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Caregivers and Coronavirus Dealing With Forced Isolation

With adult day care centers closed and loved ones at home here s how to avoid friction

Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Getty Images The call didn't surprise her but was a shock anyway. The where Lisa's husband, Stan, went four days a week for support services for his moderate would close for the next month because of the . He would now be constantly at home, sitting in the living room with TV blaring and calling out for Lisa to come sit next to him or bring him something to drink or get him a sweater. She would no longer have any breaks during the day to talk with friends or take a walk. She could rest only if he rested, and his napping was erratic. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine. She had felt stifled before, robbed of the relaxed lifestyle she'd hoped for during her retirement, but at least the adult day care had provided her with . Now she felt completely trapped. Couldn't Lisa to sit with Stan so she could have some time for herself? If they brought germs into the house that made him ill, her guilt would be too much to bear. Perhaps she should ask their adult children to relieve her. But the thought of interfering with their already-strained lives until the adult day care reopened made her feel bad, too. Besides, Stan wanted only her — constantly.
As national, state and local officials , more family caregivers like Lisa have lost essential caregiving support services. As a result, what was difficult but manageable caregiving has become all-consuming. Unfortunately, no immediate fixes are in sight, only the ardent hope that the spread of the virus will be contained or there will be a vaccine or scientific breakthrough so life can go back to normal. Until then, these caregivers are feeling more hemmed in and stressed out than ever before.
What steps can family caregivers take to better cope when they are feeling stressed and isolated? Here are some ideas.

Don t play the shame game

Even in the most easygoing relationships, there is a balance between the small frictions of everyday life, such as forgotten chores and minor disagreements, and more upbeat instances, including unexpected hugs and compliments for a good meal. But when spouses have enforced round-the-clock together time — especially when one requires extra care and patience — that balance often tips and they are bothered more by the usual hassles and silly misunderstandings. Being joined at the hip would cause almost anyone discomfort. for feeling irritable — as caregivers sometimes do — is not only unfair, it is unhelpful. Entertainment $3 off popcorn and soft drink combos See more Entertainment offers > Of course, that may not be possible if your loved one needs ongoing supervision or is bellowing for you to change the channel for him. But even if you must be in the same room all the time, there may be ways to focus on your own needs. Reading a book or listening to calming or meditative music with headphones are small ways to be present and available but also separate and self-contained. You can also put the headphones on the care recipient so that he hears the music or the TV and you don't have to.

Share moments of mutual enjoyment and meaning

Even in coronavirus confinement, upbeat instances still go some ways toward offsetting frictions small and large. Put on the old movies or music that you always enjoyed together. Bring out the photo albums to remind you of wonderful vacations and family gatherings of the past. Make and savor the recipe that was always a family favorite. Sit together on the living room couch in silence holding hands.

Maintain your lifelines

shouldn't mean shutting out the world. We all still need human connection, particularly in a crisis and especially with those who understand and care about us. Mounting research has shown just how emotionally and physically harmful can be. Fortunately, we live in a miraculous age when we have myriad technological means — including telephone, email, texting, and social media — to keep our friends and family members present in our lives. That may be the best available solace for all of us until this crisis passes. MORE FROM AARP AARP NEWSLETTERS %{ newsLetterPromoText }% %{ description }% Subscribe AARP VALUE & MEMBER BENEFITS See more Health & Wellness offers > See more Flights & Vacation Packages offers > See more Finances offers > See more Health & Wellness offers > SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS