35 Things Married Folks Wish All Unmarried People Knew About Marriage
35 Things Married Folks Wish All Unmarried People Knew About Marriage Bored Panda Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app Continue in app Continue in browser Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. We respect your privacy. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Are you leaving already? Are you sure you want to post this? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted this warning is a mistake x x Let's fight boredom together! Continue with Facebook Continue with Google or Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error()"> Become a member Sign Up Have an account? Login Forgot your password? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's Terms of Service 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Password reminder Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Send Have an account? Login Don't have an account? Sign Up Get our top 10 stories in your inbox: Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Please enter your email to complete registration Finish 0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass"> Activate to continue Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I have already activated my account Resend activation link We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. You can read more about it and change your preferences here. Agree By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can change your preferences here. Agree BoredPanda Login Add Post Search ArtPhotographyAnimalsFunnyTravelIllustrationComicsDIYGood NewsParentingChallengeAsk Pandas More Featured Trending Latest Newsletter The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Bored Panda 35 Things Married Folks Wish All Unmarried People Knew About Marriage Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact 108points x Facebook Pinterest Twitter Relationships1 week ago
Viktorija Ošikaitė
Publish Not your original work? Add source Nobody said that marriage is going to be easy. But that's far from the only thing nobody tells you when you're unmarried. Would it change your mind about tying the knot if you knew some of these things earlier? Well, you don't need to reply just now, but rather scroll through some of the very genuine thoughts about marriage from people who have been there and done that. "Married people of Reddit, what's something you wish unmarried people knew?" somebody asked on Ask Reddit and sooner than you knew it, the thread turned into an illuminating read that makes you wonder big time. This post may include affiliate links. #1 Common values matter way more than common interests. wwplkyih , Helena Lopes Report 298points POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I would upvote this way more if I could! 36 36points reply View More Replies... View more comments #2 Saying “let me ask my wife” doesn’t mean I’m asking permission. We’re a team, we make decisions together. Also, if it’s about going to or doing something, I’m really forgetful and want to make sure we haven’t already made plans. Salty-Director538 , August de Richelieu Report 285points POST LilliVB LilliVB Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I thought this was common knowledge. My husband always says that he has to talk to me about decisions to make, sometimes even the most mundane, and so do I. We are a family, we work and decide together about most of things. I've always thought that was the norm. 41 41points reply View More Replies... View more comments #3 BABIES DON'T FIX RELATIONSHIPS! If you were struggling before then a baby is going to make those struggles even harder. Babies make fantastic relationships harder! Don't have a baby if you're having problems! Don't have a baby to "fix" things! Don't have a baby to try to keep your spouse from leaving! IT WONT WORK mrsbebe , Kelly Sikkema Report 233points POST Ivo H Ivo H Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Million times upvote to this! Children will make everything super hard, super annoying and super exhausting. At least first few years of their lives. The relationship should be prepared for this. Hoping child will solve relationship problems is like building a house in a swamp, hoping it’ll get stable in the process somehow. 37 37points reply View More Replies... View more comments Rebecca Newton, MA, licensed marriage and family therapist told Bored Panda that marriage isn't about initial attraction, shared interests, or even how much you like each other. "A solid marriage is one that can adjust, flex, and shift through all the changes and events that will happen over the course of decades. Marriage is more about shared values, communication skills, and commitment to take action in the relationship," Newton explained. #4 Spending time with my wife is neither a burden or a chore. She was my best friend before we even started dating, of course i enjoy hanging out with her. rusty_L_shackleford , cottonbro Report 213points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Best marriages (or relationships for that matter) are built on just enjoying each other's company in the first place 50 50points reply View more comments #5 It’s not you vs spouse. It’s you and spouse vs problem. Capital_Ad_2489 , Priscilla Du Preez Report 207points POST Scout Finch Scout Finch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This is so true. 19 19points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 It’s better to stay single forever than to marry the wrong person Bhappy-now , Andrea Piacquadio Report 206points POST Jack Holt Jack Holt Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Hear hear! Indeed, quality friendships are important 16 16points reply View more comments According to the marriage therapist, the key secrets to a happy marriage are two things: ability to communicate your needs effectively, and the ability to repair after a fight or disagreement. Having said that, Newton sees many people who get married for the wrong reasons. "So many people feel pressured to get married when they are in their late 20's and early 30's. They feel it's 'time' and they settle down with whatever partner they have at the time. There is a lot of societal pressure to get married, and people aren't taught how to pick a partner or what characteristics make a great partner." Moreover, "People sometimes get married because all of their friends are, or they think their partner is going to be successful or financially stable," Newton said. #7 For the love of God don’t go crazy with how much you spend on the wedding day. It’s ONE day and it’s over in a flash. Try to keep costs down as much as you can; that money you saved can go towards a house or into savings for when you’ll truly need it
Also, the whole “don’t go to bed mad” thing is absolutely b******t. Go to bed mad! When you have both slept on it you may see things in a different light and tensions have calmed.
“Happy wife, happy life” is toxic to a marriage as well. You should be concerned with each other’s happiness *equally*. It’s a partnership DrPeterVankman , Rose Report 188points POST Kay Willsher Kay Willsher Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I've always preferred "happy spouse, happy house" because it puts the responsibility on both parties to maintain the health of the relationship - as it should be! I like to surprise my husband by sometimes doing some of "his" chores or just surprising him with a small gift or some snuggles; he does the same for me. Relationships aren't 50/50, they are 60/40, but both should be pushing for the 60 ;) 51 51points reply View More Replies... View more comments #8 It’s okay to use two blankets. No one likes to wake up with cold a*s cheeks because your spouse stole the blanket. sparklingshanaya , Pavel Danilyuk Report 174points POST Arliss Speace Arliss Speace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago It's okay to have separate beds. Or separate bedrooms. Not so important when young but can be helpful as couples age. Or work different hours. I've known people who remarried later in life that kept their own homes and would take turns sleeping over with each other like kids. 76 76points reply View More Replies... View more comments #9 My heart always hurts when I hear people say "I gotta pin that man down" or "I'm going to make him put a ring on it" or other things implying that the woman is coercing the man into marrying her.
If a man doesn't WANT to be married to me, then by God, I don't want to be married to him either! If he requires that much convincing, he's not the man for you. SnappyCappie , cottonbro Report 167points POST Ivo H Ivo H Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I like to believe this is mostly rhetorical statement and not meant seriously :) 16 16points reply View More Replies... View more comments Another misconception Newton sees is that "people think marriage should always be fun, or that if they are with the right partner then they won't have to do the work of communicating their needs." "Even if we have a great partner, they are not a mind reader and they can't always be in tune with our needs. Also, as we get older our needs change. There is a huge value in consistent communication about needs," Newton explained. #10 It's okay for your relationship to look the way you want it to. Don't worry about stereotypes or society standards. If you enjoy separate hobbies, great. If you want to play video games together well into your 40s+, go for it. As long as you're not being abusive towards one another I really do think there's no right or wrong way to do marriage. It took me a few years to realize I didn't need to fit some "wife mold" due to the way I was raised and I'm so much happier now that we live exactly the way we want to. readyplayer_zero , cottonbro Report 146points POST Nea Nea Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Marriage is what you make of it. You dont have to fit into a set idea of this institution, you can set your own rules. 17 17points reply View more comments #11 Lots! Been married 29 years.
My wife is my best friend. She comes first.
Its not my money or her money. Its our money.
Big financial decisions have to be joint decisions.
If I want to go out and buy a midlife crisis car, my wife gets one too.
We have TV shows we watch together and ones we watch alone.
Life is so much more fun when you share hobbies.
Share the chores. You both eat and mess the bathroom up.
There is no I in team
Go out on dates.
Treat them like you like to be treated
You will get old together
Health issues are a team effort
You both are getting wrinkles notevenapro Report 134points POST Bobby Bobby Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago My FIL told me the key to a long marriage is to never stop dating your wife 46 46points reply View More Replies... View more comments #12 A gracious heartfelt apology goes a long way. Iarmuman , cottonbro Report 121points POST GenericPanda09 GenericPanda09 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 week ago One of the things I think I've learned is that it doesn't matter if what you thought was 'all done and dusted' at the time, even if weeks later when you're reflecting on things - if you think on that reflection that you could have handled things better or have something to apologise for ... then do so. It can make all the difference between someone you love starting to resent you and that person you love remembering the qualities that drew you together in the first place. There is no statute of limitations on admitting when you were in the wrong. 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments According to the marriage therapist, people have to realize that marriage is an adventure. "You will change. Your partner will change. Don't get caught up in your expectations of them, but rather get to know them for who they are in each iteration," Newton concluded. #13 Compromise is not a sign of weakness. It is done out of respect for your spouse. Rich-Diamond-9006 , Emma Bauso Report 118points POST Nea Nea Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Compromise is healthy only if it happens on both sides. 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments #14 The wedding is just one day and does not fix any issues. It goes back to the exact same relationship afterwards. And if you're lucky, that's a good thing. No_Yard_7363 , Mikhail Nilov Report 113points POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago The biggest surprise for me was that, they day we got married I thought my heart would burst from happiness and that I would never love anyone as much as I loved my husband on that day. I was wrong. In the years since I have come to realise that time has strengthened what was there and I love my husband much more now than I did then. 47 47points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 Being married shouldn’t take away from having a good relationship with yourself. Electronic-Cattle993 , Ron Lach Report 104points POST Nea Nea Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago One who loves themselves loves others in the best way. 14 14points reply View more comments #16 Sleeping on the couch isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sleep is important. If I’m sick, have insomnia, snoring, etc., I’ll go to the couch so that only one of us is sleep-deprived and grumpy the next day, rather than both. It’s totally ok to use the bedroom for fun sexy times and then go separate places to actually sleep. charleychaplinman21 , Pixabay Report 104points POST The Doom Song The Doom Song Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Love my partner to death.... but my God does he snore! I end up in the spare room every other night coz hey we both need to sleep right? 27 27points reply View More Replies... View more comments #17 It’s ok to do things or spend a full day doing stuff that you enjoy by yourself. Present-Skill-4114 , bady abbas Report 96points POST DrBronxx DrBronxx Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I love golf. But I try not to play too much, because it's one of those hobbies that can be an addiction (and an expensive one at that!). My wife and I have limited free time together, so I'm careful to space out my rounds of golf. It sometimes reaches the point where she encourages me to play. We do do our own things quite a bit, but usually while we're both at home, but I sometimes forget how much I love golf. My wife never forgets. 14 14points reply View more comments #18 Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Get help if things seem too hard. My wife and I both carried a lot of childhood trauma into our marriage. A councilor helped is both understand that and gave us tools to handle it. We're would have divorced without the help. Spidey209 , Heather Mount Report 94points POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago And if one partner has trauma, and the other doesn't - the other might still need counselling to help them understand the consequences of trauma for their spouse. 27 27points reply View More Replies... View more comments #19 Find someone who is your biggest cheerleader and vice-versa, no matter what, life is so much easier
Love my wife! SteliosCnutos , cottonbro Report 85points POST ShaZam Beaubien ShaZam Beaubien Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago You should never belittle your spouse. Life is full of people trying to tear you down. You need a person to always build you up. 20 20points reply View more comments #20 If you tell me something, you're also telling my wife, and vice versa. I'll keep your secret from the rest of the world, but you can bet your a*s I'm spilling the tea to my wife as soon as I get home. zuck_my_butt Report 82points POST royal_antelope royal_antelope Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 week ago that's kind of problematic :/ if it's something that doesn't affect my husband or myself in any way, i don't tell him. i don't keep secrets from him about myself, but other people's secrets are always safe with me. 44 44points reply View More Replies... View more comments #21 You can't find instantly happy or perfect match, you have to build it. RoundProfessional95 , SHVETS production Report 77points POST Chucky Cheezburger Chucky Cheezburger Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Yep. My wife and I didnt start out attracted to each other. Well...I was attracted to her cuz she's cute, but she was afraid of me. But over time, we got to know one another and here we are 22 years married. 20 20points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #22 Don’t get lazy with sex. Now that you’re monogamous, it’s time to explore and grow together. A single partner you can trust and no worries about disease or unwanted pregnancy can lead to the best sex of your life. Marriage is not a sentence to play with yourself for decades. It’s a license to get filthy with your partner! Now that I’ve had a vasectomy and she’s had a hysterectomy, we are having the best sex of our lives because no babies, no periods, no worries! PNWBoilermaker2019 Report 72points POST rumade rumade Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Also hysterectomy and menopause can lead to a loss in sex drive and that's fine 5 5points reply View more comments #23 You don't have to argue or "fight". You're different people and it's OK to not agree on everything. It would be weird if you did!
I see a lot of people "fighting" because they're always trying to get the other person to come around to their point of view. Accept that you're different and have fun together. In addition to loving each other, you should *like* each other.
whatyouwant22 , MART PRODUCTION Report 61points POST Kayla Black Kayla Black Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago 10 years with my husband and we are yet to raise our voices at each other or "fight". We discuss things. On rare occasions we firmly discuss things but it's always in a respectful manner and ego is left at the door. We both grew up in volatile households as children and we are breaking that cycle starting with us 17 17points reply View More Replies... View more comments #24 Your single problems will be your married problems. Marriage and your spouse can't fix you. Work on yourself as much as you can before you get married. For yourself and for your spouse. happyharborgirl , Liza Summer Report 61points POST AffenpinscherMom AffenpinscherMom Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Best advice that I have read so far. 4 4points reply View more comments #25 Love is a choice. Once you choose to commit to your partner, choose to keep loving them. Choose to respond with love and compassion. Choose to put them first, and vice versa. There are definitely exceptions to this, like abuse and cheating.
If you go into marriage with a self-centered focus and telling yourself you can leave if things get hard, then you will. Marriage isn't transactional, where if they don't meet your needs 100% then you should leave. Marriage really should be a partnership where you are both trying your best and recognizing that what your best is will vary based on your circumstances. Dinonugget1801 , Ketut Subiyanto Report 55points POST Ivo H Ivo H Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Firstly, love is not a choice. Then, for a brief moment, love can be a choice, sure, until, ultimately, love is not longer a choice. I can no longer just stop loving my wife. Surelly I can leave her (not that I want to) , but I cannot just stop loving her. 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments #26 It’s okay to sleep in different rooms. Really. We still have plenty of intimacy, but we both sleep much better and are able to have different schedules. nevernom Report 54points POST Kate Jones Kate Jones Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Yes! 4 4points reply #27 Getting married WILL NOT help solve any issues in your relationship... LoveBaby67 , Liza Summer Report 53points POST Ariadna Ariadna Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago And shouldn’t be an ultimatum. You marry me or we are done… that’s an awful way to manipulate someone 13 13points reply View more comments #28 You can feel lonely as F still being in a relationship. You have to love yourself first. AdImpressive836 , Gian Cescon Report 53points POST Forty Seven Pandas Forty Seven Pandas Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Very true. I'd say it is even more painful to be lonely in a marriage than on your own because the irony hurts so bad. 8 8points reply View more comments #29 There are good people out there, you can be loved consistently, deeply, and with kindness. tara_amma , Toa Heftiba Report 51points POST Jennifer Norton Jennifer Norton Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I was in a really bad marriage. Managed to get out and start a new life just me and my kid. Then this man, who has two kids, came into my life. She has shown me what love and marriage are meant to be. He loves me every day, good and bad. He puts me and our kids first and is fiercely loyal and kind and loving. He makes me want to strive to be all those same things in return. It's out there people I promise!!! 11 11points reply View More Replies... View more comments #30 Sex really does get better the longer you work at it. elchignacio , Womanizer Toys Report 44points POST The Doom Song The Doom Song Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Good communication is the key.... 14 14points reply View more comments #31 Marriage changes nothing about a relationship. You’ll be exactly the same after marriage as you were before. Kids on the other hand…. taylor52087 , Tim Mossholder Report 43points POST Forty Seven Pandas Forty Seven Pandas Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This is very true. Kids basically are adding a new relationship into the mix. Your relationship with the kid. The kids relationship with your partner. All the time, effort, affection that went into you as a couple must also be shared with this new person. Hopefully you enjoy the new experience but of course, for some people it begins as a real struggle (especially if you are contending with sleepless nights and all the new financial needs!). I know a couple who waited to have children, and spent the first 3 years building a strong marriage, as well as saving, and bought a house before they started having kids. I think it was a great approach. They got married quite young so it was easier to make that decision. I married in my 30s and didn't want to wait. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #32 Marriage (and long term relationships in general) are a lot less work if done with the right person.
It seems obvious, but looking through a lot of these comments, I'm seeing disasters of relationships leading to the idea that marriage is a ton of work, or that fights and insults are just something to be expected, or that you have to have a plan for therapy and constant apologies and reconciliation - my wife and I have none of this in our marriage. We're compatible: we enjoy each other's company, respect each other's boundaries, and get along easily.
It seems to me that the tricky part is finding the right person, so that you don't end up with the tricky part of averting divorce and disaster while married to the wrong person. I don't know that there are any magic bullets to that trick, but I can tell you that issues like sitting down with a marriage counselor or learning how to reconcile after a screaming match don't have to be part of navigating a marriage if you're not that incompatible to begin with. CAustin3 , Emma Bauso Report 40points POST nini nini Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I find that advice a bit dangerous, as it can lead to people being afraid of counselling or therapy, which they shouldn't be. Noone's 100% compatible, there may always be some conflicts, and in my opinion it's better to face and resolve them (with or without help from counselling) instead of trying to ignore problems or avoid conflicts. Conflict can lead to growth of handled correctly, and never having any conflict at all is not a sign for a healthy relationship in my opinion, but shows that at least on of the partner puts his needs behind. Which in the long run cannot be fulfilling. This person writes from their perspective, but I would really like to know what their partner feels about this. 12 12points reply View more comments #33 You never marry a girl you marry her whole family. Green-Mango-More Report 39points POST ShaZam Beaubien ShaZam Beaubien Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Unfortunately, that's true. How I wish it wasn't. 14 14points reply View more comments #34 Divorce is awful and terrible and painful. Before you enter into marriage, realize that the only way out ( except death I guess) is a very painful, public, and traumatizing experience. If you don’t truly believe you can make it work for the rest of your life, don’t do it unless you can handle the train wreck that is divorce. Listening_Heads , cottonbro Report 38points POST Bobby Bobby Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I've seen some very short, concise, and amiable divorces, but I'll agree they are the minority of cases 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments #35 That the butterflies in the tummy, the wibbles when you see them, the fairytale romance of it all is a big lie. Don't marry that person, it won't end well. And don't have a list of requirements that can change in an instant: good job, money, a certain physique or hair colour, house, car, etc. Three paychecks can change all that. If you must have a list then make it on qualities: kind, funny, tender, honest.
Marry someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person you want at your side to share in triumphs and disasters alike. Marry the person who will stick with you for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Life is very different in your 20s and 30s than it is in your 70s and 80s. Will you clean up their vomit? Will they wipe your backside when you can't? Do you feel you have to hold back on what you tell or show them? Can you fart in front of them? Do you see yourself wiping up their eye gunk in 50 years time?
It's OK to have deal-breakers, but make them good ones. Ours are cheating and hitting. Anything else we can work out. A disagreement does not mean the end of our marriage, it means we need to talk and work out *together* what we're going to do about it. And if it's not the right time for a discussion then say so, talk when you are both well rested, fed and watered, not when you've both arrived home tired and hungry after a shocker of a day in work. Admit that there is a disagreement, but that it doesn't stop you loving each other.
We're 4 and a half years married, 7 years together. We have never had an argument. We disagree sometimes, but we talk it out and know that our disagreement doesn't mean we don't love each other, so if our talk is postponed because I am tired or he is stressed with work, we support each other with those things and talk it out when we're ready to. MadWifeUK Report 34points POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I am sorry, but I don't agree with this statement... "That the butterflies in the tummy, the wibbles when you see them, the fairytale romance of it all is a big lie. Don't marry that person, it won't end well." I STILL feel like that sometimes with my husband (+12 years). Not all the time. But occasionally. My parents in law who are married for 40 years still feel like that sometimes. Yes, there has to be MORE than the butterflies but they should be there. 30 30points reply View More Replies... View more comments Note: this post originally had 63 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
Use html version
Generate not embedded version
Add watermark Show Image Only
Hide Caption
Crop
Add watermark Add watermark Source
Title Update Liucija Adomaite Liucija Adomaite Writer, BoredPanda staff Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus. Read more » Viktorija Ošikaitė Viktorija Ošikaitė Author, BoredPanda staff Viktorija is a photo editor at Bored Panda with BA in Fine Arts and Printmaking. Before joining Bored Panda she worked as a freelance illustrator and kids summer camp counselor. In her spare time, she enjoys film photography and playing hide and seek with her cat. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law Saulė Tolstych “AITA For Losing It On My Husband For Lying About An Emergency To Get Me To Leave My Brother’s Wedding Early?” Saulė Tolstych Dad Asks If He's A Jerk For Teaching Daughter A Lesson Of Respect To His New Wife And Kid By Refusing To Pay For Her College Monika Pašukonytė Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life Add your comment POST Blazej Kowalczyk Blazej Kowalczyk Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago One thing that was very important to me: discuss your values beforehand. I'm talking big stuff - kids, money, politics, religion etc. 12 12points reply marianne eliza marianne eliza Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago If you're engaged to someone who cares more about the wedding than the marriage, run. Run far. Run fast. 4 4points reply Got Myself 4 Pandas Got Myself 4 Pandas Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago My first marriage - total abusive train wreck that traumatised me. My current marriage, peaceful, loving, supportive - we rarely fight, can talk about anything which after my first marriage took me a long time to be comfortable with as I'd still get that fear of his reaction even though he'd never once shown any sign he would react badly, that was a me problem left over from the abuse from before. My marriage just works, it's not hard, it's not consciously deciding to be one way it another, we just work well together. 4 4points reply Load More Comments POST Blazej Kowalczyk Blazej Kowalczyk Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago One thing that was very important to me: discuss your values beforehand. I'm talking big stuff - kids, money, politics, religion etc. 12 12points reply marianne eliza marianne eliza Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago If you're engaged to someone who cares more about the wedding than the marriage, run. Run far. Run fast. 4 4points reply Got Myself 4 Pandas Got Myself 4 Pandas Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago My first marriage - total abusive train wreck that traumatised me. My current marriage, peaceful, loving, supportive - we rarely fight, can talk about anything which after my first marriage took me a long time to be comfortable with as I'd still get that fear of his reaction even though he'd never once shown any sign he would react badly, that was a me problem left over from the abuse from before. My marriage just works, it's not hard, it's not consciously deciding to be one way it another, we just work well together. 4 4points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) Popular on Bored Panda 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work User Submissions The Best Microscopic Photos From The Nikon Small World Photomicrography Competition 2022 (92 Pics) I Am So Passionate About Creating Mystical Art, Here Are Some Of The Magical Notebooks I Have Made (23 New Pics) 30 Comics About Making It Through Life While Fighting Mental Health Issues By This Artist “I Own An Official Nanosecond”: 35 Rare Items Owned By Our Community I Photographed This Ukrainian Village Because It Is My Solace That Inspires Me (38 pics) By Changing His Lifestyle And Eating Habits At Age 60, Steve Ramsden Has Successfully Lost Over 60 Lbs And Now Has A Body Of A Bodybuilder Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Subscribe Please enter email address Also on Bored Panda Employee Gets Told They're "Replaceable", So They Play Along And It Ruins The Company Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics) 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Employee They Disrespected Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director 50 Times People Spotted Stupid Design Decisions In Public Places And Just Had To Share 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page 23 Y.O. Son Tells His Parents He’ll Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out They’re Paying For Sister’s Education Yet Didn’t Pay For His 50 Times Teachers Hung The Funniest Signs In Their Classrooms And They Ended Up Being Praised Online European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law Management Introduces Disciplinary Rules To Make Most Of Employees, Freaks Out When They Turn The Rules Against Them People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight" Woman Goes Viral With 7.7M Views When She Shares That Her Date Called Her An Uber To Go Home After He Saw How She Was Dressed "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past 32-Year-Old Independent Modern Woman Draws Comics On Her Observations About Society (30 New Pics) Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mother’s Day Celebration He’d Planned Also on Bored Panda “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) 50 Times People Spotted Stupid Design Decisions In Public Places And Just Had To Share Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight" Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Employee They Disrespected Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director 50 Times Teachers Hung The Funniest Signs In Their Classrooms And They Ended Up Being Praised Online Woman Goes Viral With 7.7M Views When She Shares That Her Date Called Her An Uber To Go Home After He Saw How She Was Dressed 23 Y.O. Son Tells His Parents He’ll Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out They’re Paying For Sister’s Education Yet Didn’t Pay For His European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users 32-Year-Old Independent Modern Woman Draws Comics On Her Observations About Society (30 New Pics) Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mother’s Day Celebration He’d Planned This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics) Employee Gets Told They're "Replaceable", So They Play Along And It Ruins The Company Management Introduces Disciplinary Rules To Make Most Of Employees, Freaks Out When They Turn The Rules Against Them Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want Follow We're also on Instagram and tumblr App Store App Store User Submissions Hey Pandas, How Often Do You Forget Something Important, And What Was The Result? 35replies 21 points Hey Pandas, Share Pics Of Your Halloween Decorations 4comments 22 points This Artist Continues To Create Amazing Logic-Challenging Photo Manipulations (70 New Pics) 5comments 33 points Hey Pandas, What's Something You've Made Yourself? (Closed) 6comments 29 points I Created My Own Dark Tarot Deck Featuring Creepy Creatures And Demons (78 Pics) 16comments 53 points This Artist Reimagines Brazilian States As Video Game Characters (22 Pics) 9comments 30 points Hairstylist Shares 30 Women Who Took The Risk Of Cutting Their Hair Short And Got Awesome Results (New Pics) 75comments 51 points Hey Pandas, What Is The Weirdest Name For A Human You've Ever Heard? (Closed) 80replies 21 points Artist Creates Adorable Images Of Dressed-Up Animals With References To Star Wars, The Hobbit And More (44 Pics) 23comments 61 points "An Amazing World Right Under Your Nose": 24 Pictures Of Nature That I Took With A Macro Lens 7comments 43 points Get the App App Store App Store Google News © 2022 Bored Panda
35 Things Married Folks Wish All Unmarried People Knew About Marriage
Liucija Adomaite andViktorija Ošikaitė
Publish Not your original work? Add source Nobody said that marriage is going to be easy. But that's far from the only thing nobody tells you when you're unmarried. Would it change your mind about tying the knot if you knew some of these things earlier? Well, you don't need to reply just now, but rather scroll through some of the very genuine thoughts about marriage from people who have been there and done that. "Married people of Reddit, what's something you wish unmarried people knew?" somebody asked on Ask Reddit and sooner than you knew it, the thread turned into an illuminating read that makes you wonder big time. This post may include affiliate links. #1 Common values matter way more than common interests. wwplkyih , Helena Lopes Report 298points POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I would upvote this way more if I could! 36 36points reply View More Replies... View more comments #2 Saying “let me ask my wife” doesn’t mean I’m asking permission. We’re a team, we make decisions together. Also, if it’s about going to or doing something, I’m really forgetful and want to make sure we haven’t already made plans. Salty-Director538 , August de Richelieu Report 285points POST LilliVB LilliVB Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I thought this was common knowledge. My husband always says that he has to talk to me about decisions to make, sometimes even the most mundane, and so do I. We are a family, we work and decide together about most of things. I've always thought that was the norm. 41 41points reply View More Replies... View more comments #3 BABIES DON'T FIX RELATIONSHIPS! If you were struggling before then a baby is going to make those struggles even harder. Babies make fantastic relationships harder! Don't have a baby if you're having problems! Don't have a baby to "fix" things! Don't have a baby to try to keep your spouse from leaving! IT WONT WORK mrsbebe , Kelly Sikkema Report 233points POST Ivo H Ivo H Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Million times upvote to this! Children will make everything super hard, super annoying and super exhausting. At least first few years of their lives. The relationship should be prepared for this. Hoping child will solve relationship problems is like building a house in a swamp, hoping it’ll get stable in the process somehow. 37 37points reply View More Replies... View more comments Rebecca Newton, MA, licensed marriage and family therapist told Bored Panda that marriage isn't about initial attraction, shared interests, or even how much you like each other. "A solid marriage is one that can adjust, flex, and shift through all the changes and events that will happen over the course of decades. Marriage is more about shared values, communication skills, and commitment to take action in the relationship," Newton explained. #4 Spending time with my wife is neither a burden or a chore. She was my best friend before we even started dating, of course i enjoy hanging out with her. rusty_L_shackleford , cottonbro Report 213points POST Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Best marriages (or relationships for that matter) are built on just enjoying each other's company in the first place 50 50points reply View more comments #5 It’s not you vs spouse. It’s you and spouse vs problem. Capital_Ad_2489 , Priscilla Du Preez Report 207points POST Scout Finch Scout Finch Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This is so true. 19 19points reply View More Replies... View more comments #6 It’s better to stay single forever than to marry the wrong person Bhappy-now , Andrea Piacquadio Report 206points POST Jack Holt Jack Holt Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Hear hear! Indeed, quality friendships are important 16 16points reply View more comments According to the marriage therapist, the key secrets to a happy marriage are two things: ability to communicate your needs effectively, and the ability to repair after a fight or disagreement. Having said that, Newton sees many people who get married for the wrong reasons. "So many people feel pressured to get married when they are in their late 20's and early 30's. They feel it's 'time' and they settle down with whatever partner they have at the time. There is a lot of societal pressure to get married, and people aren't taught how to pick a partner or what characteristics make a great partner." Moreover, "People sometimes get married because all of their friends are, or they think their partner is going to be successful or financially stable," Newton said. #7 For the love of God don’t go crazy with how much you spend on the wedding day. It’s ONE day and it’s over in a flash. Try to keep costs down as much as you can; that money you saved can go towards a house or into savings for when you’ll truly need it
Also, the whole “don’t go to bed mad” thing is absolutely b******t. Go to bed mad! When you have both slept on it you may see things in a different light and tensions have calmed.
“Happy wife, happy life” is toxic to a marriage as well. You should be concerned with each other’s happiness *equally*. It’s a partnership DrPeterVankman , Rose Report 188points POST Kay Willsher Kay Willsher Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I've always preferred "happy spouse, happy house" because it puts the responsibility on both parties to maintain the health of the relationship - as it should be! I like to surprise my husband by sometimes doing some of "his" chores or just surprising him with a small gift or some snuggles; he does the same for me. Relationships aren't 50/50, they are 60/40, but both should be pushing for the 60 ;) 51 51points reply View More Replies... View more comments #8 It’s okay to use two blankets. No one likes to wake up with cold a*s cheeks because your spouse stole the blanket. sparklingshanaya , Pavel Danilyuk Report 174points POST Arliss Speace Arliss Speace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago It's okay to have separate beds. Or separate bedrooms. Not so important when young but can be helpful as couples age. Or work different hours. I've known people who remarried later in life that kept their own homes and would take turns sleeping over with each other like kids. 76 76points reply View More Replies... View more comments #9 My heart always hurts when I hear people say "I gotta pin that man down" or "I'm going to make him put a ring on it" or other things implying that the woman is coercing the man into marrying her.
If a man doesn't WANT to be married to me, then by God, I don't want to be married to him either! If he requires that much convincing, he's not the man for you. SnappyCappie , cottonbro Report 167points POST Ivo H Ivo H Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I like to believe this is mostly rhetorical statement and not meant seriously :) 16 16points reply View More Replies... View more comments Another misconception Newton sees is that "people think marriage should always be fun, or that if they are with the right partner then they won't have to do the work of communicating their needs." "Even if we have a great partner, they are not a mind reader and they can't always be in tune with our needs. Also, as we get older our needs change. There is a huge value in consistent communication about needs," Newton explained. #10 It's okay for your relationship to look the way you want it to. Don't worry about stereotypes or society standards. If you enjoy separate hobbies, great. If you want to play video games together well into your 40s+, go for it. As long as you're not being abusive towards one another I really do think there's no right or wrong way to do marriage. It took me a few years to realize I didn't need to fit some "wife mold" due to the way I was raised and I'm so much happier now that we live exactly the way we want to. readyplayer_zero , cottonbro Report 146points POST Nea Nea Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Marriage is what you make of it. You dont have to fit into a set idea of this institution, you can set your own rules. 17 17points reply View more comments #11 Lots! Been married 29 years.
My wife is my best friend. She comes first.
Its not my money or her money. Its our money.
Big financial decisions have to be joint decisions.
If I want to go out and buy a midlife crisis car, my wife gets one too.
We have TV shows we watch together and ones we watch alone.
Life is so much more fun when you share hobbies.
Share the chores. You both eat and mess the bathroom up.
There is no I in team
Go out on dates.
Treat them like you like to be treated
You will get old together
Health issues are a team effort
You both are getting wrinkles notevenapro Report 134points POST Bobby Bobby Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago My FIL told me the key to a long marriage is to never stop dating your wife 46 46points reply View More Replies... View more comments #12 A gracious heartfelt apology goes a long way. Iarmuman , cottonbro Report 121points POST GenericPanda09 GenericPanda09 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 week ago One of the things I think I've learned is that it doesn't matter if what you thought was 'all done and dusted' at the time, even if weeks later when you're reflecting on things - if you think on that reflection that you could have handled things better or have something to apologise for ... then do so. It can make all the difference between someone you love starting to resent you and that person you love remembering the qualities that drew you together in the first place. There is no statute of limitations on admitting when you were in the wrong. 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments According to the marriage therapist, people have to realize that marriage is an adventure. "You will change. Your partner will change. Don't get caught up in your expectations of them, but rather get to know them for who they are in each iteration," Newton concluded. #13 Compromise is not a sign of weakness. It is done out of respect for your spouse. Rich-Diamond-9006 , Emma Bauso Report 118points POST Nea Nea Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Compromise is healthy only if it happens on both sides. 33 33points reply View More Replies... View more comments #14 The wedding is just one day and does not fix any issues. It goes back to the exact same relationship afterwards. And if you're lucky, that's a good thing. No_Yard_7363 , Mikhail Nilov Report 113points POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago The biggest surprise for me was that, they day we got married I thought my heart would burst from happiness and that I would never love anyone as much as I loved my husband on that day. I was wrong. In the years since I have come to realise that time has strengthened what was there and I love my husband much more now than I did then. 47 47points reply View More Replies... View more comments #15 Being married shouldn’t take away from having a good relationship with yourself. Electronic-Cattle993 , Ron Lach Report 104points POST Nea Nea Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago One who loves themselves loves others in the best way. 14 14points reply View more comments #16 Sleeping on the couch isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sleep is important. If I’m sick, have insomnia, snoring, etc., I’ll go to the couch so that only one of us is sleep-deprived and grumpy the next day, rather than both. It’s totally ok to use the bedroom for fun sexy times and then go separate places to actually sleep. charleychaplinman21 , Pixabay Report 104points POST The Doom Song The Doom Song Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Love my partner to death.... but my God does he snore! I end up in the spare room every other night coz hey we both need to sleep right? 27 27points reply View More Replies... View more comments #17 It’s ok to do things or spend a full day doing stuff that you enjoy by yourself. Present-Skill-4114 , bady abbas Report 96points POST DrBronxx DrBronxx Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I love golf. But I try not to play too much, because it's one of those hobbies that can be an addiction (and an expensive one at that!). My wife and I have limited free time together, so I'm careful to space out my rounds of golf. It sometimes reaches the point where she encourages me to play. We do do our own things quite a bit, but usually while we're both at home, but I sometimes forget how much I love golf. My wife never forgets. 14 14points reply View more comments #18 Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Get help if things seem too hard. My wife and I both carried a lot of childhood trauma into our marriage. A councilor helped is both understand that and gave us tools to handle it. We're would have divorced without the help. Spidey209 , Heather Mount Report 94points POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago And if one partner has trauma, and the other doesn't - the other might still need counselling to help them understand the consequences of trauma for their spouse. 27 27points reply View More Replies... View more comments #19 Find someone who is your biggest cheerleader and vice-versa, no matter what, life is so much easier
Love my wife! SteliosCnutos , cottonbro Report 85points POST ShaZam Beaubien ShaZam Beaubien Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago You should never belittle your spouse. Life is full of people trying to tear you down. You need a person to always build you up. 20 20points reply View more comments #20 If you tell me something, you're also telling my wife, and vice versa. I'll keep your secret from the rest of the world, but you can bet your a*s I'm spilling the tea to my wife as soon as I get home. zuck_my_butt Report 82points POST royal_antelope royal_antelope Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 1 week ago that's kind of problematic :/ if it's something that doesn't affect my husband or myself in any way, i don't tell him. i don't keep secrets from him about myself, but other people's secrets are always safe with me. 44 44points reply View More Replies... View more comments #21 You can't find instantly happy or perfect match, you have to build it. RoundProfessional95 , SHVETS production Report 77points POST Chucky Cheezburger Chucky Cheezburger Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Yep. My wife and I didnt start out attracted to each other. Well...I was attracted to her cuz she's cute, but she was afraid of me. But over time, we got to know one another and here we are 22 years married. 20 20points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #22 Don’t get lazy with sex. Now that you’re monogamous, it’s time to explore and grow together. A single partner you can trust and no worries about disease or unwanted pregnancy can lead to the best sex of your life. Marriage is not a sentence to play with yourself for decades. It’s a license to get filthy with your partner! Now that I’ve had a vasectomy and she’s had a hysterectomy, we are having the best sex of our lives because no babies, no periods, no worries! PNWBoilermaker2019 Report 72points POST rumade rumade Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Also hysterectomy and menopause can lead to a loss in sex drive and that's fine 5 5points reply View more comments #23 You don't have to argue or "fight". You're different people and it's OK to not agree on everything. It would be weird if you did!
I see a lot of people "fighting" because they're always trying to get the other person to come around to their point of view. Accept that you're different and have fun together. In addition to loving each other, you should *like* each other.
whatyouwant22 , MART PRODUCTION Report 61points POST Kayla Black Kayla Black Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago 10 years with my husband and we are yet to raise our voices at each other or "fight". We discuss things. On rare occasions we firmly discuss things but it's always in a respectful manner and ego is left at the door. We both grew up in volatile households as children and we are breaking that cycle starting with us 17 17points reply View More Replies... View more comments #24 Your single problems will be your married problems. Marriage and your spouse can't fix you. Work on yourself as much as you can before you get married. For yourself and for your spouse. happyharborgirl , Liza Summer Report 61points POST AffenpinscherMom AffenpinscherMom Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Best advice that I have read so far. 4 4points reply View more comments #25 Love is a choice. Once you choose to commit to your partner, choose to keep loving them. Choose to respond with love and compassion. Choose to put them first, and vice versa. There are definitely exceptions to this, like abuse and cheating.
If you go into marriage with a self-centered focus and telling yourself you can leave if things get hard, then you will. Marriage isn't transactional, where if they don't meet your needs 100% then you should leave. Marriage really should be a partnership where you are both trying your best and recognizing that what your best is will vary based on your circumstances. Dinonugget1801 , Ketut Subiyanto Report 55points POST Ivo H Ivo H Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Firstly, love is not a choice. Then, for a brief moment, love can be a choice, sure, until, ultimately, love is not longer a choice. I can no longer just stop loving my wife. Surelly I can leave her (not that I want to) , but I cannot just stop loving her. 10 10points reply View More Replies... View more comments #26 It’s okay to sleep in different rooms. Really. We still have plenty of intimacy, but we both sleep much better and are able to have different schedules. nevernom Report 54points POST Kate Jones Kate Jones Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Yes! 4 4points reply #27 Getting married WILL NOT help solve any issues in your relationship... LoveBaby67 , Liza Summer Report 53points POST Ariadna Ariadna Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago And shouldn’t be an ultimatum. You marry me or we are done… that’s an awful way to manipulate someone 13 13points reply View more comments #28 You can feel lonely as F still being in a relationship. You have to love yourself first. AdImpressive836 , Gian Cescon Report 53points POST Forty Seven Pandas Forty Seven Pandas Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Very true. I'd say it is even more painful to be lonely in a marriage than on your own because the irony hurts so bad. 8 8points reply View more comments #29 There are good people out there, you can be loved consistently, deeply, and with kindness. tara_amma , Toa Heftiba Report 51points POST Jennifer Norton Jennifer Norton Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I was in a really bad marriage. Managed to get out and start a new life just me and my kid. Then this man, who has two kids, came into my life. She has shown me what love and marriage are meant to be. He loves me every day, good and bad. He puts me and our kids first and is fiercely loyal and kind and loving. He makes me want to strive to be all those same things in return. It's out there people I promise!!! 11 11points reply View More Replies... View more comments #30 Sex really does get better the longer you work at it. elchignacio , Womanizer Toys Report 44points POST The Doom Song The Doom Song Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Good communication is the key.... 14 14points reply View more comments #31 Marriage changes nothing about a relationship. You’ll be exactly the same after marriage as you were before. Kids on the other hand…. taylor52087 , Tim Mossholder Report 43points POST Forty Seven Pandas Forty Seven Pandas Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago This is very true. Kids basically are adding a new relationship into the mix. Your relationship with the kid. The kids relationship with your partner. All the time, effort, affection that went into you as a couple must also be shared with this new person. Hopefully you enjoy the new experience but of course, for some people it begins as a real struggle (especially if you are contending with sleepless nights and all the new financial needs!). I know a couple who waited to have children, and spent the first 3 years building a strong marriage, as well as saving, and bought a house before they started having kids. I think it was a great approach. They got married quite young so it was easier to make that decision. I married in my 30s and didn't want to wait. 4 4points reply View More Replies... View more comments See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #32 Marriage (and long term relationships in general) are a lot less work if done with the right person.
It seems obvious, but looking through a lot of these comments, I'm seeing disasters of relationships leading to the idea that marriage is a ton of work, or that fights and insults are just something to be expected, or that you have to have a plan for therapy and constant apologies and reconciliation - my wife and I have none of this in our marriage. We're compatible: we enjoy each other's company, respect each other's boundaries, and get along easily.
It seems to me that the tricky part is finding the right person, so that you don't end up with the tricky part of averting divorce and disaster while married to the wrong person. I don't know that there are any magic bullets to that trick, but I can tell you that issues like sitting down with a marriage counselor or learning how to reconcile after a screaming match don't have to be part of navigating a marriage if you're not that incompatible to begin with. CAustin3 , Emma Bauso Report 40points POST nini nini Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I find that advice a bit dangerous, as it can lead to people being afraid of counselling or therapy, which they shouldn't be. Noone's 100% compatible, there may always be some conflicts, and in my opinion it's better to face and resolve them (with or without help from counselling) instead of trying to ignore problems or avoid conflicts. Conflict can lead to growth of handled correctly, and never having any conflict at all is not a sign for a healthy relationship in my opinion, but shows that at least on of the partner puts his needs behind. Which in the long run cannot be fulfilling. This person writes from their perspective, but I would really like to know what their partner feels about this. 12 12points reply View more comments #33 You never marry a girl you marry her whole family. Green-Mango-More Report 39points POST ShaZam Beaubien ShaZam Beaubien Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago Unfortunately, that's true. How I wish it wasn't. 14 14points reply View more comments #34 Divorce is awful and terrible and painful. Before you enter into marriage, realize that the only way out ( except death I guess) is a very painful, public, and traumatizing experience. If you don’t truly believe you can make it work for the rest of your life, don’t do it unless you can handle the train wreck that is divorce. Listening_Heads , cottonbro Report 38points POST Bobby Bobby Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I've seen some very short, concise, and amiable divorces, but I'll agree they are the minority of cases 3 3points reply View More Replies... View more comments #35 That the butterflies in the tummy, the wibbles when you see them, the fairytale romance of it all is a big lie. Don't marry that person, it won't end well. And don't have a list of requirements that can change in an instant: good job, money, a certain physique or hair colour, house, car, etc. Three paychecks can change all that. If you must have a list then make it on qualities: kind, funny, tender, honest.
Marry someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person you want at your side to share in triumphs and disasters alike. Marry the person who will stick with you for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Life is very different in your 20s and 30s than it is in your 70s and 80s. Will you clean up their vomit? Will they wipe your backside when you can't? Do you feel you have to hold back on what you tell or show them? Can you fart in front of them? Do you see yourself wiping up their eye gunk in 50 years time?
It's OK to have deal-breakers, but make them good ones. Ours are cheating and hitting. Anything else we can work out. A disagreement does not mean the end of our marriage, it means we need to talk and work out *together* what we're going to do about it. And if it's not the right time for a discussion then say so, talk when you are both well rested, fed and watered, not when you've both arrived home tired and hungry after a shocker of a day in work. Admit that there is a disagreement, but that it doesn't stop you loving each other.
We're 4 and a half years married, 7 years together. We have never had an argument. We disagree sometimes, but we talk it out and know that our disagreement doesn't mean we don't love each other, so if our talk is postponed because I am tired or he is stressed with work, we support each other with those things and talk it out when we're ready to. MadWifeUK Report 34points POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago I am sorry, but I don't agree with this statement... "That the butterflies in the tummy, the wibbles when you see them, the fairytale romance of it all is a big lie. Don't marry that person, it won't end well." I STILL feel like that sometimes with my husband (+12 years). Not all the time. But occasionally. My parents in law who are married for 40 years still feel like that sometimes. Yes, there has to be MORE than the butterflies but they should be there. 30 30points reply View More Replies... View more comments Note: this post originally had 63 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
Use html version
Generate not embedded version
Add watermark Show Image Only
Hide Caption
Crop
Add watermark Add watermark Source
Title Update Liucija Adomaite Liucija Adomaite Writer, BoredPanda staff Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus. Read more » Viktorija Ošikaitė Viktorija Ošikaitė Author, BoredPanda staff Viktorija is a photo editor at Bored Panda with BA in Fine Arts and Printmaking. Before joining Bored Panda she worked as a freelance illustrator and kids summer camp counselor. In her spare time, she enjoys film photography and playing hide and seek with her cat. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! You May Like “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law Saulė Tolstych “AITA For Losing It On My Husband For Lying About An Emergency To Get Me To Leave My Brother’s Wedding Early?” Saulė Tolstych Dad Asks If He's A Jerk For Teaching Daughter A Lesson Of Respect To His New Wife And Kid By Refusing To Pay For Her College Monika Pašukonytė Popular on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life Add your comment POST Blazej Kowalczyk Blazej Kowalczyk Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago One thing that was very important to me: discuss your values beforehand. I'm talking big stuff - kids, money, politics, religion etc. 12 12points reply marianne eliza marianne eliza Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago If you're engaged to someone who cares more about the wedding than the marriage, run. Run far. Run fast. 4 4points reply Got Myself 4 Pandas Got Myself 4 Pandas Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago My first marriage - total abusive train wreck that traumatised me. My current marriage, peaceful, loving, supportive - we rarely fight, can talk about anything which after my first marriage took me a long time to be comfortable with as I'd still get that fear of his reaction even though he'd never once shown any sign he would react badly, that was a me problem left over from the abuse from before. My marriage just works, it's not hard, it's not consciously deciding to be one way it another, we just work well together. 4 4points reply Load More Comments POST Blazej Kowalczyk Blazej Kowalczyk Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago One thing that was very important to me: discuss your values beforehand. I'm talking big stuff - kids, money, politics, religion etc. 12 12points reply marianne eliza marianne eliza Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago If you're engaged to someone who cares more about the wedding than the marriage, run. Run far. Run fast. 4 4points reply Got Myself 4 Pandas Got Myself 4 Pandas Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 week ago My first marriage - total abusive train wreck that traumatised me. My current marriage, peaceful, loving, supportive - we rarely fight, can talk about anything which after my first marriage took me a long time to be comfortable with as I'd still get that fear of his reaction even though he'd never once shown any sign he would react badly, that was a me problem left over from the abuse from before. My marriage just works, it's not hard, it's not consciously deciding to be one way it another, we just work well together. 4 4points reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) Popular on Bored Panda 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work User Submissions The Best Microscopic Photos From The Nikon Small World Photomicrography Competition 2022 (92 Pics) I Am So Passionate About Creating Mystical Art, Here Are Some Of The Magical Notebooks I Have Made (23 New Pics) 30 Comics About Making It Through Life While Fighting Mental Health Issues By This Artist “I Own An Official Nanosecond”: 35 Rare Items Owned By Our Community I Photographed This Ukrainian Village Because It Is My Solace That Inspires Me (38 pics) By Changing His Lifestyle And Eating Habits At Age 60, Steve Ramsden Has Successfully Lost Over 60 Lbs And Now Has A Body Of A Bodybuilder Almost finished... To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our top stories Subscribe Please enter email address Also on Bored Panda Employee Gets Told They're "Replaceable", So They Play Along And It Ruins The Company Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics) 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Employee They Disrespected Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director 50 Times People Spotted Stupid Design Decisions In Public Places And Just Had To Share 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page 23 Y.O. Son Tells His Parents He’ll Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out They’re Paying For Sister’s Education Yet Didn’t Pay For His 50 Times Teachers Hung The Funniest Signs In Their Classrooms And They Ended Up Being Praised Online European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law Management Introduces Disciplinary Rules To Make Most Of Employees, Freaks Out When They Turn The Rules Against Them People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight" Woman Goes Viral With 7.7M Views When She Shares That Her Date Called Her An Uber To Go Home After He Saw How She Was Dressed "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past 32-Year-Old Independent Modern Woman Draws Comics On Her Observations About Society (30 New Pics) Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mother’s Day Celebration He’d Planned Also on Bored Panda “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-Law People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics) 50 Times People Spotted Stupid Design Decisions In Public Places And Just Had To Share Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight" Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Employee They Disrespected Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director 50 Times Teachers Hung The Funniest Signs In Their Classrooms And They Ended Up Being Praised Online Woman Goes Viral With 7.7M Views When She Shares That Her Date Called Her An Uber To Go Home After He Saw How She Was Dressed 23 Y.O. Son Tells His Parents He’ll Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out They’re Paying For Sister’s Education Yet Didn’t Pay For His European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users 32-Year-Old Independent Modern Woman Draws Comics On Her Observations About Society (30 New Pics) Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mother’s Day Celebration He’d Planned This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics) Employee Gets Told They're "Replaceable", So They Play Along And It Ruins The Company Management Introduces Disciplinary Rules To Make Most Of Employees, Freaks Out When They Turn The Rules Against Them Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want Follow We're also on Instagram and tumblr App Store App Store User Submissions Hey Pandas, How Often Do You Forget Something Important, And What Was The Result? 35replies 21 points Hey Pandas, Share Pics Of Your Halloween Decorations 4comments 22 points This Artist Continues To Create Amazing Logic-Challenging Photo Manipulations (70 New Pics) 5comments 33 points Hey Pandas, What's Something You've Made Yourself? (Closed) 6comments 29 points I Created My Own Dark Tarot Deck Featuring Creepy Creatures And Demons (78 Pics) 16comments 53 points This Artist Reimagines Brazilian States As Video Game Characters (22 Pics) 9comments 30 points Hairstylist Shares 30 Women Who Took The Risk Of Cutting Their Hair Short And Got Awesome Results (New Pics) 75comments 51 points Hey Pandas, What Is The Weirdest Name For A Human You've Ever Heard? (Closed) 80replies 21 points Artist Creates Adorable Images Of Dressed-Up Animals With References To Star Wars, The Hobbit And More (44 Pics) 23comments 61 points "An Amazing World Right Under Your Nose": 24 Pictures Of Nature That I Took With A Macro Lens 7comments 43 points Get the App App Store App Store Google News © 2022 Bored Panda