Stepfather Gives His Kid A Lesson For Offending His Stepsister By Not Letting Him Go To His Friend's B-Day Party Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree Bored Panda iOS App Available on App Store Continue in App Bored Panda Android App Available on Google Play Continue in App By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda Stepfather Gives His Kid A Lesson For Offending His Stepsister By Not Letting Him Go To His Friend’ s B-Day Party Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 92points 959 Other4 months ago

Stepfather Gives His Kid A Lesson For Offending His Stepsister By Not Letting Him Go To His Friend’ s B-Day Party

Oleg Tarasenko
BoredPanda staff The problem of parents and children has been relevant probably as long as humanity has existed. Do you really think that Cain would have taken Abel's life if he had not experienced certain complexes – quite possibly because of an undeveloped relationship with his father? And when it is also a stepfather, then no matter how wonderful the child's relationship with him, in any case, there will be some conflicts. And if another child from another marriage is involved, it is even more certain. And it will take a lot of psychological maturity and wisdom from both parents to properly solve this problem without any harm. The author of a popular post in the AITA Reddit community, which has already gained almost 8.7K upvotes and more than 1.3K various comments, faced such a problem. And, unlike the value judgments typical of this community, here, the Original Poster received some really wholesome advice. More info: Reddit

The Original Poster lives with his wife her 12 Y O son and his 11 Y O daughter

Image credits: H. Michael Miley (not the actual photo) So the OP lives with his wife, his 11 Y.O. daughter and 12 Y.O. stepson. The boy and the girl, according to the author of the post, get along well, but from time to time, like almost all children, they fight among themselves and annoy each other in every possible way. Image credits: Howtogoon

The OP s stepson has made a habit of sneaking into his stepsister s room and taking her things

The OP's stepson has made a habit of sneaking into the girl's room and taking things from her – like a T-shirt, favorite pen, teddy bear, etc. The OP has told him more than once that this behavior is unacceptable and that next time he will be punished. The boy promised that he would not do this again – but time passed, and everything repeated. Image credits: Howtogoon

The OP imposed punishments especially by making him do chores

As a result, the stepfather began to really punish the preteen. Mostly by having him do chores: taking out the trash for a whole week, washing the car, and mowing the lawn with his stepfather (which the boy especially did not like). For a while, the stepson stopped upsetting the sister, and the OP decided that everything was fine. Image credits: Howtogoon

On the eve of his best friend s birthday the stepson stole the girl s diary from her room

But now, on the eve of his best friend's birthday, to whose party OP's stepson was, of course, invited and really wanted to go, he again entered the room of OP's daughter and stole her diary. This time, the OP and his wife specifically called both children and decided to have an educational conversation. Image credits: Howtogoon

The parents agreed that they have to be more strict now

The wife agreed that her son should be punished and suggested that he wash all the dishes in the house. The husband did not agree with her, arguing that this is not the first time the boy has behaved badly, so they need to be more strict. True, the stepson, in justification, said that the girl annoys him and also sometimes deliberately infuriates him. The OP objected that in this case, she also receives punishment, and that they are one family and should get along well. Image credits: Howtogoon

The boy yelled at his stepdad that this was his house not the man s

The stepfather said that from now on, the boy has no right to enter the room of his stepsister without her permission. In response, the boy yelled that this was his house (and indeed, when the OP and his wife tied the knot, he and his daughter moved into the woman's house), and that he would go anywhere he wants at any time he wants. Image credits: Andrew (Megan) Laing (Hack) As a result, the boy was punished even more – instead of having a party with his best friend, he had to clean the whole house that evening. Of course, the stepson was incredibly upset, and the wife later told the OP that he was too tough.

People in the comments mainly supported the OP though some of them suggested visiting a family psychologist

True, the commenters mostly supported the OP, arguing that impudence and disobedience, of course, should be punished – although, of course, this man should visit a family psychologist in order to improve relations in his family. In any case, the OP also received some valuable parenting advice based largely on the commenters' personal examples, for instance, that the punishment should correspond to the offense. Like if the stepson steals something, he must in return lose some of his things. Of course, we are not family psychologists, but we encourage you to also discuss this situation. It is likely that you yourself have been in either OP's or his stepson's place, and then, of course, it will be very interesting to know how your similar story ended. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Oleg Tarasenko Oleg Tarasenko Author, BoredPanda staff Oleg has master's degree in Economics he got long time ago in a city far, far away. Oleg also worked as a university teacher, sports writer and a BDSM* specialist for several IT companies.

After six years of making pub quizzez in Ukraine, Oleg joined Bored Panda team as a content creator. This panda (Pun? Duh!) is also a huge sports fan, being happy as a longtime member of WeDemBoys Community and Boston Celtics Nation as well.

During his downtime from work and parenting with three kids (twin daughters and a baby son), Oleg enjoys reading JKR, JRRT, GRRM and other respective abbreviations. Also interested in history and graphic design (and the history of graphic design too)... Read more » Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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She's not disciplining her own child, but leaving it to her husband to do - effectively driving a wedge into her own family. Doing this over and over, even when punished, shows the punishments haven't been strong enough - either that or it is some sort of compulsive behaviour and he needs proper help. Only issue now is, that he may view missing the party as being as bad as it gets, so will carry on because he can't see what else they could do that is worse. Taking away his phone, games console, whatever he has for increasing periods of time is probably the best plan. Then professional help if that doesn't work, before it gets dangerous. 50 50points reply Ozacoter Ozacoter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago I agree, its the mothers fault. She does not seem to believe in punishments. I am sorry but doing the dishes is not a punishment for stealing. And she does not seem to really care much for the daughter 37 37points reply Load More Replies... Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Yep and did you read the comment by Siog-Bhig? OMFG. This is scary ... 14 14points reply Momagator Momagator Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. “Bully and predator” over some normal sibling BS? That is a gross over exaggeration. -22 -22points reply Judy Sharits-Johnsen Judy Sharits-Johnsen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) She probably doesn't want to deal with it. They should let him go to the party. While he is at the party. They can Install a lock on the girls door, and bathroom. Also where is bio dad? Can he help. 3 3points reply Yulia Yakovenko Yulia Yakovenko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Why hide the lock installation? There two not blood relative teens in the family. Time to install some privacy. 0 0points reply Veen Veen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I think it's both of their faults. I'm sure he knew before he married her she didn't discipline her son. This wasn't a surprise to him after they got married... unless the son wasn't around during their dating and engagement period, which I doubt. 2 2points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I agree, dishes are not good for theft. Make it "real". Make him pay restitution to his sister, based on what he stole. Take it from his allowance, or make him do her (non personal) chores in order to earn the money to pay his fines. 1 1point reply Zedrapazia Zedrapazia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago If the stepfather does all the punishing and the mother nothing, the son will only start to hate him more and more - since he's anyway not the biological father and the boy probably sees him as some "faulty replacement" for his real father, this will only lead to larger and larger issues. 13 13points reply Yulia Yakovenko Yulia Yakovenko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago And he use his sister as an instrument for revenge. 0 0points reply just me just me Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Might not be that the punishments aren't strong enough. This kid could have learned that if he continues a behavior after getting consequences eventually there will stop being consequences. It can take a really long time for it to sink in if that's been the pattern in the past. I agree that losing something important to him would better fit the offense. 9 9points reply Not_Tellin Not_Tellin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The 1st time I saw this story I said the same thing. This guy comes in and moves into this boy's house and disrupts this boy's life and is trying to boss him around like he is the kid's father. That is so unfair to this child. So the wedge is there and there's a problem because mommy is too lazy to do her job and be a mother. The stepfather should not be disciplining this boy... At least not all the time period there is no way the stepfather should be the primary disciplinarian.. And if it was my house, there is no way he would be. Not with my kid. 4 4points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago And your response is a good example of you being TA. Not to mention dead wrong. If you marry someone and either of you have kids, guess what? YOURE BOTH LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE AS THE PARENT. There is no: that's my child not his, he can't discipline her or he needs to come to me first. And the reverse holds true also. BOTH of you are his parents now. If you don't want him raising your child you should not have married him. 8 8points reply Lee Macon Lee Macon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He said that they moved in years ago. Not sure how long ago that was, but I'm sure the boy was younger. So how is that disrupting the boys life? 1 1point reply Veen Veen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago It's really not stealing. He said he does it to annoy her. If he was a thief he would have been taking things from mom's room, his friends houses, stores, etc. He's just being an annoying older brother. He just overstepped a little bit with the diary 1 1point reply Becca Hauck Becca Hauck Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago So you're saying that motivation matters more than the offense? So if I take things from only one store to annoy the manager then it's not really stealing? My sisters used to take my things whenever they felt like it. They left them places and lent my things to their friends and I'd never see them again. They had zero respect for me. They're now adults believing that you don't have to respect everyone, there are certain people that you can do whatever you want to them. 5 5points reply Judy Sharits-Johnsen Judy Sharits-Johnsen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I am sorry that happened to you. There are big boundary violations here. 1 1point reply Eunice R Eunice R Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply Yulia Yakovenko Yulia Yakovenko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Agree, mother does not understand what consciences for her son could ruin his life. She reinforced his behaviour and kid crossed the border already. 0 0points reply Weed in the Garden Weed in the Garden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I read this almost as soon as it was posted and was going to comment but censored myself because this is such a volatile topic and there are bound to be many stongly differing opinions. But the post kept popping back up, so here goes...I am the product of a 'blended' family (blended meaning divorced and remarried parents and the resulting step and 1/2 siblings). We grew up addressing ourselves as family, not step mom or step dad, step sister/brother. We were just a family with additional moms, dads and kids. His, mine, ours, theirs was NEVER allowed between the adults or the kids. There was conflict between the divorced parents but luckily for all of the children involved, it was minimized, explained and dealt with matter-of-factly. A marriage involving children won't work well for all involved parties when finger-pointing, selfishness and blame are part of the dialog because you are a step-parent or step-child. You're a family now, for better or worse - stop the division. 40 40points reply Not_Tellin Not_Tellin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The way this guy refers to, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter. And and the boy is the step.. I'm sorry, there are just so many things wrong with the adults in this situation. 12 12points reply Load More Replies... The IRS The IRS Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He can't use their names, so he could say Child A/B but he has to say something. 10 10points reply Ronda Marie Ronda Marie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. He does not have to refer as stepson, he could says wife's child, wife's son, break it up so it's not screaming how lowly he thinks of the boy. -10 -10points reply Ronda Marie Ronda Marie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Exactly 0 0points reply Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. The fact that he's the one doing the punishing when he's the one coming into the kids home is already a huge issue to overcome but what's making it worse is he admits his daughter has also done a ton of s**t of the years to antagonize the son and all he has her do is apologize or at most unload the dishwasher. Editing to add that I think people are under the impression that what I said above is trying to make OP out to be the bad, when it isn't. OP got screwed over in a huge way. Mom is the bad guy. She forced him to be the one to handle punishments when he should not have had to before he and step son had a chance to get to know each other and bond. They already have the initial hurdle to deal with of getting used to each other and feeling like actual family. Him being pushed into this position gave them yet another issue to overcome, making it impossible to have that relationship instead of having the time to ease into the situation, let alone their own roles in the new situation which will just continue to cause the rift to grow every time he handles the punishment. -7 -7points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago You need to reread. He specifically explains some of her behavior and wht gets different punishment. The son gets up to use the bathroom and she sits in his chair to antagonize him. That's not even close to being on the same level as invading her privacy, stealing her stuff, etc. So yes, her punishment is less severe. Personally the son's punishment should be seriously more harsh... 8 8points reply Becca Hauck Becca Hauck Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago You're the kind of parent that results in men treating everyone, including women, with respect. The person you're replying to is the person whose wondering how her son ended up in jail. 1 1point reply Poeha Poeha Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. This comment has been deleted. -8 -8points reply Not_Tellin Not_Tellin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, he pretends to be daddy to a child that does not want him as his father.. The mother is the worst person in this scenario. She's too lazy to be a parent to her child. 5 5points reply David Dazo David Dazo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago When you marry they become your children how do people not get that.. So I take care then and they walk over me?? Sounds so stupid.. 12 12points reply Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago You can't have a step parent forced into the position of having to be in charge of punishment until the family is already a cohesive unit and see each other as family. That's causing a huge rift for them to overcome between the two of them. And then once you add in the fact that he admits his daughter has done plenty to antagonize the son over the years, yet refuses to state what when asked, then states her punishment for is usually being forced to apologize and at most unload the dishwasher, is causing and even bigger issue. Not only between him and the boy, but is most likely adding to the issues the children are having with each other as well. 3 3points reply Joanie Diaz Joanie Diaz Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago And he punishes his step son by mowing the lawn and his "real" daughter he makes UNLOAD the dishwasher when she gets in trouble and he is super quick to talk about his wife in a negative way ..he is making his daughter out to be a basically a saint and the step son out to be well you know. All these folks being super ugly to the mom and only heard one side of the story.. Remember there IS Always 2 sides and it's refreshing to see at least a few ppl like you looking at that I'm sure the mom isn't as horrible as he makes her out to be. 2 2points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago 1. Oh hell yes you have the authority start immediately. Once you're married, that's it. The document is signed. You are a parent. You do not wait to discipline until after a period of adjustment. In regards to everything else you say, go back and read the article again. He gives very clear example of what type of misbehavior his daughter does and why it gets less punishment -1 -1point reply Ronda Marie Ronda Marie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Except the problem is there are Suttle issues not said nor is it logical to parent until both are on the same page, otherwise it won't work and is disrespectful to the boy...he is alienated by the man -4 -4points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There is nothing subtle about it. He is the father; period. That's actually the law. Anything needing to be worked out needs to happen BEFORE THE MARRIAGE. The only disrespect to this boy is his mother's behavior and his sister doing typical childish bs be to antagonize him. -1 -1point reply Munnin Munnin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He's not the father; there is no law that makes a stepfather the child's father upon marriage. Internet attorneys Also, you are missing the point Kaiti Yoder is trying to make. When families combine there will be some tension and a period of adjustment. This can be worse depending on how long it was just the parent and child. If you have a 12yr old kid who has lived alone with his mom for most of his life, the adjustment for him may be harder or take longer when a new person moves in. The step-parent should be involved in discipline, but not taking on all the discipline and not changing rules and punishments without having conversations with the biological parent. That is a quick way to put the other parent on the defensive and have them automatically side with their kid regardless of what they did. This guy needs to have a calm conversation with his wife about discipline so they are on the same page. 3 3points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He is not "pretending".... He IS the boys father now, legally, due to marriage -1 -1point reply Sadie Lynn Sadie Lynn Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Wrong. Getting married does NOT make SO's child yours. They already in most cases have a Father/Mother. And even if the other biological parent isn't in the picture that's even more reason a child will not be accepting of someone they have never had coming in and taking over. In this situation he will never be the boys "Father" until the child accepts him as such, and it's up to the mother to step up, discipline her child properly, and help this relationship along. Then when the child is comfortable with the mother's new partner, and has an established relationship where the child can feel like yeah, this is a father figure for me, then he will be dad. Until mom steps up to the plate though, this will never happen because OP has been put in a compromised position at day one. Later, if the mother's partner and her son have a parental relationship. They can talk about adoption, and IF the son and moms partner want that. Then and only then, will he be his Father. Relationship & Legally 2 2points reply Not_Tellin Not_Tellin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. One should never let the latest piece of tail pretend to be boss of your children. -11 -11points reply True True Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That's not what his post is about. He was trying to clearly lay out what's going on so we the readers could understand. Also it's probably hard to bond when the mother won't stop her son from harassing his daughter. So he wants to be that kind of family but she is lazy and her son is a turd 1 1point reply Joanie Diaz Joanie Diaz Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago You said it He laid out his story.. there are 2 sides and even more to a story.. I'm sure Both kids do their fair share of harassing each other but dad is more protective of His daughter Also did you happen to catch He said He makes his stepson mow the lawn take out trash or Clean the Whole house etc when he ggets in trouble but the His Daughter hates Unloading the Dishwasher so that's her chore when she gets in trouble what A fair punishment don't you think..wonder why he is a turd (as you say) you would be Angry too if you seen someone UNLOADING a dishwasher for a punishment when that person did the same bad thing you did and you cleaning a whole house...um heck No 2 2points reply Jette Wang Wahnon Jette Wang Wahnon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. You are SO right ! and what with all these punishments? Why not sit down as a united family and let each voice their opinion on the matter,the kids are 11 and 12,not babies....the way things are going I do not see a happy ending...actually, I think stepdads actions border on child abuse.. -28 -28points reply Ozacoter Ozacoter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago His extremely light punishments are abuse? His son is stealing, not going to a bday party is not abuse 30 30points reply Jette Wang Wahnon Jette Wang Wahnon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. The birthday party...if this was an isolated incident obviously it is not abuse...This is a family that is totally divided..his daughter and her son,not OUR children.When you marry some-one with a child/children you take on the whole package and love and treat them as your own.I do not see this judging from the stepdads account of events.The girl rushes to occupy his chair,the boy steals her stuff...both get punished,but the punishment seem to be meted out disproportionally.Why not find some activities dad and boy can do to-gether,praise him for something well done...mum could do girl-stuff with the girl...children need alone-time with an adult at times and for the adult to show interest in them and what they are up to. -15 -15points reply Hyde and Seek Hyde and Seek Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The punishment is meted out according to the offense? He is stealing the daughter's private items. He is being a bully,she is being a bit of a pest 12 12points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He is not being a bully. He is being a thief. He is breaking and entering (her room). He is harassing her. He is stalking her (yes this can be argued and is regularly argued in court). 1 1point reply Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. He admits she has done quite a bit of her own antagonizing over the years but then refuses to comment on what when asked except for an off hand comment about stealing the son's seat and then refusing to answer when asked what else. Yet all she is ever asked to do is apologize...at most unload the dishwasher. He's is absolutely large reason for the animosity between the children. Editing this one also to add I already stated in my last comment that OP is absolutely not the bad guy here. OP is getting screwed over by mom. This comment is purely in response to a previous comment about the step son being a bully when both kids are doing their share of antagonizing per OP himself. -9 -9points reply Nikki Sevven Nikki Sevven Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Pretty much ESH. Mom, you need to parent your own child instead of making your husband be TA every time. Dad, your stepson isn't learning anything from your punishments, as evidenced by the fact that he continues to misbehave and his mom condones it. Lastly, the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Instead of chores, take away something he loves for a week every time he violates daughter's privacy and takes something of hers. And this should be done by mom, not you, because mom is the real problem here. 27 27points reply Mari Scott Mari Scott Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Yes, I think Mom married the guy because she needed someone to stand up to her kid. She doesn't want to be the bad guy, instead she sits back while her son bullies the family. 10 10points reply Load More Replies... Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Yea honestly the OP got screwed over in this situation. Mom forced him into being the person who has to handle punishment right off the bat which is causing a huge issue between him and the kid. Step parents shouldn't have to step into that role until the new blended family is already a cohesive unit and see each other as family instead of the kid viewing him as this guy merely coming into his home trying to take over. All that does is make it impossible for them to connect. 3 3points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Sorry, but no. The parents need to assert their authority from day one, not gently over the period of....... 2 2points reply Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, you have to have them in the actual role of parent before they are pushed into it. Forcing it right away is how you end up with families that never actually blend and only have resentment. 0 0points reply Joanie Diaz Joanie Diaz Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There are 2 sides to Every story...be nice if ppl stop throwing this lady under the bus and ask for Her side. Did you not read the part where he says his stepson's punishment is can be cleaning the whole house to mowing the lawn etc And his daughters punishment is Unloading the dishwasher cause she "hates" that??? But that's Fair right? (Get in trouble for the same thing Get the Same Punishment!!!) 2 2points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Overall I agree, EXCEPT when you say it should be the mom versus the dad. It should be BOTH of them as they are now both legally the child's parents. 2 2points reply Munnin Munnin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago @Daniel Starrett - stop saying he's the boy's legal parent simply because he married the kid's mom. You're very wrong, and repeating it makes others not give the other points in your comments any true consideration. 1 1point reply Load More Comments POST RaroaRaroa RaroaRaroa Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The mother is the worst in this, from what I can tell. She's not disciplining her own child, but leaving it to her husband to do - effectively driving a wedge into her own family. Doing this over and over, even when punished, shows the punishments haven't been strong enough - either that or it is some sort of compulsive behaviour and he needs proper help. Only issue now is, that he may view missing the party as being as bad as it gets, so will carry on because he can't see what else they could do that is worse. Taking away his phone, games console, whatever he has for increasing periods of time is probably the best plan. Then professional help if that doesn't work, before it gets dangerous. 50 50points reply Ozacoter Ozacoter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago I agree, its the mothers fault. She does not seem to believe in punishments. I am sorry but doing the dishes is not a punishment for stealing. And she does not seem to really care much for the daughter 37 37points reply Load More Replies... Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Yep and did you read the comment by Siog-Bhig? OMFG. This is scary ... 14 14points reply Momagator Momagator Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. “Bully and predator” over some normal sibling BS? That is a gross over exaggeration. -22 -22points reply Judy Sharits-Johnsen Judy Sharits-Johnsen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) She probably doesn't want to deal with it. They should let him go to the party. While he is at the party. They can Install a lock on the girls door, and bathroom. Also where is bio dad? Can he help. 3 3points reply Yulia Yakovenko Yulia Yakovenko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Why hide the lock installation? There two not blood relative teens in the family. Time to install some privacy. 0 0points reply Veen Veen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I think it's both of their faults. I'm sure he knew before he married her she didn't discipline her son. This wasn't a surprise to him after they got married... unless the son wasn't around during their dating and engagement period, which I doubt. 2 2points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I agree, dishes are not good for theft. Make it "real". Make him pay restitution to his sister, based on what he stole. Take it from his allowance, or make him do her (non personal) chores in order to earn the money to pay his fines. 1 1point reply Zedrapazia Zedrapazia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago If the stepfather does all the punishing and the mother nothing, the son will only start to hate him more and more - since he's anyway not the biological father and the boy probably sees him as some "faulty replacement" for his real father, this will only lead to larger and larger issues. 13 13points reply Yulia Yakovenko Yulia Yakovenko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago And he use his sister as an instrument for revenge. 0 0points reply just me just me Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Might not be that the punishments aren't strong enough. This kid could have learned that if he continues a behavior after getting consequences eventually there will stop being consequences. It can take a really long time for it to sink in if that's been the pattern in the past. I agree that losing something important to him would better fit the offense. 9 9points reply Not_Tellin Not_Tellin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The 1st time I saw this story I said the same thing. This guy comes in and moves into this boy's house and disrupts this boy's life and is trying to boss him around like he is the kid's father. That is so unfair to this child. So the wedge is there and there's a problem because mommy is too lazy to do her job and be a mother. The stepfather should not be disciplining this boy... At least not all the time period there is no way the stepfather should be the primary disciplinarian.. And if it was my house, there is no way he would be. Not with my kid. 4 4points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago And your response is a good example of you being TA. Not to mention dead wrong. If you marry someone and either of you have kids, guess what? YOURE BOTH LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE AS THE PARENT. There is no: that's my child not his, he can't discipline her or he needs to come to me first. And the reverse holds true also. BOTH of you are his parents now. If you don't want him raising your child you should not have married him. 8 8points reply Lee Macon Lee Macon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He said that they moved in years ago. Not sure how long ago that was, but I'm sure the boy was younger. So how is that disrupting the boys life? 1 1point reply Veen Veen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago It's really not stealing. He said he does it to annoy her. If he was a thief he would have been taking things from mom's room, his friends houses, stores, etc. He's just being an annoying older brother. He just overstepped a little bit with the diary 1 1point reply Becca Hauck Becca Hauck Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago So you're saying that motivation matters more than the offense? So if I take things from only one store to annoy the manager then it's not really stealing? My sisters used to take my things whenever they felt like it. They left them places and lent my things to their friends and I'd never see them again. They had zero respect for me. They're now adults believing that you don't have to respect everyone, there are certain people that you can do whatever you want to them. 5 5points reply Judy Sharits-Johnsen Judy Sharits-Johnsen Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I am sorry that happened to you. There are big boundary violations here. 1 1point reply Eunice R Eunice R Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply Yulia Yakovenko Yulia Yakovenko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Agree, mother does not understand what consciences for her son could ruin his life. She reinforced his behaviour and kid crossed the border already. 0 0points reply Weed in the Garden Weed in the Garden Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago I read this almost as soon as it was posted and was going to comment but censored myself because this is such a volatile topic and there are bound to be many stongly differing opinions. But the post kept popping back up, so here goes...I am the product of a 'blended' family (blended meaning divorced and remarried parents and the resulting step and 1/2 siblings). We grew up addressing ourselves as family, not step mom or step dad, step sister/brother. We were just a family with additional moms, dads and kids. His, mine, ours, theirs was NEVER allowed between the adults or the kids. There was conflict between the divorced parents but luckily for all of the children involved, it was minimized, explained and dealt with matter-of-factly. A marriage involving children won't work well for all involved parties when finger-pointing, selfishness and blame are part of the dialog because you are a step-parent or step-child. You're a family now, for better or worse - stop the division. 40 40points reply Not_Tellin Not_Tellin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The way this guy refers to, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter. And and the boy is the step.. I'm sorry, there are just so many things wrong with the adults in this situation. 12 12points reply Load More Replies... The IRS The IRS Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He can't use their names, so he could say Child A/B but he has to say something. 10 10points reply Ronda Marie Ronda Marie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. He does not have to refer as stepson, he could says wife's child, wife's son, break it up so it's not screaming how lowly he thinks of the boy. -10 -10points reply Ronda Marie Ronda Marie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Exactly 0 0points reply Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. The fact that he's the one doing the punishing when he's the one coming into the kids home is already a huge issue to overcome but what's making it worse is he admits his daughter has also done a ton of s**t of the years to antagonize the son and all he has her do is apologize or at most unload the dishwasher. Editing to add that I think people are under the impression that what I said above is trying to make OP out to be the bad, when it isn't. OP got screwed over in a huge way. Mom is the bad guy. She forced him to be the one to handle punishments when he should not have had to before he and step son had a chance to get to know each other and bond. They already have the initial hurdle to deal with of getting used to each other and feeling like actual family. Him being pushed into this position gave them yet another issue to overcome, making it impossible to have that relationship instead of having the time to ease into the situation, let alone their own roles in the new situation which will just continue to cause the rift to grow every time he handles the punishment. -7 -7points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago You need to reread. He specifically explains some of her behavior and wht gets different punishment. The son gets up to use the bathroom and she sits in his chair to antagonize him. That's not even close to being on the same level as invading her privacy, stealing her stuff, etc. So yes, her punishment is less severe. Personally the son's punishment should be seriously more harsh... 8 8points reply Becca Hauck Becca Hauck Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago You're the kind of parent that results in men treating everyone, including women, with respect. The person you're replying to is the person whose wondering how her son ended up in jail. 1 1point reply Poeha Poeha Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. This comment has been deleted. -8 -8points reply Not_Tellin Not_Tellin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, he pretends to be daddy to a child that does not want him as his father.. The mother is the worst person in this scenario. She's too lazy to be a parent to her child. 5 5points reply David Dazo David Dazo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago When you marry they become your children how do people not get that.. So I take care then and they walk over me?? Sounds so stupid.. 12 12points reply Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago You can't have a step parent forced into the position of having to be in charge of punishment until the family is already a cohesive unit and see each other as family. That's causing a huge rift for them to overcome between the two of them. And then once you add in the fact that he admits his daughter has done plenty to antagonize the son over the years, yet refuses to state what when asked, then states her punishment for is usually being forced to apologize and at most unload the dishwasher, is causing and even bigger issue. Not only between him and the boy, but is most likely adding to the issues the children are having with each other as well. 3 3points reply Joanie Diaz Joanie Diaz Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago And he punishes his step son by mowing the lawn and his "real" daughter he makes UNLOAD the dishwasher when she gets in trouble and he is super quick to talk about his wife in a negative way ..he is making his daughter out to be a basically a saint and the step son out to be well you know. All these folks being super ugly to the mom and only heard one side of the story.. Remember there IS Always 2 sides and it's refreshing to see at least a few ppl like you looking at that I'm sure the mom isn't as horrible as he makes her out to be. 2 2points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago 1. Oh hell yes you have the authority start immediately. Once you're married, that's it. The document is signed. You are a parent. You do not wait to discipline until after a period of adjustment. In regards to everything else you say, go back and read the article again. He gives very clear example of what type of misbehavior his daughter does and why it gets less punishment -1 -1point reply Ronda Marie Ronda Marie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. Except the problem is there are Suttle issues not said nor is it logical to parent until both are on the same page, otherwise it won't work and is disrespectful to the boy...he is alienated by the man -4 -4points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There is nothing subtle about it. He is the father; period. That's actually the law. Anything needing to be worked out needs to happen BEFORE THE MARRIAGE. The only disrespect to this boy is his mother's behavior and his sister doing typical childish bs be to antagonize him. -1 -1point reply Munnin Munnin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He's not the father; there is no law that makes a stepfather the child's father upon marriage. Internet attorneys Also, you are missing the point Kaiti Yoder is trying to make. When families combine there will be some tension and a period of adjustment. This can be worse depending on how long it was just the parent and child. If you have a 12yr old kid who has lived alone with his mom for most of his life, the adjustment for him may be harder or take longer when a new person moves in. The step-parent should be involved in discipline, but not taking on all the discipline and not changing rules and punishments without having conversations with the biological parent. That is a quick way to put the other parent on the defensive and have them automatically side with their kid regardless of what they did. This guy needs to have a calm conversation with his wife about discipline so they are on the same page. 3 3points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He is not "pretending".... He IS the boys father now, legally, due to marriage -1 -1point reply Sadie Lynn Sadie Lynn Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Wrong. Getting married does NOT make SO's child yours. They already in most cases have a Father/Mother. And even if the other biological parent isn't in the picture that's even more reason a child will not be accepting of someone they have never had coming in and taking over. In this situation he will never be the boys "Father" until the child accepts him as such, and it's up to the mother to step up, discipline her child properly, and help this relationship along. Then when the child is comfortable with the mother's new partner, and has an established relationship where the child can feel like yeah, this is a father figure for me, then he will be dad. Until mom steps up to the plate though, this will never happen because OP has been put in a compromised position at day one. Later, if the mother's partner and her son have a parental relationship. They can talk about adoption, and IF the son and moms partner want that. Then and only then, will he be his Father. Relationship & Legally 2 2points reply Not_Tellin Not_Tellin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. One should never let the latest piece of tail pretend to be boss of your children. -11 -11points reply True True Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago That's not what his post is about. He was trying to clearly lay out what's going on so we the readers could understand. Also it's probably hard to bond when the mother won't stop her son from harassing his daughter. So he wants to be that kind of family but she is lazy and her son is a turd 1 1point reply Joanie Diaz Joanie Diaz Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago You said it He laid out his story.. there are 2 sides and even more to a story.. I'm sure Both kids do their fair share of harassing each other but dad is more protective of His daughter Also did you happen to catch He said He makes his stepson mow the lawn take out trash or Clean the Whole house etc when he ggets in trouble but the His Daughter hates Unloading the Dishwasher so that's her chore when she gets in trouble what A fair punishment don't you think..wonder why he is a turd (as you say) you would be Angry too if you seen someone UNLOADING a dishwasher for a punishment when that person did the same bad thing you did and you cleaning a whole house...um heck No 2 2points reply Jette Wang Wahnon Jette Wang Wahnon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. You are SO right ! and what with all these punishments? Why not sit down as a united family and let each voice their opinion on the matter,the kids are 11 and 12,not babies....the way things are going I do not see a happy ending...actually, I think stepdads actions border on child abuse.. -28 -28points reply Ozacoter Ozacoter Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago His extremely light punishments are abuse? His son is stealing, not going to a bday party is not abuse 30 30points reply Jette Wang Wahnon Jette Wang Wahnon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. The birthday party...if this was an isolated incident obviously it is not abuse...This is a family that is totally divided..his daughter and her son,not OUR children.When you marry some-one with a child/children you take on the whole package and love and treat them as your own.I do not see this judging from the stepdads account of events.The girl rushes to occupy his chair,the boy steals her stuff...both get punished,but the punishment seem to be meted out disproportionally.Why not find some activities dad and boy can do to-gether,praise him for something well done...mum could do girl-stuff with the girl...children need alone-time with an adult at times and for the adult to show interest in them and what they are up to. -15 -15points reply Hyde and Seek Hyde and Seek Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago The punishment is meted out according to the offense? He is stealing the daughter's private items. He is being a bully,she is being a bit of a pest 12 12points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago He is not being a bully. He is being a thief. He is breaking and entering (her room). He is harassing her. He is stalking her (yes this can be argued and is regularly argued in court). 1 1point reply Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) This comment is hidden. Click here to view. He admits she has done quite a bit of her own antagonizing over the years but then refuses to comment on what when asked except for an off hand comment about stealing the son's seat and then refusing to answer when asked what else. Yet all she is ever asked to do is apologize...at most unload the dishwasher. He's is absolutely large reason for the animosity between the children. Editing this one also to add I already stated in my last comment that OP is absolutely not the bad guy here. OP is getting screwed over by mom. This comment is purely in response to a previous comment about the step son being a bully when both kids are doing their share of antagonizing per OP himself. -9 -9points reply Nikki Sevven Nikki Sevven Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Pretty much ESH. Mom, you need to parent your own child instead of making your husband be TA every time. Dad, your stepson isn't learning anything from your punishments, as evidenced by the fact that he continues to misbehave and his mom condones it. Lastly, the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Instead of chores, take away something he loves for a week every time he violates daughter's privacy and takes something of hers. And this should be done by mom, not you, because mom is the real problem here. 27 27points reply Mari Scott Mari Scott Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Yes, I think Mom married the guy because she needed someone to stand up to her kid. She doesn't want to be the bad guy, instead she sits back while her son bullies the family. 10 10points reply Load More Replies... Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Yea honestly the OP got screwed over in this situation. Mom forced him into being the person who has to handle punishment right off the bat which is causing a huge issue between him and the kid. Step parents shouldn't have to step into that role until the new blended family is already a cohesive unit and see each other as family instead of the kid viewing him as this guy merely coming into his home trying to take over. All that does is make it impossible for them to connect. 3 3points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Sorry, but no. The parents need to assert their authority from day one, not gently over the period of....... 2 2points reply Kaiti Yoder Kaiti Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago No, you have to have them in the actual role of parent before they are pushed into it. Forcing it right away is how you end up with families that never actually blend and only have resentment. 0 0points reply Joanie Diaz Joanie Diaz Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago There are 2 sides to Every story...be nice if ppl stop throwing this lady under the bus and ask for Her side. Did you not read the part where he says his stepson's punishment is can be cleaning the whole house to mowing the lawn etc And his daughters punishment is Unloading the dishwasher cause she "hates" that??? But that's Fair right? (Get in trouble for the same thing Get the Same Punishment!!!) 2 2points reply Daniel Starrett Daniel Starrett Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Overall I agree, EXCEPT when you say it should be the mom versus the dad. It should be BOTH of them as they are now both legally the child's parents. 2 2points reply Munnin Munnin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago @Daniel Starrett - stop saying he's the boy's legal parent simply because he married the kid's mom. 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