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6 Ways to Keep Your Cool When You re Angry

We re madder than ever Experts suggest healthy ways to handle frustration

Mint Images / Getty Images Will Smith may have landed a slap at the that was seen (and heard) around the world, but most of us have also found ourselves in situations where our anger was simply too hot for us to handle. In fact, it was a phenomenon we were experiencing even before the pandemic. A found that 84 percent of Americans thought the country was angrier then than it was a generation ago — with over 40 percent confessing that they were angrier in the previous 12 months than they’d been in years. Similarly, a 2021 American Psychological Association found that 84 percent of Americans reported experiencing emotions associated with prolonged stress, with almost 40 percent of them saying they felt anger.
“There’s a sense of increased frustration. While was part of it, it was there even before the pandemic,” says Bernard Golden, a Chicago psychotherapist and founder of Anger Management Education. But holding onto this rage isn’t good for either your mental or — in fact, it’s been linked to high blood pressure, heart disease, chronic pain and stroke. The effects are particularly pronounced in older adults: A published in the journal Psychology and Aging found that anger may be more harmful to older individuals’ physical health than sadness. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. AARP Membership — $12 for your first year when you sign up for Automatic Renewal Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. . Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of six. “This slows down your heart rate, which in turn helps your body relax,” explains Golden. To make it more effective, he recommends that you repeat a pair of words like “stop, go,” or “green light, red light.” These types of mindfulness-based exercises have been shown to be very effective: A published in the journal Mindfulness, for example, found that more mindful individuals had better heart rates and lower blood pressure during conflict.​ 3. Check in with your anger. Take a moment to rate your anger, using a scale of one to 10, advises Stephen Dansiger, a Los Angeles psychotherapist and author of Mindfulness for Anger Management. This helps redirect your brain from an emotional response to a logical response, he says. It can also help you determine if there’s real cause for your anger, or you are overreacting. If, after checking in, your rage is a six or higher, walk away from the situation, he advises. “You don’t want this to turn into a nine,” he says. AARP Membership — $12 for your first year when you sign up for Automatic Renewal Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. , like going for a , is very effective at reducing anger: Research has shown that the more physically fit people are, the less prone they are to rage. It also helps raise levels of brain chemicals such as endorphins, which boost mood, Golden points out. Just remember that it’s not a panacea. A small 2019 study published in the journal Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise found that a 30-minute moderate to intense workout did reduce anger among men prone to flying off the handle. But the emotions returned later — although hopefully by then the subjects had more time to process them. “The hope is once you’ve calmed down enough, you can come up with strategies to turn your anger into something productive,” explains Golden.​

What to do if you re at the receiving end

If someone flies off the handle at you, it can be frustrating, even terrifying. But there are ways to de-escalate the situation. The first step is to walk away if you can, says Golden. If you can’t, talk in a quiet voice. “Don’t say ‘calm down,’ which is an often well-meaning phrase but can antagonize someone,” advises Pauline Wallin, a psychologist in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania. Don’t try to argue back or prove your point. Instead, tell them that you realize that they are upset, and that you will sit down and talk with them when they are ready. Once they have calmed down, you can have a discussion, says Wallin. Oftentimes, this is enough to decrease tension. But if it doesn’t, or if it happens frequently, it’s a red flag that you are in an unhealthy situation, Golden says. Your loved one may need anger management counseling, and you may need to seek help as well. Hallie Levine is a contributing writer and an award-winning medical and health reporter. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Consumer Reports, Real Simple, Health and Time, among other publications. More on health AARP Membership — $12 for your first year when you sign up for Automatic Renewal Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. AARP VALUE & MEMBER BENEFITS See more Health & Wellness offers > See more Flights & Vacation Packages offers > See more Finances offers > See more Health & Wellness offers > SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS