Ageist Statements to Avoid Saying or Thinking
Ageist Statements to Avoid Saying or Thinking
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According to the latest research*, the following statements and beliefs put you in dangerous risk of aging immediately after you say them. Especially at risk are members of Generation X, who are gradually moving into that age range where they think they are becoming culturally irrelevant. We thought it was imperative to tell you to refrain from saying or thinking these terrible, unhealthy things as soon as possible!
Brought to you by the CPSA (Curmudgeon Prevention Society of America)
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b. Go out with that extremely hot and enthusiastic 33-year-old
c. Hike up to the ridge to watch the sunset
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a. Adele / Dusty Springfield
b. Drake / Teddy Pendergrass
c. Maroon 5 / the Police
d. Zayn / Justin Bieber. Wait, I am only 15 years old and already I am acting like a curmudgeon! Help!
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a. That long running ’80s retro night that I haven’t been to since 1998
b. That divey Polish bar that I always walk by but never went in
c. That mommy-and-toddler disco tea dance at that coffee shop
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a. EDM (“That’s electronic dance music, duh,” says my nephew.)
b. Reggaeton
c. Gaga
d. Polka
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a. Your knees, brain and genitals break down exponentially after the age of 45.
b. If you use a cellphone more than three hours a week, you literally killed all the brain cells in your frontal cortex that give you the ability to have a long-term relationship.
c. Kale, avocados and all forms of juice actually CAUSE cancer!
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a. That Lena Dunham person
b. Flywheel
c. Snapchat
d. The importance of self-love
— Istock
a. Don’t read anything over 100 words because it doesn’t fit into the screen of their iPhone 6
b. Are entitled, pampered and distracted
c. Don’t know MTV stands for Music Television
d. Aren’t interested in my story
— Istock
a. A woman loses her bloom in August of her 34th year.
b. Marry someone you are sexually attracted to and prepare to lead a lifetime of despair.
c. Your grandfather came from a line of oily-skinned eel fishers. And that is why you are prone to adult acne.
— Getty Images
a. Pick up guitar
b. Learn a language
c. Change my life
d. Twerk
— Istock *Research is based on one writer who wrote this piece and thinks these things, and is trying to talk in a sciencey way so that you believe him like other listicles out there on the internets.
Mike Albo is a writer and performer. Have your own to add? Comment below!
Also of Interest
© 2022 AARP Cancel You are leaving AARP.org and going to the website of our trusted provider. The provider’s terms, conditions and policies apply. Please return to AARP.org to learn more about other benefits. Your email address is now confirmed. You'll start receiving the latest news, benefits, events, and programs related to AARP's mission to empower people to choose how they live as they age. You can also by updating your account at anytime. You will be asked to register or log in. Cancel Offer Details Disclosures
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9 Statements That Age You Instantly
According to the latest research*, the following statements and beliefs put you in dangerous risk of aging immediately after you say them. Especially at risk are members of Generation X, who are gradually moving into that age range where they think they are becoming culturally irrelevant. We thought it was imperative to tell you to refrain from saying or thinking these terrible, unhealthy things as soon as possible!
Brought to you by the CPSA (Curmudgeon Prevention Society of America)
— Getty Images
1 I shouldn t _________________ because I have a big day tomorrow
a. Stay up for Fallonb. Go out with that extremely hot and enthusiastic 33-year-old
c. Hike up to the ridge to watch the sunset
— Getty Images
2 What s the big deal ________________ sounds exactly like ________________
a. Adele / Dusty Springfield
b. Drake / Teddy Pendergrass
c. Maroon 5 / the Police
d. Zayn / Justin Bieber. Wait, I am only 15 years old and already I am acting like a curmudgeon! Help!
— Getty Images
3 ________________ closed There s nowhere cool to go out anymore
a. That long running ’80s retro night that I haven’t been to since 1998
b. That divey Polish bar that I always walk by but never went in
c. That mommy-and-toddler disco tea dance at that coffee shop
— Getty Images
4 I just can t dance to ________________
a. EDM (“That’s electronic dance music, duh,” says my nephew.)
b. Reggaeton
c. Gaga
d. Polka
— Getty Images
5 Jessie s husband s golf buddy read a charticle based on a medical study that said ________________
a. Your knees, brain and genitals break down exponentially after the age of 45.
b. If you use a cellphone more than three hours a week, you literally killed all the brain cells in your frontal cortex that give you the ability to have a long-term relationship.
c. Kale, avocados and all forms of juice actually CAUSE cancer!
— Getty Images
6 Forget it I can t wrap my head around _______________ I give up
a. That Lena Dunham person
b. Flywheel
c. Snapchat
d. The importance of self-love
— Istock
7 A hundred percent of all young people these days________________
a. Don’t read anything over 100 words because it doesn’t fit into the screen of their iPhone 6
b. Are entitled, pampered and distracted
c. Don’t know MTV stands for Music Television
d. Aren’t interested in my story
— Istock
8 She was always a little creepy but Great-Grandma Trudy had this saying that has always stuck in my head ________________
a. A woman loses her bloom in August of her 34th year.
b. Marry someone you are sexually attracted to and prepare to lead a lifetime of despair.
c. Your grandfather came from a line of oily-skinned eel fishers. And that is why you are prone to adult acne.
— Getty Images
9 It s too late for me to ________________
a. Pick up guitar
b. Learn a language
c. Change my life
d. Twerk
— Istock *Research is based on one writer who wrote this piece and thinks these things, and is trying to talk in a sciencey way so that you believe him like other listicles out there on the internets.
Mike Albo is a writer and performer. Have your own to add? Comment below!
Also of Interest
© 2022 AARP Cancel You are leaving AARP.org and going to the website of our trusted provider. The provider’s terms, conditions and policies apply. Please return to AARP.org to learn more about other benefits. Your email address is now confirmed. You'll start receiving the latest news, benefits, events, and programs related to AARP's mission to empower people to choose how they live as they age. You can also by updating your account at anytime. You will be asked to register or log in. Cancel Offer Details Disclosures