Reasons Your Marriage May Need a Retreat
Reasons Your Marriage May Need a Retreat Javascript must be enabled to use this site. Please enable Javascript in your browser and try again. × Search search POPULAR SEARCHES SUGGESTED LINKS Join AARP for just $9 per year when you sign up for a 5-year term. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Leaving AARP.org Website You are now leaving AARP.org and going to a website that is not operated by AARP. A different privacy policy and terms of service will apply.
For example, Marriage Boot Camp in Allen and Plano, Texas, advertises that it uses more than 120 “interactive games and drills designed to help participants address and deal with their baggage, damage and issues." Experts, like Kathy McMahon, founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc., which hosts marriage retreats in 32 states and in Canada, Ireland and Australia, suggest working with professionals , and who are listed in well-respected directories, such as the National Registry of Marriage-Friendly Therapists and the Gottman Referral Network. Israel and Cathie Helfand Courtesy Scott Metzger The Helfands host guests in the tiny village of Cabot, Vermont, on a working farm with lambs, calves and chickens. Their three-day program, which includes 10 hours of intensive work, costs $12,000 on weekdays and $15,000 when dates straddle a weekend. A family history for each partner is collected to help clarify goals and prepare couples for the experience.
Uninhibited the Helfands say that sex is a topic that comes up most often. Between 60 percent and 70 percent of the couples have dealt with some form of infidelity. Others deal with performance challenges, low libido or lack of interest. for couples because testosterone levels decline as men age and cause changes in sexual function. Men often are resistant to talk about those changes openly. "Women can and do fake arousal and orgasm with a few well-placed ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs,’ but men can't,” says Israel Helfand, who's also a certified sex therapist. “Their sex organs are out for the world to see, and it doesn't take more than one or two or three bad experiences for them to sexually shut down." Entertainment 30% off a 1-year subscription See more Entertainment offers > Part of couples’ on-site homework may be to have fun with a dirty word list, for example, or to experiment with a supplied bottle of oil. Adverse childhood experiences are another major factor in rocky relationships. A psychodramatic technique called “doubling” involves one of the Helfands taking on the role of a client, acting as an inner voice. This can be helpful if someone is really angry. "If all they can do is blame and judge and accuse, we show them how to say the same thing in a positive, effective, assertive way,” explains Cathie Helfand, 67, who has degrees in counseling and in human development and family studies. “This can also be helpful if someone is shut down and not aware of what they are feeling."
"No matter what color you are or what your ethnic background is, you're always in a multicultural relationship,” she says. “Each individual comes from their own family of origin, and when two people blend under one roof, they are bringing their culture with them." That means the way couples speak and communicate love and disappointment may be different — and disconnected. Forestal is founder of Relationship Rescue Academy, where retreats range between $3,200 and $6,500 for stays between two and five days. Clients who register for a retreat above two days receive some individual work as well. AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe More on home-family AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS
Reasons Your Marriage Might Need a Retreat Yes Sex Is One of Them
Address some of the 10 most common breakup factors with these intensive counseling sessions
Getty Images Want to rekindle your — or overhaul it completely? A marriage retreat may help. Whether private and customized or offered in a group setting, marriage retreats are designed to give struggling spouses practical tools to communicate better, overcome conflict and connect on a deeper level — away from troubling patterns at home. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Some are held seaside, others in rural farmhouses. Some are faith-based, others incorporate tantric philosophies. There are as many different approaches to marriage retreats as there are approaches to marriage. No matter the format, these intensive getaways allow couples to truly focus on their relationship and nothing else. "I refer to this as warp speed therapy,” says Israel Helfand, 66, a licensed marriage and family therapist who, with his wife, Cathie Helfand, facilitates Marriage Quest retreats at their homestead in rural Northern Vermont. “We're getting a lot of work done in a short period of time, and in the majority of cases, we're figuring out whether this marriage can survive and thrive. Some couples are happier in the long run if they let go and move on."Addressing sexual dissatisfaction
10 Reasons Marriages Fail
People struggle in their marriages for a variety of reasons. But a study from the National Center for Biotechnology Information and found these to be some of the most common factors. 1. Lack of commitment 2. Infidelity 3. Arguing and conflict 4. Getting married too young 5. Financial problems 6. Substance abuse 7. Domestic violence 8. Health issues 9. Lack of family support 10. Religious differences Depending on the setting or length of stay, marriage retreats can range from several hundred dollars to $10,000 and up. Typically couples — look for those who are licensed — on how to identify issues affecting their marriage, communicate effectively and set goals for the relationship. Some retreats work only with one couple at a time; others are held in group settings. Some have nightly homework; others don't. Most last from two to five days.For example, Marriage Boot Camp in Allen and Plano, Texas, advertises that it uses more than 120 “interactive games and drills designed to help participants address and deal with their baggage, damage and issues." Experts, like Kathy McMahon, founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc., which hosts marriage retreats in 32 states and in Canada, Ireland and Australia, suggest working with professionals , and who are listed in well-respected directories, such as the National Registry of Marriage-Friendly Therapists and the Gottman Referral Network. Israel and Cathie Helfand Courtesy Scott Metzger The Helfands host guests in the tiny village of Cabot, Vermont, on a working farm with lambs, calves and chickens. Their three-day program, which includes 10 hours of intensive work, costs $12,000 on weekdays and $15,000 when dates straddle a weekend. A family history for each partner is collected to help clarify goals and prepare couples for the experience.
Uninhibited the Helfands say that sex is a topic that comes up most often. Between 60 percent and 70 percent of the couples have dealt with some form of infidelity. Others deal with performance challenges, low libido or lack of interest. for couples because testosterone levels decline as men age and cause changes in sexual function. Men often are resistant to talk about those changes openly. "Women can and do fake arousal and orgasm with a few well-placed ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs,’ but men can't,” says Israel Helfand, who's also a certified sex therapist. “Their sex organs are out for the world to see, and it doesn't take more than one or two or three bad experiences for them to sexually shut down." Entertainment 30% off a 1-year subscription See more Entertainment offers > Part of couples’ on-site homework may be to have fun with a dirty word list, for example, or to experiment with a supplied bottle of oil. Adverse childhood experiences are another major factor in rocky relationships. A psychodramatic technique called “doubling” involves one of the Helfands taking on the role of a client, acting as an inner voice. This can be helpful if someone is really angry. "If all they can do is blame and judge and accuse, we show them how to say the same thing in a positive, effective, assertive way,” explains Cathie Helfand, 67, who has degrees in counseling and in human development and family studies. “This can also be helpful if someone is shut down and not aware of what they are feeling."
Cheaper than a divorce
Tanika Forestal, a licensed family therapist in Kokomo, Indiana, recommends arriving at the retreat with a “teachable, self-improvement” mind-set. Too often, she says, clients show up hoping the therapist will encourage changes only in their partner. Tanika Forestal Courtesy Tanika Forestal Courtesy Tanika Forestal Tanika Forestal Blended family takes on a new meaning when family therapist Forestal describes her approach with marriage retreat clients in the Indiana countryside."No matter what color you are or what your ethnic background is, you're always in a multicultural relationship,” she says. “Each individual comes from their own family of origin, and when two people blend under one roof, they are bringing their culture with them." That means the way couples speak and communicate love and disappointment may be different — and disconnected. Forestal is founder of Relationship Rescue Academy, where retreats range between $3,200 and $6,500 for stays between two and five days. Clients who register for a retreat above two days receive some individual work as well. AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe More on home-family AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS