Wisdom Circle How Do I Move From Surrogate Dad to Granddad? AARP Everywher
Wisdom Circle: How Do I Move From Surrogate Dad to Granddad - AARP Everywher... Grandparenting
My son's girlfriend, "Anne," gave birth to my grandson about two years ago. Anne was a "wild child," so my wife and I asked them to move in with us so we could help. When I saw my grandson, he stole my heart. Now his parents have their lives on track and they're moving out. I feel devastated, as if I'm losing custody of my own baby. How can I learn to be a grandparent — from scratch? — Sad Granddad
Response #1
Focus on what's best for your grandson. The more you support and respect his parents and their progress, the more they'll be willing share their son's time. Make sure they know you're happy for them and will always be there: Having stable, responsible parents is what your grandson needs most. Also, focus on your own hobbies and so you can enrich your life and your grandson's life. You've given your son and grandson the ultimate gift: a loving foundation. Don't forget that.
I've been raising my grandson for six years now, with no help from his parents. My other son and his wife have two daughters, and I enjoy being a more conventional grandparent to them. I can understand your sadness over "losing" your grandson, but you'll still be a big part of his life — just in a more fun, less stressful way. You'll be there no matter what happens, and I'm sure he'll enjoy your visits, your babysitting, and your involvement. Response #3
After my grandson lived with me for several months, he briefly moved in with his mother — my daughter — and I felt the same way you do. (My grandson is now with me permanently.) This separation can make your relationship with your grandson richer. I wish you luck with this transition: I hope you rediscover the joy of being a grandparent.
The Wisdom Circle was right: I survived the separation much better than I expected to. The silence at home was a pleasant surprise — I'd forgotten what that was like. I observed two years of drama with my son and his girlfriend, but now things are calmer, and I still get to see my grandson often. Adapted by Julia Winkler Cancel You are leaving AARP.org and going to the website of our trusted provider. The provider’s terms, conditions and policies apply. Please return to AARP.org to learn more about other benefits. Your email address is now confirmed. You'll start receiving the latest news, benefits, events, and programs related to AARP's mission to empower people to choose how they live as they age. You can also by updating your account at anytime. You will be asked to register or log in. Cancel Offer Details Disclosures
How Do I Move From Surrogate Dad to Granddad
A doting new grandfather faces a difficult separation
│Dear Wisdom Circle,My son's girlfriend, "Anne," gave birth to my grandson about two years ago. Anne was a "wild child," so my wife and I asked them to move in with us so we could help. When I saw my grandson, he stole my heart. Now his parents have their lives on track and they're moving out. I feel devastated, as if I'm losing custody of my own baby. How can I learn to be a grandparent — from scratch? — Sad Granddad
The Wisdom Circle Says
Response #1
Focus on what's best for your grandson. The more you support and respect his parents and their progress, the more they'll be willing share their son's time. Make sure they know you're happy for them and will always be there: Having stable, responsible parents is what your grandson needs most. Also, focus on your own hobbies and so you can enrich your life and your grandson's life. You've given your son and grandson the ultimate gift: a loving foundation. Don't forget that.
Words from the Wise
In our online community, you can ask for — or give — advice on topics such as love, friendship, grief, parenting, or grandparenting. Your contribution could be featured in an upcoming issue of AARP The Magazine! Response #2I've been raising my grandson for six years now, with no help from his parents. My other son and his wife have two daughters, and I enjoy being a more conventional grandparent to them. I can understand your sadness over "losing" your grandson, but you'll still be a big part of his life — just in a more fun, less stressful way. You'll be there no matter what happens, and I'm sure he'll enjoy your visits, your babysitting, and your involvement. Response #3
After my grandson lived with me for several months, he briefly moved in with his mother — my daughter — and I felt the same way you do. (My grandson is now with me permanently.) This separation can make your relationship with your grandson richer. I wish you luck with this transition: I hope you rediscover the joy of being a grandparent.
The Resolution
The Wisdom Circle was right: I survived the separation much better than I expected to. The silence at home was a pleasant surprise — I'd forgotten what that was like. I observed two years of drama with my son and his girlfriend, but now things are calmer, and I still get to see my grandson often. Adapted by Julia Winkler Cancel You are leaving AARP.org and going to the website of our trusted provider. The provider’s terms, conditions and policies apply. Please return to AARP.org to learn more about other benefits. Your email address is now confirmed. You'll start receiving the latest news, benefits, events, and programs related to AARP's mission to empower people to choose how they live as they age. You can also by updating your account at anytime. You will be asked to register or log in. Cancel Offer Details Disclosures