How to Help Aging Parent With Finances and Housing Javascript must be enabled to use this site. Please enable Javascript in your browser and try again. × Search search POPULAR SEARCHES SUGGESTED LINKS Join AARP for just $9 per year when you sign up for a 5-year term. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Leaving AARP.org Website You are now leaving AARP.org and going to a website that is not operated by AARP. A different privacy policy and terms of service will apply. Close
A Worried Son s Dilemma for a Mom Who is Reluctant to Change
How to tend to an aging parent s finances and housing
Trevor Paulhus; Jensen Larson; Shutterstock The Problem
How do you plan for assisted living? After Clara Gonzalez, 87, (nothing broken), that was the question from her son, Ramon, 56. Like so many family matters, this one is complicated. First, by location: Clara, fiercely independent, owns a condo in Orlando, Florida, with none of her three sons nearby. Second, by benefits: Ramon thought his mother could sell her place and use the expected $100,000 in proceeds to cover living costs. But he wondered whether that windfall would reduce her coverage or benefits. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. The Advice
Financial questions often open the door to questions that are not so financial at all. That became clear in a four-way phone call between Ramon, Clara, a Spanish-speaking interpreter and me. While Ramon thought his mother should move right away to an assisted living facility in Georgia near one of his brothers, Clara disagreed. Maybe someday, she conceded, but for now she wanted to stay in Orlando. This sort of disconnect happens all the time, says David York, an estate planning attorney and coauthor of Entrusted: Building a Legacy That Lasts. “[The son feels] guilt that he’s living his own life,” York says, and he worries about things going wrong for his parent. The result: Children jump to make a change that the parent doesn’t want. “Too often in my profession we’re about the how and the what without thinking about the who and the why,” York says. In this case, he suggests the family figure out how to keep Clara safe and connected in a place where she wants to live — and provide reassurance to Ramon that she’s doing OK. Technology can help, says Kristen Hanich, director of research for broadband and health care at the market research firm Parks Associates. She suggested a where home Wi-Fi can be used to detect if a parent isn’t moving around as is typical, or a smartwatch loaded with an app that can detect a fall and send an alert. York also suggested hiring a caretaker to do a wellness check a few times a week or looking into Meals on Wheels, which can provide a social experience as well as a healthy meal. Groceries 20% off a Freshly meal delivery subscription See more Groceries offers > The Outcome
When I last checked in, Ramon said Clara was still not ready to move. He’s crossing his fingers that her next incident will be minor — but still trigger her to agree to needed changes. He’s standing by to sell the house and use the money for assisted living in Georgia. Meanwhile, he was looking into more ways to keep Clara safe and connected in her current home. Ramon is doing the right things, notes Joe Coughlin, director of the MIT AgeLab. The goal is what he calls “household resilience”: Recognizing that someday something will need to happen, and preparing in advance to deal with that situation. MORE FROM AARP AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe AARP VALUE & MEMBER BENEFITS See more Finances offers > See more Vision Benefits offers > See more Retirement offers > See more Technology & Wireless offers > SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS