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Sole-Earner Husband Slammed By Unemployed Wife For Getting The Expensive Coffee He Snaps

Robertas Lisickis and
Monika Pašukonytė
Coffee has the potential to make us do things we might not necessarily be proud of. Sure, there's the caffeine rush that we need to contend with. But also, it might mix with everything else we're going through. Like exhaustion and stress. Or more precisely, like exhaustion from being the sole provider in the household with your better half struggling mentally on top of being unemployed. This next story may or may not have happened under the influence of caffeine, but it definitely happened because of coffee. More Info: Reddit

Coffee has the potential to make us do things we might not necessarily be proud of Family feuds are no exception

Image credits: Scouse Smurf (not the actual image) A husband recently turned to Reddit's AITA community for some perspective on an issue he's been having. Lately, he switched coffee brands to a fancier blend. In his words, he moved from a $15 bag that lasted him about 5 weeks to a $12 one that lasts him anywhere between a bit over a week to two weeks. If you calculate how much it would actually cost across 5 weeks, it would be roughly $40-a difference of $25. Why is this a problem? You see, OP's wife is currently unemployed, has some medical problems, and is suffering from depression on top of it all. In turn, this has led to her doing less work around the house. The household problem has been going on for 6 months at this point, and 12 for the job.

This husband snapped at his wife for criticizing his shift to a more expensive coffee blend despite being the sole provider

Image Credits: u/aitacoffepurchase Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual image) OP does pick up the slack, but there is only so much that a sole provider can do before exhaustion kicks in, and then everything else that it entails will start coming out of the woodwork. OP did note that she is working hard on the issue, they've had the talk, but he still ends up having to ask. Anywho, the point of conflict happened when she kept bugging him about the price of the coffee. Initially, he had shown that his coffee splurge is well within the grocery budget, and it's rare for them to exceed it, so it's not like OP is reckless about it. Image Credits: u/aitacoffepurchase Image credits: zenjazzgeek (not the actual image) It wasn't enough of a justification, or so it seems, as he bought another bag, and it was a problem. She confronted him by saying that he's spending way too much on that fancy coffee of his, suggesting they switch back to the old stuff. Given the context-him working, paying for groceries, having to pick up the slack-he snapped. Hard. "The one with the job gets to make the grocery choices. Work again or contribute to the household and you can have a say in what we buy," said OP. Needless to say, the wife did not take kindly to that, called him a cold-hearted a-hole, and stormed out.

OP did not try to come off as grumpy and he did explain himself more in the comments where folks declared him NTA

OP continued in the comments as well, responding to some of the commenters who were of the opinion that he isn't the jerk in this situation. Among the things he said, he explained how he truly loves her, wants her to get better, and doesn't mean to come off as a grumpy old man in the post. People understood OP's efforts, and he is trying his best, so the criticism is not justified on any level. Others pointed out that her response and criticism seems to come from her depression, her feeling bad about herself and her situation. Regardless, it's not OP's fault here. The post received quite a bit of attention on the r/AITA subreddit. As of this moment, the article has over 11,500 upvotes, and a Reddit award. It also generated some engagement in the community in the form of 1,800 comments You can read the post in context here. Otherwise, you can also comment your thoughts on this whole situation, or if you can't be bothered, tell us what you'd do for a good blend of coffee in the comment section below! Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Robertas Lisickis Follow Unfollow Robertas Lisickis Writer, BoredPanda staff Robertas, nicknamed the Comma Inquisitor by friends, is a Bored Panda writer and content creator. After his studies at LCC International University, where he got a BA in English Language and Literature, Robertas went on to do freelance teaching, translation, and copywriting work, primarily specializing in IT. He spent nearly three years writing about all things Wi-Fi, eventually being picked up by Bored Panda. Whenever there’s free time, he spends it playing Gwent, or hosting Dungeons & Dragons sessions for his mostly chaotic neutral team. Read more » Monika Pašukonytė Monika Pašukonytė Author, BoredPanda staff Hey! I'm a photo editor. In my free time, I love going to art galleries, exhibitions, concerts or just hanging out in nature with my friends. My dream is to get an RV and travel around the world with my dog. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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As someone who deals with depression on and off. Yea, it sucks, but for OP... they're going to end up driving themselves into some kind of breakdown when they've got to constantly be responsible for someone else, especially when this person is bitching at them for spending the money THEY earned on coffee for themselves. I mean, c'mon. I feel for the girl having depression, but I feel like OP needs a break, and the gf needs more help. Perhaps a stay in respite, etc. Or if, worst case scenario, she refuses or just can't get better... a breakup. OP has to put themselves first at some point. It sounds heartless and selfish, but it isn't. Self care is important because it means that hopefully, less people will be depressed, meaning less stress on the system, so that people can get help easier. 21 21points reply deanna woods deanna woods Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago I completely agree with you. I have depression as well and I don't beat up the people I love about what they buy with their own money. If she is struggling this much, when he makes a therapy appointment, she needs to keep it and get help. 5 5points reply Load More Replies... Jon scargill Jon scargill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago (edited) The hardest part is getting yourself to the appointment. Speaking to a stranger in a strange environment about the deepest, darkest recesses of your mind is not easy. I'm glad you don't attack those which you love. My grandad was married to my grandma for 70 years and barely raised his voice, never mind his hands. But he became mentally ill and physically attacked my grandma in his confusion. It was heartbreaking but we understood that it wasn't him, it was the illness. That's why raising the profile of mental illness is so important. People need to understand that you can't just trot off to a therapist and they'll fix it for you. Therapies are hard work and often things get worse before they get better. Some patients are not eligible because they are deemed to be too unstable to deal with the fallout. I wish that therapy was the panecea people seem to think it is. 1 1point reply dxisy xo dxisy xo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago everyones depression can differ in severity 2 2points reply Hoodoo Hoodoo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago Here, here! I absolutely agree. Op's wife isn't the only one effected by her depression. I have depression as well & about the worst thing I can do is sit about being self-oriented. Taking action despite " how I feel" @ the time works wonders for me. Seems to loosen depressions grip. OP's in a rough spot- if finer coffee helps, so be it 0 0points reply Jon scargill Jon scargill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago (edited) Ok. Switch the illness. Let's say the gf has meningitis. Would you apply the same mindset to that? If not, why not? They are both terrible illnesses. This isn't about the coffee. This is about the way that some sections of society still demonise mental health conditions. I don't intend to gatekeep or diminish your experience but some people suffer 24/7 for years, decades even. Some can function to an extent but some die. It's literally better for them to kill themselves than carry on in a world which demonstrably doesn't understand them. I'm pretty sure that if there was a cure for mental illness somebody would be selling it to us and not giving it away in the comments section of a BP thread. If that sounds harsh, then have another look at your comment as I suggested. -3 -3points reply Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago You can be mentally ill and a d**k. I'm morbidly depressed, and also very lazy. 12 12points reply Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago I've got pretty bad ADHD and I overwork myself to compensate. I snap at people easily. And I acknowledge that: my ADHD isn't an excuse for any shitty behavior I exhibit. 3 3points reply Load More Replies... B.Nelson B.Nelson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago Is it possible that she doesn't like the new coffee and prefers the cheaper stuff? Otherwise, it seems she feels like she has no control and wants to control something. Invite her to help choose meals and grocery items. It might help give her some control in her life. 10 10points reply Load More Comments POST RoanTheMad RoanTheMad Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago NTA. As someone who deals with depression on and off. Yea, it sucks, but for OP... they're going to end up driving themselves into some kind of breakdown when they've got to constantly be responsible for someone else, especially when this person is bitching at them for spending the money THEY earned on coffee for themselves. I mean, c'mon. I feel for the girl having depression, but I feel like OP needs a break, and the gf needs more help. Perhaps a stay in respite, etc. Or if, worst case scenario, she refuses or just can't get better... a breakup. OP has to put themselves first at some point. It sounds heartless and selfish, but it isn't. Self care is important because it means that hopefully, less people will be depressed, meaning less stress on the system, so that people can get help easier. 21 21points reply deanna woods deanna woods Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago I completely agree with you. I have depression as well and I don't beat up the people I love about what they buy with their own money. If she is struggling this much, when he makes a therapy appointment, she needs to keep it and get help. 5 5points reply Load More Replies... Jon scargill Jon scargill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago (edited) The hardest part is getting yourself to the appointment. Speaking to a stranger in a strange environment about the deepest, darkest recesses of your mind is not easy. I'm glad you don't attack those which you love. My grandad was married to my grandma for 70 years and barely raised his voice, never mind his hands. But he became mentally ill and physically attacked my grandma in his confusion. It was heartbreaking but we understood that it wasn't him, it was the illness. That's why raising the profile of mental illness is so important. People need to understand that you can't just trot off to a therapist and they'll fix it for you. Therapies are hard work and often things get worse before they get better. Some patients are not eligible because they are deemed to be too unstable to deal with the fallout. I wish that therapy was the panecea people seem to think it is. 1 1point reply dxisy xo dxisy xo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago everyones depression can differ in severity 2 2points reply Hoodoo Hoodoo Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago Here, here! I absolutely agree. Op's wife isn't the only one effected by her depression. I have depression as well & about the worst thing I can do is sit about being self-oriented. Taking action despite " how I feel" @ the time works wonders for me. Seems to loosen depressions grip. OP's in a rough spot- if finer coffee helps, so be it 0 0points reply Jon scargill Jon scargill Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago (edited) Ok. Switch the illness. Let's say the gf has meningitis. Would you apply the same mindset to that? If not, why not? They are both terrible illnesses. This isn't about the coffee. This is about the way that some sections of society still demonise mental health conditions. I don't intend to gatekeep or diminish your experience but some people suffer 24/7 for years, decades even. Some can function to an extent but some die. It's literally better for them to kill themselves than carry on in a world which demonstrably doesn't understand them. I'm pretty sure that if there was a cure for mental illness somebody would be selling it to us and not giving it away in the comments section of a BP thread. If that sounds harsh, then have another look at your comment as I suggested. -3 -3points reply Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago You can be mentally ill and a d**k. I'm morbidly depressed, and also very lazy. 12 12points reply Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Spice Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago I've got pretty bad ADHD and I overwork myself to compensate. I snap at people easily. And I acknowledge that: my ADHD isn't an excuse for any shitty behavior I exhibit. 3 3points reply Load More Replies... B.Nelson B.Nelson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 weeks ago Is it possible that she doesn't like the new coffee and prefers the cheaper stuff? Otherwise, it seems she feels like she has no control and wants to control something. Invite her to help choose meals and grocery items. It might help give her some control in her life. 10 10points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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