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20 Y O Decided To Go Back To College Found Out That Her Parents Spent All 30K They Saved Up For Her Education To Remodel Their Kitchen

Robertas Lisickis and
Monika Pašukonytė
There's this expectation that once you finish high school, you're supposed to apply for a college or a university. Or in some cases, you might take a gap year to figure out what the heck you want from life, but eventually you're supposed to go to get your higher education degree. Well, with tuition prices not really getting any easier to overcome, and in a world where most think a degree isn't all that important anymore because skills are king, you'd be surprised how many people still pursue college. And that's a good thing. The not-so-good thing is the varying degrees of hurdles and challenges you need to overcome just to be in college. Like if your parents suddenly say that they no longer have a college fund for you. Why? Because you quit. But you never said you wouldn't be coming back. Well, too late, the parents already blew it all away on a brand new kitchen. More Info: Reddit

While it s good that a lot of folks want to pursue a higher education tuition often becomes the main problem in this journey

Image credits: Jeffrey (not the actual image) A husband and a father of 2 recently turned to Reddit for some perspective on a conflict he had with his daughter. You see, the daughter is 20 years old and has taken a year off from college. She dropped out saying that it just wasn't for her. Instead, she went to work at her boyfriend's family restaurant. So, the parents now had an extra 30,000 plus US dollars on their hands, originally to be used for the daughter's tuition. And since she wasn't going to college, hey, free money to be spent on other things, right? Wrong.

And what makes it harder is when your parents decide to annul your college fund and reinvest all that money into&hellip a kitchen

Image Credits: u/Particular-Bar9216 Image credits: Rafael Antonio (not the actual image) The parents decided to go ahead and do some renovating in the kitchen. But then the daughter came back, having exhausted her work opportunities after her relationship did not work out well, and decided she could go back to college. Except there was no more college fund for that, leaving the daughter shocked. In the parents' defense, the dad claims they had a conversation with her about this very thing. The daughter did actually ask for access to her college fund, but it was a hard nope from the parents as it was to be used strictly for college. And if she were to leave college, the consequence of it was that she would lose it. At that moment, the daughter thought it was a mere bluff. She still insisted her parents help her with the tuition fees, but between her brother, the already new kitchen, and the parents' retirement fund, there wasn't much money left for her any more.

The daughter was surprised that her college fund had been repurposed and a conflict ensued between her and the parents

Image Credits: u/Particular-Bar9216 Image credits: Mario A.P. (not the actual image) One attempt to convince her community college plus a job is a good alternative later, the daughter got upset, leading to the dad getting upset. The dad's take on it is that she done goofed up and she was offered alternatives, and now she has to deal with it, whereas the daughter's take seems to be that the parents should have kept the money for an occasion like this. But unlike most stories that find themselves in the Am I The A-Hole community, folks were more polarized in their opinion on who really messed up in this situation. Folks were seemingly either siding with the parents, or with the daughter, but never defaulting to everyone being at fault. On the one hand, folks blamed the parents for their lack of foresight as parents-she's 20, relationships don't last sometimes, and gap years are a thing. On the other hand, folks took into consideration the dad's claim that they had communicated thoroughly about it, and she couldn't have known what would happen.

And folks were torn about this some sided with the parents while others sided with the daughter and there seemed to be no in-between

None of this would have probably happened if not for the notoriously high cost of studying in the US. According to The Best Schools, a comprehensive resource to help students make informed and beneficial decisions regarding college and studies, it's a long story why tuition fees are as high as they are. The short version is increasing demand for education, decreasing state funding, growing cost of administration, logistics, and support of amenities, and increasing financial aid. What makes it worse is that there isn't much that folks can do about these particular factors, but there are certainly some things that people can do. Namely, government loans, scholarships, online studies, free education programs, studying abroad (preferably in a country with lesser or no tuition fees), and even small things like getting a part-time job and being responsible with your money can all work wonders in combination and moderation. But, back to the topic at hand. The Reddit post got quite a bit of attention, garnering nearly 14,000 upvotes, 4,000 comments and making headlines on some online news outlets. So, what are your thoughts on this? Do you agree with the parents and think the daughter now has to deal with the consequences of her own actions, or is it the daughter who had the right to take a break without the parents assimilating her study budget to fund a kitchen and then be protective of their retirement fund? Let us know in the comment section below! Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Robertas Lisickis Follow Unfollow Robertas Lisickis Writer, BoredPanda staff Robertas, nicknamed the Comma Inquisitor by friends, is a Bored Panda writer and content creator. After his studies at LCC International University, where he got a BA in English Language and Literature, Robertas went on to do freelance teaching, translation, and copywriting work, primarily specializing in IT. He spent nearly three years writing about all things Wi-Fi, eventually being picked up by Bored Panda. Whenever there’s free time, he spends it playing Gwent, or hosting Dungeons & Dragons sessions for his mostly chaotic neutral team. Read more » Monika Pašukonytė Monika Pašukonytė Author, BoredPanda staff Hey! I'm a photo editor. In my free time, I love going to art galleries, exhibitions, concerts or just hanging out in nature with my friends. My dream is to get an RV and travel around the world with my dog. Read more » Show All Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! 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I agree, they saved money FOR her, then blew it once she decided on something else. 30 30points reply Load More Replies... Yukon Charlie Yukon Charlie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago At the same time though, they saved the money, so they can do what they want with it. Nobody is entitled to anybody else money. 10 10points reply Justin Smith Justin Smith Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Thry saved it for her specifically. And within a year of her not using it for what they ment they spent all of it. $30k is a lot to blow in a year. 7 7points reply Felice Coles Felice Coles Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Hope you don't have kids then. They'll need stuff and you don't want to part with YOUR money. -2 -2points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago As much as you love your kids, you do nothing for them if you coddle them as adults. This is why you have grown adults still living with their parents into their 30s. She made her decision they told her what would happen I think it's a great lesson learned, most kids don't have parents that can save for their education. She can work almost anywhere nowadays and have a company pay her tuition 11 11points reply Jennifer Miller Jennifer Miller Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Amen to that. 2 2points reply Eric Yoder Eric Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Wrong -1 -1point reply mu antineutrino mu antineutrino Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Needs and wants are different. She previously chose to drop out tells me this isn't a need. 5 5points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Yep yep. 0 0points reply Eric Yoder Eric Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I hope you stay childless, jerk. DO NOT hype a child's hopes making them think you're doing something nice for them just to yank the rug out from under them when the time comes. The kid could have used that time to save for tuition cost if known sooner this would happen. Use your head MAGA jerk -7 -7points reply Erorivera Erorivera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago No, she chose to drop out and live with her boyfriend at the time. Yes, she had her head up her a**e but that is her bad. Once you leave your home with a significant other you made a financial decision. Parents are not suppose to support financially in that aspect. You have now entered the real world. She chose not to go to school. However, They shouldn’t have spent that much and set some aside for maybe her wedding or something but she made her choice. I am not going to fully support a child financially if she chooses to leave with a significant other. I am a mother of five and five are girls. They know that we want them to pursue their education, a career, and be financially ready before they leave home. Will always be there for them if they need help. But this girl messed up. Jackass move on her part and the parents blew too much but I don’t think they are the aholes. 5 5points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 18 hours ago There is no ENTITLEMENT to anything. Choices have consequences. She learned that 6 6points reply Bryon Bauer Bryon Bauer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 hours ago They saved money for her to go to college. She then said college "wasn't for her". If you're not going to college, the parents should be able to use it for whatever they want to. It's not just free money for her. 1 1point reply Roin Roin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago But I don't think they saved money for HER but HER education, wich she told she didn't want to. I wouldn't have given the money to my son to spend where ever if it was saved for education only. But i wouldn't spend it all to kitchen renovation either. 5 5points reply XenoMurph XenoMurph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago perhaps a brief discussion about a car, or savings for a future deposit on a house? Anything but spending it on myself without telling her. 2 2points reply Gayle Wyman Ullmer Gayle Wyman Ullmer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 22 hours ago It not like they spent it on a vacation, a home is an investment and asset, An upgraded kitchen adds value. And the home they renovated, or money from selling it may very well end up going to her in the form of inheritance. So saying they blew it is BS. 5 5points reply Rob Eman Rob Eman Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 hours ago Only useful if home is sold in next few years. In which case they will have the kitchen money back then to give to her. But most likely then kitchen is for them, which will add no value to anything, except maybe a house refi they might be able to do to pull $30k out of house.... 1 1point reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago It's the parents money, she dropped out of school, they don't have to tell her anything about what the do with their own money 4 4points reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago Can I love this more??? 1 1point reply Fembot Fembot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Exactly this. 4 4points reply Ray Arani Ray Arani Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 22 hours ago Yeah, my son is twelve and I plan on helping him out as much as I can with whatever he does, college or not. It's his life, he'll need to figure out how to live it. I'm just here to support him as well as I can. When he makes a mistake, which he will, I'm certainly not going to charge him 30K for it. 1 1point reply RosieB RosieB Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago I would feel the same. If I saved money for my daughter it would then be hers. As for renovating the kitchen. Out of my own money I would probably give it a fresh coat of paint and buy a new washing machine. 1 1point reply Celia McReynolds Tinsley Celia McReynolds Tinsley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago I know kitchen remodels can get very expensive quickly, but $30,000.00 seems excessive when you don't feel you will be financially sound come retirement. Seems to me these parents were just mad their daughter chose to follow her own path instead of the one they created for her and decided to punish her the only way they could. If I had saved the money for my child's education I wouldn't have given it to him/her for other purposes at 18, like the daughter requested, but would have continued to save it and if my child chose not to return to college would have helped him/her with buying a home or helped in some way that would make my child's life that much easier. 52 52points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Sometimes the problem is making your child's life easier. You are not doing them any favors you are just creating useless adults. I know it doesn’t seem that way but struggling builds a person up. Making a decision and having to follow the consequences of that decision is important. If your parents decide not to believe you and keep that money cause they know that you will one day reconsider that mean’s they don’t take you seriously and your c**p decision now can all be erased because your parents just took that consequence away for you. What have you really taught your kid? Mama and papa will bail you out so you might as well throw Caution to the wind. Some decisions you don’t get to undue as casually as you made them. Now if she wants to go to college she can live at home and get a job. She’s not entitled to anything. 12 12points reply Load More Replies... Bob Cakin Bob Cakin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 8 hours ago I don't think you understand just how expensive early life (college, renting, etc.) Nowadays. Older American generations were living on easy street in comparison. I in particular had to pay $700/month to rent a room that was smaller than a singles dorm room and that I had to share with another person... and that had tons of cockroaches so you couldn't leave anything on the floor. I paid 700/month and that was considered cheap. Giving a kid 30k to help pay for college wouldn't even be making their life that easy. Without scholarships... 30k wouldn't even cover one year of college tuition at my old college. And that was the only college in my area offering a major in the field I was looking to break into so people in my major didn't really have much of a choice (unless of course you think poor people don't deserve to be educated... which is actually the mentality that has driven college to become so expensive. Neo-liberals suck!). 1 1point reply Bob Cakin Bob Cakin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 8 hours ago (edited) Anyway... slightly helping your kids isn't making their lives too "easy". It's basically just making it closer to as "easy" as it used to be when YOU were growing up. Housing is much more expensive than it was just 20 years ago when adjusted for inflation (and it wasn't very good either 20 years ago). College costs are more expensive than they were 20 years ago and WAY more expensive than they were 40 years ago thanks to the defunding of public institutions, the rise of private colleges, the rise of the textbook industry (seriously... there are textbooks now that cost like $1000... for one textbook!) and the introduction of for-profit colleges. People helping their children aren't creating "useless adults"... they're just making sure their kid doesn't fall too far down into homelessness. Also... you say you aren't looking for help in retirement now... but you may actually be surprised when retirememt does eventually come around. If things keep going like they are (corporate inflation)... the only people who will actually be able to retire are multimillionaires (like above $5 million in savings). The number of US citizens aged 75 and up who can't retire is expected to increase 96.5% over the next decade... and there are already a LOT of ppl 75+ who can't retire (in the tens of millions). I already know that I likely will never be able to retire with our current system due to declining wages (not only is everything MORE expensive than it used to be... but we're also getting paid less when adjusted for inflation) and that's true of practically everyone I know. Just... maybe rethink your hyper-individualist mindset is all I am saying. The cult of individualism got us into this hellhole where the majority of people are struggling just to put a roof over their heads while some rich billionaires have a pissing contests with launching rockets into space. 1 1point reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago Love, love, love 1 1point reply Gareth Baus Gareth Baus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) That is a teaching method that tends to financially cripple people for long enough that they don't necessarily reach their potential. Bankruptcy can cost you opportunities decades after the fact, and not being able to finish your education for financial reasons when you are mature enough to actually commit to it just leaves you less able to better yourself later on in life. 1 1point reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago I'm not sure how old you are but nowadays every company under the sun offers some sort of tuition assistance it's in no way shape or form as crippling as you're insinuating. You know what's far more crippling not teaching you're child to take care of themselves and letting them "Chase their dreams" that's how you waste 80k on a useless liberal arts or sociology degree. 3 3points reply Felice Coles Felice Coles Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago So great that you think that. It will give you comfort in the nursing home that YOU can afford. You're not entitled to anything. 1 1point reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Im good. I don’t expect my kids to carry me when I get older. I will live off what I worked for when I was younger. My goal is not to burden my kid with having to take care of me when Im older just cause he feels guilty. That’s not why you have kids. 7 7points reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago It’s called planning for your future and living with in your means. Not difficult. You bail this 20yr old adult out and she’ll have no chance of learning to provide for herself. 0 0points reply madbakes madbakes Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago It's a massive decision for a 20 year old. She should have been given some grace based on her age alone. 0 0points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Life is full of these massive decisions. At what age should they start to have consequences if not 20? 30? 40? By then its too late. People learn when they are young by making mistakes. And it’s not like she can’t still go to college. She absolutely still can, it just wont be as easy anymore. The lesson of the consequence is more valuable then people realize. 9 9points reply tl gmc tl gmc Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago It's not like she can't correct it, she has the community College option, that should be enough 1 1point reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago Or work and get student loans. Keep a high GPA and apply for scholarships. 0 0points reply CatWoman312 CatWoman312 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago If only I had parents with your mentality growing up. I was told from a young age I was going to college and guess what? I nearly flunked out. It wasn’t for me. It took me a while, but I did finally graduate and I don’t even use my degree. 6 6points reply Russell Mitchell Russell Mitchell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Not enough of the full situation is available, so I'll add some speculation. It sounds a bit like they didn't approve of the boyfriend, and may still resent that advice they gave her about staying in school was rejected. Or, perhaps they suggested some alternatives in what became an argument, and she responded with her statement about school not being right for her. Regardless of it being their money, with such a quick spending when their retirement isn't well set sounds immature on their part - might explain some of this family dynamic. Sounds like there is some "growing up" to do on both sides. 2 2points reply Nancy Marine Nancy Marine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 14 hours ago $30,000 for a full kitchen remodel is about average, really. And depending on the size of the kitchen, it can go a lot higher. I'm getting quotes right now for a full kitchen remodel and all of them are coming in around $30,000, and I'm not even getting new appliances! Also, as parents, doing everything you can to make your kid's life easier isn't doing them any favors. All you get in the end are spoiled kids who think mom and dad will bail them out if anything, no matter what Choices have consequences and this daughter just learned a big lesson Finally, one of the biggest recommendations made by experts is to do big remodels like this kitchen BEFORE you retire so you can get it paid off while you're making more money. I, my kids, and their father all paid from r college with the GI Bill. Both boys are happy they did it this way, too, because they had a chance to grow up, mature, and figure out what they wanted in life before paying for expensive college tuition. 0 0points reply Pinkpunk143 Pinkpunk143 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago How do u know what u would've done in a situation you've never been in b4? So much foresight..... 0 0points reply Linnoff Linnoff Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 2 days ago 100% agree. 0 0points reply ZeroCapacity ZeroCapacity Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago The problem is that everyone feels the parents should foot the bill for kids lives until they are 50 or some s**t. This is getting out of hand. They warned her and talked to her, she made her decision. They gave it a year and even protected the money from her. If they had given in and let her have it it would be gone anyways. They aren't assholes, they aren't omnipotent. 30k on a kitchen remodel is a drop in the bucket, especially if it's an old kitchen. It was their money to begin with so they can do what they want with it. 44 44points reply Freddy M. (He/Him) Freddy M. (He/Him) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago I agree that there's definitely a limit, but 20 is a far way off from 50, and going to college without help from parents is getting increasingly difficult, especially since kids are preoccupied with other schooling just before starting college which makes it hard to save up enough for college since you're pretty much limited to part time. She definitely made a bad decision, and shouldn't have assumed that her college fund was safe, but the parents should've been lenient, this is likely the hardest and most confusing part of her life so far 45 45points reply Load More Replies... Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago The parents are not wrong but I would have waited for another year. I don't think a 20yo who makes this kind of decision (leaving uni, moving in with someone and working ) knows what they want. So NTA but wait a little longer. 17 17points reply The Starsong Princess The Starsong Princess Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago I would have wanted until she was 25 at least and talked to her about it. There’s still a lot to learn about life at 19 and 20. 11 11points reply SweetsEve SweetsEve Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) 25 is being grown. So stop treating your kids like babies. Myself and my siblings were expected to take our adulthood on at 18 and we were all better for it. Sure a college fund would have been nice, but I got my MGI Bill instead on my own. When I took my classes I never was flaky because it was at my expense. I had an adult focus on my adult life because it was my responsibility. Saving adults from their responsibility is not a good parenting move it you want to raise healthy adult individuals. They're not babies anymore. 7 7points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago And yet people like me actually managed to put themselves through school, graduate and be working in a real job. Yes I did, at 19 i had a 4 year degree, paid for with student loans, no free money, no scholarships. At 18 she was an adult, being an adult has responsibility, she was old enough to know better. 6 6points reply Impetus Impetus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago At least until 23, when she could apply for her own financial aid, and plan to pay for her bachelor's if she manages community college. After all, that money was meant to be an investment in her future, but money alone isn't anything without guidance when one is so young. 4 4points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago She can apply for it at 18, when she was an adult, I did. 3 3points reply Freddy M. (He/Him) Freddy M. (He/Him) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago This is essentially what I think too, the money shouldn't have been allowed to rot, but it also shouldn't have been used so fast 8 8points reply Nancy Marine Nancy Marine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 14 hours ago So, your parents don't touch their paychecks until you've gotten out of it what you wanted from it? The daughter was warned what her parents had planned I'd she dropped out and moved out and she "thought they were bluffing." Surprise! They'd already paid for a year of college and she didn't appreciate it. Why throw good money after bad? Also, she's not living with them and is an adult. Why should they go on financially supporting her and when should their financial support end? 4 4points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago It was her parents money, nobody has a say in it but them. 4 4points reply Samantha Downing Samantha Downing Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago It's their money 0 0points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago I believe no matter what the age a person is, they still don't know what they want and sometimes even confuses it with their needs. But, at the age of 18 shouldn't they know the consequences of their own actions? If they don't, why make 18 years old the legal age? Base on the comments I've read so far, I see one common thing. They sided with the daughter because just like the daughter they never own up their mistakes and just conveniently blame anyone. Probably, it feels good to point fingers. 6 6points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Absolutely, I couldn't agree more all these people saying she's too young blah blah. Ok then let's just stop charging anyone under 25 for crimes. "Eh the kid was only 20 when he stabbed a guy 15 times, he's only 20 he didn't know any better he's still young" 6 6points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Yeah, Im under the impression the people saying shes too young are the ones who are relating to her situation. They don’t want responsibility and are most likely still living at home so they are advocating for themselves really. 5 5points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago These are the same people living at home as leeches way past 18 without jobs or acting like actual adults. They want to claim to be adults without actually acting like one. 3 3points reply Erorivera Erorivera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Well, now she knows all about consequences. Her bad. Her parents warned her and she didn’t listen. Wanted to be with her guy instead. 5 5points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago Actions have consequences. When you are older you will understand this better. She's an adult and not just barely 18. At 20 I had put myself through college, gotten a 4 year degree ( not paid off) and was working a permanent career job. Sorry, can't have sympathy. My parents couldn't afford it, and she was so careless with it. Choices carry consequences. Adults are responsible for them, good and bad. 4 4points reply Erorivera Erorivera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago They are being lenient by allowing her a home to stay in and still offering to help out as financially as they can. They are still being good parents. 4 4points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Sorry Freddy but you're completely wrong, going to college without assistance from parents has only been getting substantially easier. Nowadays every company offers some sort of tuition assistance. 10-15 years ago this wasn't the case. Today the best thing to do if you're not on a scholarship is to go work a good job, make money and learns skills while also getting them to pay for your tuition. No sending yourself or your parents into debt. 3 3points reply Aimee Boswell Aimee Boswell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply Fembot Fembot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago (edited) It’s not pampering or whatever if you have targeted that money specifically for your kids’ education. And 20 is an age where many young adults Have not yet found their place, get in bad relationships, etc. The parents should have given her at least a couple of years to reconsider. 16 16points reply SweetsEve SweetsEve Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) I was in the military at 19, defending my country. Married at 20 and contributing to my own household. The idea 20 years olds are so young is baffling to me. You've been an adult for two years by then. You can vote. You're not a minor. If you can move in with a man and set up house you're a grown up. You don't get a reward for not listening to the wisdom of your parents. When people who love you try to warn you and you decide to do what you want to do instead you learn the hard way that your choices have consequences. 7 7points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago Only the immature ones. Funny how most other people at that age had the maturity... she's an adult, way past time she acted like it. 3 3points reply Samantha Downing Samantha Downing Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago It's their money and she's already played house with someone and it didn't work. She decided she was grown enough to do so that, she can definitely manage to figure out how to get a job and with through college like other adults. -1 -1point reply Izzy Curer Izzy Curer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago (edited) It's incredibly normal to take a year off of college. What she did wasn't a bad decision, it just didn't work out. It's not like she was out there doing drugs or something. She was working. If they pay for one kid's college, yes, they're pretty much obligated to pay for the other. She'll probably never really get over this. 11 11points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago I think if she said that she needed a year off to think about what she wants to do it would of been an entirely different outcome. She specifically said it wasn’t for her and dropped out. 6 6points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago It is not normal to drop out of college, move out and stay with your boyfriend, and just return home as if nothing happens. 4 4points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago They not obligated to do anything but raise her to 18 first of all. She was the oldest and they did pay for her. She chose to drop out, she didn't take a year off. "She'll never get over this" Somebody sounds entitled... I'm sure she'll be fine. The only thing she'll need to get over is her own decision. She should be grateful the opportunity existed in the first place most kids don't have parents that can afford to pay for their college 2 2points reply Erorivera Erorivera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago @izzycurer But hopefully she learns from this. To not be a Jacka$$. She should have listened to her parents. She left with a boyfriend. At least they are still there for her. 1 1point reply CatWoman312 CatWoman312 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago 20 isn’t 50. 3 3points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago 20 is a legal age. 6 6points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago 20=adult. 5 5points reply Tom van Tilburg Tom van Tilburg Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) Being a father of 2 I strongly disagree. I save up for my kids to give them a headstart in life, whether it be for their college tuition, car or even decorating their first home. The money I'm saving up for them is theirs to keep (as long as they show me they are responsible and capable of managing their own life, which in my opinion the kid was.. it's just a gap year and had regrets. Comes back at it to find out they already blew her chance to set things straight). One isn't mentally mature until age 25 so they should've at least waited till she was 25 before blowing that amount of money (which I definitely wouldn't) for just a frigging kitchen. They come off as not being financially sound themselves, which makes it even more stupid to begin with, they blow their daughters safety net on their own selfish needs. To make matters worse are even irresponsible with that amount of money and set dumb priorities. I call parents like that selfish and hypocrites. 2 2points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) As a mother of one, I strongly disagree. I know it feels like you are showing your kids love when you do these things for them but what you are really doing is crippling them in life by not letting them do things for themselves. You also take value away from hard work and dedication to something. But you make yourself feel better, because you are taking the struggle away from your kid, the struggle is necessary. 5 5points reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 hours ago This!!!!! 1 1point reply Jessica Olson Jessica Olson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago They didn't give it a year, the money was completely gone when the daughter approached him one year later. Wait list for construction nowadays is long too so they must have jumped on that very shortly after she quit college, maybe even the same month... Also 30K wouldn't have paid for more than like one year at State School, so with the fund that size the child should be doing community college or trade school anyway. 1 1point reply Gareth Baus Gareth Baus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago 20 years olds aren't even fully developed in the biological sense, it still makes sense to wait until the kid is actually a fully developed adult(around 23 to 25) before treating them entirely like a fully developed adult with little to no safety net. 1 1point reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Right so by that logic nobody should be charged with a crime before the age of 23-25 because their not fully developed... It makes sense to wait till their fully developed and see if they go stab or rape somebody again... You know when they're fully developed 1 1point reply Impetus Impetus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago I just described the biology. 0 0points reply Jessica Geib Jessica Geib Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 22 hours ago (edited) DAN13LG -Development isn't a single linear path. Consider the fact that you have to be 21 to buy and consume alcohol, marijuana, and tobacco products because we know that parts of the brain are still developing and those substances can have significant negative impacts on the brain, and you are at a greater risk for addiction. You can't rent a car until 21 in most states and if you're under 25 you might pay an extra fee, and insurance rates are often higher until 25, because people under 25 get in significantly more car accidents because of the part of the brain that helps control impulsivity and risky behavior. Unless you can show significant proof of independent income, you can't get a credit card by yourself until 21 because the part of the brain that can calculate the long-term consequences of something like credit card debt isn't fully developed and when combined with the impulsivity, banks and the government know it's a bad decision. (1/3) -1 -1point reply Jessica Geib Jessica Geib Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 22 hours ago (2/3) - You are taking things to the extreme with your example. Again development isn't linear and different parts of the brain which are in charge of different decision making processes develop at different rates. Ask a 5-year-old if it's okay to hit their friend when they are angry, chances are they will say no, but we do not expect them to be perfect at not hitting their friend when they are angry and know they will probably make a mistake and we provide some consequences and reteach, knowing that eventually they will be able to better manage their feelings as they get older. We let 16-year-olds drive, but we don't let them have friends in their car while driving for the first 6mo because while they are still learning the can't manage the distractions. Again, car insurance rates are higher because the rate of fender benders are higher - levels of development: teens and young adults are more likely to have a higher rate of minor accidents, not necessarily serious accidents. -1 -1point reply Jessica Geib Jessica Geib Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 21 hours ago (3/3) - Even if you think about things from a pure experience perspective it still makes sense for the parents to wait a bit. For example, when training to be a pilot, first you have a teacher that you fly with, then once they feel confident you can be safe on your own, they sign you off to solo. Then you fly solo to practice maneuvers and get more comfortable. Then you test and get your private pilot license. Congratulations, you can now have passengers, HOWEVER you cannot get paid to fly people. This is because we know that the allure of making money can cloud people's judgement and you might make a decision to fly under conditions you normally wouldn't, and you don't have enough experience to handle those marginal flight conditions. Once you have flown a certain amount of hours and done additional training with an instructor, you can test for your commercial, and that allows you to fly for hire. Development isn't linear, you need to gain experience, but you also need scaffolding. -2 -2points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Is it safe to say that we can use this statement when an 18 year old killed someone? -1 -1point reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) If they could they would in court but they don’t. Guess the legal system draws the line at 18. Entitled crowd at 50. 1 1point reply Impetus Impetus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago In the United States she can't apply for financial aid on her own until she's 23. So while I agree that it's their money do with as they choose, I think there's a fundamental lack of understanding as to how big an impact this will have on her and her future. It isn't like they want her to work through school to have her value it more and plan to pay for her bachelor's after she transfers, it was straight up if you don't do what we want the offer is off the table forever. So, while they had a right to do what they did, it would sit better with me if I felt more like they understood how big of a thing it truly was, and that their daughter could have benefited more from their concern and teaching than from their withdrawal from the situation entirely. This feels petty, and a bit like they were happy to have an excuse to take the money back. 1 1point reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Why are you under the impression she can’t go to school if her parents don't pay for it? 3 3points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago What the hell are you talking about? There is no minimum wage to apply for financial aid. Also she can simply go work for any of the thousands of companies that offer tuition assistance 3 3points reply Jessica Geib Jessica Geib Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 21 hours ago DAN13LG - yes, you can work for a company that provides tuition assistance, but they often limit where you can go and sometimes even what degrees they will pay for. You are correct that there is no minimum age to apply for fin aid, but until you are 23, you are considered a dependent and have to report your parent's income and so that can significantly impact how much aid you qualify for. https://studentaid.gov/help-center/answers/article/independent-student 1 1point reply Impetus Impetus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) You can apply for it if you are a billionaire. But you won't get anything. 0 0points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago In United States, you can find a job at the age of 18, you can get behind bars at the age of 18, you can have sex at the age of 18, you can party all night at the age of 18, you can have a family at the age of 18, and many more. So how come having a foresight is something an 18 year old cannot have? 3 3points reply Marilyn Boothe Marilyn Boothe Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago Wrong. My Daughter started for her Masters at the age of 19. She was considered independent student then and had to apply for her own student aid. 1 1point reply Nancy Marine Nancy Marine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 14 hours ago You are patently wrong. At the age of 18, in the United States, a person can apply for school loans. 1 1point reply SweetsEve SweetsEve Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago They understood because they saved the money. She dropped it. That's on her. 1 1point reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 hours ago This is simply false! She absolutely can apply for financial aid, and she can work part time. -1 -1point reply R K R K Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Anyone who spends 30k on a kitchen remodel is an a*****e. Thats not a drop in the bucket, seems like youd have to tear apart half your house and buy a shitload of expensive apliances that dont work any better then reasonably priced ones to spend 30k. I bet they even got a fridge that shows you the food so you dont have to open it. -1 -1point reply Nancy Marine Nancy Marine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 14 hours ago What a bitter person you are. And woefully uninformed. 30k for a kitchen remodel is nothing! Kitchen remodels are mucho expensive and had they said anything less than 25k I wouldn't have believed they were doing a full remodel. 1 1point reply Load More Comments POST XenoMurph XenoMurph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago If I saved money for my daughter, then took it for myself, I'd feel like a thief. 62 62points reply Nolan Spruce Nolan Spruce Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago I don't know why you're getting downvoted. I agree, they saved money FOR her, then blew it once she decided on something else. 30 30points reply Load More Replies... Yukon Charlie Yukon Charlie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago At the same time though, they saved the money, so they can do what they want with it. Nobody is entitled to anybody else money. 10 10points reply Justin Smith Justin Smith Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Thry saved it for her specifically. And within a year of her not using it for what they ment they spent all of it. $30k is a lot to blow in a year. 7 7points reply Felice Coles Felice Coles Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Hope you don't have kids then. They'll need stuff and you don't want to part with YOUR money. -2 -2points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago As much as you love your kids, you do nothing for them if you coddle them as adults. This is why you have grown adults still living with their parents into their 30s. She made her decision they told her what would happen I think it's a great lesson learned, most kids don't have parents that can save for their education. She can work almost anywhere nowadays and have a company pay her tuition 11 11points reply Jennifer Miller Jennifer Miller Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Amen to that. 2 2points reply Eric Yoder Eric Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Wrong -1 -1point reply mu antineutrino mu antineutrino Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Needs and wants are different. She previously chose to drop out tells me this isn't a need. 5 5points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Yep yep. 0 0points reply Eric Yoder Eric Yoder Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago This comment is hidden. Click here to view. I hope you stay childless, jerk. DO NOT hype a child's hopes making them think you're doing something nice for them just to yank the rug out from under them when the time comes. The kid could have used that time to save for tuition cost if known sooner this would happen. Use your head MAGA jerk -7 -7points reply Erorivera Erorivera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago No, she chose to drop out and live with her boyfriend at the time. Yes, she had her head up her a**e but that is her bad. Once you leave your home with a significant other you made a financial decision. Parents are not suppose to support financially in that aspect. You have now entered the real world. She chose not to go to school. However, They shouldn’t have spent that much and set some aside for maybe her wedding or something but she made her choice. I am not going to fully support a child financially if she chooses to leave with a significant other. I am a mother of five and five are girls. They know that we want them to pursue their education, a career, and be financially ready before they leave home. Will always be there for them if they need help. But this girl messed up. Jackass move on her part and the parents blew too much but I don’t think they are the aholes. 5 5points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 18 hours ago There is no ENTITLEMENT to anything. Choices have consequences. She learned that 6 6points reply Bryon Bauer Bryon Bauer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 hours ago They saved money for her to go to college. She then said college "wasn't for her". If you're not going to college, the parents should be able to use it for whatever they want to. It's not just free money for her. 1 1point reply Roin Roin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago But I don't think they saved money for HER but HER education, wich she told she didn't want to. I wouldn't have given the money to my son to spend where ever if it was saved for education only. But i wouldn't spend it all to kitchen renovation either. 5 5points reply XenoMurph XenoMurph Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago perhaps a brief discussion about a car, or savings for a future deposit on a house? Anything but spending it on myself without telling her. 2 2points reply Gayle Wyman Ullmer Gayle Wyman Ullmer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 22 hours ago It not like they spent it on a vacation, a home is an investment and asset, An upgraded kitchen adds value. And the home they renovated, or money from selling it may very well end up going to her in the form of inheritance. So saying they blew it is BS. 5 5points reply Rob Eman Rob Eman Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 6 hours ago Only useful if home is sold in next few years. In which case they will have the kitchen money back then to give to her. But most likely then kitchen is for them, which will add no value to anything, except maybe a house refi they might be able to do to pull $30k out of house.... 1 1point reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago It's the parents money, she dropped out of school, they don't have to tell her anything about what the do with their own money 4 4points reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago Can I love this more??? 1 1point reply Fembot Fembot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Exactly this. 4 4points reply Ray Arani Ray Arani Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 22 hours ago Yeah, my son is twelve and I plan on helping him out as much as I can with whatever he does, college or not. It's his life, he'll need to figure out how to live it. I'm just here to support him as well as I can. When he makes a mistake, which he will, I'm certainly not going to charge him 30K for it. 1 1point reply RosieB RosieB Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago I would feel the same. If I saved money for my daughter it would then be hers. As for renovating the kitchen. Out of my own money I would probably give it a fresh coat of paint and buy a new washing machine. 1 1point reply Celia McReynolds Tinsley Celia McReynolds Tinsley Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago I know kitchen remodels can get very expensive quickly, but $30,000.00 seems excessive when you don't feel you will be financially sound come retirement. Seems to me these parents were just mad their daughter chose to follow her own path instead of the one they created for her and decided to punish her the only way they could. If I had saved the money for my child's education I wouldn't have given it to him/her for other purposes at 18, like the daughter requested, but would have continued to save it and if my child chose not to return to college would have helped him/her with buying a home or helped in some way that would make my child's life that much easier. 52 52points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Sometimes the problem is making your child's life easier. You are not doing them any favors you are just creating useless adults. I know it doesn’t seem that way but struggling builds a person up. Making a decision and having to follow the consequences of that decision is important. If your parents decide not to believe you and keep that money cause they know that you will one day reconsider that mean’s they don’t take you seriously and your c**p decision now can all be erased because your parents just took that consequence away for you. What have you really taught your kid? Mama and papa will bail you out so you might as well throw Caution to the wind. Some decisions you don’t get to undue as casually as you made them. Now if she wants to go to college she can live at home and get a job. She’s not entitled to anything. 12 12points reply Load More Replies... Bob Cakin Bob Cakin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 8 hours ago I don't think you understand just how expensive early life (college, renting, etc.) Nowadays. Older American generations were living on easy street in comparison. I in particular had to pay $700/month to rent a room that was smaller than a singles dorm room and that I had to share with another person... and that had tons of cockroaches so you couldn't leave anything on the floor. I paid 700/month and that was considered cheap. Giving a kid 30k to help pay for college wouldn't even be making their life that easy. Without scholarships... 30k wouldn't even cover one year of college tuition at my old college. And that was the only college in my area offering a major in the field I was looking to break into so people in my major didn't really have much of a choice (unless of course you think poor people don't deserve to be educated... which is actually the mentality that has driven college to become so expensive. Neo-liberals suck!). 1 1point reply Bob Cakin Bob Cakin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 8 hours ago (edited) Anyway... slightly helping your kids isn't making their lives too "easy". It's basically just making it closer to as "easy" as it used to be when YOU were growing up. Housing is much more expensive than it was just 20 years ago when adjusted for inflation (and it wasn't very good either 20 years ago). College costs are more expensive than they were 20 years ago and WAY more expensive than they were 40 years ago thanks to the defunding of public institutions, the rise of private colleges, the rise of the textbook industry (seriously... there are textbooks now that cost like $1000... for one textbook!) and the introduction of for-profit colleges. People helping their children aren't creating "useless adults"... they're just making sure their kid doesn't fall too far down into homelessness. Also... you say you aren't looking for help in retirement now... but you may actually be surprised when retirememt does eventually come around. If things keep going like they are (corporate inflation)... the only people who will actually be able to retire are multimillionaires (like above $5 million in savings). The number of US citizens aged 75 and up who can't retire is expected to increase 96.5% over the next decade... and there are already a LOT of ppl 75+ who can't retire (in the tens of millions). I already know that I likely will never be able to retire with our current system due to declining wages (not only is everything MORE expensive than it used to be... but we're also getting paid less when adjusted for inflation) and that's true of practically everyone I know. Just... maybe rethink your hyper-individualist mindset is all I am saying. The cult of individualism got us into this hellhole where the majority of people are struggling just to put a roof over their heads while some rich billionaires have a pissing contests with launching rockets into space. 1 1point reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago Love, love, love 1 1point reply Gareth Baus Gareth Baus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) That is a teaching method that tends to financially cripple people for long enough that they don't necessarily reach their potential. Bankruptcy can cost you opportunities decades after the fact, and not being able to finish your education for financial reasons when you are mature enough to actually commit to it just leaves you less able to better yourself later on in life. 1 1point reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago I'm not sure how old you are but nowadays every company under the sun offers some sort of tuition assistance it's in no way shape or form as crippling as you're insinuating. You know what's far more crippling not teaching you're child to take care of themselves and letting them "Chase their dreams" that's how you waste 80k on a useless liberal arts or sociology degree. 3 3points reply Felice Coles Felice Coles Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago So great that you think that. It will give you comfort in the nursing home that YOU can afford. You're not entitled to anything. 1 1point reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Im good. I don’t expect my kids to carry me when I get older. I will live off what I worked for when I was younger. My goal is not to burden my kid with having to take care of me when Im older just cause he feels guilty. That’s not why you have kids. 7 7points reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago It’s called planning for your future and living with in your means. Not difficult. You bail this 20yr old adult out and she’ll have no chance of learning to provide for herself. 0 0points reply madbakes madbakes Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago It's a massive decision for a 20 year old. She should have been given some grace based on her age alone. 0 0points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago Life is full of these massive decisions. At what age should they start to have consequences if not 20? 30? 40? By then its too late. People learn when they are young by making mistakes. And it’s not like she can’t still go to college. She absolutely still can, it just wont be as easy anymore. The lesson of the consequence is more valuable then people realize. 9 9points reply tl gmc tl gmc Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago It's not like she can't correct it, she has the community College option, that should be enough 1 1point reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago Or work and get student loans. Keep a high GPA and apply for scholarships. 0 0points reply CatWoman312 CatWoman312 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago If only I had parents with your mentality growing up. I was told from a young age I was going to college and guess what? I nearly flunked out. It wasn’t for me. It took me a while, but I did finally graduate and I don’t even use my degree. 6 6points reply Russell Mitchell Russell Mitchell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Not enough of the full situation is available, so I'll add some speculation. It sounds a bit like they didn't approve of the boyfriend, and may still resent that advice they gave her about staying in school was rejected. Or, perhaps they suggested some alternatives in what became an argument, and she responded with her statement about school not being right for her. Regardless of it being their money, with such a quick spending when their retirement isn't well set sounds immature on their part - might explain some of this family dynamic. Sounds like there is some "growing up" to do on both sides. 2 2points reply Nancy Marine Nancy Marine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 14 hours ago $30,000 for a full kitchen remodel is about average, really. And depending on the size of the kitchen, it can go a lot higher. I'm getting quotes right now for a full kitchen remodel and all of them are coming in around $30,000, and I'm not even getting new appliances! Also, as parents, doing everything you can to make your kid's life easier isn't doing them any favors. All you get in the end are spoiled kids who think mom and dad will bail them out if anything, no matter what Choices have consequences and this daughter just learned a big lesson Finally, one of the biggest recommendations made by experts is to do big remodels like this kitchen BEFORE you retire so you can get it paid off while you're making more money. I, my kids, and their father all paid from r college with the GI Bill. Both boys are happy they did it this way, too, because they had a chance to grow up, mature, and figure out what they wanted in life before paying for expensive college tuition. 0 0points reply Pinkpunk143 Pinkpunk143 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago How do u know what u would've done in a situation you've never been in b4? So much foresight..... 0 0points reply Linnoff Linnoff Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 2 days ago 100% agree. 0 0points reply ZeroCapacity ZeroCapacity Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago The problem is that everyone feels the parents should foot the bill for kids lives until they are 50 or some s**t. This is getting out of hand. They warned her and talked to her, she made her decision. They gave it a year and even protected the money from her. If they had given in and let her have it it would be gone anyways. They aren't assholes, they aren't omnipotent. 30k on a kitchen remodel is a drop in the bucket, especially if it's an old kitchen. It was their money to begin with so they can do what they want with it. 44 44points reply Freddy M. (He/Him) Freddy M. (He/Him) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 days ago I agree that there's definitely a limit, but 20 is a far way off from 50, and going to college without help from parents is getting increasingly difficult, especially since kids are preoccupied with other schooling just before starting college which makes it hard to save up enough for college since you're pretty much limited to part time. She definitely made a bad decision, and shouldn't have assumed that her college fund was safe, but the parents should've been lenient, this is likely the hardest and most confusing part of her life so far 45 45points reply Load More Replies... Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago The parents are not wrong but I would have waited for another year. I don't think a 20yo who makes this kind of decision (leaving uni, moving in with someone and working ) knows what they want. So NTA but wait a little longer. 17 17points reply The Starsong Princess The Starsong Princess Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago I would have wanted until she was 25 at least and talked to her about it. There’s still a lot to learn about life at 19 and 20. 11 11points reply SweetsEve SweetsEve Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) 25 is being grown. So stop treating your kids like babies. Myself and my siblings were expected to take our adulthood on at 18 and we were all better for it. Sure a college fund would have been nice, but I got my MGI Bill instead on my own. When I took my classes I never was flaky because it was at my expense. I had an adult focus on my adult life because it was my responsibility. Saving adults from their responsibility is not a good parenting move it you want to raise healthy adult individuals. They're not babies anymore. 7 7points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago And yet people like me actually managed to put themselves through school, graduate and be working in a real job. Yes I did, at 19 i had a 4 year degree, paid for with student loans, no free money, no scholarships. At 18 she was an adult, being an adult has responsibility, she was old enough to know better. 6 6points reply Impetus Impetus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago At least until 23, when she could apply for her own financial aid, and plan to pay for her bachelor's if she manages community college. After all, that money was meant to be an investment in her future, but money alone isn't anything without guidance when one is so young. 4 4points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago She can apply for it at 18, when she was an adult, I did. 3 3points reply Freddy M. (He/Him) Freddy M. (He/Him) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago This is essentially what I think too, the money shouldn't have been allowed to rot, but it also shouldn't have been used so fast 8 8points reply Nancy Marine Nancy Marine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 14 hours ago So, your parents don't touch their paychecks until you've gotten out of it what you wanted from it? The daughter was warned what her parents had planned I'd she dropped out and moved out and she "thought they were bluffing." Surprise! They'd already paid for a year of college and she didn't appreciate it. Why throw good money after bad? Also, she's not living with them and is an adult. Why should they go on financially supporting her and when should their financial support end? 4 4points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago It was her parents money, nobody has a say in it but them. 4 4points reply Samantha Downing Samantha Downing Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago It's their money 0 0points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago I believe no matter what the age a person is, they still don't know what they want and sometimes even confuses it with their needs. But, at the age of 18 shouldn't they know the consequences of their own actions? If they don't, why make 18 years old the legal age? Base on the comments I've read so far, I see one common thing. They sided with the daughter because just like the daughter they never own up their mistakes and just conveniently blame anyone. Probably, it feels good to point fingers. 6 6points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Absolutely, I couldn't agree more all these people saying she's too young blah blah. Ok then let's just stop charging anyone under 25 for crimes. "Eh the kid was only 20 when he stabbed a guy 15 times, he's only 20 he didn't know any better he's still young" 6 6points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Yeah, Im under the impression the people saying shes too young are the ones who are relating to her situation. They don’t want responsibility and are most likely still living at home so they are advocating for themselves really. 5 5points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago These are the same people living at home as leeches way past 18 without jobs or acting like actual adults. They want to claim to be adults without actually acting like one. 3 3points reply Erorivera Erorivera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Well, now she knows all about consequences. Her bad. Her parents warned her and she didn’t listen. Wanted to be with her guy instead. 5 5points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago Actions have consequences. When you are older you will understand this better. She's an adult and not just barely 18. At 20 I had put myself through college, gotten a 4 year degree ( not paid off) and was working a permanent career job. Sorry, can't have sympathy. My parents couldn't afford it, and she was so careless with it. Choices carry consequences. Adults are responsible for them, good and bad. 4 4points reply Erorivera Erorivera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago They are being lenient by allowing her a home to stay in and still offering to help out as financially as they can. They are still being good parents. 4 4points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Sorry Freddy but you're completely wrong, going to college without assistance from parents has only been getting substantially easier. Nowadays every company offers some sort of tuition assistance. 10-15 years ago this wasn't the case. Today the best thing to do if you're not on a scholarship is to go work a good job, make money and learns skills while also getting them to pay for your tuition. No sending yourself or your parents into debt. 3 3points reply Aimee Boswell Aimee Boswell Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago This comment has been deleted. 0 0points reply Fembot Fembot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago (edited) It’s not pampering or whatever if you have targeted that money specifically for your kids’ education. And 20 is an age where many young adults Have not yet found their place, get in bad relationships, etc. The parents should have given her at least a couple of years to reconsider. 16 16points reply SweetsEve SweetsEve Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) I was in the military at 19, defending my country. Married at 20 and contributing to my own household. The idea 20 years olds are so young is baffling to me. You've been an adult for two years by then. You can vote. You're not a minor. If you can move in with a man and set up house you're a grown up. You don't get a reward for not listening to the wisdom of your parents. When people who love you try to warn you and you decide to do what you want to do instead you learn the hard way that your choices have consequences. 7 7points reply Someone Important Someone Important Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 17 hours ago Only the immature ones. Funny how most other people at that age had the maturity... she's an adult, way past time she acted like it. 3 3points reply Samantha Downing Samantha Downing Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago It's their money and she's already played house with someone and it didn't work. She decided she was grown enough to do so that, she can definitely manage to figure out how to get a job and with through college like other adults. -1 -1point reply Izzy Curer Izzy Curer Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago (edited) It's incredibly normal to take a year off of college. What she did wasn't a bad decision, it just didn't work out. It's not like she was out there doing drugs or something. She was working. If they pay for one kid's college, yes, they're pretty much obligated to pay for the other. She'll probably never really get over this. 11 11points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago I think if she said that she needed a year off to think about what she wants to do it would of been an entirely different outcome. She specifically said it wasn’t for her and dropped out. 6 6points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago It is not normal to drop out of college, move out and stay with your boyfriend, and just return home as if nothing happens. 4 4points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago They not obligated to do anything but raise her to 18 first of all. She was the oldest and they did pay for her. She chose to drop out, she didn't take a year off. "She'll never get over this" Somebody sounds entitled... I'm sure she'll be fine. The only thing she'll need to get over is her own decision. She should be grateful the opportunity existed in the first place most kids don't have parents that can afford to pay for their college 2 2points reply Erorivera Erorivera Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago @izzycurer But hopefully she learns from this. To not be a Jacka$$. She should have listened to her parents. She left with a boyfriend. At least they are still there for her. 1 1point reply CatWoman312 CatWoman312 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 days ago 20 isn’t 50. 3 3points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago 20 is a legal age. 6 6points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago 20=adult. 5 5points reply Tom van Tilburg Tom van Tilburg Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) Being a father of 2 I strongly disagree. I save up for my kids to give them a headstart in life, whether it be for their college tuition, car or even decorating their first home. The money I'm saving up for them is theirs to keep (as long as they show me they are responsible and capable of managing their own life, which in my opinion the kid was.. it's just a gap year and had regrets. Comes back at it to find out they already blew her chance to set things straight). One isn't mentally mature until age 25 so they should've at least waited till she was 25 before blowing that amount of money (which I definitely wouldn't) for just a frigging kitchen. They come off as not being financially sound themselves, which makes it even more stupid to begin with, they blow their daughters safety net on their own selfish needs. To make matters worse are even irresponsible with that amount of money and set dumb priorities. I call parents like that selfish and hypocrites. 2 2points reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) As a mother of one, I strongly disagree. I know it feels like you are showing your kids love when you do these things for them but what you are really doing is crippling them in life by not letting them do things for themselves. You also take value away from hard work and dedication to something. But you make yourself feel better, because you are taking the struggle away from your kid, the struggle is necessary. 5 5points reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 hours ago This!!!!! 1 1point reply Jessica Olson Jessica Olson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago They didn't give it a year, the money was completely gone when the daughter approached him one year later. Wait list for construction nowadays is long too so they must have jumped on that very shortly after she quit college, maybe even the same month... Also 30K wouldn't have paid for more than like one year at State School, so with the fund that size the child should be doing community college or trade school anyway. 1 1point reply Gareth Baus Gareth Baus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago 20 years olds aren't even fully developed in the biological sense, it still makes sense to wait until the kid is actually a fully developed adult(around 23 to 25) before treating them entirely like a fully developed adult with little to no safety net. 1 1point reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Right so by that logic nobody should be charged with a crime before the age of 23-25 because their not fully developed... It makes sense to wait till their fully developed and see if they go stab or rape somebody again... You know when they're fully developed 1 1point reply Impetus Impetus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago I just described the biology. 0 0points reply Jessica Geib Jessica Geib Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 22 hours ago (edited) DAN13LG -Development isn't a single linear path. Consider the fact that you have to be 21 to buy and consume alcohol, marijuana, and tobacco products because we know that parts of the brain are still developing and those substances can have significant negative impacts on the brain, and you are at a greater risk for addiction. You can't rent a car until 21 in most states and if you're under 25 you might pay an extra fee, and insurance rates are often higher until 25, because people under 25 get in significantly more car accidents because of the part of the brain that helps control impulsivity and risky behavior. Unless you can show significant proof of independent income, you can't get a credit card by yourself until 21 because the part of the brain that can calculate the long-term consequences of something like credit card debt isn't fully developed and when combined with the impulsivity, banks and the government know it's a bad decision. (1/3) -1 -1point reply Jessica Geib Jessica Geib Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 22 hours ago (2/3) - You are taking things to the extreme with your example. Again development isn't linear and different parts of the brain which are in charge of different decision making processes develop at different rates. Ask a 5-year-old if it's okay to hit their friend when they are angry, chances are they will say no, but we do not expect them to be perfect at not hitting their friend when they are angry and know they will probably make a mistake and we provide some consequences and reteach, knowing that eventually they will be able to better manage their feelings as they get older. We let 16-year-olds drive, but we don't let them have friends in their car while driving for the first 6mo because while they are still learning the can't manage the distractions. Again, car insurance rates are higher because the rate of fender benders are higher - levels of development: teens and young adults are more likely to have a higher rate of minor accidents, not necessarily serious accidents. -1 -1point reply Jessica Geib Jessica Geib Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 21 hours ago (3/3) - Even if you think about things from a pure experience perspective it still makes sense for the parents to wait a bit. For example, when training to be a pilot, first you have a teacher that you fly with, then once they feel confident you can be safe on your own, they sign you off to solo. Then you fly solo to practice maneuvers and get more comfortable. Then you test and get your private pilot license. Congratulations, you can now have passengers, HOWEVER you cannot get paid to fly people. This is because we know that the allure of making money can cloud people's judgement and you might make a decision to fly under conditions you normally wouldn't, and you don't have enough experience to handle those marginal flight conditions. Once you have flown a certain amount of hours and done additional training with an instructor, you can test for your commercial, and that allows you to fly for hire. Development isn't linear, you need to gain experience, but you also need scaffolding. -2 -2points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Is it safe to say that we can use this statement when an 18 year old killed someone? -1 -1point reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) If they could they would in court but they don’t. Guess the legal system draws the line at 18. Entitled crowd at 50. 1 1point reply Impetus Impetus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago In the United States she can't apply for financial aid on her own until she's 23. So while I agree that it's their money do with as they choose, I think there's a fundamental lack of understanding as to how big an impact this will have on her and her future. It isn't like they want her to work through school to have her value it more and plan to pay for her bachelor's after she transfers, it was straight up if you don't do what we want the offer is off the table forever. So, while they had a right to do what they did, it would sit better with me if I felt more like they understood how big of a thing it truly was, and that their daughter could have benefited more from their concern and teaching than from their withdrawal from the situation entirely. This feels petty, and a bit like they were happy to have an excuse to take the money back. 1 1point reply Praecordia Praecordia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Why are you under the impression she can’t go to school if her parents don't pay for it? 3 3points reply DAN13LG DAN13LG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago What the hell are you talking about? There is no minimum wage to apply for financial aid. Also she can simply go work for any of the thousands of companies that offer tuition assistance 3 3points reply Jessica Geib Jessica Geib Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 21 hours ago DAN13LG - yes, you can work for a company that provides tuition assistance, but they often limit where you can go and sometimes even what degrees they will pay for. You are correct that there is no minimum age to apply for fin aid, but until you are 23, you are considered a dependent and have to report your parent's income and so that can significantly impact how much aid you qualify for. https://studentaid.gov/help-center/answers/article/independent-student 1 1point reply Impetus Impetus Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago (edited) You can apply for it if you are a billionaire. But you won't get anything. 0 0points reply Nisegen Muko Nisegen Muko Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago In United States, you can find a job at the age of 18, you can get behind bars at the age of 18, you can have sex at the age of 18, you can party all night at the age of 18, you can have a family at the age of 18, and many more. So how come having a foresight is something an 18 year old cannot have? 3 3points reply Marilyn Boothe Marilyn Boothe Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 10 hours ago Wrong. My Daughter started for her Masters at the age of 19. She was considered independent student then and had to apply for her own student aid. 1 1point reply Nancy Marine Nancy Marine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 14 hours ago You are patently wrong. At the age of 18, in the United States, a person can apply for school loans. 1 1point reply SweetsEve SweetsEve Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago They understood because they saved the money. She dropped it. That's on her. 1 1point reply Marguerite White Marguerite White Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 hours ago This is simply false! She absolutely can apply for financial aid, and she can work part time. -1 -1point reply R K R K Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 day ago Anyone who spends 30k on a kitchen remodel is an a*****e. Thats not a drop in the bucket, seems like youd have to tear apart half your house and buy a shitload of expensive apliances that dont work any better then reasonably priced ones to spend 30k. I bet they even got a fridge that shows you the food so you dont have to open it. -1 -1point reply Nancy Marine Nancy Marine Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 14 hours ago What a bitter person you are. And woefully uninformed. 30k for a kitchen remodel is nothing! Kitchen remodels are mucho expensive and had they said anything less than 25k I wouldn't have believed they were doing a full remodel. 1 1point reply Load More Comments Popular on Bored Panda I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life 30 Y.O. 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