105 Hair larious Beard Jokes That Are A Cut Above

105 Hair larious Beard Jokes That Are A Cut Above

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105 Hair-larious Beard Jokes That Are A Cut Above

Saimonas Lukošius and
Violeta Lyskoit
Publish Not your original work? Add source From old times, being able to grow a beard has been attributed to high testosterone levels, strength, and masculinity, aka the "manly" traits. However, while high testosterone can positively affect beard growth, the absence of it doesn't necessarily signal low testosterone levels. In fact, the most common reason why some men can't grow a voluminous beard lies in, you guessed right, genetics. So if you are a guy worrying about not being able to grow a beard, don't stress about it. In fact, while some studies found that women are more attracted to hirsute men, others found that women preferred the clean-shaven look. Altogether, the results of these studies are often 1:1, equally favoring the bearded and clean-shaven faces. Thus, if going into this post, you initially thought that the subjects of these beard jokes would be beardless men, you were wrong. While some may believe that cracking you can't grow a beard jokes to someone's face is funny, it's really not. Whether you have a luscious beard or rock the clean-shaven look, funny beard jokes can be enjoyed by anyone, hirsute or not. Below, we've compiled plenty of facial hair jokes, shaving jokes, barber puns, and funny jokes about mustaches that shouldn't be cut off from your funny jokes bank. Do you know of any more funny facial hair jokes? Found a particular beard joke hair-larious? Let us know! This post may include affiliate links. #1 Why did the bearded thief shave before robbing a bank?

Because he wanted to be a smooth criminal. Report 11points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Try not to hear the song now in your head. I dare you. 0 0points reply View More Replies... View more comments #2 What was the bearded hipster’s least favorite basketball team?

The Los Angeles Clippers. Report 11points POST #3 Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop?

Because of the razor-thin margins. Report 11points POST #4 Why did the bearded man’s phone not unlock on seeing his face? Because it just wasn’t him anymore! Report 10points POST #5 Why did the unlucky bearded man shave?

Because fortune favors the shave. Report 9points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Lmaoooo 2 2points reply #6 Why didn't the barber ask the question about beards?

Because he was shaving it for later! Report 9points POST #7 Why couldn’t the man with a thick beard figure out the cause of his itchy beard?

Because he couldn’t get to the root of it. Report 9points POST #8 Why do British not like long beards?

Because they hate the Vikings. Report 9points POST #9 What did the fancy bearded goat order at the café?

A Goa-tea. Report 9points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago So, are all goats called "hipsters" now because they have beards? I guess they'd say they've been bearded before it was cool 2 2points reply #10 How many bearded men does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to actually do the job, and nine others to compliment each other’s beards. Report 9points POST #11 Where does a beard stylist buy his grooming products?

At a Shaven Eleven. Report 8points POST Rutherfrog P. Wilmington Rutherfrog P. Wilmington Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Thats a bit of a reach 1 1point reply #12 Facial hair that is only located under the lower lip is called a soul patch. Facial hair that only grows in spots on the neck is known as pitiful. Report 8points POST AVGucky AVGucky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago No idea why, but I'm crying because of "soul patch" does anypanda know if it's true and why? 2 2points reply #13 What hairstyle did the goose get?

A ducktail! Report 7points POST Rutherfrog P. Wilmington Rutherfrog P. Wilmington Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Woo-oo! 2 2points reply #14 What did the barber serve at his party?

Barber-que. Report 7points POST #15 Why was the hipster avoiding his social circle after going to the barber?

Because he was shaving face. Report 7points POST #16 What happened when my friend kept bragging about his stubble?

I just couldn’t bear-d him anymore! Report 7points POST #17 Why did the man sue the barber for touching his beard?

He saw it as hairassment. Report 7points POST #18 What do you say when a barber has a good annual income?

We can say it has been good hair for him! Report 7points POST #19 What was the catchphrase of the barber’s shop?

“Any time, Anyplace, Any hair!” Report 7points POST #20 Why was the man annoyed at his friend who was making fun of his facial hair?

Because it was a side-burn. Report 7points POST #21 What do you call a barber without a beard?

Jobless! Report 7points POST #22 Why did the man help his friends trim their facial hair?

Because shearing is caring. Report 7points POST #23 Where does a beard styling enthusiast go for vacations?

Shave-illa. Report 7points POST #24 What is a beard’s favorite nuts?

Mustachios. Report 7points POST #25 What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop?

Hairy Potter. Report 7points POST #26 Why did the man with a receding hairline decide to grow his beard?

Because he was trying to plan a head. Report 7points POST #27 Why did Satan hire a good-willed barber to shave off the facial hair of men going to hell?

Because the road to hell is shaved with good intentions. Report 7points POST #28 Why did the barber eat nothing but goat meat?

Because mutton chops were his favorite. Report 7points POST #29 Where are all the old mustaches stored?

Probably in one of the mo-seums. Report 7points POST #30 What do you call a polite beard?

A beard that is well-groomed! Report 6points POST #31 What do you call a clean-shaved spy?

Agent 00-Shaven! Report 6points POST #32 Where do you find the perfect mustache?

Right under the nose! Report 6points POST #33 Who shaves a rabbit's beard?

A haredresser! Report 6points POST #34 What did the barber do after accidentally shaving off the man’s beard?

He just let it slide. Report 6points POST #35 What did the bartender tell the man with the saggy mustache?

“Is that your mustache or have your eyebrows come down for a drink?” Report 6points POST #36 Who helped grow Obi-Wan's beard?

His name was Darth Braider! Report 6points POST #37 Why did the teenager get a grooming kit for his birthday?

Because it was his shaventeenth birthday. Report 6points POST #38 Why don't men with beards need a vacuum?

Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces. Report 6points POST #39 Why was the bearded man angry?

Because he kept being mistaken for a hipster. Report 6points POST #40 Why was the bearded man with low self-esteem happy going out with his nonbearded friends?

Because everyone thought he was the leader! Report 6points POST #41 What did the beard say after growing back on the man’s face?

“I’ve been hair before!” Report 6points POST #42 Why did the man get beard oil before food?

Because taking care of his beard is part of his hair necessities. Report 6points POST #43 What did the man say before shaving off his beard?

“Hair goes nothing!” Report 6points POST #44 Why did the toy airplane land on the bearded man’s face?

Because he had a strip on it. Report 6points POST #45 What did the balding guy and teenager growing a beard have in common?

For them, every hair counts! Report 6points POST #46 How come Spot would not let go of his beard?

He would Klingon to it! Report 6points POST Rutherfrog P. Wilmington Rutherfrog P. Wilmington Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Spock? 0 0points reply #47 What is a bearded hipster’s favorite metal band?

Avenged Shavenfold. Report 6points POST #48 Which snack has a great mustache?

A pi-stach-io. Report 6points POST #49 Why are the beard and mustache on bad terms?

Because they can't gel with each other! Report 5points POST #50 Why did my friend lie about his beard?

Because he's a bald-faced liar. Report 5points POST #51 What kind of beard did Rocky keep?

He kept a Balbo-a! Report 5points POST #52 What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?

“All good things must comb to an end.” Report 5points POST #53 Why did the man named Penny keep on shaving his beard?

Because a Penny shaved is a Penny earned. Report 5points POST #54 Why are superheroes inspired by barbers?

Because they are always there to shave the day! Report 5points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #55 Why did the man grow a mustache even though he always wore a mask in public?

Because he wanted a secret ‘stache. Report 5points POST #56 Why did the barber get annoyed by his customer?

Because he kept saying 10 times over, “I mustache you a question!” Report 5points POST #57 What did the hipster tell his chef friend with a beard?

“You ought to shavour every bite!” Report 5points POST #58 Why did the man grow his beard ridiculously bigger than the last time?

Because he wanted to grow it shavenfold as much. Report 5points POST #59 Who is the world's most popular bearded wizard?

Of course, it is Gandalf, who else did you think? Report 5points POST #60 Why was the man’s beard a visual treat?

Because it was plait to perfection. Report 5points POST #61 Why was the bearded man at the court?

He was waiting for the verdi-ct! Report 5points POST #62 What do you call a goat with a beard?

A Goatee. Report 5points POST #63 What happened to the man who was hesitant about growing a beard?

It eventually grew on him. Report 5points POST #64 Why do men hate to shave off their beards?

Because they’re naturally attached to it. Report 5points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #65 Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event?

Because it was a fund razor. Report 5points POST #66 Why did the bearded man sue the barber who sneakily shaved off his beard?

Because he barber-ed a grudge against him. Report 5points POST #67 What did the bearded prince marry Rapunzel?

Because he wanted a hairytale ending. Report 5points POST #68 What happened to the bearded clown after he was kicked out of the circus?

He lost his stubble mode of income. Report 5points POST #69 Knock Knock!
Who is there?
May 'stache.
May 'stache who?
May 'stache keeps growing on you. Report 5points POST #70 What comes after Movember?

Decembeard. Report 5points POST #71 What did the pirate with a beard ask one of the new cruise captains?

Where did Mo-stash all the treasure? Report 5points POST #72 What did the barber say to the man who wanted a spherical Afro?

“Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.” Report 4points POST #73 Where are bearded prisoners sent?

They sent them to the Gillette-ine. Report 4points POST #74 Why was the man’s self-care product line taking off?

Because of all the shave reviews! Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #75 Why did the barber win at the race?

Because he took a short cut. Report 4points POST #76 Why did the man ignore the two hipsters tailing him and kept grooming his own beard?

Because a beard in the hand is worth two in the bush. Report 4points POST #77 What is a bearded man’s favorite headphone brand?

Bearddynamic. Report 4points POST #78 What is an old and wise dragon?

A bearded dragon! Report 4points POST #79 Why don’t the Amish shave their beards?

Because they don’t want raze-a-barn. Report 4points POST #80 Why did the man maintain his beard to perfection?

Because if he didn’t, things would get a bit hairy. Report 4points POST #81 What’s the difference between an ex-wife and a beard?

The beard eventually comes back. Report 4points POST #82 Why did the man get intentionally kicked in the face by a horse?

Because he wanted a horseshoe mustache. Report 4points POST #83 Why was the bearded man appointed as the sheriff in the town?

Because he had a gunslinger beard! Report 4points POST #84 When do hipsters shave their facial hair to match their cool personality?

During Daylight Shavings time. Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #85 What was the pirate’s favorite kind of facial hair?

A boatee. Report 4points POST #86 What did the man say to the tiny grey hair growing on his mustache?

All this time, you were growing right under my nose. Report 4points POST #87 What did the mustache ask his elder brother?

I see you looking at me like that, what's growing on? Report 4points POST #88 Why did the man buy a new razor?

Because the old one failed to make the cut! Report 3points POST #89 What happened to long beards?

They have become a dying beard! Report 3points POST #90 What do you call a person who shaves 20 times a day and still ends the day with a beard?

A barber. Report 3points POST #91 Why was the bearded man the host?

He had a natural anchor in him! Report 3points POST #92 Why don't hipsters try to copy curly beard styles?

Because they don't go with the wave. Report 3points POST #93 What did hipster Darth Vader say to his clean-shaven henchman?

“I find your lack of beard disturbing!” Report 3points POST #94 My friend and I are in a beard-growing contest. It's neck and neck right now. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #95 Why did the man have the priest don a fake beard and mustache?

Because he wanted the baptism to be a blessing in disguise! Report 3points POST #96 Why did the astronaut grow a beard in space?

Because he wanted spacial hair. Report 3points POST #97 Why do women like men with beards?

Because they immediately see something that they can change! Report 3points POST #98 Why did the man who couldn’t grow a beard tape a rabbit to his face?

Because then he would get the facial hare he always wanted. Report 3points POST #99 Why did the bearded man go to the barber?

Because the barber provided intensive hair. Report 3points POST #100 Why was the man who grew his beard for an entire year afraid of the barber?

Because the barber was the hairbinger of doom for him! Report 3points POST #101 Why did the man keep growing his beard?

Because he thought he looked beardy handsome! Report 3points POST #102 Why do men develop confidence after growing their beards?

Because it’s the beard that grows them! Report 3points POST #103 Why was Ivan Pavlov’s beard so soft, smooth, and well-maintained?

Because he conditioned it. Report 3points POST #104 What did the man do when someone insulted his attempt at growing a beard?

He just brushed it off. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #105 Why did the man shave his mustache before participating in a dangerous stunt?

He said better shave than sorry. Report 3points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Saimonas Lukošius Saimonas Lukošius Author, BoredPanda staff Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts. Read more » Violeta Lyskoit Violeta Lyskoit Writer, BoredPanda staff Violeta has completed her higher education at Northumbria University with a bachelor's degree in Media & Journalism (so you better believe she's checking her facts). If she's not writing or editing pics for the Gram, she's probably hitting legs at the gym. Also, she's a firm believer that pineapple belongs on a pizza. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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