8 Ways to Reconnect With Your Grandkids Javascript must be enabled to use this site. Please enable Javascript in your browser and try again. × Search search POPULAR SEARCHES SUGGESTED LINKS Join AARP for just $9 per year when you sign up for a 5-year term. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Leaving AARP.org Website You are now leaving AARP.org and going to a website that is not operated by AARP. A different privacy policy and terms of service will apply.

8 Ways to Get to Know the Grandkids Again After Pandemic Distancing

Grandchildren may have gained new skills interests or moved into a new developmental stage

Getty Images Like many grandparents, Jackie Dishner spent the 15 months of restrictions doing only occasional drive-by visits or video chats with her four grandchildren. So when she , her 4-year-old granddaughter assumed she didn't know her way around. Making a sweeping gesture with her arm, she announced she could guide her grandmother to the bathroom. "She forgot I knew where their bathroom was, “ says Dishner, who lives in Phoenix. “They're young, so it's crazy how much kids grow in a year.” Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Dishner's experience illustrates how the left its mark in both minor and major ways. Many grandparents missed more than a year of their grandchildren's lives or . And now as they reconnect, their grandchildren are not who they were in March 2020. The pre-pandemic toddler has become a confident preschooler. The goofy middle schooler has turned into a sullen teenager. And the teenager is a college student, perhaps sporting a new tattoo. Jackie Dishner and her husband Richard Albrecht have reconnected with their grandchildren. Courtesy Jackie Dishner "People are having to find each other again,” says Lisa Ibekwe, a licensed clinical social worker, anger management specialist and CEO at the Comfy Place, a therapy practice in the Atlanta area. Even those who once had close relationships may need to get to know each other again, because “the reality is we've all been closed off for so long that a lot of people have come out of this experience different.” That includes grandchildren. Grandparents trying to reconnect with their grandchildren need to start by accepting that everyone has been changed by the pandemic, Ibekwe says. A year is a long time in a child's life, even in “normal” times — kids gain new skills, find new interests, move into another developmental stage. They may not connect with grandparents the same way they used to. And they also may have experienced pandemic-induced trauma. Grandparents are also different people than they were before COVID-19 and might react differently, in good or difficult ways, to their grandchildren. "Nobody's going to come out of it the same person they were when they went in — even the youngest child who seems like life has maintained some type of normalcy,” Ibekwe says. “Because of how the brain works, everybody is going to be modified from this experience." Entertainment $3 off popcorn and soft drink combos See more Entertainment offers > Grandparents, however, can be critical to the pandemic recovery process, she says. “. It's like that soft pillow on the bed you always kind of go to.” Grandparents need to be good listeners and validate their grandchildren's feelings, Ibekwe adds. Don't be offended if a grandchild's tastes have changed and they no longer love your special recipe, or they've entered the teen years and no longer want to take a walk with you. “Make sure that as you're interacting with the child, they feel heard, they feel seen," Ibekwe says. That empowers children to advocate for themselves, she says. Grandparents also need to reassure children who might be worried about another pandemic or another round of social distancing restrictions, she says. “As a grandparent, you are supporting them and loving them and just helping ease the anxiety in their system by being present, by keeping in touch, by checking on them, by just letting them know that they're loved,” Ibekwe says. How can you apply Ibekwe's advice to reconnect with your grandkids? Here are some suggestions from her and other experts:

1 Be patient and persistent but not pushy

Jane Greenberg, a retired psychologist who lives in suburban Philadelphia and has five grandchildren, wanted to reconnect with her 22-month-old granddaughter by riding with her to day care. But the toddler balked at Greenberg getting in the back seat. So Greenberg backed off a day and then tried it again. Her granddaughter eventually relaxed. “You have to know how comfortable they are with you,” says Greenberg, who used to run a therapy practice with her husband and worked with people of all ages, including parents. It's OK to negotiate, but let grandkids set the agenda, she says. “I think that's hard for some grandparents.” AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe More on home-family AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe AARP VALUE & MEMBER BENEFITS See more Health & Wellness offers > See more Flights & Vacation Packages offers > See more Finances offers > See more Health & Wellness offers > SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS