is quite clever too 0 0points reply #14 What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A referee. Report 11points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That would make sense if England consistently failed to get out of the group stages but they generally make it to the quarters and last time around they made it to the semis (ultimately finishing 4th in the play off for 3rd place). 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 What’s the difference between a triangle and Manchester United?
A triangle has three points. Report 10points POST Kona Pake Kona Pake Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Don’t diss MU! 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #16 What do you call a London train that is full of lecturers?
A tube filled with smarties. Report 9points POST N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Oooh, this was soooo close to being a real joke! The actual punchline is "a tube of Smarties", but you get half a point for effort. 2 2points reply #17 My British cousin recently opened up her own fish and chips shop. She named it "Oh My Cod." Report 9points POST badger badger Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago there's a great chippie in London called Fishcoteque. 6 6points reply View more comments #18 Why doesn't England have a designated kidney bank?
They have a Liverpool. Report 8points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There’s a Kidney Wood. It’s in Luton. I’ve been there. It’s very nice. 2 2points reply View more comments #19 "I bought some new “London Bridge Jeans.” They keep falling down." Report 8points POST #20 What do you call a Dollar Store in England?
Pound Town. Report 8points POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Actually Pound Town is where your mum works. And it isn't a store. 9 9points reply View More Replies... View more comments #21 What’s the difference between Google Chrome and Manchester City?
Chrome has history. Report 7points POST DennyS (denzoren) DennyS (denzoren) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Aguerrrroooooooooooooooo (for anyone that gets the reference). 3 3points reply View more comments #22 "What time does Andy Murray go to bed?
Tennish." rexydan24 Report 7points POST James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That's actually Sean Connery but hey ho 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #23 Why is it that England football players can’t have dogs?
Because they can’t hold on to a lead. Report 6points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Yowch 0 0points reply #24 Brits prefer brooms over vacuum cleaners when it comes to cleaning their floors. But that might be a sweeping generalization. Report 6points POST Kona Pake Kona Pake Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Are you a Brit? They pronounce vacuum cleaners as Hoovers. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #25 What do Brexit and my dog have in common?
They beg to be let out, but just sit at the door when they finally are. Report 6points POST #26 "I’m so lonely. Even Brexit has been on more dates than me this year." Report 6points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I don’t get it 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #27 What’s a redneck with a British accent called?
An Australian. Report 6points POST #28 Where was a bunch of British people attacked by a gang of chickens?
Peckham. Report 5points POST #29 What is London called when it doesn't have any electricity?
Londoff. Report 5points POST #30 Did you know that Shakespeare once made a performance about puns?
It was a play on words. Report 5points POST #31 What do you call someone who is only kind of from Britain?
Brit-ish. Report 5points POST John Parkes John Parkes Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago welsharianscottofuckinwaleish 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #32 "British people be like “Oi.”" nynydapimp Report 5points POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Oi k******d. 8 8points reply View More Replies... View more comments #33 "I have no idea what’s going on with Brexit… Which is something I have in common with Britain’s government." Report 5points POST #34 With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say Make America Great Britain again! Report 5points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. A question: Two B's, Brexit and Biden, one will in time do their nation a power of good, the other is an unmitigated disaster, which is which? SPOILER: For those who don't know the correct answer, Brexit good Biden bad! -9 -9points reply View More Replies... View more comments #35 Why is England described as being a wet country?
The Queen has reigned over it for decades. Report 4points POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Although I don't find this very funny, at least it makes sense. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #36 What do you do after reaching Greenwich?
Find something to occupy you in the mean time. Report 4points POST #37 A woman just fainted whilst riding The London Eye. She’s slowly coming round. Report 4points POST #38 "British people be like “Black lives ma-a.”" jorrrmani Report 4points POST Hugh Cookson Hugh Cookson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, this is only the one's who are willfully and woefully undereducated (given that we have a reasonably good, free educational system), either that or they come from Essex or the rougher parts of Kent .... Most of us in what is laughably and possibly ironically called the 'United' Kingdom don't have a glottal stop but do have a huge range of wonderful and diverse range of regional accents, each with their own idiosyncrasies ..... please don't generalise, it's annoying and makes you look stupid. 7 7points reply View More Replies... View more comments #39 "British people could watch their family be murdered and be like "Hmmm I don't quite fancy that."" 1JoshGadFan1 Report 4points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Stiff upper lip and all that. 1 1point reply #40 Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves. Report 4points POST #41 Why doesn't any member of the royal family go to Starbucks?
They don't have an option for royal-tea. Report 3points POST Anime fan 2012 Anime fan 2012 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago She is the only one able to over-power Chuck Norris, he might be amazing but The Queen can make him a gentleman 0 0points reply View more comments #42 An English detective was running around the country looking for Leeds for his case. Report 3points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Leeds the city or Leeds the castle (for those who don't know, they're not in the same place)? 0 0points reply #43 The English baker was infamous for being a bad musician. He could never play the crumpet really well. Report 3points POST Anime fan 2012 Anime fan 2012 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Us brits love our marmite and Cheese Crumpets with a nice cuppa in the mornin, we do 0 0points reply View more comments #44 Two English fishes were debating how to pay for the lunch they were going to order. Finally, both of them agreed to chip in. Report 3points POST #45 Why do Brits end up losing weight easily?
Every time they make a purchase, they lose a couple of pounds. Report 3points POST #46 Why are penguins so scared of entering Great Britain?
They don't like to go near Wales. Report 3points POST #47 Why was Sherlock Holmes looking at the Monopoly box with suspicion?
He thought a game was afoot. Report 3points POST #48 A British man started a locksmith service in July 2020. He named it Surelock Homes. Report 3points POST #49 My friend, an ice-cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands. He even went as far as naming his ice cream shop "The Rolling Cones". Report 3points POST #50 The name of the most famous barber in all of Britain is "Jack The Clipper." Report 3points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Sweeney Todd says ‘do I not exist to you?’ 1 1point reply View more comments #51 What do Great Britain and bad houseguests have in common?
They take forever to leave… Report 3points POST #52 What does the Lochness monster call his favorite dish?
Fish & Ships. Report 2points POST #53 How do individuals in Scotland, England, Northern Ireland, and Wales ask each other about their well-being on text?
U K? Report 2points POST #54 Why didn't Frideric Handel shop in London?
He had gone Baroque. Report 2points POST Muffy Pease Muffy Pease Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Tangentially, sign hung on music store door: "Gone Chopin, Bach in a Minuet". 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #55 "The last time I talked to my brother he was really sick. I haven't talked to him in a while so I don't know if he is sick Orwell anymore." Report 2points POST #56 Why did the evil man try to poison the baker and his assistant?
He wanted to try killing two Brits with a scone. Report 2points POST #57 Why shouldn't you argue with someone while riding the London Eye?
There's no point, you'll just keep moving in circles. Report 2points POST John Parkes John Parkes Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Most of these can be applied to any country in the world. Like this one could be called "why dont you argue with someone on any ferris wheel in the f*****g world or on a roundabout. 2 2points reply #58 If they were going to make a British food version of "Game Of Thrones", they'd name it "Game Of Scones." Report 2points POST #59 My friend just invested in a new company that provides haircuts to British people on flights. It's called "British Hairways." Report 2points POST #60 The conjoined twins went to Great Britain for what reason?
So the other one could learn to drive. Report 2points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That's not a British joke, it could apply to numerous other countries. 2 2points reply #61 When you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman, what should you do?
Park in it, of course. Report 2points POST Soupyx Soupyx Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 weeks ago It's meant to be "park in it, man" but I still love this joke and ehh close enough 0 0points reply View more comments #62 Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour?”
It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don’t need u. Report 2points POST #63 What is the longest word in the English language?
"Smiles." Because there is a mile between its first and last letters. Report 2points POST Adrienne Mcginley Adrienne Mcginley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That's not a British joke. Americans speak English too. 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #64 What do people like to wear in England?
Tea-shirts. Report 2points POST #65 "British people getting stabbed be like: "Oit there mate, bit rude to put that knoife in me chest innit?"" fgtwentyeight Report 2points POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I am not sure what language these "British people" are speaking in these jokes. 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #66 "British people be like "I'm bri ish."" goodbeanalt Report 2points POST James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Americans s ole the T for ha par y in Bos on ;) 2 2points reply View more comments #67 "British people watching spider man be like “Peta paka.”" jiggydudej Report 2points POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Have the people making these jokes ever met a British person? 12 12points reply View More Replies... View more comments #68 "British people be like "ROIGHT wots oll dis den."" quinnmacncheese Report 2points POST #69 "British people be like "Subscribe to my Youchube."" sexyenzyme Report 2points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Well, that's the closest phonetic spelling of the correct pronunciation, as opposed to the incorrect "Youtoob". 2 2points reply View more comments #70 "British people be like: “Yu luuk beutiful loaf.”" kisthes Report 2points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Luv not loaf you fool. 2 2points reply #71 "British people b like "Yoove gOHt to be joe king."" assatrology Report 2points POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago When you are trying to make a joke about someone's pronunciation, perhaps using "people b like" undermines you superiority. 3 3points reply View more comments #72 "British people be like “Mafffmatics is hard, innit!?”" Param_arya Report 2points POST #73 "British people be like “I soar a film.”" daisy_hex/status Report 2points POST #74 "British people be like: "I'm not bovered."" Circe_Speaks Report 2points POST James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That "Bovverd" 2 v's you inbred hick 5 5points reply View more comments #75 "British people be like “You must fink I’m schewpid innit.”" Rxcheeel Report 2points POST Dead Died Death Dead Died Death Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Never heard anyone say schewpid in all the time I've lived here. People would assume you had a speech impediment. 2 2points reply View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #76 "British people be like: “Roight, look at this beauchiful bloody wohk of aaaht.”" Dani1818 Report 2points POST #77 "British people be like “Can I get a chuna sanwich?”" killedkenny7 Report 2points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) Can I get some funny jokes pls. Hold the chuna sandwich though 0 0points reply #78 "British people be like: “I faught we were in dis togeva.”" playstayysean Report 2points POST #79 "British people be like “Fookin ell.”" dietcokexbust Report 2points POST DennyS (denzoren) DennyS (denzoren) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Also, bollocks. 2 2points reply #80 "British people be like “Fank you” and then “Isso k.”" fatima_b5 Report 2points POST #81 "British people be like “Litchrally.”" queersocialism Report 2points POST #82 "British people be like "Can I get a boao of wooa."" 22ang1 Report 2points POST James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I'm British and I dont know what that says 9 9points reply View More Replies... View more comments #83 "British people b like “Fink it frough bruv.”" REDSEASHAWTY Report 2points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ug 0 0points reply #84 "British people be like “Bluhy ell.”" bobbyteriyaki Report 2points POST #85 "Why do number plates on cars in Britain have different colours on the front and on the back of the car?
So Brits can tell where the front and the back of the car is." xslfo Report 2points POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No. They’re the same colour unless broken and the mechanic you take your car to is all out of the colours you want . What the hell even is this thread. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #86 How much do cockneys pay for shampoo?
Pantene. Jazzy0082 Report 2points POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago At this rate, we will need a separate thread for explanations of these jokes 0 0points reply #87 Did you hear what the English, the Irish and the Scots did when they heard the world was coming to an end?
The English all went out and got drunk. The Irish all went to church. And the Scots had a closing down sale. Report 2points POST #88 What’s the good thing with jokes about the brexit?
They will be still relevant in a decade. Report 2points POST Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago They will, but the joke will be on the pessimists that are scared the UK won't remember how to actually do well for itself. It will. 0 0points reply #89 Why can’t British people go to North Korea?
Nobody at the ticket counter knows what “North career” means. Report 2points POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Does it have a meaning? 2 2points reply View More Replies... View more comments #90 What had the English telecom representative said to the man who wanted to describe a nuisance caller?
Oh, you again. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago ????????????????? 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments #91 What does the English owl call his favorite TV show?
Dr. Whoot. Report 1point POST #92 Why did children have to always main a 3-foot distance from English kings?
The kings had limited heirspace. Report 1point POST #93 Why did the woman have a horrible time in London?
She had a horrible heir day. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What? What? What? How is this a joke? 4 4points reply #94 Why did the graduate reminisce his college days in England so fondly?
Those were the best of Thames. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Cos the Thames famously runs all the way through every county of England. 2 2points reply #95 Why was the pet owner having such a hard time with the puppy he'd just adopted in England?
The puppy couldn't be thamed. Report 1point POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago It’s pronounced like Tems, so the pupper couldn’t be Tem-d, which don’t make no sense 0 0points reply View more comments See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #96 What had the son said to his mom when she expressed her worry about him going to the Big Ben?
It's just the Big Ben, there's no reason to be alarmed. Report 1point POST Scagsy Scagsy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What? These are actually physically painful. I'm gonna finish the thread because I never leave one when I start. But seriously, can you die from **CRINGE**? 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments #97 What was the man feeling after he got swindled right under Big Ben?
He was ticked off. Report 1point POST #98 What did the English banker say to the river who was looking to open a new account?
You can easily bank on me. Report 1point POST #99 Why is everybody in London always nearly late?
They're always nearly on the Thames. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago My god, these "jokes" are painful. 8 8points reply View More Replies... View more comments #100 What is the main distinction between ohms and watts?
Watts measure energy, while Ohms are the places that Brits reside in. Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Maybe if you’re an idiot or a cockney. Nobody else h drops. 1 1point reply #101 Why was the English man so sad about being in college, so far away from his lover?
He couldn't Oxford to see her. Report 1point POST John Parkes John Parkes Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago It just gets worse... 1 1point reply View more comments #102 A pair of English twins loved to play with water while traveling. Their favorite part of summer trips was always Bath time. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What? Has this been through Google translate a few times? It makes no sense? 2 2points reply View more comments #103 A man told his wife from Brighton, "You really Brighton up my life". Report 1point POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Bp you need some better jokes. Come on. 0 0points reply #104 A couple was standing under the famous London clock, when the husband asked his wife, "I wish we could have Ben here when it was being built." Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago And she slapped him upside the head for being unfunny and replied “Gerald, don’t be stupid. Only the bell is called Big Ben, the tower is the Elizabeth Tower.” 4 4points reply View more comments #105 A group of friends was going around England trying to look for greater theatres in order to recreate their amazing London experience. They were globe-trotting. Report 1point POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ngl not too bad -3 -3points reply See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #106 The English Strait was having a rough month, so his friend suggested that he channel his energy into being productive. Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The English Strait is in Antarctica. The bit of sea that separates the U.K. from France is called the Strait of Dover (or Dover Strait). 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments #107 Two friends decided to ride around a park for 10 hours straight. After the crazy experience, one of them mentioned "That was a wild Hyde." Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Has some AI computer programme come up with these? Hyde sounds like ride and it is a park, so of course they got together to make a joke...... 3 3points reply #108 The English dessert was really grateful that her friend, the Haggis, was by her side all the time. "Thank you so much for pudding up with my mess!" said the dessert. Report 1point POST #109 The chef made sure he took a tour of all the bakeries in England. He didn't want to leave a single scone unturned. Report 1point POST #110 The English prince has been having a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. He has to appoint a tudor. Report 1point POST Kona Pake Kona Pake Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What you really mean is his daddy appointed a tudor. 3 3points reply #111 "I want to get the term 'England's Royalty' printed on my hoodie. I think it has a nice ring." Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago ?????????? 2 2points reply #112 English warlords didn't have a lot of choices when it came to their enemies. They could only play the hand that they were celt. Report 1point POST #113 My friend's favorite series is Harry Potter, so she goes to England many times in a year. Fortunately, she is Rowling in money. Report 1point POST ThatBoredDolphin ThatBoredDolphin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago My most sarcastic eye rolls from Hogwarts Castle #slytherinsforever 1 1point reply #114 An English journalist went to the train station to catch his scheduled train at 2 pm when someone accidentally mistook him for a luggage handler. "I can't handle your luggage, I'm only a re-porter", he chuckled. Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago These are terrible! 5 5points reply #115 Many British people tend to make pour decisions after going to the pub. Report 1point POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #116 What do British people eat in the morning?
Cheerios mate! Report 1point POST Kayjunmoon Kayjunmoon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Come on BP. This is shocking. Get a grip of your threads. 4 4points reply View more comments #117 Why was the tourist getting his eyesight fixed before going to Britain?
He wanted to see the London eye. Report 1point POST Scagsy Scagsy Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Nah man. I'm bailing. This is the worst thread that I have ever seen. 6 6points reply View more comments #118 What is the reason for British people driving on the left?
Because they have no rights. Report 1point POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What rights don't we have? Some of these jokes are just pathetic. 7 7points reply View More Replies... View more comments #119 When British women have their periods, what do they call them?
A bloody mess. Report 1point POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Seriously, what is going on with this thread? 3 3points reply View more comments #120 "Remember when Britain was still part of the EU?
I still remember it like it was yesterday." Report 1point POST #121 A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds. She must be exhausted. Report 1point POST #122 "British people be like munday, chewsday, wensday, thuhsday, FROIday, sa-a-day, sunday." spacekittens420 Report 1point POST Marcy Wu Marcy Wu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago We invented the language, we can say it how we want 0 0points reply #123 ""Fank yew" - any British person ever." gucciano Report 1point POST Wondering Alice Wondering Alice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No. Reception ages children maybe. 1 1point reply View More Replies... View more comments #124 "British people be like “Arry pah uh.”" emmarcarlson Report 1point POST #125 "British people be like “Roit wots oll this then.”" da_arc_troopa Report 1point POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #126 "Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?
Because god doesn't trust the English in the dark." Charlie_Mouse Report 1point POST Rabbit Carrot Rabbit Carrot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago What? 1 1point reply View more comments #127 It drives me crazy when British people talk about the big pile of trash in the ocean. They shouldn’t talk like that about their country. Report 0points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Aivaras Kaziukonis Aivaras Kaziukonis Author, BoredPanda staff Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football. Read more » Melanie Gervasoni Follow Unfollow Melanie Gervasoni Writer, BoredPanda staff Copywriter and content writer who plans to visit all the countries in the world. Obsessed with oversize hoodies. Very loud, like every Italian.
Melanie spends most of her time in front of a screen, just noting some ideas she could use in her articles. When she's not writing, she watches TV series, plays video games, learns some Spanish (thanks, Duolingo!), and looks for the perfect music playlist on Deezer. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Employee They Disrespected I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) What do you think ? POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There might be a couple of genuine odd jokes in this lot, otherwise it is a painful list of unfunny. Half of this stuff does not even make sense. If you want some good jokes about British people ask us British people and we will provide, we do not mind a good joke or a funny insult, it is our culture, this is just a lazy list of jokes based on what "British" people sound like in bad Hollywood films. 11 11points reply N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I've worked out the accent entries - they're using a definition of British that's referring to the five mile radius surrounding Watford. 5 5points reply Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, wrong side of London. It would be surrounding Dagenham. 2 2points reply Load More Replies... N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ah, you see I was basing it on the fact that Watford and Borehamwood are very close (not sure if the five miles is accurate), and Borehamwood is where EastEnders is filmed.... But since when had geographic accuracy been a factor in taking the mickey out of people's accents. ? 0 0points reply RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Whoever made this be like: "England = London lol" and clearly has never met any actual British people. There's some good stuff here but most of it is just painfully unfunny. Like, honestly just cringeworthy and lazily made. 4 4points reply Load More Comments POST Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There might be a couple of genuine odd jokes in this lot, otherwise it is a painful list of unfunny. Half of this stuff does not even make sense. If you want some good jokes about British people ask us British people and we will provide, we do not mind a good joke or a funny insult, it is our culture, this is just a lazy list of jokes based on what "British" people sound like in bad Hollywood films. 11 11points reply N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I've worked out the accent entries - they're using a definition of British that's referring to the five mile radius surrounding Watford. 5 5points reply Al B. Wright Al B. Wright Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, wrong side of London. It would be surrounding Dagenham. 2 2points reply Load More Replies... N Gregory N Gregory Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Ah, you see I was basing it on the fact that Watford and Borehamwood are very close (not sure if the five miles is accurate), and Borehamwood is where EastEnders is filmed.... But since when had geographic accuracy been a factor in taking the mickey out of people's accents. ? 0 0points reply RoseTheMad RoseTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Whoever made this be like: "England = London lol" and clearly has never met any actual British people. There's some good stuff here but most of it is just painfully unfunny. Like, honestly just cringeworthy and lazily made. 4 4points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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Son Tells His Parents He’ll Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out They’re Paying For Sister’s Education Yet Didn’t Pay For His This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics) Follow We're also on Instagram and tumblr App Store App Store User Submissions Hey Pandas, How Often Do You Forget Something Important, And What Was The Result? 35replies 21 points Hey Pandas, Share Pics Of Your Halloween Decorations 4comments 22 points This Artist Continues To Create Amazing Logic-Challenging Photo Manipulations (70 New Pics) 5comments 33 points Hey Pandas, What's Something You've Made Yourself? 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