The Cool-Mom Myth HEAD TOPICS
The Cool-Mom Myth
10/21/2022 10:56:00 PM Is the default the Regular Mom that inherently undesirable unlikable and unappealing
Source New York Magazine
The existence of the “cool mom” label implies that the default, the “regular mom,” is inherently undesirable, unlikable, and unappealing. amil writes Is the default the Regular Mom that inherently undesirable unlikable and unappealing was.Which is why my satisfaction at the idea of being considered a “cool mom” — that I was so quick to embrace the idea that somehow I wasunlikea mom — quickly turned into remorse. Separating myself from the label of motherhood doesn’t separate me from the act itself; it doesn’t shield me from the labor or the costs or the judgment that comes with being a mother; it doesn’t inoculate me from the burnout of managing work and care and always kind of feeling like I’m failing at both. Sometimes when I’m out in the world without my kids, I wonder if strangers on the street can tell that I’m a mom and too often I hope that they can’t.The sheer idea of this label implies that the default, the “Regular Mom,” is inherently undesirable, unlikable, and unappealing. Read more:
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Zaikiya Duncan, mom of tortured Texas teens, posted unsettling videos of kids dancingDespite the harrowing accounts, Zaikiya Duncan portrayed the household as anything but a den of horror in social media postings, where she shared seemingly happy photos of her family. Mom of victim of suspected serial killer thanks police chief at emotional vigilPolice, community members and families of victims of the suspected Stockton serial killer congregated at Stockton City Hall for a vigil to remember the six lives lost. mothers was.tiktok.Long Island mom beat breast cancer with a smile on her face, counting down her chemotherapy journey in an uplifting video.mom may be one of the toughest tasks — but it's not impossible. Which is why my satisfaction at the idea of being considered a “cool mom” — that I was so quick to embrace the idea that somehow I was unlike a mom — quickly turned into remorse. Separating myself from the label of motherhood doesn’t separate me from the act itself; it doesn’t shield me from the labor or the costs or the judgment that comes with being a mother; it doesn’t inoculate me from the burnout of managing work and care and always kind of feeling like I’m failing at both."She recognized I spoke Spanish and, due to our shared experience of being immigrant Latina women, she felt compelled to ask about my living situation. Sometimes when I’m out in the world without my kids, I wonder if strangers on the street can tell that I’m a mom and too often I hope that they can’t. The diagnosis blindsided her following a mammogram she put off. The sheer idea of this label implies that the default, the “Regular Mom,” is inherently undesirable, unlikable, and unappealing." Instagram: @ceci. And of course this being motherhood, everything ends up being used against us eventually and the cool mom label itself is often played as a joke on the mom — she’s Amy Poehler in Mean Girls , someone so desperate to cling to her youth and her pre-mom self that she lingers a little too long in her kid’s room, wears clothing too “young” for her, and is ultimately worthy of our derision for not understanding and embracing how she should look and act. Even a cool mom isn’t allowed to be that cool. Latin women, from Latin America especially, take great pride in being homemakers, wives, and mothers."The mammogram pretty much saved my life. Still, look online and you’ll find all kinds of ways women are marketed cynical alternatives to the norm. You can get a “rebel mama” T-shirt or a “hip mommy” mug or whatever other signifier that can be slapped on some customizable merch and attached to motherhood that acts as an explanation (and an apology) for having kids in the first place. However, I also started feeling uncomfortable because I knew my previous experiences of living with male partners were significantly tougher than living alone. It’s an escape hatch, a way of eluding the default image of motherhood that tries to convince us moms are automatically boring, homely, and invisible." A cancer diagnosis is difficult for anyone. It’s an image I fear myself. I started asking hetero women of all ages what they would do differently, and many of them told me they regretted not having lived alone longer or even permanently. Sometimes when I’m out in the world without my kids, I wonder if strangers on the street can tell that I’m a mom and too often I hope that they can’t. I want to know if I carry myself in a way that automatically conveys that I spent 20 minutes this morning cutting grapes into halves and cleaning dried spaghetti off the dining-room floor. The comments on my video echo this sentiment," she said. You don't want them to grow up without their mom," said Ferrara. If you didn’t know me, would you know that when I read Where the Wild Things Are at bedtime, I do scary voices for every monster and make up funny names for them too? Why am I so quick to want to hide those parts of myself from other people? Why do I want to put a more exciting word in front of mom that will deny or at least hide the tenderness, earnestness, and vulnerability that makes up so much of this experience? Motherhood can feel like a performance. Sometimes I’m performing a version of “mom” that I think my husband and kids want; other times I’m doing it online, posting my highlights and lowlights for social media, offering up a digital parent that I hope comes across as honest yet confident and put together and happy.bendita Ceci now believes that women should not live with men unless they significantly contribute to the woman's quality of life. But just as often I’m performing for me, trying to convince myself that I know what I’m doing and that I’m still the same person I was before all of this . "I think the positivity really got me through everything," said Ferrara. Maybe I liked hearing that I’m a cool mom because half the time I don’t even know if I’m pulling off “mom. I believe that many women are socialized to caretake and be nurturing and, as it did for me, it can become maladaptive and codependent.” And yes, feeling like I was being seen as more than just a mom, momentarily relieved that maybe I hadn’t been entirely consumed by this role. What I always loved about Rowena’s mom was her ability to be so many things at once, to not deny the fulsomeness of her experience to either her children or to herself."Cleaning habits and chores should be discussed, and maybe tasks can be divided among the two of you." Ferrara is back at Northwell Health Cancer Institute in Huntington channeling that positivity into helping others. Everything that made her cool, also made her a great mom and she never pretended otherwise. I hope I can do the same. Check in regularly with each other and maybe set up a weekly or monthly time to chat about how living together feels. Stay in touch. If you don't feel anything, you still go yearly," she said. Get the Cut newsletter delivered daily Email . When living together, it's very easy to become enmeshed in your partner's life because you're together so often and do not have enough time with friends and family (not to mention therapy!).