Man Asks The Internet If He Overreacted After His Brother Repeatedly Body Shamed His Wife
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Kotryna Brašiškytė
Warm sibling relationships-those with more affection and intimacy than conflict-are a great source of emotional support. But when things don't work out, the safe haven that is your family quickly turns into a battlefield where insults are the guns and hurt feelings are the main objective. Two days ago, a man (also referred to as the original poster, or OP) submitted a story to the popular 'Am I the [Jerk]?' subreddit, asking its 4 million members to share their take on the friction between him and his brother. Everything started when the sibling, who had just gone through a divorce, crashed at the man's place-the guest began objectifying OP's wife, commenting on the weight she had gained. And it got so bad that he just had to react.
Image credits: Kaboompics .com (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)
Chris doesn't think that his words can hurt anyone, but as life and wellness coach Alice E. Schluger, who also has a Ph.D. in psychology, pointed out, body-shaming may be considered a form of bullying. And it's not exclusive to one group of people. "Although body-shaming is usually associated with fat-shaming, people of all sizes and shapes can bear the brunt of this cruelty," Dr. Schluger explained. "Being very slender, I have been subjected to irritating comments, such as 'Don't you eat?' or 'You eat like a bird.' Even in a joking manner, remarks about what or how much food people are eating constitute body-shaming. People may think it's a compliment to say how lucky you are to be thin, but words can be harmful especially if you're already self-conscious about your weight. Even though you may not intend to hurt someone's feelings, you may inadvertently be engaging in body-shaming." While Chris's comments are definitely extreme, many of us can engage in body-shaming without even knowing it. That's how deep we as a society have internalized it. "How many times have you said to yourself that you feel fat or asked others if you look fat? You may not realize it, but these are also body-shaming practices," Dr. Schluger said. "It implies that being fat is unattractive and something to be ashamed of. Let's face it-we only have a certain degree of control over our genetic makeup and metabolism. Although people don't choose to be overweight, weight biases remain widespread in many societies and the fat-shaming practices continue. This becomes a vicious cycle because the shame of weight discrimination contributes to stress and more weight gain." So even if you have the best intentions, guilt-tripping someone into what you think is better for them will probably cause the opposite effect. The sad part is that Chris refused to hear what his brother was telling him. Even if he was to look at the whole situation from an egoistic point of view-a longitudinal study of university students found that when pursuing personal goals, sibling support is as advantageous as that from parents and peers-he probably should apologize if he wants to stay in contact with his brother.
Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Rokas Laurinavičius Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read more » Kotryna Brašiškytė Kotryna Brašiškytė Author, BoredPanda staff Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like “I Didn’t React The Right Way To My Husband’s Cheating Prank And Now Our Marriage Is Not The Same” Justinas Keturka Woman Who Lost A Lot Of Weight Can't Believe How Differently Everyone Treats Her Now, Calls Out Relatives Mantas Kačerauskas Girlfriend's Rude Italian-American Family Make Fun Of Her Boyfriend, Are Surprised When He Roasts Them With Fluent Italian Ieva Pečiulytė Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million Join the conversation POST Tigerpacingthecage Tigerpacingthecage Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Obviously NTA. And its so disgusting when men do this. "You are only worthy if i find you attractive" or that every woman should conform after his taste, whatever it takes. Like women are only objects to them. The entitlement and audacity. Creepy. 47 47points reply Random Panda Random Panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago (edited) And a lot of the time the men who say these things look ugly as hell themselves. 38 38points reply Load More Replies... Amanda Amanda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Or they have the personality of a limp noodle. 8 8points reply Best behave.... Best behave.... Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Andy it's probably not the only thing like a linp noodle 6 6points reply JK Rowling JK Rowling Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I would have been petty and encouraged the brother to join the wife and OP on runs and gym visits. Let's see how she's 'letting herself go' when she can deadlift his weight. 8 8points reply BetterBitterButter BetterBitterButter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Sometimes women too. I had a colleague and I remember her telling me once about a former colleague of hers. She said she didn't look nice at all. She was hairy and didn't dress in a fashionable way bla bla. Then she tells me I wonder about the guy who married her,what did he saw in her? I had no idea how to react to that.I was just shocked that woman this "educated" can say this about another woman. 3 3points reply Tigerpacingthecage Tigerpacingthecage Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Women can obviously be misogynistic too (internalized misogyny). Still not right and still a product av patriarchal structures. 6 6points reply Cold Contagious Cold Contagious Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I had to upvote and cancel out the downvote someone gave you. Yes, it can go both ways as far as people feeling that others must conform to a certain standard to be acceptable to them or have unreasonable expectations for each other. It's sad and often hurtful to others to be so judgmental towards them. What right would anyone have to judge how one person's partner finds them attractive or what they value in each other. Sometimes it is shocking to hear it personally from someone who is acting that way, it has seemed cruel, hateful, and ignorant on the rare occasion that I've been exposed to this behavior in a few people. I think they do question what they can't understand, being that they are so very shallow and self centered that they don't understand deeper emotional bonds in relationships and only view them on a level that barely scratches the surface, based on appearances, finances, and opportunism. Sadly they're not going away and we must navigate around them. 2 2points reply Seabeast Seabeast Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The brother is a misogynist. Thinking that any woman that isn't his "type" is ugly and unloveable shows that he really doesn't like women unless they jump through hoops to maintain an impossible standard. 36 36points reply KombatBunni KombatBunni Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) After the first comment I would have kicked his sexist sorry ar$e out, no excuses. And then tell him as he goes that that’s why he’s getting divorced. What a d*ck 25 25points reply Load More Comments POST Tigerpacingthecage Tigerpacingthecage Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Obviously NTA. And its so disgusting when men do this. "You are only worthy if i find you attractive" or that every woman should conform after his taste, whatever it takes. Like women are only objects to them. The entitlement and audacity. Creepy. 47 47points reply Random Panda Random Panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago (edited) And a lot of the time the men who say these things look ugly as hell themselves. 38 38points reply Load More Replies... Amanda Amanda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Or they have the personality of a limp noodle. 8 8points reply Best behave.... Best behave.... Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Andy it's probably not the only thing like a linp noodle 6 6points reply JK Rowling JK Rowling Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I would have been petty and encouraged the brother to join the wife and OP on runs and gym visits. Let's see how she's 'letting herself go' when she can deadlift his weight. 8 8points reply BetterBitterButter BetterBitterButter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Sometimes women too. I had a colleague and I remember her telling me once about a former colleague of hers. She said she didn't look nice at all. She was hairy and didn't dress in a fashionable way bla bla. Then she tells me I wonder about the guy who married her,what did he saw in her? I had no idea how to react to that.I was just shocked that woman this "educated" can say this about another woman. 3 3points reply Tigerpacingthecage Tigerpacingthecage Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Women can obviously be misogynistic too (internalized misogyny). Still not right and still a product av patriarchal structures. 6 6points reply Cold Contagious Cold Contagious Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I had to upvote and cancel out the downvote someone gave you. Yes, it can go both ways as far as people feeling that others must conform to a certain standard to be acceptable to them or have unreasonable expectations for each other. It's sad and often hurtful to others to be so judgmental towards them. What right would anyone have to judge how one person's partner finds them attractive or what they value in each other. Sometimes it is shocking to hear it personally from someone who is acting that way, it has seemed cruel, hateful, and ignorant on the rare occasion that I've been exposed to this behavior in a few people. I think they do question what they can't understand, being that they are so very shallow and self centered that they don't understand deeper emotional bonds in relationships and only view them on a level that barely scratches the surface, based on appearances, finances, and opportunism. Sadly they're not going away and we must navigate around them. 2 2points reply Seabeast Seabeast Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The brother is a misogynist. Thinking that any woman that isn't his "type" is ugly and unloveable shows that he really doesn't like women unless they jump through hoops to maintain an impossible standard. 36 36points reply KombatBunni KombatBunni Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) After the first comment I would have kicked his sexist sorry ar$e out, no excuses. And then tell him as he goes that that’s why he’s getting divorced. What a d*ck 25 25points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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Man Asks The Internet If He Overreacted After His Brother Repeatedly Body-Shamed His Wife
Rokas Laurinavičius andKotryna Brašiškytė
Warm sibling relationships-those with more affection and intimacy than conflict-are a great source of emotional support. But when things don't work out, the safe haven that is your family quickly turns into a battlefield where insults are the guns and hurt feelings are the main objective. Two days ago, a man (also referred to as the original poster, or OP) submitted a story to the popular 'Am I the [Jerk]?' subreddit, asking its 4 million members to share their take on the friction between him and his brother. Everything started when the sibling, who had just gone through a divorce, crashed at the man's place-the guest began objectifying OP's wife, commenting on the weight she had gained. And it got so bad that he just had to react.
After his brother went through a messy divorce this man offered to let him stay at his place
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)But it wasn t long before he felt like he had to kick his sibling out
Image credits: Kaboompics .com (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)
Chris doesn't think that his words can hurt anyone, but as life and wellness coach Alice E. Schluger, who also has a Ph.D. in psychology, pointed out, body-shaming may be considered a form of bullying. And it's not exclusive to one group of people. "Although body-shaming is usually associated with fat-shaming, people of all sizes and shapes can bear the brunt of this cruelty," Dr. Schluger explained. "Being very slender, I have been subjected to irritating comments, such as 'Don't you eat?' or 'You eat like a bird.' Even in a joking manner, remarks about what or how much food people are eating constitute body-shaming. People may think it's a compliment to say how lucky you are to be thin, but words can be harmful especially if you're already self-conscious about your weight. Even though you may not intend to hurt someone's feelings, you may inadvertently be engaging in body-shaming." While Chris's comments are definitely extreme, many of us can engage in body-shaming without even knowing it. That's how deep we as a society have internalized it. "How many times have you said to yourself that you feel fat or asked others if you look fat? You may not realize it, but these are also body-shaming practices," Dr. Schluger said. "It implies that being fat is unattractive and something to be ashamed of. Let's face it-we only have a certain degree of control over our genetic makeup and metabolism. Although people don't choose to be overweight, weight biases remain widespread in many societies and the fat-shaming practices continue. This becomes a vicious cycle because the shame of weight discrimination contributes to stress and more weight gain." So even if you have the best intentions, guilt-tripping someone into what you think is better for them will probably cause the opposite effect. The sad part is that Chris refused to hear what his brother was telling him. Even if he was to look at the whole situation from an egoistic point of view-a longitudinal study of university students found that when pursuing personal goals, sibling support is as advantageous as that from parents and peers-he probably should apologize if he wants to stay in contact with his brother.
Here s the discussion that followed the publication of this story
Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Rokas Laurinavičius Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read more » Kotryna Brašiškytė Kotryna Brašiškytė Author, BoredPanda staff Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like “I Didn’t React The Right Way To My Husband’s Cheating Prank And Now Our Marriage Is Not The Same” Justinas Keturka Woman Who Lost A Lot Of Weight Can't Believe How Differently Everyone Treats Her Now, Calls Out Relatives Mantas Kačerauskas Girlfriend's Rude Italian-American Family Make Fun Of Her Boyfriend, Are Surprised When He Roasts Them With Fluent Italian Ieva Pečiulytė Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million Join the conversation POST Tigerpacingthecage Tigerpacingthecage Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Obviously NTA. And its so disgusting when men do this. "You are only worthy if i find you attractive" or that every woman should conform after his taste, whatever it takes. Like women are only objects to them. The entitlement and audacity. Creepy. 47 47points reply Random Panda Random Panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago (edited) And a lot of the time the men who say these things look ugly as hell themselves. 38 38points reply Load More Replies... Amanda Amanda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Or they have the personality of a limp noodle. 8 8points reply Best behave.... Best behave.... Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Andy it's probably not the only thing like a linp noodle 6 6points reply JK Rowling JK Rowling Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I would have been petty and encouraged the brother to join the wife and OP on runs and gym visits. Let's see how she's 'letting herself go' when she can deadlift his weight. 8 8points reply BetterBitterButter BetterBitterButter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Sometimes women too. I had a colleague and I remember her telling me once about a former colleague of hers. She said she didn't look nice at all. She was hairy and didn't dress in a fashionable way bla bla. Then she tells me I wonder about the guy who married her,what did he saw in her? I had no idea how to react to that.I was just shocked that woman this "educated" can say this about another woman. 3 3points reply Tigerpacingthecage Tigerpacingthecage Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Women can obviously be misogynistic too (internalized misogyny). Still not right and still a product av patriarchal structures. 6 6points reply Cold Contagious Cold Contagious Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I had to upvote and cancel out the downvote someone gave you. Yes, it can go both ways as far as people feeling that others must conform to a certain standard to be acceptable to them or have unreasonable expectations for each other. It's sad and often hurtful to others to be so judgmental towards them. What right would anyone have to judge how one person's partner finds them attractive or what they value in each other. Sometimes it is shocking to hear it personally from someone who is acting that way, it has seemed cruel, hateful, and ignorant on the rare occasion that I've been exposed to this behavior in a few people. I think they do question what they can't understand, being that they are so very shallow and self centered that they don't understand deeper emotional bonds in relationships and only view them on a level that barely scratches the surface, based on appearances, finances, and opportunism. Sadly they're not going away and we must navigate around them. 2 2points reply Seabeast Seabeast Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The brother is a misogynist. Thinking that any woman that isn't his "type" is ugly and unloveable shows that he really doesn't like women unless they jump through hoops to maintain an impossible standard. 36 36points reply KombatBunni KombatBunni Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) After the first comment I would have kicked his sexist sorry ar$e out, no excuses. And then tell him as he goes that that’s why he’s getting divorced. What a d*ck 25 25points reply Load More Comments POST Tigerpacingthecage Tigerpacingthecage Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Obviously NTA. And its so disgusting when men do this. "You are only worthy if i find you attractive" or that every woman should conform after his taste, whatever it takes. Like women are only objects to them. The entitlement and audacity. Creepy. 47 47points reply Random Panda Random Panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago (edited) And a lot of the time the men who say these things look ugly as hell themselves. 38 38points reply Load More Replies... Amanda Amanda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Or they have the personality of a limp noodle. 8 8points reply Best behave.... Best behave.... Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Andy it's probably not the only thing like a linp noodle 6 6points reply JK Rowling JK Rowling Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I would have been petty and encouraged the brother to join the wife and OP on runs and gym visits. Let's see how she's 'letting herself go' when she can deadlift his weight. 8 8points reply BetterBitterButter BetterBitterButter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Sometimes women too. I had a colleague and I remember her telling me once about a former colleague of hers. She said she didn't look nice at all. She was hairy and didn't dress in a fashionable way bla bla. Then she tells me I wonder about the guy who married her,what did he saw in her? I had no idea how to react to that.I was just shocked that woman this "educated" can say this about another woman. 3 3points reply Tigerpacingthecage Tigerpacingthecage Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Women can obviously be misogynistic too (internalized misogyny). Still not right and still a product av patriarchal structures. 6 6points reply Cold Contagious Cold Contagious Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I had to upvote and cancel out the downvote someone gave you. Yes, it can go both ways as far as people feeling that others must conform to a certain standard to be acceptable to them or have unreasonable expectations for each other. It's sad and often hurtful to others to be so judgmental towards them. What right would anyone have to judge how one person's partner finds them attractive or what they value in each other. Sometimes it is shocking to hear it personally from someone who is acting that way, it has seemed cruel, hateful, and ignorant on the rare occasion that I've been exposed to this behavior in a few people. I think they do question what they can't understand, being that they are so very shallow and self centered that they don't understand deeper emotional bonds in relationships and only view them on a level that barely scratches the surface, based on appearances, finances, and opportunism. Sadly they're not going away and we must navigate around them. 2 2points reply Seabeast Seabeast Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The brother is a misogynist. Thinking that any woman that isn't his "type" is ugly and unloveable shows that he really doesn't like women unless they jump through hoops to maintain an impossible standard. 36 36points reply KombatBunni KombatBunni Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) After the first comment I would have kicked his sexist sorry ar$e out, no excuses. And then tell him as he goes that that’s why he’s getting divorced. 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