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Choose the Family Caregivers Who Will Help When You Need Them

Consider personality traits and skills when selecting your future legal representatives

GCShutter/Getty Images The older we become, the more likely it is that we will need some help with our day-to-day life and finances. Most family caregivers are tasked with some degree of and for their care partners. It's important to consider who your caregivers will be and give them the authority to help you with these tasks without having to go to court to get it. The way to do this is by appointing your legal representatives in estate planning documents. As an attorney, I walk clients through planning consultations every day. We spend a lot of time deliberating who should be appointed to serve in important roles like executors and trustees, and flesh out those duties in a well-rounded estate plan. Each of these roles is a type of caregiving. And while I can offer suggestions and help guide the deliberations, the final decision is always up to the client. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. The decision process is not to be taken lightly. The caregivers you name in your estate planning documents may someday have control over the medical care you receive, your assets and property, and even where you live and how you spend your days. Without valid legal documents, you will be leaving the decision up to your state's proxy, guardianship or conservatorship laws. And the may not be whom you would want. Naming your representatives while you are of sound mind will prevent that undesirable result and gives you control over your affairs — even when you can't speak for yourself. These tips will help you with the decision-making process to determine who the right representatives are to best serve your interests in life and beyond.

How far ahead you should plan

Even if you're young and healthy today, plan like you'll need caregiving tomorrow. Tragedy does not discriminate, and the unexpected may happen. While that's a scary thought to many, this can also be a helpful thought when making your legal documents. Here's why: When you're selecting your future representatives, you don't need to think about who it should be in five, 10 or 20 years. My clients say things like, “My brother is a good choice today, but he'll be too old in 10 years to caregive for someone else.” My response is always, “If he's a good choice today, then you have your answer. Ten years is a long way away.” So, choose your representatives based on current circumstances, not what you think will happen down the road. Your documents can — and should — be updated as life goes on.

Types of representatives

Your may include the following roles. Terminology and qualifying factors vary by state, so consult with an attorney in your state of residence with any questions about these roles and the right estate planning documents for you.

Health care proxy surrogate

Your health care proxy (or surrogate) can obtain your information from your medical providers and make medical decisions for you if you are unable. ; he or she must act in your best interests, not their own. He may be asked to share information and communicate with your other loved ones who want details about your care. This is usually where arise: Your surrogate will run interference and may need to deal with unsolicited opinions and disagreements. A balance of empathy and toughness is required for this job. As a caregiver, I've had to be a super-squeaky wheel to ("We're not leaving until the oncologist gives us more than five minutes of his time and answers all our questions!"). I've had to tell family members to butt out when they questioned our selected course of care ("Yes, we are bringing hospice in to help with pain management! No, it doesn't mean we're giving up and letting Mom die!"). I leaned on the old adage that you can't please everyone all the time, and my goal was to get my care recipient the best darn care and the least amount of family stress possible. Your surrogate also must be capable of jumping headfirst into the caregiving role. If the person lives out of state, will he or she be able to travel to you, if needed? If the surrogate has their own physical or mental disabilities, will it be possible to hire professionals to help her with the caregiving tasks she can't manage? Will the surrogate or proxy struggle to meet the demands of intensive caregiving? Above all, remember that help can be hired and your surrogate can act remotely if necessary. The most important thing is that your surrogate is ready, willing and able to serve. Flowers & Gifts 25% off sitewide and 30% off select items See more Flowers & Gifts offers >

Attorney-in-fact

Your attorney-in-fact (also called your agent) is given power through a power of attorney. He or she can act for you only while you are alive and have the authority to make decisions on your behalf for your financial and legal affairs. The agent may be permitted to act for you even though you are still mentally sound or may only be permitted to start acting for you once it's proven that you're incapacitated. When your agent starts the role depends on the type of power of attorney you make. The authority may be limited to certain tasks or could be totally inclusive of anything you would do for yourself. It's fair to say that your agent has a tremendous amount of power. Because of this, the law holds your agent to a “fiduciary standard” — meaning if he or she is not acting in your best interests, he can be held civilly or criminally liable. That means the agent can be sued or even be charged with a crime for not handling your affairs appropriately. Dependability and the desire to learn and seek help when needed are traits of an effective agent. Your agent should be well-organized and be . This is important because the agent may have authority to spend your money or make changes to your financial planning. Good recordkeeping protects you and keeps him from getting in trouble with the law. Your agent must understand the scope of what the power of attorney authorizes him to do, and not do anything that the power of attorney doesn't allow. Most importantly, your agent needs to discern when he or she should consult professionals, like accountants or certified financial planners, for guidance. Your agent doesn't need to go it alone. We encourage anyone who is starting to provide care and use a power of attorney to reach out to professionals to help carry out the duties as successfully as possible.

Executor and trustee

Your executor is in charge of administering . This means he or she will have to take an inventory of your estate assets, retain an attorney, pay your creditors, prepare your final taxes, and distribute assets to your beneficiaries. AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe MORE FROM AARP AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe AARP VALUE & MEMBER BENEFITS See more Health & Wellness offers > See more Flights & Vacation Packages offers > See more Finances offers > See more Health & Wellness offers > SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS