The Internet Backs Husband For "Ruining" Family Dinner Because He Is The Only One Not On Board With Wife's Stay-At-Home Idea Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree Bored Panda iOS App Available on App Store Continue in App Bored Panda Android App Available on Google Play Continue in App By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda The Internet Backs Husband For “ Ruining” Family Dinner Because He Is The Only One Not On Board With Wife’ s Stay-At-Home Idea Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 84points 1.1K People, Relationships1 month ago

The Internet Backs Husband For “ Ruining” Family Dinner Because He Is The Only One Not On Board With Wife’ s Stay-At-Home Idea

Adelaide Ross and
Kotryna Brašiškytė
Lots of parents dream of being a stay-at-home mom or dad. Getting to escape the rat race and focus all of your time and energy on taking care of your loving family and managing your household sounds like a pretty sweet deal to a lot of people. Of course, being a parent is always a full-time job, regardless of whether that mom or dad has another job they're actually getting paid for. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with having one parent stay at home, as long as both parties agree and they meet the most important prerequisite: that the whole family can survive on one income. One person usually can't just decide they don't want to work anymore, especially when they don't even have kids to take care of yet… Last week, one husband, Agile_Creme2395 on Reddit, shared a dilemma that he has found himself in with his family and reached out to others for some advice. Below, you will find his full story explaining what his wife is hoping for and what his concerns are, some of the replies readers have left on his post, and an interview with clinical psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Kathy McMahon. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments too, especially if you or your partner happen to be a stay-at-home spouse or parent. Then if you're interested in reading another Bored Panda story featuring stay-at-home parent drama, check out this article next.

This husband is wondering if he was wrong for blowing up at his family members after they supported his wife s decision to stop working

Image credits: Heather Mount (not the actual photo) Image credits: Jessica Da Rosa (not the actual photo)

The husband later clarified some details about the situation after reading comments

Image credits: Agile_Creme2395 To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to clinical psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Kathy McMahon. First, we wanted to know how common it is for couples to disagree about whether one partner should be a stay-at-home spouse or parent. "It is very common when neither of them has sat down to talk about their overall goals and dreams," Dr. McMahon told Bored Panda. "In this situation, the couple's conflict is what world-renowned couples expert Gottman calls a 'perpetual problem'," she explained. "It may never be 'solved'. It can only be discussed and a better understanding of each person's point of view clarified. She wants to focus her energies on parenting. He might think that is great but believes the couple simply can't financially exist on one salary." "Who's right? Maybe both of them," Dr. McMahon continued. "But until they talk about what they are BOTH willing to sacrifice in order to focus one partner's energies on parenting, they will get nowhere." We also asked Dr. McMahon what the best way is for couples to work through an issue like this. "This issue is a false dichotomy," she says. "For most couples, there are a series of decisions that go into what they may describe as 'a quality of life'. For one person, it's a yearly vacation, cable TV, cellphones, living in an expensive city, or expensive neighborhood, owning vs renting, etc." "For others, quality of life means examining every expense to weigh the pleasure of using their 'life resource' time (see Your Money Or Your Life)," Dr. McMahon explained. "These are value conversations without 'right' or 'wrong' answers." She went on to note that the issue for the couple comes down to a few questions: "What do we get from our current standard of living? What do we expenses do we incur when we try to maintain that standard, which may or may not be incurred if we live on one paycheck? Do we value those things over the other option to have one stay-at-home parent?"

He also answered some questions to help readers better understand the situation

"We know from such research that many women seem to be the happiest when they balance raising children with a part-time job. What does each of them gain by having both work full-time versus 1.5 FTE? This requires repeated discussions with your past year's worth of expenses available. Perhaps the couple might try living on one paycheck for several months (while putting the other paycheck in savings…) to see what is possible," Dr. McMahon suggests. We also wanted to know Dr. McMahon's thoughts on whether family members should be inserting their opinions on topics such as this. "I do believe that the expense of childcare can be often supplemented when family members offer their services at no cost," she told Bored Panda. "When these 'opinions' become offers to tangibly help (financially or physically), that's when all should welcome the input, and the couple should discuss the pros and cons of accepting such help. Otherwise, everyone has an opinion, but only the two of you get to decide how you choose to live your life," Dr. McMahon added. When it comes to how common stay-at-home parents are, in the United States, about one in every 5 parents is a stay-at-home mom or dad. But how high the one working parent's income is is certainly a factor in whether or not a parent gets to stay at home. In one study, nearly half of the mothers who had a partner who made over $250,000 a year were stay at home moms. If they are in a comfortable place financially, they don't necessarily need to worry about having two income streams and can opt to stay at home with their children. After all, daycare and nannies are expensive and they aren't always worth the hassle. Why not have one parent with the kids or managing the home during the days? However, being a stay-at-home parent is no walk in the park. Despite the misconception that they don't do much during the day, the average stay at home parent actually works the equivalent of 2.5 full-time jobs and could charge about $115,000 per year for their work, if they were doing it for someone else. Heading into an office every day can be exhausting, but at least, in theory, there are set working hours. We all know plenty of people end up working more than 40 hours a week, but they don't usually intend to. A stay-at-home parent, on the other hand, typically works about 14-hour long days, when their children are at home, and those days usually include a mere 1.7 hours of free time built-in. Despite what the wife in this story imagines about being a stay-at-home partner, it's not always a dream, especially if your spouse is barely making enough to make ends meet. Besides, many people find having a career fulfilling and motivating, while staying at home can be lonely and isolating. It can be difficult to decide what the best course of action is for your family, but one thing that's important is that both parties are on the same page and happy with the decisions made. Let us know how you feel about this situation down below, and if you have ever been a stay-at-home parent or spouse, feel free to share about your experience as well.

Many of the commenters reassured the husband that he did nothing wrong while some even warned him that his wife s behavior may be a red flag

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Adelaide Ross Follow Unfollow Adelaide Ross Writer, BoredPanda staff Adelaide Ross is a writer at Bored Panda. She is originally from Texas and has a Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree in Acting from Oklahoma City University. In the years since her graduation, she has lived in Los Angeles, Sweden, England and now Lithuania. In her free time, Adelaide enjoys traveling, experimenting with new vegan recipes, taking long walks in parks (wearing plenty of SPF!) and crafting the perfect glass of cold brew. Read more » Kotryna Brašiškytė Kotryna Brašiškytė Author, BoredPanda staff Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like "I Couldn't Believe My Eyes": Woman Returns Home To A Wrecked House, Moves Into Hotel Until Husband Cleans His Mess Mindaugas Balčiauskas “I Didn’t React The Right Way To My Husband’s Cheating Prank And Now Our Marriage Is Not The Same” Justinas Keturka “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law Saulė Tolstych Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million Share your thoughts POST Tams21 Tams21 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago (edited) Being a SAHW or SAHM isn't common anymore not because of a fashion trend but often because people can't afford it. I assume everyone in the story knows his situation at work - for them to still tell him to "make it happen" anyway is incredibly arrogant. I'd be setting very clear boundaries and be reconsidering my relationship to all of them. Totally nta. 35 35points reply Dre Mosley Dre Mosley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago She just doesn't want to work. How is staying home and not working and having no child to care for preparing her to be a SAHM? In this day and age, you really want to get by on one salary when you don't have to? 23 23points reply Boerenhond Boerenhond Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago When I tried dating as a single mom with 3 small kids, the only guys who were interested were the ones who wanted to become a househusband. I work part time and when I work, the kids are with my ex. Those guys really wanted to clean the house, cook and not work, but live on my income and I was a bit desperate, so I almost did it, but luckily my brain returned from a holiday in time and I went to the pet store and bought a rabbit instead for company. 19 19points reply Load More Replies... Kelley Baltierra Kelley Baltierra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 weeks ago Nice 1 1point reply Honu Honu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago (edited) Yep. How much prep do you need? I don't think anything really prepares you anyway. Heck, I don't particularly want a job, either. I did do the SAHW (no kids) briefly after being laid off. I did everything around the house. Cleaning, gardening, reorganizing anything I could lay my hands on, cooking much more elaborate meals. I put in solid hours every day, but even adding the hours I spent on my job search, I still had way more free time than I'd ever had. It was lovely. While my husband certainly enjoyed being taken care of and having everything handled, it was also a burden to have the weight of our financial survival completely on his shoulders. He didn't want to do that long term and I don't blame him. I eagerly went back to work. I look forward to retiring, but not until we both have that option. With me working, we retire together earlier, and better. If something happened to him, I can support us both. If I'd noped out of the work world 10 years ago, my earning potential now wouldn't cut it. 4 4points reply Diane Knight Diane Knight Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago I'd say that to prepare for such a role, the couple takes her paycheck and banks it at another bank. She gives up her car as well and takes the bus. Stop the streaming now as well. Do whatever she thinks to curb all the 'extras' and live like that for x amount of time, so they have a very informed decision to make. To wait til later is going to be hard to get the footings back so to speak. When hubby and I decided to my being a sahm, it was with the understanding that 'we' were in it together. If things were going to be 'dropped' it was a 2 way street. I was willing to do what was necessary (real diapers, cheap phone service, homemade stuff.) It was NEVER based on what someone else had going on. That is the RED FLAG to me on this case, Because 'Jane & Betty are sahm, I want to too'. I agree with his stance, if mom and sis are going to insert their noses then they can shoulder the load or stay out. The saying goes "this is an A & B conversation and you can C yourself out of it" 2 2points reply pebs pebs Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago (edited) His wife deceived him, his sister and mother are hypocrites. I would advise him to change wife as long as they don't have children yet, it will be easier and less traumatic. However, in general, I find that older people living on generous pensions have no idea how the financial situation of the younger generations has changed. 19 19points reply Pizzagirl 91 Pizzagirl 91 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago I also feel like there could be underlying guilt on OP's mother's part: If she'd acknowledge that he would suffer if he had to do all it took to let his wife be a SAHW, she'd have to face the fact that her husband might have been unhappy with that, too, and she might see herself in OP's wife and fear the rejection as a "leech", even though the circumstances have changed. I know my mother went into depression after my youngest brother left home, and it was partly for feeling like she was "useless" when there were no children to take care of. We were 5 children, she had my sister in college, youngest brother is about 10 years younger, so it wasn't feasible for her to just "get back out there" after he was in school. She's better now, through therapy and meaningful volunteer work. But anyway, I feel there's more to OP's mother's reaction than is said out loud. 4 4points reply Load More Replies... Load More Comments POST Tams21 Tams21 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago (edited) Being a SAHW or SAHM isn't common anymore not because of a fashion trend but often because people can't afford it. I assume everyone in the story knows his situation at work - for them to still tell him to "make it happen" anyway is incredibly arrogant. I'd be setting very clear boundaries and be reconsidering my relationship to all of them. Totally nta. 35 35points reply Dre Mosley Dre Mosley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago She just doesn't want to work. How is staying home and not working and having no child to care for preparing her to be a SAHM? In this day and age, you really want to get by on one salary when you don't have to? 23 23points reply Boerenhond Boerenhond Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago When I tried dating as a single mom with 3 small kids, the only guys who were interested were the ones who wanted to become a househusband. I work part time and when I work, the kids are with my ex. Those guys really wanted to clean the house, cook and not work, but live on my income and I was a bit desperate, so I almost did it, but luckily my brain returned from a holiday in time and I went to the pet store and bought a rabbit instead for company. 19 19points reply Load More Replies... Kelley Baltierra Kelley Baltierra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 weeks ago Nice 1 1point reply Honu Honu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago (edited) Yep. How much prep do you need? I don't think anything really prepares you anyway. Heck, I don't particularly want a job, either. I did do the SAHW (no kids) briefly after being laid off. I did everything around the house. Cleaning, gardening, reorganizing anything I could lay my hands on, cooking much more elaborate meals. I put in solid hours every day, but even adding the hours I spent on my job search, I still had way more free time than I'd ever had. It was lovely. While my husband certainly enjoyed being taken care of and having everything handled, it was also a burden to have the weight of our financial survival completely on his shoulders. He didn't want to do that long term and I don't blame him. I eagerly went back to work. I look forward to retiring, but not until we both have that option. With me working, we retire together earlier, and better. If something happened to him, I can support us both. If I'd noped out of the work world 10 years ago, my earning potential now wouldn't cut it. 4 4points reply Diane Knight Diane Knight Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago I'd say that to prepare for such a role, the couple takes her paycheck and banks it at another bank. She gives up her car as well and takes the bus. Stop the streaming now as well. Do whatever she thinks to curb all the 'extras' and live like that for x amount of time, so they have a very informed decision to make. To wait til later is going to be hard to get the footings back so to speak. When hubby and I decided to my being a sahm, it was with the understanding that 'we' were in it together. If things were going to be 'dropped' it was a 2 way street. I was willing to do what was necessary (real diapers, cheap phone service, homemade stuff.) It was NEVER based on what someone else had going on. That is the RED FLAG to me on this case, Because 'Jane & Betty are sahm, I want to too'. I agree with his stance, if mom and sis are going to insert their noses then they can shoulder the load or stay out. The saying goes "this is an A & B conversation and you can C yourself out of it" 2 2points reply pebs pebs Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago (edited) His wife deceived him, his sister and mother are hypocrites. I would advise him to change wife as long as they don't have children yet, it will be easier and less traumatic. However, in general, I find that older people living on generous pensions have no idea how the financial situation of the younger generations has changed. 19 19points reply Pizzagirl 91 Pizzagirl 91 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 month ago I also feel like there could be underlying guilt on OP's mother's part: If she'd acknowledge that he would suffer if he had to do all it took to let his wife be a SAHW, she'd have to face the fact that her husband might have been unhappy with that, too, and she might see herself in OP's wife and fear the rejection as a "leech", even though the circumstances have changed. I know my mother went into depression after my youngest brother left home, and it was partly for feeling like she was "useless" when there were no children to take care of. We were 5 children, she had my sister in college, youngest brother is about 10 years younger, so it wasn't feasible for her to just "get back out there" after he was in school. She's better now, through therapy and meaningful volunteer work. But anyway, I feel there's more to OP's mother's reaction than is said out loud. 4 4points reply Load More Replies... Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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