Ask Amy How I should discuss the past with my mother HEAD TOPICS
Ask Amy How I should discuss the past with my mother
10/21/2022 2:31:00 PM In today' s Ask Amy a teen seeks advice on rebuilding a relationship with his mother
Source Chicago Tribune
In today's Ask Amy, a teen seeks advice on rebuilding a relationship with his mother. Dear Amy: I am a 16-year-old boy. I have lived with my grandparents for the last six years.I used to live with my parents, but gradually spent more time at my grandparents’ house. Dear Amy: I am a 16-year-old boy. I have lived with my grandparents for the last six years.This eventually evolved into spending entire weeks at my grandparents’, and later bringing my belongings there. I have two older siblings.It’s hard to identify if my relationship with my mother was abusive, as she never broke any laws; still, I never felt comfortable living with her, and my dad would exhaust himself at work every day and wouldn’t get home until very late at night. I forgive my mom, but I don’t know how to have a conversation with her about our past or our future, because when I try to talk about our past, she denies everything and dismisses the conversation.Dear Runaway: I’d like to applaud your bravery at finding a safe way to leave your household so that you could live in a more stable and healthier environment. To me, this does not seem like running away – at all! – but more like the behavior of a survivor who, at only 10 years old, figured out how to secure a better home life. Read more:
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Basically, I work as a computer hacker that stops computer hackers. Advertisement This eventually evolved into spending entire weeks at my grandparents’, and later bringing my belongings there. That you would spend a year and a half surrounded by a group like this tells me you must be desperate for company. I have two older siblings. Unfortunately, when it comes to me sharing things about my work, she will say, “I don’t like/understand technology” and remove herself from the conversation. I now believe that I basically ran away from home, and I don’t feel content with this decision I made when I was only 10 years old. Then he makes comments like, “Doesn’t this look good?” I’m sickened by his behavior. Advertisement It’s hard to identify if my relationship with my mother was abusive, as she never broke any laws; still, I never felt comfortable living with her, and my dad would exhaust himself at work every day and wouldn’t get home until very late at night. She simply says, “Oh it’s tech. I always have. My mom and dad are now divorced and live in separate homes. My mom has a new boyfriend.” I love how passionate she is about her career, but it hurts that I cannot share my own passion with her. She seems happier and more stable than when she had to deal with three children. I don’t expect us to go anywhere now, but it is becoming crystal clear that this place isn’t going to get me far. Now I feel even more regretful for running away. Right now I’m at the point of just saying, “Work is fine,” and moving on. *** DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I first got married, I became pregnant with twins. I will not move back in with my mother or father because my grandparents have made me feel like I belong, certainly more than my mother ever did. I forgive my mom, but I don’t know how to have a conversation with her about our past or our future, because when I try to talk about our past, she denies everything and dismisses the conversation. One: For those of us in the non-tech “people” business, your orientation might occasionally be difficult to understand. Now he’s talking about how if I want to move, I’ll be going without him because he’s happy here, and he’s happy to stay forever. So I am asking you, Amy, how I should discuss the past with my mother and try to rebuild our strained relationship for the future? – The Runaway Dear Runaway: I’d like to applaud your bravery at finding a safe way to leave your household so that you could live in a more stable and healthier environment. To me, this does not seem like running away – at all! – but more like the behavior of a survivor who, at only 10 years old, figured out how to secure a better home life. Your partner should do the same. The fact that your parents let you move to your grandparents’ house should tell you that they also believed that you were doing the right thing. I will never be happy here. Any advice? -- SENSITIVE MOM IN THE EAST DEAR MOM: You didn’t mention how old your son is. Advertisement You are such a responsible teenager, and yet like many survivors you are trying to rebuild something that you did not break. Is she also capable of learning? Advertisement When she shuts you down, you should call her on it. You did nothing wrong. Your mother will continue to deny her role in your story (she’s protecting herself). When you do that, I honestly feel hurt. — YEARNING TO FLEE DEAR YEARNING: Your husband should have been honest with you from the beginning about his feelings and ties to the community. You are the strong one, here – but understand that every person longs for loving acceptance; many kids are denied that by abusive or neglectful parents. If you want to spend time with your mom, only you can decide if contact is a good idea for you right now. You might ask her if there are ways you could engage her more fully in your profession. Every time I start a conversation, I end up feeling like I offended her. You don’t mention trying to discuss this with your grandparents. Contact Dear Abby at or P. I think you should. And, if she cannot develop a genuine interest, she should fake it politely, as you have probably been doing much of the time when she tells you about her day. They know you, they know your folks, and I think they would probably appreciate the opportunity to talk to you and comfort you. Your school counselor should also be able to hook you up with someone to talk to about this very important aspect of your life. I told him I wanted a companion for traveling and spending quality time with. Share this article:. I highly recommend author and illustrator Jarrett Krosoczka’s graphic novel, “Hey Kiddo: How I Lost My Mother, Found My Father, and Dealt with Family Addiction” (2018, Graphix). Any suggestions? -- WEIRDED OUT IN FLORIDA DEAR WEIRDED OUT: An office is not a social club. This memoir is about the author’s own challenging childhood, when he lived with his grandparents and dealt with some issues that might be similar to yours. My husband of 1-1/2 years has now joined not one but two bands. Like you, the author started piecing things together when he was a teen. He found creative ways to express his pain and confusion. Advertisement He is now scheduling “gigs” on weekend nights at various bars and clubs. Dear Amy: I have been contacted a couple of times recently by friends who want to “take” me to lunch. Advertisement I never have initiated these invites. I feel neglected, our relationship is suffering, and I’m unwilling to play second fiddle. *** Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. I am on a low fixed income, so I don’t dine out very much. Apparently to them, “taking” me to lunch means that I am buying my own lunch. I’ve tried to discuss this with him many times. Two times now, with two separate friends, they have asked for separate checks and I have been left scrambling to pay. Your thoughts? . To maintain a healthy and happy marriage, both parties should put the relationship first.