Grandparent Jokes To Share With Your Gran And Gramps Next Time You Visit
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Marisha Kazaryan
Publish Not your original work? Add source Being a grandparent is as much of a responsibility as being a parent, and maybe even more so. You have to remember all your grandchildren's favorite foods, know how to regulate a large number of kids in one room, and be a comfort to your grandchildren when they are battling the world (even if it's because mom and dad won't let them get a tattoo before college). Of course, we as grandchildren love them with all our hearts in return. And as it usually happens when you love someone, we joke about them too. Most grandma jokes are about how grandma will never let you leave her house without a substantial meal (or two), and if my grandma is any indication, that joke is just a life fact. I could never understand how she managed to have the exact food I was craving ready on the stove, and a couple of others "just in case." Grandpas, on the other hand, are all about adventures and storytelling. A fun grandpa will build a miniature railway with you or take you fishing during the day and read a book on Egyptian history with you in the evening. So if you ever went to the house of your grandparent saying that you weren't hungry and didn't want to have fun, I honestly have no idea how you planned to get away with that nonsense. By the way, did you know that many countries celebrate a special holiday known as Grandparents' Day? On that day, you can spend some extra time with your grandparents or, if they live too far away, send them a postcard. You will find a great selection of beautiful postcards with quotes about grandparents in most bookstores. For this article, we collected a lot of grandparent quotes you can put on a handmade card or a T-shirt. We also put together heaps of jokes for grandparents to enjoy with their grandchildren. This post may include affiliate links. #1 What does grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?
He doesn't listen. Report 15points POST #2 "My grandparents fought during World War II. They ended up getting a divorce." Report 14points POST #3 "My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping." Report 13points POST #4 "My grandmother ate spaghetti everyday… Until she pasta-way." Report 13points POST #5 Grandpa: "Look, they made a movie about the smurfs all grown-up!"
Grandson: "Grandpa, shhhhh, that's 'Avatar'..." Report 12points POST #6 A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.
“Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.” Report 12points POST #7 What does a grandmother and a website have in common?
You can't deny the cookies. Report 12points POST #8 "My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60 years old... Now he's 97, and we have no idea where could he be." Report 11points POST #9 What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?
Instagram. Report 11points POST #10 "Shoutout to my grandparents! Because that's the only way they can hear me..." Report 11points POST #11 "My grandpa says the best thing about being 103 years old is... There's no peer pressure." Report 11points POST #12 "My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open… Which is probably why his submarine sank." Report 11points POST #13 Why Einstein loved his parents and grandparents?
They were all relatives. Report 10points POST #14 "Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?"
"I don’t know, go ask your grandparents." Report 10points POST #15 What was the reason for grandpa changing his major?
So that he could switch to Classics from Literature. Report 10points POST #16 What did the mother turkey say to her mischievous son?
"If your grandpa saw you now, he would roll over in his gravy!" Report 10points POST #17 At a kid’s party, the hired clown was late to arrive.
When he finally did arrive, he walked up to grandpa and asked, “Where are the kids, sir?”
Grandpa looked him straight in the eye and answered very seriously, “That would be us. We grew up in the time it took for you to arrive.” Report 10points POST #18 "My grandpa’s so cheap, when he dies, he’ll probably walk towards the light and turn it off." Report 10points POST #19 "Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type. At least he told us to be positive." Report 10points POST #20 How did Grandma describe her cataract surgery?
It was an eye-opening experience for her. Report 10points POST #21 What changed grandma's opinion about heart transplants?
She had a change of heart. Report 10points POST #22 "My grandpa said he was built upside down. He said his nose runs and his feet smell." Report 9points POST #23 "My grandmother bakes cookies the fastest. It literally takes here nana-seconds." Report 9points POST #24 "My grandpa is 95 years old and he doesn't even use glasses. He drinks straight from the bottle." Report 9points POST #25 Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?
She wanted to rock 'n' roll! Report 9points POST #26 What did Rihanna say to her grandmother with Alzheimer's?
"Oh nana, what's my name?" Report 9points POST #27 "My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. I asked, "Who is this guy?" Grandpa replied, "My hip replacement."" Report 9points POST #28 Why do grandparents smile all the time?
Because they can't hear a word you're saying! Report 9points POST #29 Which relative chimes at you every hour?
A grandfather's clock. Report 9points POST #30 A grandson asked his grandmother, "Do you know how you and god are alike?"
"You're both old!" Report 9points POST #31 Halfway through church service, grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife's ear, "I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
The grandma replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid." Report 9points POST #32 Why did grandpa love grandma so much that he called her "love", "honey", "darling" even after 60 years of marriage?
Because grandpa had forgotten grandma’s name. Report 9points POST #33 Why are grandparents and grandchildren always close to each other?
They both have a common enemy at the homefront who makes a fuss about eating sweets. Report 9points POST #34 What does grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?
He doesn’t listen. Report 9points POST #35 What did the tall grandpa say to the little boy?
You will have to do your own growing boy, my height won’t help you with that. Report 9points POST #36 How are stars and fake teeth alike according to a grandfather?
“These two come out only during the night.” Report 9points POST #37 What did grandpa name the Italian restaurant he started in grandma’s memory?
"Pasta Way." Report 9points POST #38 Why did grandma call grandpa spiderman?
Because, she said, “That boy finds it difficult to get out of the bathtub.” Report 9points POST #39 "My grandparents were called Pearl and Dean. But obviously I called them my Grandad and Nana na na na na na na." Report 9points POST #40 What do you call a walking stick that makes grandma walk faster?
A hurricane. Report 9points POST #41 "I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”" Report 9points POST #42 "I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep. Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car." Report 9points POST #43 A dying grandfather tells his grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash."
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandpa, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With his last breath, Grandpa whispered, "Facebook..." Report 9points POST #44 "My grandpa went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and he immediately returned. He forgot his teeth." Report 9points POST #45 "My late grandpa used to hate looking in the mirror. Humble man, terrible driver." Report 9points POST #46 Grandpa died in the hospital because they had the wrong blood type on record.
It was a Type O. Report 9points POST #47 Grandpa walks into his grandson watching a football match.
Grandpa: "Who's playing?"
Grandson: "Czech and Slovakia."
Grandpa: "Against who?" Report 9points POST #48 "On her death bed, the last words that my grandma told my grandpa was, “Honey, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, he’s been kicking puppies and robbing stores every day." Report 9points POST #49 "Have you seen the sweater my grandmother made me? It's pretty knit." Report 9points POST #50 Why did grandma leave the job at the glue factory?
She could not stick with it. Report 9points POST #51 What happened after grandmother decided to become vegan?
Every time you meet her, it feels like you never met her'bivore. Report 9points POST #52 What did grandma say about her career as a young girl?
"I worked at the shoe showroom, and then they gave me the boot." Report 9points POST #53 "How did grandma agree to get spine surgery? She told me, "It was holding me back for a really long time."" Report 9points POST #54 Why was grandma so fascinated by a reversible sweater she was knitting?
She said, "I want to see how it turns out." Report 9points POST #55 "My grandmother was a Math teacher. We were discussing infinity the other day, and it kept going on forever." Report 9points POST #56 Grandma yells across the room: "Billy, what's the name of that German guy who drives me crazy?"
"It's Alzheimer, grandma". Report 9points POST #57 Grandma's getting a little hard to understand in her old age.
"Ma", we said, "you may be getting dyslexia."
"Lysdexia?", she said, "Don't be diriculous."
We had to put our foot down when she got on the phone to order fitted sheets. Report 9points POST #58 My grandma got a new hearing aid.
“It was $5,” she said.
“What kind is it?” I asked.
“Ten-o-clock.” Report 9points POST #59 Grandpa: "I used to have an origami business"
Grandson: "What happened to it?"
Grandpa: "It folded..." Report 8points POST #60 "Grandma has been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her inside." Report 8points POST #61 "My grandpa tired to warn everyone that the titanic was going to sink. When everyone ignored him, he yelled at them three more times. Eventually, they got irritated and kicked him out of the movie theater." Report 8points POST #62 "My grandpa's last wish was that when he died, we convert his ashes into a diamond. That's a lot of pressure." Report 8points POST #63 A boy, his dad and his grandpa all hear the same hilarious joke, laugh too hard and pee their pants...
Guess you could say it runs in their jeans! Report 8points POST #64 When is your grandma's bedtime?
Three hours after she falls asleep in her chair. Report 8points POST #65 "Every time I go to a wedding, my grandma pokes me and says, "You're next". So, every time I go to a funeral with her, I poke her and say the same." Report 8points POST #66 "Today, I went to visit my passed away grandparents, but I accidentally visited the wrong tomb. It was a grave mistake." Report 8points POST #67 When do you know your grandmother is old enough to retire?
Instead of lying about her age, she started bragging about it! Report 8points POST #68 Why did Grandpa get banned from the zoo?
Because he had a lion’s heart. Report 8points POST #69 What are the two things your grandpa doesn’t like about you as a little boy?
One, you don’t want to sleep in the afternoon. Two, you won’t let him take a nap either. Report 8points POST #70 What would a lawnmower grandfather’s eulogy be like?
"Now he’s lawn-gone." Report 8points POST #71 What do people call grandfather clocks?
The old-timers. Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #72 From what did grandpa say he suffered a high degree of stress?
From grandma. Report 8points POST #73 Why did the grandpa say no to local anesthetic on the day of the operation?
Because he was looking forward to an imported one. Report 8points POST #74 What did the lawyer grandfather say to the waiter who wrote the bill at the cash counter?
"Whoever writes it, pays for it." Report 8points POST #75 "After 72 years since not completing her college course, my grandma finally went back and earned her very first diploma... I asked her what will she be wearing for her graduation ceremony and she said "depends."" Report 8points POST #76 What do Minions call their Grandmas?
Ba-Nanas. Report 8points POST #77 Why do you have to take permission from grandpa to sell fish?
Because he is the cod-father. Report 8points POST #78 "My grandparents buy me so many school supplies for the first day of school that I have to take the first two weeks off just to sharpen pencils." Report 8points POST #79 A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare his will and make his final requests.
He told the rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium.
“Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?”
“Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.” Report 8points POST #80 What did the 90 year old say to his great-grandson?
"I miss the days of being your age when my teeth were in my mouth 24/7!" Report 8points POST #81 Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
The other says, “I feel just like a newborn baby. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.” Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #82 "My grandparents passed away 36 times. Every time I change jobs all four of them come alive again." Report 8points POST #83 "My Grandparents were Trekkies, and named my father after their favourite Captain. When I was young, I was frequently hoisted by my own Picard." Report 8points POST #84 "My granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray. He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran." Report 8points POST #85 "My grandfather was a baker in the army. He went in all buns glazing." Report 8points POST #86 "My grandpa told me when he was small the alphabet only had 25 letters. Nobody knew Y." Report 8points POST #87 "My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning. He said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium." Report 8points POST #88 Why was grandma in such a hurry while making pasta sauce for the dinner guests?
It was already 8pm and she was running out of thyme. Report 8points POST #89 What did grandma do when she was feeling lonely?
She bought some shares because she wanted company. Report 8points POST #90 "What happened when grandma accidentally dropped the basket of ironed laundry? We watched it all unfold." Report 8points POST #91 What happened when grandma decided to take action against the airline for losing her luggage?
She lost her case. Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #92 "My dear old grandmother always used to say that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. That's why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon." Report 7points POST #93 "My grandpa always used to say, "when one door closes, another one opens". He was a good man, but a lousy cabinet maker." Report 7points POST #94 What's the difference between an all-you-can-eat restaurant and your grandma's cooking?
At an all-you-can-eat restaurant, you decide when you're full. Report 7points POST #95 Why do grandparents count pennies?
They're the only ones who have the time. Report 7points POST #96 What did grandpa say after reading ‘Karaoke Tonight’ at a restaurant?
He just asked what sort of fish that was. Report 7points POST #97 Why did grandpa spend only one hour with the grandchildren?
Because one hour with them and he felt like a young fellow, more than that he said he feels drastically old. Report 7points POST #98 Why did grandpa say, “Ask grandma for picnic permission”?
Because it won’t be allowed if grandma said no! Report 7points POST #99 Why is today the last day that one can see 82-year-old grandpa?
Because he would be 83 tomorrow. Report 7points POST #100 Why did grandpa yell ‘gallons, liters, pints’ the day after the Christmas party?
Because he likes to speak in volumes. Report 7points POST #101 Two grandparents are having a phone call talking about their family.
One grandparent talks about how proud she is that her granddaughter came to visit her while socially distanced.
The other said, “My grandson is so protective of me. He socially distances so much he won’t even call me!” Report 7points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #102 Erwin Schrodinger came from abroad to attend grandparent's wedding in North America.
He was a nonlocal observer. Report 7points POST #103 A grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%.
The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!” Report 7points POST #104 Grandfather: "Bet I can tell you the score before the game starts!"
Grandson: "No Way!"
Grandfather: "0-0." Report 7points POST #105 "I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!”" Report 7points POST #106 Why did the grandfather clock fall over?
It went back too far for Daylight Saving! Report 7points POST #107 What did the grandpa pancake say to the grandchild burnt pancake?
"I don’t like your flip side." Report 7points POST #108 "My grandparents, parents, and even my siblings have chronic diarrhea. I guess it runs in the family." Report 7points POST #109 "My grandpa always used to say to me, “Fight fire with fire.” It’s no wonder he got sacked from the fire service." Report 7points POST #110 "My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. “It’s worth spending money on good speakers,” he told me." Report 7points POST #111 "My grandpa always said, “Always try to be the fish going against the current.” Good man. Got electrocuted every day though." Report 7points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #112 A little boy gets $5 for his birthday. He runs with it to the candy store and asks for $5 worth of candy.
The man behind the counter asks, “Do you really think it’s wise to spend all your birthday money on candy?”
The little boy thinks about it for a moment and replies, “Well, my grandpa did live to be 94…”
“By eating candy everyday?” Asks the man, astounded.
“No,” replies the little boy, “by minding his own business.” Report 7points POST #113 One Sunday, little Johnny's grandpa asks him a question, "Do you know what one eye said to the other eye?"
"No, grandpa."
"It said, Between you and me, something smells." Report 7points POST #114 "Today my grandpa told me he was working on his second million. He said he was too tired, and there was no way he was going to make the first, so he was starting fresh." Report 7points POST #115 "Grandpa, tell us that story again about grandma's pearl necklace."
"Really? That old chestnut? Report 7points POST #116 How come grandmas are so good at learning different languages so quickly?
They are always grandma-tically correct. Report 7points POST #117 Why did the grandma ask her grandson not to work at the candle factory?
Because he will have to work even on wick-ends. Report 7points POST #118 Why did grandma refuse to eat the German sausage?
She fears the wurst. Report 7points POST #119 "How was grandmother's 92nd birthday party?"
"It was an emotional moment for all of us, even the cake was in tiers." Report 7points POST #120 "After 40 long years, my grandma has finally gotten my grandpa to stop biting his nails. She's hidden his teeth." Report 6points POST #121 How would grandpa react when you tell him about online classes?
He would say, “Why is your education on the line? How will that work?” Report 6points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #122 Why did grandpa tell the ghosts about his shirt size?
Because he was the medium. Report 6points POST #123 Why did grandpa like to wear glasses while collecting take out for dinner?
He goes to pick up the dinner with a contact-less drive-through. Report 6points POST #124 Why did the grandchild call grandpa a hipster?
Because grandma told him, hipsters buy clothes from thrift shops, wear glasses that are thick, and look different. Report 6points POST #125 What does grandpa say when a waiter asks about the food at the restaurant?
He points at our finished plates and confirms, “They almost didn’t like it.” Report 6points POST #126 What did grandpa say when everyone told him my father looked like him?
He said, “He’s a poor guy, don’t worry he’ll grow out of it”. Report 6points POST #127 Why did grandpa always have the dog beside him?
So that he could blame the dog day in and out for all his gas leaks. Report 6points POST #128 How did grandpa react when his grandson told him he wanted to go abroad to study?
He said, “You sure got to study lots of boards”. Report 6points POST #129 "My entire family was not supportive during my pregnancy, but my grandparents supported my decision. They are great grandparents." Report 6points POST #130 "My parents had me late in life so I never met any of my grandparents. No body was surprised about this. It was a four gone conclusion." Report 6points POST #131 "My grandparents bought a new China set. They asked me what I thought of it… I said it was fine." Report 6points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #132 “Back in the day,” a grandfather started to say, “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well.”
“But nowadays,” he continued, “Wherever you go, there are cameras.” Report 6points POST #133 Grandpa Mike died this weekend.
He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster.
In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days.
He will be mist. Report 6points POST #134 "I asked my grandpa, "What were your good old days?" He answered, "They were before I was good and before I was old." Report 6points POST #135 "I asked my grandmother how she’s enjoying her new stairlift. She said, “It’s driving me up the wall.”" Report 6points POST #136 A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his grandma, “How was I born?”
His grandma awkwardly answers, “The stork brought you.”
“Oh,” says the boy. “Well, how were mummy and daddy born?”
“Um, well, the stork brought them, too, and your grandpa and I.”
The boy begins his paper, “This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.” Report 6points POST #137 Why was grandma arrested for taking a picture?
She was framed. Report 6points POST #138 "Did your grandma give you her bread recipe?"
"Yes, we often trade recipes on a knead to know basis." Report 6points POST #139 Why do grandmas hate stairs?
They suspect them as they are always up to something. Report 6points POST #140 Why didn’t grandpa like the new walking shoes?
Because he unwrapped them and kept looking but they didn’t walk on their own so he thought they were broken. Report 5points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Neilas Šurkus Follow Unfollow Neilas Šurkus Author, BoredPanda staff Neilas is a SEO List Curator for Bored Panda. Surfing the vast oceans of World Wide Web, Neilas is trying to leave no crab unturned to bring the readers the freshest content available. Neilas often finds himself lost in making music, sim racing, watching movies, TV Series and playing video games in his free time. Read more » Marisha Kazaryan Marisha Kazaryan Writer, BoredPanda staff I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important!
Good coffee and good music make everything better. When I’m not telling stories, you’ll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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Grandparent Jokes To Share With Your Gran And Gramps Next Time You Visit
Neilas Šurkus andMarisha Kazaryan
Publish Not your original work? Add source Being a grandparent is as much of a responsibility as being a parent, and maybe even more so. You have to remember all your grandchildren's favorite foods, know how to regulate a large number of kids in one room, and be a comfort to your grandchildren when they are battling the world (even if it's because mom and dad won't let them get a tattoo before college). Of course, we as grandchildren love them with all our hearts in return. And as it usually happens when you love someone, we joke about them too. Most grandma jokes are about how grandma will never let you leave her house without a substantial meal (or two), and if my grandma is any indication, that joke is just a life fact. I could never understand how she managed to have the exact food I was craving ready on the stove, and a couple of others "just in case." Grandpas, on the other hand, are all about adventures and storytelling. A fun grandpa will build a miniature railway with you or take you fishing during the day and read a book on Egyptian history with you in the evening. So if you ever went to the house of your grandparent saying that you weren't hungry and didn't want to have fun, I honestly have no idea how you planned to get away with that nonsense. By the way, did you know that many countries celebrate a special holiday known as Grandparents' Day? On that day, you can spend some extra time with your grandparents or, if they live too far away, send them a postcard. You will find a great selection of beautiful postcards with quotes about grandparents in most bookstores. For this article, we collected a lot of grandparent quotes you can put on a handmade card or a T-shirt. We also put together heaps of jokes for grandparents to enjoy with their grandchildren. This post may include affiliate links. #1 What does grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?
He doesn't listen. Report 15points POST #2 "My grandparents fought during World War II. They ended up getting a divorce." Report 14points POST #3 "My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping." Report 13points POST #4 "My grandmother ate spaghetti everyday… Until she pasta-way." Report 13points POST #5 Grandpa: "Look, they made a movie about the smurfs all grown-up!"
Grandson: "Grandpa, shhhhh, that's 'Avatar'..." Report 12points POST #6 A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.
“Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.” Report 12points POST #7 What does a grandmother and a website have in common?
You can't deny the cookies. Report 12points POST #8 "My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60 years old... Now he's 97, and we have no idea where could he be." Report 11points POST #9 What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?
Instagram. Report 11points POST #10 "Shoutout to my grandparents! Because that's the only way they can hear me..." Report 11points POST #11 "My grandpa says the best thing about being 103 years old is... There's no peer pressure." Report 11points POST #12 "My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open… Which is probably why his submarine sank." Report 11points POST #13 Why Einstein loved his parents and grandparents?
They were all relatives. Report 10points POST #14 "Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?"
"I don’t know, go ask your grandparents." Report 10points POST #15 What was the reason for grandpa changing his major?
So that he could switch to Classics from Literature. Report 10points POST #16 What did the mother turkey say to her mischievous son?
"If your grandpa saw you now, he would roll over in his gravy!" Report 10points POST #17 At a kid’s party, the hired clown was late to arrive.
When he finally did arrive, he walked up to grandpa and asked, “Where are the kids, sir?”
Grandpa looked him straight in the eye and answered very seriously, “That would be us. We grew up in the time it took for you to arrive.” Report 10points POST #18 "My grandpa’s so cheap, when he dies, he’ll probably walk towards the light and turn it off." Report 10points POST #19 "Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type. At least he told us to be positive." Report 10points POST #20 How did Grandma describe her cataract surgery?
It was an eye-opening experience for her. Report 10points POST #21 What changed grandma's opinion about heart transplants?
She had a change of heart. Report 10points POST #22 "My grandpa said he was built upside down. He said his nose runs and his feet smell." Report 9points POST #23 "My grandmother bakes cookies the fastest. It literally takes here nana-seconds." Report 9points POST #24 "My grandpa is 95 years old and he doesn't even use glasses. He drinks straight from the bottle." Report 9points POST #25 Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?
She wanted to rock 'n' roll! Report 9points POST #26 What did Rihanna say to her grandmother with Alzheimer's?
"Oh nana, what's my name?" Report 9points POST #27 "My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. I asked, "Who is this guy?" Grandpa replied, "My hip replacement."" Report 9points POST #28 Why do grandparents smile all the time?
Because they can't hear a word you're saying! Report 9points POST #29 Which relative chimes at you every hour?
A grandfather's clock. Report 9points POST #30 A grandson asked his grandmother, "Do you know how you and god are alike?"
"You're both old!" Report 9points POST #31 Halfway through church service, grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife's ear, "I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
The grandma replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid." Report 9points POST #32 Why did grandpa love grandma so much that he called her "love", "honey", "darling" even after 60 years of marriage?
Because grandpa had forgotten grandma’s name. Report 9points POST #33 Why are grandparents and grandchildren always close to each other?
They both have a common enemy at the homefront who makes a fuss about eating sweets. Report 9points POST #34 What does grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?
He doesn’t listen. Report 9points POST #35 What did the tall grandpa say to the little boy?
You will have to do your own growing boy, my height won’t help you with that. Report 9points POST #36 How are stars and fake teeth alike according to a grandfather?
“These two come out only during the night.” Report 9points POST #37 What did grandpa name the Italian restaurant he started in grandma’s memory?
"Pasta Way." Report 9points POST #38 Why did grandma call grandpa spiderman?
Because, she said, “That boy finds it difficult to get out of the bathtub.” Report 9points POST #39 "My grandparents were called Pearl and Dean. But obviously I called them my Grandad and Nana na na na na na na." Report 9points POST #40 What do you call a walking stick that makes grandma walk faster?
A hurricane. Report 9points POST #41 "I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”" Report 9points POST #42 "I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep. Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car." Report 9points POST #43 A dying grandfather tells his grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash."
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandpa, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With his last breath, Grandpa whispered, "Facebook..." Report 9points POST #44 "My grandpa went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and he immediately returned. He forgot his teeth." Report 9points POST #45 "My late grandpa used to hate looking in the mirror. Humble man, terrible driver." Report 9points POST #46 Grandpa died in the hospital because they had the wrong blood type on record.
It was a Type O. Report 9points POST #47 Grandpa walks into his grandson watching a football match.
Grandpa: "Who's playing?"
Grandson: "Czech and Slovakia."
Grandpa: "Against who?" Report 9points POST #48 "On her death bed, the last words that my grandma told my grandpa was, “Honey, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, he’s been kicking puppies and robbing stores every day." Report 9points POST #49 "Have you seen the sweater my grandmother made me? It's pretty knit." Report 9points POST #50 Why did grandma leave the job at the glue factory?
She could not stick with it. Report 9points POST #51 What happened after grandmother decided to become vegan?
Every time you meet her, it feels like you never met her'bivore. Report 9points POST #52 What did grandma say about her career as a young girl?
"I worked at the shoe showroom, and then they gave me the boot." Report 9points POST #53 "How did grandma agree to get spine surgery? She told me, "It was holding me back for a really long time."" Report 9points POST #54 Why was grandma so fascinated by a reversible sweater she was knitting?
She said, "I want to see how it turns out." Report 9points POST #55 "My grandmother was a Math teacher. We were discussing infinity the other day, and it kept going on forever." Report 9points POST #56 Grandma yells across the room: "Billy, what's the name of that German guy who drives me crazy?"
"It's Alzheimer, grandma". Report 9points POST #57 Grandma's getting a little hard to understand in her old age.
"Ma", we said, "you may be getting dyslexia."
"Lysdexia?", she said, "Don't be diriculous."
We had to put our foot down when she got on the phone to order fitted sheets. Report 9points POST #58 My grandma got a new hearing aid.
“It was $5,” she said.
“What kind is it?” I asked.
“Ten-o-clock.” Report 9points POST #59 Grandpa: "I used to have an origami business"
Grandson: "What happened to it?"
Grandpa: "It folded..." Report 8points POST #60 "Grandma has been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her inside." Report 8points POST #61 "My grandpa tired to warn everyone that the titanic was going to sink. When everyone ignored him, he yelled at them three more times. Eventually, they got irritated and kicked him out of the movie theater." Report 8points POST #62 "My grandpa's last wish was that when he died, we convert his ashes into a diamond. That's a lot of pressure." Report 8points POST #63 A boy, his dad and his grandpa all hear the same hilarious joke, laugh too hard and pee their pants...
Guess you could say it runs in their jeans! Report 8points POST #64 When is your grandma's bedtime?
Three hours after she falls asleep in her chair. Report 8points POST #65 "Every time I go to a wedding, my grandma pokes me and says, "You're next". So, every time I go to a funeral with her, I poke her and say the same." Report 8points POST #66 "Today, I went to visit my passed away grandparents, but I accidentally visited the wrong tomb. It was a grave mistake." Report 8points POST #67 When do you know your grandmother is old enough to retire?
Instead of lying about her age, she started bragging about it! Report 8points POST #68 Why did Grandpa get banned from the zoo?
Because he had a lion’s heart. Report 8points POST #69 What are the two things your grandpa doesn’t like about you as a little boy?
One, you don’t want to sleep in the afternoon. Two, you won’t let him take a nap either. Report 8points POST #70 What would a lawnmower grandfather’s eulogy be like?
"Now he’s lawn-gone." Report 8points POST #71 What do people call grandfather clocks?
The old-timers. Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #72 From what did grandpa say he suffered a high degree of stress?
From grandma. Report 8points POST #73 Why did the grandpa say no to local anesthetic on the day of the operation?
Because he was looking forward to an imported one. Report 8points POST #74 What did the lawyer grandfather say to the waiter who wrote the bill at the cash counter?
"Whoever writes it, pays for it." Report 8points POST #75 "After 72 years since not completing her college course, my grandma finally went back and earned her very first diploma... I asked her what will she be wearing for her graduation ceremony and she said "depends."" Report 8points POST #76 What do Minions call their Grandmas?
Ba-Nanas. Report 8points POST #77 Why do you have to take permission from grandpa to sell fish?
Because he is the cod-father. Report 8points POST #78 "My grandparents buy me so many school supplies for the first day of school that I have to take the first two weeks off just to sharpen pencils." Report 8points POST #79 A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare his will and make his final requests.
He told the rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium.
“Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?”
“Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.” Report 8points POST #80 What did the 90 year old say to his great-grandson?
"I miss the days of being your age when my teeth were in my mouth 24/7!" Report 8points POST #81 Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
The other says, “I feel just like a newborn baby. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.” Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #82 "My grandparents passed away 36 times. Every time I change jobs all four of them come alive again." Report 8points POST #83 "My Grandparents were Trekkies, and named my father after their favourite Captain. When I was young, I was frequently hoisted by my own Picard." Report 8points POST #84 "My granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray. He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran." Report 8points POST #85 "My grandfather was a baker in the army. He went in all buns glazing." Report 8points POST #86 "My grandpa told me when he was small the alphabet only had 25 letters. Nobody knew Y." Report 8points POST #87 "My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning. He said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium." Report 8points POST #88 Why was grandma in such a hurry while making pasta sauce for the dinner guests?
It was already 8pm and she was running out of thyme. Report 8points POST #89 What did grandma do when she was feeling lonely?
She bought some shares because she wanted company. Report 8points POST #90 "What happened when grandma accidentally dropped the basket of ironed laundry? We watched it all unfold." Report 8points POST #91 What happened when grandma decided to take action against the airline for losing her luggage?
She lost her case. Report 8points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #92 "My dear old grandmother always used to say that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. That's why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon." Report 7points POST #93 "My grandpa always used to say, "when one door closes, another one opens". He was a good man, but a lousy cabinet maker." Report 7points POST #94 What's the difference between an all-you-can-eat restaurant and your grandma's cooking?
At an all-you-can-eat restaurant, you decide when you're full. Report 7points POST #95 Why do grandparents count pennies?
They're the only ones who have the time. Report 7points POST #96 What did grandpa say after reading ‘Karaoke Tonight’ at a restaurant?
He just asked what sort of fish that was. Report 7points POST #97 Why did grandpa spend only one hour with the grandchildren?
Because one hour with them and he felt like a young fellow, more than that he said he feels drastically old. Report 7points POST #98 Why did grandpa say, “Ask grandma for picnic permission”?
Because it won’t be allowed if grandma said no! Report 7points POST #99 Why is today the last day that one can see 82-year-old grandpa?
Because he would be 83 tomorrow. Report 7points POST #100 Why did grandpa yell ‘gallons, liters, pints’ the day after the Christmas party?
Because he likes to speak in volumes. Report 7points POST #101 Two grandparents are having a phone call talking about their family.
One grandparent talks about how proud she is that her granddaughter came to visit her while socially distanced.
The other said, “My grandson is so protective of me. He socially distances so much he won’t even call me!” Report 7points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #102 Erwin Schrodinger came from abroad to attend grandparent's wedding in North America.
He was a nonlocal observer. Report 7points POST #103 A grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%.
The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!” Report 7points POST #104 Grandfather: "Bet I can tell you the score before the game starts!"
Grandson: "No Way!"
Grandfather: "0-0." Report 7points POST #105 "I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!”" Report 7points POST #106 Why did the grandfather clock fall over?
It went back too far for Daylight Saving! Report 7points POST #107 What did the grandpa pancake say to the grandchild burnt pancake?
"I don’t like your flip side." Report 7points POST #108 "My grandparents, parents, and even my siblings have chronic diarrhea. I guess it runs in the family." Report 7points POST #109 "My grandpa always used to say to me, “Fight fire with fire.” It’s no wonder he got sacked from the fire service." Report 7points POST #110 "My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. “It’s worth spending money on good speakers,” he told me." Report 7points POST #111 "My grandpa always said, “Always try to be the fish going against the current.” Good man. Got electrocuted every day though." Report 7points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #112 A little boy gets $5 for his birthday. He runs with it to the candy store and asks for $5 worth of candy.
The man behind the counter asks, “Do you really think it’s wise to spend all your birthday money on candy?”
The little boy thinks about it for a moment and replies, “Well, my grandpa did live to be 94…”
“By eating candy everyday?” Asks the man, astounded.
“No,” replies the little boy, “by minding his own business.” Report 7points POST #113 One Sunday, little Johnny's grandpa asks him a question, "Do you know what one eye said to the other eye?"
"No, grandpa."
"It said, Between you and me, something smells." Report 7points POST #114 "Today my grandpa told me he was working on his second million. He said he was too tired, and there was no way he was going to make the first, so he was starting fresh." Report 7points POST #115 "Grandpa, tell us that story again about grandma's pearl necklace."
"Really? That old chestnut? Report 7points POST #116 How come grandmas are so good at learning different languages so quickly?
They are always grandma-tically correct. Report 7points POST #117 Why did the grandma ask her grandson not to work at the candle factory?
Because he will have to work even on wick-ends. Report 7points POST #118 Why did grandma refuse to eat the German sausage?
She fears the wurst. Report 7points POST #119 "How was grandmother's 92nd birthday party?"
"It was an emotional moment for all of us, even the cake was in tiers." Report 7points POST #120 "After 40 long years, my grandma has finally gotten my grandpa to stop biting his nails. She's hidden his teeth." Report 6points POST #121 How would grandpa react when you tell him about online classes?
He would say, “Why is your education on the line? How will that work?” Report 6points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #122 Why did grandpa tell the ghosts about his shirt size?
Because he was the medium. Report 6points POST #123 Why did grandpa like to wear glasses while collecting take out for dinner?
He goes to pick up the dinner with a contact-less drive-through. Report 6points POST #124 Why did the grandchild call grandpa a hipster?
Because grandma told him, hipsters buy clothes from thrift shops, wear glasses that are thick, and look different. Report 6points POST #125 What does grandpa say when a waiter asks about the food at the restaurant?
He points at our finished plates and confirms, “They almost didn’t like it.” Report 6points POST #126 What did grandpa say when everyone told him my father looked like him?
He said, “He’s a poor guy, don’t worry he’ll grow out of it”. Report 6points POST #127 Why did grandpa always have the dog beside him?
So that he could blame the dog day in and out for all his gas leaks. Report 6points POST #128 How did grandpa react when his grandson told him he wanted to go abroad to study?
He said, “You sure got to study lots of boards”. Report 6points POST #129 "My entire family was not supportive during my pregnancy, but my grandparents supported my decision. They are great grandparents." Report 6points POST #130 "My parents had me late in life so I never met any of my grandparents. No body was surprised about this. It was a four gone conclusion." Report 6points POST #131 "My grandparents bought a new China set. They asked me what I thought of it… I said it was fine." Report 6points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #132 “Back in the day,” a grandfather started to say, “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well.”
“But nowadays,” he continued, “Wherever you go, there are cameras.” Report 6points POST #133 Grandpa Mike died this weekend.
He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster.
In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days.
He will be mist. Report 6points POST #134 "I asked my grandpa, "What were your good old days?" He answered, "They were before I was good and before I was old." Report 6points POST #135 "I asked my grandmother how she’s enjoying her new stairlift. She said, “It’s driving me up the wall.”" Report 6points POST #136 A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his grandma, “How was I born?”
His grandma awkwardly answers, “The stork brought you.”
“Oh,” says the boy. “Well, how were mummy and daddy born?”
“Um, well, the stork brought them, too, and your grandpa and I.”
The boy begins his paper, “This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.” Report 6points POST #137 Why was grandma arrested for taking a picture?
She was framed. Report 6points POST #138 "Did your grandma give you her bread recipe?"
"Yes, we often trade recipes on a knead to know basis." Report 6points POST #139 Why do grandmas hate stairs?
They suspect them as they are always up to something. Report 6points POST #140 Why didn’t grandpa like the new walking shoes?
Because he unwrapped them and kept looking but they didn’t walk on their own so he thought they were broken. Report 5points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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