LIZ JONES'S DIARY: In which my optimism amazes me - YOU Magazine Fashion Beauty Celebrity Health Life Relationships Horoscopes Food Interiors Travel Sign in Welcome!Log into your account Forgot your password? Password recovery Recover your password Search Sign in Welcome! Log into your account Forgot your password? Get help Password recovery Recover your password A password will be e-mailed to you. YOU Magazine Fashion Beauty Celebrity Health Life Relationships Horoscopes Food Interiors Travel Home Life Liz Jones LIZ JONES’ S DIARY In which my optimism amazes me By You Magazine - March 8, 2020 Oh God. Oh dear God. I have finally reached rock bottom. You thought it was bad when my husband cheated or I lost my home or David failed to take out the trash? No. That wasn’t it. This is it. I have purchased a £4 skin cream in Boots. Abbey Lossing at handsomefrank.com I needed a moisturiser for reasons which will become clear later on in this column. I started to think of the days when I would waft into Harrods and buy something by Sisley: an all-day, all-year cream costing £271 or Elixir serum vials for £369. And I used to go into Space NK and buy something by RéVive: an anti-ageing serum costing £380. Originally invented for burns victims, it’s also very useful for women who don’t want their husband to cheat on them. These unguents didn’t work, of course. I still grew older. My husband still cheated on me. Anyway, in Boots, as I took my purchase to the till, the salesperson gave me a look. It said. ‘You are one of us. You are ordinary.’ The skin cream is fine. Who knows if it’s any good. I tend to think these days that it is how nice you are as a human being that shows in your face, not how much you spend on beauty products. I wonder if my face shows that I’ve tried. I have never turned down an assignment or called in sick. I treat my dogs and horses with respect. I put their needs before mine. Always. So many people treat their horses like cars. David still hasn’t replied to my email telling him that I am in love with him, but I can’t stand the way he lives. I’m starting to wonder, Boots cream or no, whether I am too old for all this dating malarkey. Let’s take the cystitis every time we have sex. It’s called the honeymoon disease. I remember the first time I got it. I was dating my future husband and had to go to Paris for the fashion shows. I was staying in the Montalembert Hotel, the very place Nancy Mitford’s heroine stayed in, close to the Diptyque candle shop (you can see I was clearly mad; I literally used to burn money). Suddenly, by the ancient lift, I had an urge to pee. This was all new to me, of course. I had the honeymoon disease, aged 41. It was a badge of honour in a way. But why do I have it now, whenever I have sex with David? It’s not as though we do it that often, given I have three giant collies who sleep on the bed and don’t let him anywhere near me. So I googled it. Oh God. I am so ashamed. It turns out that the lining of your lady parts becomes thinner as you get older. (I used Sisley. For several seasons!!! Does that count for nothing? I have the receipts!) Which means it’s easier to get infected. Oh no! Why has Woman’s Hour not spent at least a half hour on this topic? And I thought his not putting his rubbish out was the major problem. Anyway. Forget him and his not replying. I’m currently obsessing overthe antipodean Hunk. I went for dinner with a friend on Saturday and she said, ‘Just go to Sydney; jump on a plane! What is stopping you?’ ‘But I have three collies.’ ‘This is about you! How many more grand passions are you going to have?’ I didn’t say I haven’t had any. Yet. And so, since she said that, I have been browsing boutique harbour-side hotels; finding out how much a business-class flight is on Qatar Airways. (It is £4,000!) Thing is, if I fly economy I will spend the difference bulk-buying YSL Touche Eclat. Do you know what? When I first met the Hunk I bought some Touche Eclat the minute I landed in Bali. And the sales person said to me, ‘Would you like to put some on now?’ Cheeky cow. I am thinking, which hotel has the best lighting? The best pool? A nice balcony? What if I get there and find out he has remarried? How stupid will I look? I have considered hiring a private eye to find out. I feel like Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, typing his name into a computer. But isn’t it amazing that I am still this optimistic? Still thinking of a window when I can go to Sydney and am currently working backwards to book in my beauty treatments (it’s a long, long list)? That, despite all the knockbacks, I am optimistic. OK. Here goes. How many passengers? One. RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR Liz Jones In which I m turfed out on to the street Liz Jones In which I m torn between two men Liz Jones In which I have a birthday date DON' T MISS Fiona Bruce Sometimes I struggle not to cry November 14, 2021 17 beautiful 2021 diaries to help you to look forward to December 4, 2020 Why women leave men for women What’ s fuelling the rise of April 28, 2019 Hollywood veteran Laura Linney on plastic surgery friendship and her stellar July 3, 2017 You can shop the khaki jumpsuit from Holly Willoughby’ s new M& S July 17, 2019 The secrets and lies behind this happy family photo April 11, 2021 It’ s cocktail hour Olly Smith’ s cocktail recipes and Eleanor Maidment s canapé November 14, 2021 BBC One has revealed its Christmas TV schedule and there’ s lots December 2, 2020 YOU Beauty Box August Reviews August 1, 2017 Rome has been named the cheapest major city to visit in August 7, 2019 Popular CategoriesFood2704Life2496Fashion2240Beauty1738Celebrity1261Interiors684 Sign up for YOUMail Thanks for subscribing Please check your email to confirm (If you don't see the email, check the spam box) Fashion Beauty Celebrity Life Food Privacy & Cookies T&C Copyright 2022 - YOU Magazine. All Rights Reserved