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Are You Ready to Move Your Aging Parent Into Your Home

Before assuming the role of full-time family caregiver pose these key questions

Getty Images Are you thinking about caring for an aging loved one in your home ? The best way to consider all that is involved in this major decision is to pose the right questions to the right people.
We reached out to top home caregiving experts nationwide and asked them to help frame the key questions that need to be asked before the boxes are packed. “Asking these questions ahead of time can help prevent confusion, misunderstandings, miscommunications and make the entire process go more smoothly,” says Amy Goyer, author of , and AARP’s family and caregiving expert. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. While no list of questions can be comprehensive — particularly during an ongoing — this represents an important start before embarking on a life-changing act that will deeply affect everyone involved. Perhaps the single most unasked question, according to Gary Powell, founder and executive director of The Caregiver Foundation , is: “Can I really do this?”

Questions to ask yourself

No set of questions is more critical than those that you must pose to yourself before someone needing care moves into your home. “There are no simple answers,” says Pamela D. Wilson, a caregiving expert, advocate and speaker . But the questions need to be asked, she says. Among them: How long am I willing to be a caregiver?How will meals be handled , and by whom?How will they be cared for when I must leave the house for several hours?What specific boundaries am I setting before they move in?What exactly am I willing to give up — from family vacations to my children’s college funding to my own job — in exchange for this move?How will this impact my own financial, ?How will this impact my marriage?How will this impact my retirement? Is my home a safe place for them to be ? O r are required?Will my family and I still have some privacy once they move in?Should I accept any money from my parents?Is this move really the best option?Will my parent thrive — or just survive — in my home?

Questions to ask the person who would be moving in

at my home?Will you agree to be honest with me if something is bothering you?Will you give me the legal ability to speak with your doctors, lawyer, accountant and financial adviser by creating ?If we find this arrangement isn’t working out for either of us, how would you like to handle it?I know you may not always agree with the actions of my spouse and my children. Will you be able to hold back on being overtly critical of them?

Questions to ask your spouse

Entertainment $3 off popcorn and soft drink combos See more Entertainment offers > If your spouse or significant other is an unwilling partner in the caregiving arrangement, don’t do it, Wilson says. “A lot of divorces happen due to these in-law [caregiving ] issues,” she says. But if they are willing, here are some important questions to explore: If we agree to take care of my parent, will we also agree to take care of yours?How will we divide up roles in caregiving for my parent?If you start getting frustrated or angry, how will you handle it? Are you open to counseling to help us through bumpy patches?If you change your mind — or it gets too hard — will you tell me and will you be open to getting help to come up with a solution?

Questions to ask children living at home

Are you OK with ? If not, what are you r concerns?Are you willing to participate in their care? If so, to what extent?Are you OK knowing there may be less time — or less money — to do some things at times, like fewer or shorter family vacations?Do you understand that I may have less time to help you with homework or outside activities? How does that make you feel?What excites you about grandma or grandpa moving in?

Questions to ask your siblings

AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe . If so, what are the details?How can my parent set up powers of attorney for finances and health care advance directives?

Financial Advis er

Does my parent have the money to help pay for living expenses and home care?Does my parent have any debt or financial complications I should know about?

Eldercare Consultant

Is Medicaid an option?What home- and community-based services are available for them?

Physical Therapist or Aging-in-Place Specialist

Will I need to make modifications to my home? Too often, Powell says, the adult children make decisions for their parents based on what is perceived (or misperceived), and fail to factor in what Mom or Dad would prefer. That's why taking the time to ask — and get answers to — all these questions ahead of time is a gift to your parents and yourself. More on caregiving AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe AARP VALUE & MEMBER BENEFITS See more Health & Wellness offers > See more Flights & Vacation Packages offers > See more Finances offers > See more Health & Wellness offers > SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS