If You Have A Random Sense Of Humour These 24 Tweets Are Just For You

If You Have A Random Sense Of Humour These 24 Tweets Are Just For You

If You Have A Random Sense Of Humour These 24 Tweets Are Just For YouSkip To ContentHomepageSign InSearch BuzzFeedSearch BuzzFeedlol Badge Feedwin Badge Feedtrending Badge FeedCalifornia residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data.Do Not Sell My Personal Information 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc PressRSSPrivacyConsent PreferencesUser TermsAd ChoicesHelpContactSitemapPosted on 14 Nov 2017 If You Have A Random Sense Of Humour These 24 Tweets Are Just For You "I can't dance to this. My first husband was killed in a love shack." by Jamie JonesBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1 Nathan Usher @thenatewolf *At a party* STRANGER: Are you that guy who brags about weird shit? ME: No I'm the guy who takes the longest baths in the city. 12:06 AM - 10 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 2 childish sadbino @datassque who the fuck calls earth sauce "water" 11:18 PM - 07 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 3 slick @dlicj you, watching the mask: I want what he's smokin haha me: he's not on any drugs. it's that mask. it makes him act wild 03:23 AM - 31 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 4 rob elliott @rockymomax HER: I'm leaving you ME: why HER: u lie to me constantly ME: ha! u don't just leave the man who invented the spatula Amber 04:46 PM - 13 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5 David Hughes @david8hughes [sliding $5 to the zookeeper] Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car? 05:57 PM - 13 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 6 Deirdre @figgled Before u leave the house, think of the acronym 'WOWEE' Wallet phOne Wkeys Egg Egg (backup) 01:59 AM - 14 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 7 goth turtle @dubstep4dads [stuart little stops next to me at the light in his fuckin sweet ass little red car] my gf, immediately: i think we should see other people 05:09 PM - 11 Nov 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 8 madds @whatmaddness Please. My rabbit. He's very sick. 08:50 AM - 23 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9 Matt Roller @rolldiggity The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand. 08:35 PM - 01 Jul 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 10 yabkat @ohen39 wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife 02:51 AM - 25 Oct 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 11 k e i t h ? @KeetPotato [ordering cake over phone] "and what would you like the cake to say?" [covers phone to ask wife] "do we want a talking cake?" 04:01 PM - 08 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12 audrey farnsworth @audipenny [chatting up a man in camouflage pants] Where'd you get those tree legs, garden boy 05:50 AM - 20 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 13 lady broseph @ladybroseph I can't dance to this. My first husband was killed in a love shack. 02:24 AM - 20 Jul 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 14 vineyille @vineyille [whispering to date while watching Chappie when Chappie first appears on the screen] That's Chappie 04:00 PM - 23 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 15 Ste(ph)en @stephenjmolloy *air horn sound* *second air horn sound* Me: "This isn't deodorant." 08:36 PM - 27 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 16 goth grandma @morrishitty “Did you cum?” Yeah out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine 04:35 AM - 29 Oct 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 17 SunnVEVO))) @donniemnemonic tfw you want the minister of fisheries and oceans to review your snow crab proposal 08:33 PM - 31 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18 shut up, mike ginn @shutupmikeginn barn owls must have been stoked when the barn was invented 05:12 AM - 28 Dec 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 19 chuuch @ch000ch me: [raises hand] my date: again, that's not necessary 04:37 PM - 10 Nov 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 20 Brandon, But Longer Now. Look How Long This Is!!!! @UNDEADTRESOR Just got kicked off a corn forum for saying you can eat the cob. I'll just sign up with a different name. They can't silence the truth. 01:30 PM - 23 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 21 moody monday @mdob11 [at a funeral] We should do a jumping photo 01:07 AM - 15 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 22 karate horse @Karate_Horse In hindsight I feel terrible that I named my first child "Merbin"and even worse now that I've also named my second child Merbin by accident 02:37 AM - 17 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 23 josh nalven @JNalv I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy 09:42 PM - 20 Feb 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 24 Joe West @joejwest HITMAN: Who's the target? ME: [slides photo across table] HITMAN: You..want me to kill Shrek? ME: Not Shrek [taps photo] his talkative horse 06:22 PM - 12 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite Share This ArticleFacebook PinterestTwitterMailLink BuzzFeed DailyKeep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
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