153 Halloween Jokes To Kick Off The Spooky Season
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Violeta Lyskoit
Publish Not your original work? Add source It's that time of the year again when skeletons come out of the closets, pumpkin sales go booming, and taking candy from strangers becomes socially acceptable. Whether you are attending a Halloween shindig, DIYing your kid a costume, or taking advantage of candy sales, there's no better time to indulge in some Halloween jokes and ghostly humor than now. When the days get shorter and evenings get darker, it's a grave idea to lighten the mood with some funny Halloween jokes! And if you are not a particular fan of horror films or ghost movies, don't worry! There's no need to be a phobophile to enjoy some skeleton jokes, as they are not scary or creepy. But surely hell-a punny and deadly contagious! So while we Pandas bring ourselves some bam-boo, get yourself a bag of candy corn and delight yourself in some corny humor with our collection of Halloween jokes. Found a Halloween joke you will send your ghoul friend? Let us know! And once you're done reading through these ghost jokes, check out our recent posts featuring even more scary jokes and morbid humor!
This post may include affiliate links. #1 What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck. Report 12points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago hehehe 1 1point reply View more comments #2 Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love. Report 9points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago awww 1 1point reply #3 How do mummies tell their future?
They read their horror-scope. Report 8points POST #4 How do ghosts send letters?
Through the ghost office. Report 7points POST #5 What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music. Report 7points POST #6 What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite. Report 7points POST #7 What brand of shampoo do zombies use?
Head and Shoulders. Report 7points POST #8 How do you get rid of demons?
Exorcise a lot. Report 7points POST #9 Who's the scariest body builder of all time?
Dr. Frankenstein. Report 7points POST #10 Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend! Report 6points POST #11 What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO! Report 6points POST #12 How do you know you've been ghosted?
The poltergeist doesn't text you back. Report 6points POST #13 What room does a ghost not need in a house?
A living room. Report 6points POST #14 Why don’t mummies take time off?
They’re afraid to unwind. Report 6points POST #15 Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?
He couldn’t spell. Report 6points POST #16 Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body. Report 6points POST #17 What do you call two witches who live together?
Broom-mates! Report 6points POST #18 What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts?
I don't know, but it's not working. Report 6points POST #19 What do you call zombies in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead. Report 6points POST #20 What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love?
A zom-com. Report 6points POST #21 Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali-boo. Report 6points POST #22 What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!" Report 6points POST #23 What did the fisherman say on Halloween?
"Trick or trout." Report 6points POST #24 Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin. Report 6points POST #25 The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-pictures because his heart wasn't in it. Report 6points POST #26 Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store! Report 5points POST #27 How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo hooing. Report 5points POST #28 Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves. Report 5points POST #29 What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?
A Pharaoh Roche. Report 5points POST #30 Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was coffin too much. Report 5points POST #31 Know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin. Report 5points POST #32 What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs. Report 5points POST #33 Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs. Report 5points POST #34 What kind of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures. Report 5points POST #35 What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry?
She flew off the handle. Report 5points POST #36 What do you call a witch with a rash?
An itchy-witchy. Report 5points POST #37 Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared?
Because it had no guts. Report 5points POST #38 What did the pumpkin say to its carver?
"Cut it out!" Report 5points POST #39 Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands?
They eat their hands separately. Report 5points POST #40 What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaains! Report 5points POST #41 I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very humerus. Report 5points POST #42 Why don't I like Dracula?
He's a pain in the neck. Report 5points POST #43 Why don't werewolves ever know the time?
Because they're not whenwolves. Report 5points POST #44 Why does a witch ride a broomstick?
So she can make a clean getaway. Report 5points POST #45 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only Halloween. Report 5points POST #46 What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist?
The house was repossessed. Report 5points POST #47 Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
Because she had bad blood. Report 5points POST #48 What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers. Report 4points POST #49 What's a ghost's favorite dessert?
I-Scream! Report 4points POST #50 What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car?
"Fasten your sheet-belts." Report 4points POST #51 What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Ryan Gauzeling. Report 4points POST #52 What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa. Report 4points POST #53 Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint. Report 4points POST #54 What's a skeleton's favorite song?
"Bad to the Bone." Report 4points POST #55 What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone. Report 4points POST #56 What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet. Report 4points POST #57 What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch! Report 4points POST #58 What's a witch's favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a. Report 4points POST #59 Why was Cinderella bad at football?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach. Report 4points POST #60 Why did the pumpkin take a detour?
To avoid a seedy part of town. Report 4points POST #61 How do you mend a jack-o'-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch. Report 4points POST #62 What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?
Hollow-een. Report 4points POST #63 What's a pumpkin's favorite Western?
The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly. Report 4points POST #64 How do gourds grow big and strong?
Pumpkin iron. Report 4points POST #65 Why don't zombies like pirates?
They're too salty. Report 4points POST #66 What's a zombie's favorite weather?
Cloudy, with a chance of brain. Report 4points POST #67 Why did the zombie become a mortician?
To put food on the table. Report 4points POST #68 Why aren't zombies ever arrested?
They can't be captured alive. Report 4points POST #69 What sea do zombies swim in?
The dead sea. Report 4points POST #70 What's a zombie's favorite cheese?
Zom-brie. Report 4points POST #71 What kind of bread do zombies like?
Whole brain. Report 4points POST #72 What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines. Report 4points POST #73 What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It's good for business. Report 4points POST #74 Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
The crossing gourd. Report 4points POST #75 What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Candy corneas. Report 4points POST #76 Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
They have a lot of spirit! Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #77 What does the vampire's Valentine say?
"You're just my blood type." Report 4points POST #78 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Ivana!
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood! Report 4points POST #79 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween? Report 4points POST #80 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Figs!
Figs who?
Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking! Report 4points POST #81 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Witch!
Witch who?
Witch one of you has my candy? Report 4points POST #82 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice Cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost! Report 4points POST #83 Where do fashionable ghosts shop?
Bootiques. Report 4points POST #84 How do you know vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night. Report 4points POST #85 Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones! Report 4points POST #86 What do skeletons fly around in?
A scareplane or a skelecopter. Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #87 How do ghosts search the Web?
They use ghoul-gle. Report 4points POST #88 Why didn't the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten! Report 4points POST #89 What type of plates do skeletons like to use?
Bone china. Report 4points POST #90 What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
"Let’s stop in for a cool one!" Report 4points POST #91 The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam. Report 4points POST #92 How do vampires start their letters?
"Tomb it may concern..." Report 4points POST #93 Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures Report 3points POST #94 Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos. Report 3points POST #95 Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license. Report 3points POST #96 Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #97 Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school. Report 3points POST #98 What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
"Get a broom!" Report 3points POST #99 What's a ghost's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghoul-iet. Report 3points POST #100 What kind of horse do ghosts ride?
A night-mare. Report 3points POST #101 Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life. Report 3points POST #102 Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation. Report 3points POST #103 How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels. Report 3points POST #104 What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem. Report 3points POST #105 How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts. Report 3points POST #106 Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers?
They hate stakeholders. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #107 Why are vampires bad at art?
They are only able to draw blood. Report 3points POST #108 What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper. Report 3points POST #109 Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie?
He didn't have the guts. Report 3points POST #110 What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull. Report 3points POST #111 Where did the skeleton keep his money?
In the crypt-o market. Report 3points POST #112 What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling. Report 3points POST #113 Why did the witch take a nap?
She needed to rest a spell. Report 3points POST #114 What do witches get when their shoes are too tight?
Candy corns. Report 3points POST #115 How does a witch style her hair?
With scare spray. Report 3points POST #116 What's the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #117 How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked. Report 3points POST #118 What's a pumpkin's favorite genre?
Pulp fiction. Report 3points POST #119 What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth. Report 3points POST #120 Why was the gourd so gossipy?
To give 'em pumpkin to talk about. Report 3points POST #121 What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash. Report 3points POST #122 Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road?
The crossing gourd. Report 3points POST #123 Where does a pumpkin preach?
From the pulp-it. Report 3points POST #124 Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school?
Someone scooped his brains out. Report 3points POST #125 What's a zombie's favorite treat?
You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy. Report 3points POST #126 Where do zombies live?
On a dead-end street. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #127 How do you know if a zombie likes someone?
They ask for seconds. Report 3points POST #128 What is a zombie sleepover called?
Mass grave. Report 3points POST #129 I dropped my pumpkin yesterday.
Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern! Report 3points POST #130 How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know but you really shouldn't be in the dark with a cannibal. Report 3points POST #131 What was the chicken ghost's name?
Poultrygeist. Report 3points POST #132 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Iguana.
Iguana who?
Iguana eat all your candy. Report 3points POST #133 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Phillip!
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy! Report 3points POST #134 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Eddie!
Eddie who?
Eddie body home? It's Halloween! Report 3points POST #135 What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
Spooktacles. Report 3points POST #136 Where do ghosts go on holidays?
The Boohamas. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #137 What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin. Report 3points POST #138 What did the bird say on Halloween?
"Twick or tweet." Report 3points POST #139 What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
"Buckle your sheet belt!" Report 3points POST #140 What goes "Ha-ha-ha-ha!" right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing?
A monster laughing its head off! Report 3points POST #141 What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing?
A cornfield! Report 3points POST #142 What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A fence. Report 3points POST #143 Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks! Report 3points POST #144 Who do monsters buy cookies from?
Ghoul scouts. Report 3points POST #145 Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
Because there are so many plots there! Report 3points POST #146 What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween?
A night mare. Report 3points POST #147 Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
Because they have spirit. Report 3points POST #148 How do monsters like their eggs?
Terror-fried. Report 3points POST #149 The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one. Report 3points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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Title Update Larysa Perih Larysa Perih Author, BoredPanda staff Larysa is a list curator at Bored Panda. She loves hiking and spending time in the mountains. Huge fan of "Friends". Read more » Violeta Lyskoit Violeta Lyskoit Writer, BoredPanda staff Violeta has completed her higher education at Northumbria University with a bachelor's degree in Media & Journalism (so you better believe she's checking her facts). If she's not writing or editing pics for the Gram, she's probably hitting legs at the gym. Also, she's a firm believer that pineapple belongs on a pizza. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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149 Dead Funny Halloween Jokes To Kick Off The Spooky Season
Larysa Perih andVioleta Lyskoit
Publish Not your original work? Add source It's that time of the year again when skeletons come out of the closets, pumpkin sales go booming, and taking candy from strangers becomes socially acceptable. Whether you are attending a Halloween shindig, DIYing your kid a costume, or taking advantage of candy sales, there's no better time to indulge in some Halloween jokes and ghostly humor than now. When the days get shorter and evenings get darker, it's a grave idea to lighten the mood with some funny Halloween jokes! And if you are not a particular fan of horror films or ghost movies, don't worry! There's no need to be a phobophile to enjoy some skeleton jokes, as they are not scary or creepy. But surely hell-a punny and deadly contagious! So while we Pandas bring ourselves some bam-boo, get yourself a bag of candy corn and delight yourself in some corny humor with our collection of Halloween jokes. Found a Halloween joke you will send your ghoul friend? Let us know! And once you're done reading through these ghost jokes, check out our recent posts featuring even more scary jokes and morbid humor!
This post may include affiliate links. #1 What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck. Report 12points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago hehehe 1 1point reply View more comments #2 Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love. Report 9points POST citrus citrus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago awww 1 1point reply #3 How do mummies tell their future?
They read their horror-scope. Report 8points POST #4 How do ghosts send letters?
Through the ghost office. Report 7points POST #5 What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music. Report 7points POST #6 What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite. Report 7points POST #7 What brand of shampoo do zombies use?
Head and Shoulders. Report 7points POST #8 How do you get rid of demons?
Exorcise a lot. Report 7points POST #9 Who's the scariest body builder of all time?
Dr. Frankenstein. Report 7points POST #10 Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend! Report 6points POST #11 What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO! Report 6points POST #12 How do you know you've been ghosted?
The poltergeist doesn't text you back. Report 6points POST #13 What room does a ghost not need in a house?
A living room. Report 6points POST #14 Why don’t mummies take time off?
They’re afraid to unwind. Report 6points POST #15 Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?
He couldn’t spell. Report 6points POST #16 Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body. Report 6points POST #17 What do you call two witches who live together?
Broom-mates! Report 6points POST #18 What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts?
I don't know, but it's not working. Report 6points POST #19 What do you call zombies in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead. Report 6points POST #20 What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love?
A zom-com. Report 6points POST #21 Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali-boo. Report 6points POST #22 What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!" Report 6points POST #23 What did the fisherman say on Halloween?
"Trick or trout." Report 6points POST #24 Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin. Report 6points POST #25 The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-pictures because his heart wasn't in it. Report 6points POST #26 Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store! Report 5points POST #27 How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo hooing. Report 5points POST #28 Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves. Report 5points POST #29 What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?
A Pharaoh Roche. Report 5points POST #30 Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was coffin too much. Report 5points POST #31 Know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin. Report 5points POST #32 What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs. Report 5points POST #33 Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs. Report 5points POST #34 What kind of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures. Report 5points POST #35 What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry?
She flew off the handle. Report 5points POST #36 What do you call a witch with a rash?
An itchy-witchy. Report 5points POST #37 Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared?
Because it had no guts. Report 5points POST #38 What did the pumpkin say to its carver?
"Cut it out!" Report 5points POST #39 Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands?
They eat their hands separately. Report 5points POST #40 What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaains! Report 5points POST #41 I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very humerus. Report 5points POST #42 Why don't I like Dracula?
He's a pain in the neck. Report 5points POST #43 Why don't werewolves ever know the time?
Because they're not whenwolves. Report 5points POST #44 Why does a witch ride a broomstick?
So she can make a clean getaway. Report 5points POST #45 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only Halloween. Report 5points POST #46 What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist?
The house was repossessed. Report 5points POST #47 Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
Because she had bad blood. Report 5points POST #48 What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers. Report 4points POST #49 What's a ghost's favorite dessert?
I-Scream! Report 4points POST #50 What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car?
"Fasten your sheet-belts." Report 4points POST #51 What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Ryan Gauzeling. Report 4points POST #52 What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa. Report 4points POST #53 Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint. Report 4points POST #54 What's a skeleton's favorite song?
"Bad to the Bone." Report 4points POST #55 What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone. Report 4points POST #56 What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet. Report 4points POST #57 What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch! Report 4points POST #58 What's a witch's favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a. Report 4points POST #59 Why was Cinderella bad at football?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach. Report 4points POST #60 Why did the pumpkin take a detour?
To avoid a seedy part of town. Report 4points POST #61 How do you mend a jack-o'-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch. Report 4points POST #62 What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?
Hollow-een. Report 4points POST #63 What's a pumpkin's favorite Western?
The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly. Report 4points POST #64 How do gourds grow big and strong?
Pumpkin iron. Report 4points POST #65 Why don't zombies like pirates?
They're too salty. Report 4points POST #66 What's a zombie's favorite weather?
Cloudy, with a chance of brain. Report 4points POST #67 Why did the zombie become a mortician?
To put food on the table. Report 4points POST #68 Why aren't zombies ever arrested?
They can't be captured alive. Report 4points POST #69 What sea do zombies swim in?
The dead sea. Report 4points POST #70 What's a zombie's favorite cheese?
Zom-brie. Report 4points POST #71 What kind of bread do zombies like?
Whole brain. Report 4points POST #72 What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines. Report 4points POST #73 What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It's good for business. Report 4points POST #74 Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
The crossing gourd. Report 4points POST #75 What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Candy corneas. Report 4points POST #76 Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
They have a lot of spirit! Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics) 50 ‘Weird Facts’ About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective #77 What does the vampire's Valentine say?
"You're just my blood type." Report 4points POST #78 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Ivana!
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood! Report 4points POST #79 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween? Report 4points POST #80 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Figs!
Figs who?
Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking! Report 4points POST #81 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Witch!
Witch who?
Witch one of you has my candy? Report 4points POST #82 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice Cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost! Report 4points POST #83 Where do fashionable ghosts shop?
Bootiques. Report 4points POST #84 How do you know vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night. Report 4points POST #85 Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones! Report 4points POST #86 What do skeletons fly around in?
A scareplane or a skelecopter. Report 4points POST See Also on Bored Panda Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million 40 Embarrassing Moments People Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To And Made A Fool Of Themselves #87 How do ghosts search the Web?
They use ghoul-gle. Report 4points POST #88 Why didn't the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten! Report 4points POST #89 What type of plates do skeletons like to use?
Bone china. Report 4points POST #90 What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
"Let’s stop in for a cool one!" Report 4points POST #91 The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam. Report 4points POST #92 How do vampires start their letters?
"Tomb it may concern..." Report 4points POST #93 Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures Report 3points POST #94 Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos. Report 3points POST #95 Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license. Report 3points POST #96 Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 30 Of The Most Hectic Homes As Shared On 'The Broke Agent' Instagram Account Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out #97 Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school. Report 3points POST #98 What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
"Get a broom!" Report 3points POST #99 What's a ghost's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghoul-iet. Report 3points POST #100 What kind of horse do ghosts ride?
A night-mare. Report 3points POST #101 Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life. Report 3points POST #102 Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation. Report 3points POST #103 How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels. Report 3points POST #104 What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem. Report 3points POST #105 How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts. Report 3points POST #106 Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers?
They hate stakeholders. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling #107 Why are vampires bad at art?
They are only able to draw blood. Report 3points POST #108 What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper. Report 3points POST #109 Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie?
He didn't have the guts. Report 3points POST #110 What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull. Report 3points POST #111 Where did the skeleton keep his money?
In the crypt-o market. Report 3points POST #112 What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling. Report 3points POST #113 Why did the witch take a nap?
She needed to rest a spell. Report 3points POST #114 What do witches get when their shoes are too tight?
Candy corns. Report 3points POST #115 How does a witch style her hair?
With scare spray. Report 3points POST #116 What's the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Man’s Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples #117 How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked. Report 3points POST #118 What's a pumpkin's favorite genre?
Pulp fiction. Report 3points POST #119 What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth. Report 3points POST #120 Why was the gourd so gossipy?
To give 'em pumpkin to talk about. Report 3points POST #121 What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash. Report 3points POST #122 Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road?
The crossing gourd. Report 3points POST #123 Where does a pumpkin preach?
From the pulp-it. Report 3points POST #124 Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school?
Someone scooped his brains out. Report 3points POST #125 What's a zombie's favorite treat?
You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy. Report 3points POST #126 Where do zombies live?
On a dead-end street. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 Parents Having A Pretty Miserable Day Photoshop Troll Who Takes Photo Requests Too Literally Strikes Again, And The Result Is Hilarious (17 Pics) #127 How do you know if a zombie likes someone?
They ask for seconds. Report 3points POST #128 What is a zombie sleepover called?
Mass grave. Report 3points POST #129 I dropped my pumpkin yesterday.
Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern! Report 3points POST #130 How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know but you really shouldn't be in the dark with a cannibal. Report 3points POST #131 What was the chicken ghost's name?
Poultrygeist. Report 3points POST #132 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Iguana.
Iguana who?
Iguana eat all your candy. Report 3points POST #133 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Phillip!
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy! Report 3points POST #134 Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Eddie!
Eddie who?
Eddie body home? It's Halloween! Report 3points POST #135 What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
Spooktacles. Report 3points POST #136 Where do ghosts go on holidays?
The Boohamas. Report 3points POST See Also on Bored Panda 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didn’t Think Of The Person Who’d Be Using Their Designs #137 What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin. Report 3points POST #138 What did the bird say on Halloween?
"Twick or tweet." Report 3points POST #139 What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
"Buckle your sheet belt!" Report 3points POST #140 What goes "Ha-ha-ha-ha!" right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing?
A monster laughing its head off! Report 3points POST #141 What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing?
A cornfield! Report 3points POST #142 What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A fence. Report 3points POST #143 Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks! Report 3points POST #144 Who do monsters buy cookies from?
Ghoul scouts. Report 3points POST #145 Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
Because there are so many plots there! Report 3points POST #146 What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween?
A night mare. Report 3points POST #147 Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
Because they have spirit. Report 3points POST #148 How do monsters like their eggs?
Terror-fried. Report 3points POST #149 The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one. Report 3points POST Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Add Your Answer! Not your original work? Add source Publish Change image Upload Photo Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Upload Upload Edit Image Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again. Render conversation
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