"He's Not Your Man" Is The Funniest Meme, Here's 19 Tweets To Prove ItSkip To ContentHomepageSign InSearch BuzzFeedSearch BuzzFeedlol Badge Feedwin Badge Feedtrending Badge FeedCalifornia residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data.Do Not Sell My Personal Information 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc PressRSSPrivacyConsent PreferencesUser TermsAd ChoicesHelpContactSitemapPosted on 26 Nov 2018 19 He s Not Your Man Tweets That Will Make All Women Laugh "He’s not your man. he’s famed conman & murderer count olaf." by Cassie SmythBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1 #1 Rachel @rachel ladies, if he: - never texts you back - always interjects with unsolicited advice - reads your personal documents - constantly tries to help you format paragraphs - is a sentient paper clip he’s not your man. he’s clippy the microsoft word office assistant 04:39 AM - 24 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 2 viking! @NOTVIKING ladies, if he: • expects you to clean the house • is trying to rush you into marriage • dreams of being an actor • has a tattoo of an eye on his ankle • wants the immense fortune left behind by your dead parents he’s not your man. he’s famed conman & murderer count olaf. 09:27 PM - 25 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 3 Kyle @KylePlantEmoji Ladies, if he: - only responds after you double text - doesn't care about your snap streak - refuses to shave - is a staunch abolitionist - returns to Ohio after serving only one term He's not your man. He's 19th president Rutherford B Hayes 06:39 PM - 22 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 4 Roxi Horror @roxiqt Ladies, if he: - ignores text messages - doesn't like your tweets - eats like trash - regularly goes out all night - is usually found in wooded areas in North America He's not your man. He's a raccoon. 12:37 AM - 24 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 5 Cassie @comcatholicgrl Ladies, if he: - defends you in battle - is your protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil -casts all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls into hell He’s not your man. He’s St. Michael the Archangel. 12:39 AM - 25 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 6 Belphoebe @ragsoflove Ladies, if he: - sends you risky/filthy dms - writes stuff that makes no fucking sense - wears fuckboy round specs - wanders the streets of Dublin by night He's not your man. He's Irish avant-garde novelist James Joyce 01:30 PM - 23 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 7 Great Bakes, Hot Takes @greatbakespod Ladies, if he: - doesn’t return your texts - always criticizes the results of your hard work and withholds praise for your efforts - gives vague ultimatums and disappears when you most need help - loves bread He isn’t your man. He’s baker and tv personality Paul Hollywood 01:02 PM - 25 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 8 JDL/GOH@MFF @jdl_werewolf Ladies, if he: - is on a boat - has an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love - has tickets that are now diamonds - is on a horse He's not your man. He's the man your man could smell like. https://t.co/f0jFSm59no 06:27 PM - 25 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 9 The Hangriest Librarian @HalpernAlex Ladies, if he: - is warm and inviting - is generous - is active in the community - expects you to return his stuff frequently and fines you if you don’t - demands you stay awake at all times He's not your man. He's a public library and you should return your books on time. 05:58 PM - 25 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 10 Faith Moore @FaithKMoore Ladies, if he: - Is slick as Gaston - Is quick as Gaston - Has a neck that's incredibly thick as Gaston - Shoots like Gaston - Makes those beauts like Gaston - Goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston - Uses antlers in all of his decorating He's not your man. He's Gaston. 11:08 PM - 25 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 11 Katya @katya_zamo Ladies, if he: — doesn’t respond to your texts — doesn’t comment on your pics — is the loving mother of 3 kids — won an Oscar in 2001 — was named People magazine’s “most beautiful woman” (5 times!!!) He’s not your man. He’s legendary Hollywood star, Julia Roberts. https://t.co/xIQGQCh2NS 02:13 AM - 26 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 12 admiral ron of the pepper palace @ronnyravegan Ladies, if he: - never responds to your texts - doesn’t watch your Insta stories - stands stoically in ruin - among desert sands in a distant land - with a large engraving beneath him He's not your boyfriend; he's Ozymandias, king of kings 03:40 PM - 24 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 13 The Daily Wire @realDailyWire Ladies, if he: - ignores text messages - doesn't like your tweets - is always cold - rarely opens up to you - never leaves the house - makes weird humming sounds at night He's not your man. He's a refrigerator. 05:41 PM - 24 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 14 Sassparilla @Megatronic13 Ladies, if he: - is always late - never shaves - eats 10% of his weight a day in plant matter - leaves you every winter for warmer waters He’s not your man, he’s a manatee. 12:10 AM - 25 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 15 an pigeon @imskytrash Ladies, if he: -is italian -is hot and spicy -ignores your texts -loses your snap streak -doesn’t like your tweets -is delicious and nutritious -can be made with three simple ingredients He isn’t your man. He’s a hot and spicy plate of spaghett. 08:19 PM - 24 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 16 Sarah McAnulty @SarahMackAttack Ladies, if he: - never responds to your texts - has never watched your insta story - doesn’t have a backbone - only lights up after dark - is endemic to the Hawaiian archipelago He's not your man. He’s a Hawaiian bobtail squid. 03:25 PM - 23 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 17 Fenty Beauty @fentybeauty Ladies, if he: - can last all day and night - fits perfectly in your hand - has an extra-long, flexible tip - has a smooth stroke - is your go-to eyeliner in your makeup bag He’s not your man, he’s our Fenty Beauty Flyliner 02:54 AM - 26 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 18 Kara Kolar @karta531 Ladies, if he: - never responds to your texts - never watches your insta story - looks like a cool drink of water but he’s candy-coated misery - only comes out at night - gives you feelings that you don’t wanna fight He's not your man. He’s a good time cowboy Casanova. 05:25 AM - 24 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 19 Random House @randomhouse Ladies, if he: - never texts back - doesn’t follow you on social media - can’t go in the water - emotionally tortures you - has a super hard shell He's not your man. He's a book, and books are better than men, so happy reading. 09:09 PM - 24 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite Share This ArticleFacebook PinterestTwitterMailLink BuzzFeed DailyKeep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.