How to Stop Stalling and Write Your Will and Estate Plan
How to Stop Stalling and Write Your Will and Estate Plan
These documents require hard conversations. Try to have them anyway. Another reason people delay is “they worry will upset their spouse and family,” says Al Cutturini, director of the Elder Law Project for North Mississippi Rural Legal Services. “But that's not true. While it can be uncomfortable, knowing a parent's wishes about everything from medical care to funeral plans is very reassuring,” he says. “It gives families an enormous sense of relief when they know what to expect." Every state is different. Laws can vary a lot. In some states, for example, spouses inherit everything if you die without a will. In others, they get only a child's share. A few recognize oral wills if witnessed properly, while others don't. “That's why it's important to work with a lawyer licensed in your state,” Cutturini says. “Even if you're planning to move, I always tell clients to get a will right now, and then update it." You can write one any time, even if you're sick. Hospitals aren't the ideal place to make a will, but it's better than not doing it at all. “It's valid the minute it is signed,” Cutturini says. Don't cling to tradition. Many people still feel that they should name the oldest child — maybe even the oldest male child — as executor of the will and the agent to oversee their health care and money. It's often a recipe for disaster, says Gary Bauer, professor emeritus at Cooley Law School at Western Michigan University. “Select your agents based upon their ability to manage your affairs, not birth order,” he says. Who's the most organized and responsible? Who lives closest? Is there a natural leader, most likely to handle any conflict that arises later? And don't be afraid to split duties. “Someone making end-of-life decisions has a very different role than someone distributing property after someone has passed,” he says. Joint wills are a terrible idea. Experts caution couples against joint wills, and they aren't even valid in some states. Such wills can restrict a surviving spouse from changing it later, even if his or her circumstances alter radically. Instead, many couples opt for “mirror” wills. These virtually identical documents allow each spouse to leave the estate to the other, and then to their children. Either treat all children the same, or prepare for blowback. Leaving more to one child or leaving one out entirely, “almost guarantees dissent and challenges later,” Bauer says. “Feelings are hurt and balloon into legal hearings after death. Getting a smaller share than your siblings feels like a slap in the face in perpetuity.” If you do create an imbalance, talk that decision out with your children now, to avoid legal action later. And know that stepchildren aren't automatically treated as children for legal purposes. For them to share in an inheritance, they must be specifically named. It's not one and done. Sometimes, these three documents can be done just once. But if there's a major life event, such as a move to a new state, or a beneficiary or agent becomes ill, is disabled or dies, they'll need to be revised.
I know it’s important. My family is still in a dilemma, fussing over what my grandfather left when he died 38 years ago, all because there was no will. I’ve heard that most African Americans die without a will. Some of it comes down to income—it’s expensive. I’m doing mine through Atlanta Legal Aid. I’m behind on my bills, so paying a lawyer would feel like a lot. Growing up, we didn’t know any lawyers. I’ve probably only talked to a lawyer four or five times in my life. The idea of putting a will in place to protect assets? That’s just not something my parents taught me, or their parents taught them. We didn’t come from a world where there were lawyers or trust funds. of “I just sprung it on them.” — Dale Walker, 77, San Francisco I had already revised my will in 2018, after I remarried. But it was clear that the coronavirus was particularly dangerous for people my age, so I reviewed all my documents again and added a “personal articles attachment.” That makes sure certain people receive certain photos and family objects that have sentimental but little economic value—things like an old lantern I used as a boy to hunt in North Carolina, and an Underwood typewriter from the 1930s.
I also had a discussion on Zoom about my last wishes with my two daughters, who are 50 and 52, and my wife. I just sprung it on them and announced that I wanted to tell them how I planned to divide up my estate. Most of the assets and properties are divided equally among them—one-third, one-third, one-third. I wanted my wife and daughters to avoid the kinds of arguments you read about, so I told them: “If there is any disagreement, let’s have it now while I’m still alive.” I didn’t get much of an emotional response. Just a “thank you, Dad, for planning ahead,” and “we don’t have to think about this again for a very long time.” Maybe they’re still digesting it all. of “Let my last breath be my last breath” — Janet Grover, 71, Gloucester, Massachusetts My husband and I have had our wills in place for some time, and we both had health care directives. But as COVID-19 spread and I began reading more about what it is like to be on a ventilator—and how few patients survive—I changed mine. Working with Cake, a digital service, I got the ball rolling, including an in-depth conversation—plus very specific emails back and forth—with my doctor. .
A friend’s dad, a cancer patient, is likely sick with the virus. My 91-year-old mom lives in Florida, and there’s been a confirmed case in her assisted-living facility. The news is incessant, and it’s frightening. I’m glad I spelled out my concerns to my husband. I’m relieved I’ve gone over it with my doctor, and that it’s now a permanent part of our records. I want to make sure I don’t have a prolonged death. It makes me think of something my dad asked me to promise him, as he was approaching the end: “Please let my last breath be my last breath.” of “It was easier than doing your taxes.” — Rebecca Sarah Reis, 52, San Francisco I had always known I should have a will. I haven’t had any contact with my immediate family in about 10 years, and that’s my choice. And I knew that unless I had a solid will in place, my estate would go to them, and I didn’t want that.
During the early weeks of the shutdown, I—like everyone else—had plenty of time on my hands. And I got an email from one of the charities I’m involved in telling me about FreeWill, a digital company that helps people write wills so you can easily leave some money to nonprofits. I’m a blissfully retired CPA, never married, and have no kids, so I am leaving everything to organizations I believe in, including the Bill Graham Memorial Foundation, Water for People and Planned Parenthood. I sat down and finished it in less than a half-hour. It was easier than doing your taxes online. And I like that it was free and all-digital. of “I wanted to relieve our children of any guilt.” — Maria and Juancho Montecillo, both 58, Fort Lee, New Jersey Maria: We made wills when the kids were small but realized we needed to update them due to the onset of COVID-19, and the fact that we and our kids are older now.
Juancho and I added “Do Not Intubate” and “Do Not Resuscitate” orders to our advance directives. We know a couple who both got COVID. The wife passed after just a few days and the husband, who is still alive, was intubated, extubated and intubated again after suffering severe complications. I have a very low tolerance for pain and don’t want suffering with so little likelihood of recovery. I also wanted to relieve our children of any guilt: Giving me morphine and saying goodbye is not your decision: It’s mine. I also wanted to reaffirm that all my organs be donated because I have a brother who died just because he couldn’t get a kidney transplant. Our attorney watched us sign all the documents on Zoom and put the originals and his fee in an envelope he provided. A few days later, the updated documents arrived. Juancho: The most important thing to me is the welfare of our children and the people I leave behind. Now that we’ve prepared, I have peace of mind. of “The day my father died, I got a cough.” — Alex Fuller, 54, and Kim, Kimberly Fuller, 50, Ypsilanti, Michigan Alex: Less than a week after we signed all the papers for our trust, will and medical directives on March 9, my father died of a heart attack without a will. That same day, I got a cough and lost my sense of taste. It turned out I had COVID-19. We think Kim got it too, though she was never tested.
Kim taught me the importance of advance planning: I grew up in a “one day at a time” household, and my father died unprepared as we were getting prepared. Now our estates won’t have to go to probate and we have maximized the kids’ inheritance. We didn’t want any hardship or confusion for our kids. It’s hard enough emotionally when someone dies. Kimberly: The whole package was $3,000. The lawyer knew I was housebound, so he came to our home for both visits, right before Alex got COVID. The lawyer’s assistant—his wife, actually—was a witness. Finding this lawyer and getting this done right before we caught this deadly disease has been magically weird. It may sound horrible, but we see it all as magical. Sarah Mahoney is a former top-level editor of Ladies’ Home Journal, Fitness and Parents. Additional reporting by Sheila Anne Feeney
How to Stop Stalling On Getting a Will and Estate Plan
Simple essential steps for putting your affairs in order
Chris Gash The steady drone of these past nine months has spurred countless older Americans to face a long-procrastinated task: writing — or rewriting — their wills. But millions of Americans have yet to do so. A 2016 Gallup poll found that more than 30 percent of people 65 and older didn't have a will, nor did more than 40 percent of people ages 50 through 64. The main reasons people stall, according to Caring.com? They say either that they just haven't gotten around to it or they don't have enough assets to leave to anyone. Join today and save 25% off the standard annual rate. Get instant access to discounts, programs, services, and the information you need to benefit every area of your life. Neither is a great reason. Thanks to DIY software, it's possible to pull together a smart, effective . And assets are only part of the story. Even if you have no savings to pass on, the right paperwork can save your loved ones headaches and heartache. Some essential things to know about end-of-life planning, circa 2020: You need more than a will. A will directs what happens after a person dies and makes life simpler for heirs, often saving families thousands in unnecessary probate fees. But two other documents are just as important. One is a , sometimes called a living will, which appoints someone of your choice to make medical decisions for you if you're unable, and which outlines the medical care you do or don't want. The other document is a , which appoints someone to make financial decisions on your behalf if you're incapacitated.A will for every budget
(Requirements for writing and witnessing vary, so follow your state's rules to ensure your will is valid.)Free
Extras: Health care directives and plans for end-of-life matters like funerals and your online legacy Extras: Health care directives, powers of attorney, revocable living trusts and provisions for charitiesLow-cost DIY
Cost: $99.99 (use code AARPTEN for a 10% discount) What you get: Wills, health care directives, powers of attorney and a “vault” for saving and sharing documents Cost: $99.99 What you get: Downloadable software for creating a will, health care directives and power of attorney Cost: $89 ($70 more for spouse; 20% off by using link) What you get: Will, power of attorney, health care directivesLawyers
Except in big cities, expect to pay roughly $1,000 for a basic will package. Find a lawyer on these sites:Pro Bono
Want legal advice but can't afford it? Try: Email your question and get a response Law School Clinics Some specialize in elder issues. Search online for “elder law clinic” in your state Local affiliates may offer free legal help. "It's so important to look at the lifetime side of estate planning, and think about the hazards of living a long life,” says Charlie Sabatino, director of the American Bar Association's Commission on Law and Aging. Attorneys typically pull together all three, as do most of the online services.These documents require hard conversations. Try to have them anyway. Another reason people delay is “they worry will upset their spouse and family,” says Al Cutturini, director of the Elder Law Project for North Mississippi Rural Legal Services. “But that's not true. While it can be uncomfortable, knowing a parent's wishes about everything from medical care to funeral plans is very reassuring,” he says. “It gives families an enormous sense of relief when they know what to expect." Every state is different. Laws can vary a lot. In some states, for example, spouses inherit everything if you die without a will. In others, they get only a child's share. A few recognize oral wills if witnessed properly, while others don't. “That's why it's important to work with a lawyer licensed in your state,” Cutturini says. “Even if you're planning to move, I always tell clients to get a will right now, and then update it." You can write one any time, even if you're sick. Hospitals aren't the ideal place to make a will, but it's better than not doing it at all. “It's valid the minute it is signed,” Cutturini says. Don't cling to tradition. Many people still feel that they should name the oldest child — maybe even the oldest male child — as executor of the will and the agent to oversee their health care and money. It's often a recipe for disaster, says Gary Bauer, professor emeritus at Cooley Law School at Western Michigan University. “Select your agents based upon their ability to manage your affairs, not birth order,” he says. Who's the most organized and responsible? Who lives closest? Is there a natural leader, most likely to handle any conflict that arises later? And don't be afraid to split duties. “Someone making end-of-life decisions has a very different role than someone distributing property after someone has passed,” he says. Joint wills are a terrible idea. Experts caution couples against joint wills, and they aren't even valid in some states. Such wills can restrict a surviving spouse from changing it later, even if his or her circumstances alter radically. Instead, many couples opt for “mirror” wills. These virtually identical documents allow each spouse to leave the estate to the other, and then to their children. Either treat all children the same, or prepare for blowback. Leaving more to one child or leaving one out entirely, “almost guarantees dissent and challenges later,” Bauer says. “Feelings are hurt and balloon into legal hearings after death. Getting a smaller share than your siblings feels like a slap in the face in perpetuity.” If you do create an imbalance, talk that decision out with your children now, to avoid legal action later. And know that stepchildren aren't automatically treated as children for legal purposes. For them to share in an inheritance, they must be specifically named. It's not one and done. Sometimes, these three documents can be done just once. But if there's a major life event, such as a move to a new state, or a beneficiary or agent becomes ill, is disabled or dies, they'll need to be revised.
Why I Stopped Stalling and Got My Will In Order
of “We didn’t come from a world where there were lawyers.” — Gerard “Rickey” Brown, 64, Lithonia, Georgia I don’t have much to leave anyone. But what I do have—and for the last 11 years, I’ve been pursuing some disability payments from the Army—I want to go to my grandchildren. I’m afraid if I leave it all to my daughter, she might squander it. I’d like it to benefit the kids—maybe it could help them go to college, or in an emergency.I know it’s important. My family is still in a dilemma, fussing over what my grandfather left when he died 38 years ago, all because there was no will. I’ve heard that most African Americans die without a will. Some of it comes down to income—it’s expensive. I’m doing mine through Atlanta Legal Aid. I’m behind on my bills, so paying a lawyer would feel like a lot. Growing up, we didn’t know any lawyers. I’ve probably only talked to a lawyer four or five times in my life. The idea of putting a will in place to protect assets? That’s just not something my parents taught me, or their parents taught them. We didn’t come from a world where there were lawyers or trust funds. of “I just sprung it on them.” — Dale Walker, 77, San Francisco I had already revised my will in 2018, after I remarried. But it was clear that the coronavirus was particularly dangerous for people my age, so I reviewed all my documents again and added a “personal articles attachment.” That makes sure certain people receive certain photos and family objects that have sentimental but little economic value—things like an old lantern I used as a boy to hunt in North Carolina, and an Underwood typewriter from the 1930s.
I also had a discussion on Zoom about my last wishes with my two daughters, who are 50 and 52, and my wife. I just sprung it on them and announced that I wanted to tell them how I planned to divide up my estate. Most of the assets and properties are divided equally among them—one-third, one-third, one-third. I wanted my wife and daughters to avoid the kinds of arguments you read about, so I told them: “If there is any disagreement, let’s have it now while I’m still alive.” I didn’t get much of an emotional response. Just a “thank you, Dad, for planning ahead,” and “we don’t have to think about this again for a very long time.” Maybe they’re still digesting it all. of “Let my last breath be my last breath” — Janet Grover, 71, Gloucester, Massachusetts My husband and I have had our wills in place for some time, and we both had health care directives. But as COVID-19 spread and I began reading more about what it is like to be on a ventilator—and how few patients survive—I changed mine. Working with Cake, a digital service, I got the ball rolling, including an in-depth conversation—plus very specific emails back and forth—with my doctor. .
A friend’s dad, a cancer patient, is likely sick with the virus. My 91-year-old mom lives in Florida, and there’s been a confirmed case in her assisted-living facility. The news is incessant, and it’s frightening. I’m glad I spelled out my concerns to my husband. I’m relieved I’ve gone over it with my doctor, and that it’s now a permanent part of our records. I want to make sure I don’t have a prolonged death. It makes me think of something my dad asked me to promise him, as he was approaching the end: “Please let my last breath be my last breath.” of “It was easier than doing your taxes.” — Rebecca Sarah Reis, 52, San Francisco I had always known I should have a will. I haven’t had any contact with my immediate family in about 10 years, and that’s my choice. And I knew that unless I had a solid will in place, my estate would go to them, and I didn’t want that.
During the early weeks of the shutdown, I—like everyone else—had plenty of time on my hands. And I got an email from one of the charities I’m involved in telling me about FreeWill, a digital company that helps people write wills so you can easily leave some money to nonprofits. I’m a blissfully retired CPA, never married, and have no kids, so I am leaving everything to organizations I believe in, including the Bill Graham Memorial Foundation, Water for People and Planned Parenthood. I sat down and finished it in less than a half-hour. It was easier than doing your taxes online. And I like that it was free and all-digital. of “I wanted to relieve our children of any guilt.” — Maria and Juancho Montecillo, both 58, Fort Lee, New Jersey Maria: We made wills when the kids were small but realized we needed to update them due to the onset of COVID-19, and the fact that we and our kids are older now.
Juancho and I added “Do Not Intubate” and “Do Not Resuscitate” orders to our advance directives. We know a couple who both got COVID. The wife passed after just a few days and the husband, who is still alive, was intubated, extubated and intubated again after suffering severe complications. I have a very low tolerance for pain and don’t want suffering with so little likelihood of recovery. I also wanted to relieve our children of any guilt: Giving me morphine and saying goodbye is not your decision: It’s mine. I also wanted to reaffirm that all my organs be donated because I have a brother who died just because he couldn’t get a kidney transplant. Our attorney watched us sign all the documents on Zoom and put the originals and his fee in an envelope he provided. A few days later, the updated documents arrived. Juancho: The most important thing to me is the welfare of our children and the people I leave behind. Now that we’ve prepared, I have peace of mind. of “The day my father died, I got a cough.” — Alex Fuller, 54, and Kim, Kimberly Fuller, 50, Ypsilanti, Michigan Alex: Less than a week after we signed all the papers for our trust, will and medical directives on March 9, my father died of a heart attack without a will. That same day, I got a cough and lost my sense of taste. It turned out I had COVID-19. We think Kim got it too, though she was never tested.
Kim taught me the importance of advance planning: I grew up in a “one day at a time” household, and my father died unprepared as we were getting prepared. Now our estates won’t have to go to probate and we have maximized the kids’ inheritance. We didn’t want any hardship or confusion for our kids. It’s hard enough emotionally when someone dies. Kimberly: The whole package was $3,000. The lawyer knew I was housebound, so he came to our home for both visits, right before Alex got COVID. The lawyer’s assistant—his wife, actually—was a witness. Finding this lawyer and getting this done right before we caught this deadly disease has been magically weird. It may sound horrible, but we see it all as magical. Sarah Mahoney is a former top-level editor of Ladies’ Home Journal, Fitness and Parents. Additional reporting by Sheila Anne Feeney