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8 Tips for Funeral Planning

How to make smart decisions and arrangements

Sam Kaplan for AARP None of us likes talking about death. Or funerals. But at some point, you’re going to shuffle off this mortal coil and need a funeral. You can make things easier on your family and get the send-off you want by . To some, this feels like death-obsessed prepping. That’s probably why just 36 percent of Americans have talked with or written plans for loved ones about their funeral, according to a 2021 survey by the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA). You’re also likely to plan a funeral for a family member at some point, so you need to know how to make smart decisions. Here are some tips to help you. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine.

1 Learn what s involved

To plan a funeral, you need to know what happens at one. There are three general components: preparing the corpse, holding the ceremony and handling the interment. There are a range of options for each. Embalming or cremation? A full service at a funeral home, a graveside one or a DIY ceremony? Who will be there? A viewing of the deceased or not? Burial in the ground or in a tomb, or ashes scattered someplace meaningful? You can get online to help you know what decisions you’ll need to make.

2 Plan in advance but don t pay in advance br

Funeral homes sell plans that promise better rates if you buy a package now, years before you die. Don’t do it, says Joshua Slocum, executive director of the (FCA), a death-care industry watchdog group. "You can plan a funeral ahead of time without prepaying,” he says. “Planning is not the same thing as prepaying.” The drawback to prepaying, Slocum says, is that your situation can change between the time you pay and the time you die. Funeral homes go out of business, which leaves no one to honor the plan you bought. Or you may die in a city far from where you paid for a funeral and a plot. “A much better approach to save money is to comparison shop at the time of death,” he says. Entertainment $3 off popcorn and soft drink combos See more Entertainment offers >

3 Find out average costs

The FCA has links on its site to . Check it out so you have an idea of what you can expect to pay in your area for everything from a casket to the cost of that final hearse ride to the cemetery.

4 Shop around

The national median cost for a funeral with burial in 2021 is $7,848, according to the NFDA. You need to treat it like any other large purchase. You wouldn’t buy a car from the first dealership you walked into. So don’t pay for a funeral without checking with more than one . You may be able to save thousands of dollars just by going a few miles down the road. Call several funeral homes and get quotes. Some may be reluctant to reveal prices, but if they resist, insist. The Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule requires them to quote prices over the phone or in person. They are not required to give prices online or by email, but there’s a push underway on the part of consumer groups to update that 1984 rule for the digital era and require funeral homes to post prices online. You can get some pricing info online at the funeral comparison site , which offers itemized lists of goods and services available at 10,000 funeral homes, more than half of the nationwide total.

5 Understand the package deal

Funeral homes sell packages of goods and services, but sometimes there’s more wrapped into them than you want. Sometimes they don’t have all the goods and services you want. For example, a gravestone and cemetery plot may not be included in a package. Ask for an itemized list upfront, with prices for each service or item. AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe to find one near you.

8 Talk it over and write it down

Tell your loved ones what you’d like to have, and how much you want to spend. Be specific, but realize your loved ones may not be able to deliver on everything you want. “Funeral planning is not a dictation to your survivors,” Slocum says. “It’s a conversation you have with your kids [or other loved ones]. Make them part of the process.” You can make the burden of organizing your funeral greater by being too specific with your plans, Slocum says. Your family may not be able to pull off that jazz funeral you wanted, so don’t leave them feeling guilty because they didn’t fulfill your final wishes to a T. Tell them it’s OK if plan B is a sax solo, graveside. You won’t be listening anyway. Editor’s note: This article, originally published July 7, 2020, has been updated with 2021 data from the National Association of Funeral Directors.
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