5 Ways to Approach Forgiveness in Your Life
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Just ask Beth Bruno, 59, from Blacksburg South Carolina, who has looked at forgiveness — including self-forgiveness — from lots of angles. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Bruno separated from her husband when her daughter was 14. Over the next four years, as Bruno tried to recalibrate, her daughter grew angry and, at 18, chose to cut ties with her mother. That decision, in 2011, shocked and devastated Bruno. It took years, but she eventually came out of a “bottomless depression” once she realized she didn’t have to be perfect. “Yes, I made mistakes, but that did not make me a worthless human being,” Bruno says. “It was a long process of forgiving myself over and over and over again, until I finally got to a place where I felt worthy of love and acceptance.” Forgiving others and seeking forgiveness can be especially complex in families and long-term friendships, when there are years of feelings and relationship histories to navigate. That’s because forgiveness is tied up in identity and connection. It’s messy and heavy, and research into the process “has continued not just to grow but to accelerate,” reports Virginia Commonwealth University Commonwealth Professor Emeritus Everett L. Worthington Jr., who has spent his career studying the subject. Worthington became interested in forgiveness through his work — and after a tragedy in his own life. He has done several studies on a forgiveness protocol he helped develop when his mother was murdered , and he worked through that protocol (see sidebar ) himself to ultimately forgive the man who took his mother's life. All sides of the forgiveness equation require vulnerability, Worthington says. On one hand, for example, asking for forgiveness can come with potential rejection . On the other, “ If I’m the one admitting wrongdoing, that really challenges my ego.”
5 Ways to Approach Forgiveness and Forgiving in Your Life
Healing conflict with children spouses friends — and within yourself — provides peace of mind
Carol Yepes/Getty Images They say forgiveness is a virtue, which sounds honorable enough. But it can be tough to give — and to receive.Just ask Beth Bruno, 59, from Blacksburg South Carolina, who has looked at forgiveness — including self-forgiveness — from lots of angles. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Bruno separated from her husband when her daughter was 14. Over the next four years, as Bruno tried to recalibrate, her daughter grew angry and, at 18, chose to cut ties with her mother. That decision, in 2011, shocked and devastated Bruno. It took years, but she eventually came out of a “bottomless depression” once she realized she didn’t have to be perfect. “Yes, I made mistakes, but that did not make me a worthless human being,” Bruno says. “It was a long process of forgiving myself over and over and over again, until I finally got to a place where I felt worthy of love and acceptance.” Forgiving others and seeking forgiveness can be especially complex in families and long-term friendships, when there are years of feelings and relationship histories to navigate. That’s because forgiveness is tied up in identity and connection. It’s messy and heavy, and research into the process “has continued not just to grow but to accelerate,” reports Virginia Commonwealth University Commonwealth Professor Emeritus Everett L. Worthington Jr., who has spent his career studying the subject. Worthington became interested in forgiveness through his work — and after a tragedy in his own life. He has done several studies on a forgiveness protocol he helped develop when his mother was murdered , and he worked through that protocol (see sidebar ) himself to ultimately forgive the man who took his mother's life. All sides of the forgiveness equation require vulnerability, Worthington says. On one hand, for example, asking for forgiveness can come with potential rejection . On the other, “ If I’m the one admitting wrongdoing, that really challenges my ego.”