Crime Spree: Grand Theft Auto Comics Only True Fans Will Understand
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Crime Spree 27 Grand Theft Auto Comics Only True Fans Will Understand
These funny Grand Theft Auto comics will make any GTA fan LOL! Despite being a franchise steeped in mayhem, Grand Theft Auto isn't without its' moments of so-called comedy. While I am not a fan of the intentional jokes that the writers attempt to pepper in the game, some of the best sources of laughs about eh game are third party comics describing the inherent ridiculousness of the game. There are so many things for people to have an issue with in the game, whether it is the flawed logic of the barely programmed AI, the stilted dialogue or simply the near broken game mechanics. The internet can be a beautiful place where people come to collectively complain about things, and GTA is no exception. What is truly beautiful about the internet is that is is also populated with incredibly talented individuals, who put their gripes to good use to create some comedy genius. Couple that with the fact that is easier than ever to generate a comic, and you'll find that the back alleys of the web are littered with highly entertaining drawn jokes taking needless potshots at everyone's favorite crime simulator. So without much further ado, here is a comprehensive list of some of the funniest GTA inspired comics we were able to find. Be warned, since the nature of the game itself can be somewhat mature, obviously, the nature of some of these jokes are intended for adult audiences as well. What did you expect? THEGAMER VIDEO OF THE DAY That s The Power Of Money
via: memebase.cheezburger.com As much as the programmers tried to make the characters in the game react appropriately, they have never quite hit the mark (as you'll see, a huge chunk of the jokes in this list revolve around how ridiculous the AI is.) Some people overreact, some people don't react at all. Hot Dog Cart Owner is the perfect example of huge under reactions. , so this little gaffe seems funnier in the context of a shop owner prioritizing getting paid over the sanctity of life. Sure, he doesn't exactly condone the murder of multiple people, but what is more unforgivable is letting good paying customers go hungry. Besides, what are you going to do, not serve the guy who you just watch mow down have the cops in the city? If that man wants a hot dog, you give it to him. That s The Power Of Fear
via: hugelol.com This isn't even an overreaction, it physics going out the window. Sure this is probably a simple oversight of the programmers giving the same running away speed as everyone else, with no regards to what their body is actually capable of. Or maybe, this is evidence of how great the medical system is in the game. We've seen people get splattered into a million pieces only to be revived by paramedics. Maybe in this world of medical marvels, old people are old in appearance only, and when push comes to shove, they can take off with the best of them. The bigger question is, in a world where everyone is in such amazing shape, why is she so hard to catch?! Are the playing fields so even that literally everyone runs at the same pace? The more we analyze this world, the less sense it makes! This Isn t What It Looks Like
via: memebase.cheezburger.com Family members could walk by during any number of scenes in any GTA game and they would give a scorn of disapproval. If you can beat an escort with a baseball bat, then take her money, you should be able to have a loading screen that shows off a little skin. If anything, these screens and a wholesome quality to this depraved franchise, capturing some examples of natural beauty in the human form. It's basically art. Still, anyone who has actually played GTA knows that any cleavage makes up less than one percent of the game, so it can be kind of irritating when the only impression your parents get isn't an accurate depiction of the game. They think all you are doing is ogling girly pictures in a video game, when you are doing much more constructive things like using a flamethrower to destroy a police station. Normal stuff, really. Started At The Bottom
via: memebase.cheezburger.com The delivering pizza side quest minigame is an awesome addition, I don't care what anyone says. Disobeying even the most sensible of traffic laws so that someone can get their hot pizza pie quickly will always be side-splittingly hilarious. Doing the whole thing on a scooter only makes for double the laughs, especially when you run over a few people along the way. It doesn't make a lot of sense why someone with all that money and power would still be slinging pies, but I have heard of stupider hobbies. I mean, rich people go bird watching, and if that is a legitimate way to spend your time, then crimelords are allowed to deliver pizza. Honestly, which one makes more sense to you, a billionaire who collects stamps or a criminal mastermind who transports delicious food from one end of the city to the other while running all the red lights? You be the judge. Niko Is A Complex Man
via: memebase.cheezburger.com It's going to be hard to justify why Niko acts so disparately, so let's just chalk it up to him being completely insane. Just, like, totally nuts. How else can a man be brooding over the killing that has happened at his hands, how can a man seem to be actually remorseful for some of the heinous acts he committed before coming to the city, then go out and blow up seventeen cars in a row for seemingly no reason? Cutscenes in sandbox games are a fickle mistress, on the one hand, they add a depth to the game that would be sorely missed if it was removed. On the other hand, be adding motivations and morals to a character, it kind of hobbles the player into either conforming to those exact morals for continuity, or sacrificing any sort of plot cohesion when they act like a savage monster out in the streets. Unless they want to program the character to be a psychopath, like they did with Trevor. It s Like I m In The Game
via: hugelol.com Remember all the cool features they shoveled into GTA V? Remember the yoga? The golf? The stocks? The stuff that exists in the real world? Remember how much fun all of that was? You don't? Yeah, I haven't heard one person be grateful for all of these mundane editions. If you are, feel free to let me know. I suppose the developers were trying to really capture the essence of living in a world, not just an exciting one, but a world where you spend the down moments not filled with crime by being a normal boring person. But if I wanted to be boring, would I be playing a video game? Couldn't I just go out and be boring? I do that already and I don't need to pay to do it. That's like me shelling out good hard cash for a tax season paperwork simulator. I Might Be This Friend
via: imgur.com Possibly everyone's favorite scene from San Andreas, Big Smoke's now infamous order probably has more fans than some of the earlier games. This here is one of the only examples of the writing in GTA actually being able to get an intentional laugh. There is no way a single person is ever going to eat all that food, I don't even care or know what those specials are. All I need to know is that they are from a place called Cluckin' Bell, and you would be dead from a coronary before you got halfway through all that food. Can we also marvel at the fact that the menu goes all the way up to 45? Have you ever been to a fast food restaurant that had a numbered special that went up past 12? Also worth mentioning: don't be that friend, no matter how good the menu looks. There Are Two Kinds Of Players
via: memebase.cheezburger.com This is truly an example of some serious GTA Online magic. On the one hand, we have the first player who is simply trying to capture some of the majesty of a sunset taken from a seaside cliff. A rare moment of singular beauty in the world centered around crime (it's in the title, don't even try to argue with me.) They wanted nothing more than to share with a friend the tranquility they had found within the game. Then there's the kind of person like player 2, who is here for one reason and one reason alone: to murder. And not just murder some random citizens, no, Player 2 sought out a friend of theirs, meticulously stalking them to a secluded area. While Player 1 was soaking up the scenery, their friend has had them in their crosshairs, finger on the trigger. As far as the last thing you see before you die, this isn't that bad. How Heavy Are Those Weights
via: memebase.cheezburger.com So the world of GTA never exactly seemed like the healthiest place to live. Forget the fact that the air to bullet ratio is extremely deadly, there's also the fact that I have literally never seen a single character eat a salad. Literally all you eat is fast food, and in fact, you get rewarded for this behaviour with recovered health. So it makes sense that they would at least counteract this kind of lifestyle with a little bit of exercise (outside of dodging bullets every three minutes.) Where things get a little weird is that the amount of effort you need to put into working out is less than nothing. I remember being more challenged by my Ninth Grade gym teacher, so when you get results from a few light free weights that normally take months of intense training, and the liberal use of steroids, the whole thing seems off. I Need That Recipe
via: hugelol.com As often as you get hurt in these games, it makes sense that you are really going to need to heal often (or just die, which isn't that big a deal in these games). And what's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of healing food? If you answered fried chicken, congratulations, your brain is on the same level as these developers. Healing mechanics in games are always hard to pull off with any sort of realism, so usually, you need to sacrifice immersion for fun gameplay. It's hard to justify why there would be health packs scattered throughout the city, too, so the next option is to make it so health is acquired by food. But maybe choose an actual healthy food, or maybe not a type of food that almost everyone associates with obesity? I don't know, maybe I'm just jealous friend chicken in the real world tends to kill you rather than heal you. Is There A Problem Officer
via: hugelol.com Alright, so the justice system might not always work out in your favor in this game. Sure, you usually escape any sort of lasting jailtime for what are some pretty heinous crimes, but the cops are usually pretty thirsty themselves. One has to wonder if this is a deliberate game mechanic added as commentary for the reality of the game. Maybe the cops recognize you from before? Maybe they remember ending you for the last crime you committed, and they are terrified that an undead super criminal is back on the streets? Maybe they know that you won't actually go to jail, so they try to dole out their own form of street justice? Whatever the reason the cops have for excessive force, it definitely adds a sense of tension to an already tense game. I Don t Know What To Believe
via: hugelol.com The original Grand Theft Auto game came out way back in 1997, so for a franchise that has been running that long, there have been a lot of changes from generation to generation. What started as a top-down view game that amounted to little more than mindless carnage, the modern iteration looks almost nothing like how it was first conceived. Not all updates are for the better though. For a game that relies so heavily on vehicle to vehicle damage, you'd think that they might have been able to iron all the kinks that come from crashes. As this comic illustrates, different games come with their own physical limits, from cars instantaneously becoming flaming wrecks to cars being flung into the stratosphere if it comes within three inches of something that even resembles a ramp. It's interesting to think about what other kind of insanity will come from the next game that comes out in the series. Must Be Hardwood
via: hugelol.com People aren't the only things with wildly inconsistent abilities in GTA. Vehicles and the environment have always had a pretty tense relationship, with certain surroundings having an arbitrary fragility or strength. Sometimes, you can blast through things like they were made of butter, like lamp posts or mailboxes. It can be pretty satisfying to feel unstoppable as you cut a swathe of wreckage through the city. Other times, you can barrel down on something that should collapse under the might of your vehicle, only to find out that the game has apparently deemed this object as impervious to all harm. While the comic likes to showcase the notorious inability to destroy a tree, the biggest example for me that I can recall is when you drive full speed at a volleyball net only to absolutely wreck your car. When something could be easily dismantled by my actual, real world, flesh body, but manages to decommission my digital tank, it kind of ruins my immersion. Multiplayer Ruins Everything
via: imgur.com Before online multiplayer became the principle reason for owning GTA, for the most part, all players had to enjoy were the free roam and the storyline. Now, weird and fun vehicles are fairly commonplace in modern GTA games, but they have been relegated to the online action between players. But before this modern trend, free-roam was the place to be. The above comic perfectly encapsulates the insane additions programmers added to the out of the way corners of the map. I'm not one to say that things were better in the good old days, but it is hard to argue that there was a little more effort, a little more tender love and care put into programming the free roam maps in the games of yore. When easter eggs were still a fun thing to look for, and the concentration wasn't focused on simply larger maps with less to interact with inside them. Ever Been So Angry You Drown Yourself
via: memebase.cheezburger.com So it's normal for human life to be cheap in these games, with very little regard given to the safety of others, sometimes in car chases, other times in fights. It's a callous world where people are expendable and chaos rules supreme, I get that. What I don't get is how you can ever live in a world so full of bloodshed to you have absolutely zero sense of self-preservation. The cops in some GTA games exhibit a dedication to the pursuit of justice (or at least the punishment of criminals) that borders on insane. If, while fleeing, you end up in the water, for whatever reasons, the cops would refuse to get out of their cars and swim towards you, or even line the shores. Instead, they will send car after car plummeting into the watery abyss, only for the kamikaze drivers to never surface, sealing their fate. Are We Having Fun Yet
via: imgur.com Alright, it might seem like I have a bone to pick with multiplayer, and that is only mildly true. I think the ability to play games with people from across the world, bonding over a mutual love of video games, is a beautiful thing. Any franchise that tries to give global audiences a chance to use teamwork to overcome well written problems is doing great work in my book. But the technology is far from perfect at this point in history. The perfect storm of issues like human error and technical limitations make the online experience one that leaves a lot to be desired. When more than half of your time is spent waiting for something, anything to happen, it somewhat stops being fun. Of course, multiplayer gets better and better in leaps and bounds every year, so let's keep our eyes peeled for the day when multiplayer is only frustrating because the other players are clearly cheating. Should ve Been More Specific Than Don t Shoot
via: memebase.cheezburger.com Can someone answer me one thing? Why does Passive Mode even exist? To better enjoy the scenery? To protect you while you get from point A to B? If that's the case, why are you still able to be hurt at all? What is this crazy thing called Passive Mode? Will we ever have answers?! Now that my mini-meltdown is over, let's talk details. If you want to be left alone and enjoy the sandbox aspect of a game, choose a different game. Go play Breath of the Wild, it's gorgeous. The cities in GTA, while being technological marvels of programming, are not exactly breathtaking. If you want to just be left alone while trying to get to a specific point in the game, I got news for you, junior, it isn't that kind of game. Danger lurks around every corner, and that was the world you signed up for. Were They Ever Heroic
via: imgur.com Take-Two Interactive can be a pretty derisive subject for a lot of gamers. For most people, they are simply a video game publishing company behind some of the greatest video games of all time, like Red Dead Redemption, Bully, and BioShock. For me, that's enough of a reason to not totally label them as the bad guy in this scenario, but I can understand why a few people might get fed up with their antics every now and then. I think what most people have an issue with is that they do their level best to remove mods from their games. For many people, these mods are the only reason to buy the games in the first place, making them far more enjoyable than the original product. People pour hours into these mods, and for a company to aggressively seek them out and shut them down seems like a heartless power-play from a money hungry corporation. Don t Do It Again
via: memebase.cheezburger.com I like to imagine that the people you play as in these games has the most honest face ever, so people keep on being lenient with them. You get caught for stealing all the money ever, and you shot your way through half the city. After a small fine, the cops take one look at your roguish smile and decide you can be trusted to not do it again. Which, or course, you promptly do, otherwise, there's no point in even playing. So yeah, not the most realistic scenario, but this is a game where jetpacks are easier to get your hands on than a salad. Also, the Statue of Happiness has giant, chained up beating heart inside it, so our suspension of disbelief clearly has zero limits when it comes to this franchise. So as long as this one legal loophole exists, I will never have a problem exploiting it. This Is My Jam
via: memebase.cheezburger.com There are thousands of things to complain about in the GTA series, but the music is definitely not one of them. With a fully fleshed out selection of real time radio stations built in game, the library contained therein is both huge and entertaining. With modern rock and rap songs, classical melodies and more 80s hits than you can shake a keytar at, there's a little something for everyone. So it comes as no surprise when something you have never heard before, or haven't heard in ages, but you instantly love comes on the radio, you aren't in a huge rush to step out of your car into a hail of bullets. To me, this is such a realistic reaction to good songs on the radio that it adds to the immersion. I know that I've been a few minutes late to work on more than one occasion because I was simply rocking out in the car, freaking out everyone in the parking lot.