Maintaining Friendships Despite a Dementia Diagnosis Javascript must be enabled to use this site. Please enable Javascript in your browser and try again. × Search search POPULAR SEARCHES SUGGESTED LINKS Join AARP for just $9 per year when you sign up for a 5-year term. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Leaving AARP.org Website You are now leaving AARP.org and going to a website that is not operated by AARP. A different privacy policy and terms of service will apply.

Maintaining Friendships Despite a Dementia Diagnosis

Adjust communication and let your friend set the tone for interaction

kali9/Getty Images At first, you might think your friend is just having a few bad days with forgetfulness, repetitive stories and anxiety. Then comes a diagnosis. What is next for your friendship? "Stand by your friend,” says Arthena Caston, 56, of Macon, Georgia, who was diagnosed with five years ago. “And when I say stand, stand by your friend through thick and thin. Because it's not always going to be a great day." Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. Caston, a member of the Georgia board of the national Alzheimer's Association and a former member of the association's Early-Stage Advisory Group, is married with two grown daughters. She retired from her job in customer support shortly after her diagnosis. She now walks her two dogs, makes cards and scrapbooks, and educates people about dementia. Caston depends on her husband, Virous, her daughters and her two best friends for support. “My true friends, they stand in front of me to lead me when I have a problem. They stand beside me when I need them to walk with me. And, they stand behind me where I need them to push me to get up,” she says.

Still valued and appreciated br

A dementia diagnosis can unsettle a friendship. But research shows that socialization and connection are vital for patients. , published in the Journal of Aging Research, found it was “extremely important” that people surrounding Alzheimer's patients reassure them that “regardless of their cognitive abilities, they have a place in society and their identity is valued.” Arthena Caston with her friend Shaun McDaniel-Graham. Courtesy of Arthena Caston But people lose friends when they get a diagnosis because of misconceptions, stigma or even fears for themselves, says Monica Moreno, senior director of care and support for the Alzheimer's Association. Entertainment $3 off popcorn and soft drink combos See more Entertainment offers > Take time to adjust. When Caston told good friend Shaun McDaniel-Graham about her diagnosis, it took some time for the new reality to sink in. Since then, Caston says, McDaniel-Graham calls her daily, even if it's just a brief chat. If a dementia diagnosis flummoxes you, be honest with your friend, Moreno says. "At the end of the day, it's better to have that conversation and share what you're feeling,” rather than just walking away from the friendship, Moreno says. Learn more about dementia. Dementia can take different forms and paths. “Get educated, learn about the disease,” Moreno says. “The way someone communicates will not look the same way as the disease progresses, but there are still ways you can stay connected to that individual.” The Alzheimer's Association, for example, has resources such as , which offers tips on healthy lifestyles for patients and those who love them; a (created in cooperation with AARP) with local listings, and staffed by experts who answer questions from patients, family and friends. Let your friend set the tone. Your friend may be embarrassed, frightened, angry or even , says Pam Brandon, president and founder of AGE-u-cate, a Dallas-area firm that develops dementia training programs for professional and family caregivers. "Understanding and being empathetic to where they are emotionally is one of the most valuable things a friend can do,” she says. “If you're sad today, I want to be here to listen to you. If you're bright and cheerful, then let's have fun together.” AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe ,” which he defined as focusing on the perceptual experiences of another person, particularly those with dementia. He suggests caregivers and friends use techniques such as asking short, open-ended questions in the present tense; paying attention to nonverbal cues; and giving the person with dementia time to respond so they feel some control of the conversation. Or, as Brandon says, “There are a few things that can tell a person you're empathetic, that you care about them: Listening to what they say, providing eye contact if you're with them in person." Even when masks hide our facial expressions, we can speak with a calming voice, touch lightly, and tell a friend that we understand, she says. Consider possibilities, not limitations. "Look at the strengths the person maintains, not the losses,” says Moreno. She gave an example of a patient who loved to play baseball. Even when he could no longer play, he still enjoyed watching games. Remember that despite dementia, the person is still your friend. "You don't have to dwell on the disease,” Moreno says. People “do appreciate those little things that you can do to help them get through the day and the challenges of the disease they're living with." More on home-family AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe AARP VALUE & MEMBER BENEFITS See more Health & Wellness offers > See more Flights & Vacation Packages offers > See more Finances offers > See more Health & Wellness offers > SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS