This is exactly who you are as a person now, based on your childhood birthday parties Who we are Contact Advertise Tips UK Write Tips News Trash Agenda Trends Opinion Guides UK Belfast Birmingham Bournemouth Bristol Brookes Cambridge Cardiff Coventry Durham Edinburgh Exeter Glasgow King's Lancaster Leeds Lincoln Liverpool London Manchester Newcastle Nottingham Oxford Sheffield Soton St Andrews Sussex University of East Anglia Warwick York This is exactly who you are as a person now, based on your childhood birthday parties I will be eternally jealous of the party bus kids 2 weeks ago UPDATED 2 weeks ago Francesca Eke Guides UK Life peaked at primary school, where weekends were filled by birthday parties and your biggest worry was what colour bouncy ball you’d get in your goodie bag. Good or bad, we all have memories of at least one childhood birthday party etched into our brains. They were talked up for weeks and gossiped about for months afterwards – the social importance of a party rivalled that of the Met Gala for local four to 11 year olds. I miss the cocktail sausages, the fancy dress and even those crusty ASDA iced buns. Ah, the nostalgia. My social calendar has never been as busy since. But did you know that where you chose to spend your sixth day on the trot with the entirety of your class speaks actually volumes about you as a person? This is your exact vibe now, based on the birthday party you threw as a child: The Hollywood Bowl party A classic. If you hosted the Hollywood Bowl birthday party then odds are that you’re rather competitive and are fond of a good bit of rivalry. You had the class divided for weeks after the event over who deserved to win and who cheated by using the railings. You even made your friend cry by calling her a baby for using the ramp. Your approach to life is calculated and methodical, you know what you want and how to get it. You’re most likely to go into advertising or even better, politics. The pink limo party You’re a con artist. You’re placid and easily pleased, proven by how you chose to celebrate your birthday sitting in a limo for 45 minutes sipping on Shloer and nibbling bourbons while the limo circled your postcode catchment on repeat. You like the finer things in life and hate to plan, you’re a back-seat driver. The clown party Equally horrific. I’m sorry, but anyone over the age of seven who opted for a clown as your party entertainment had a lifeless childhood. Anything would have been better – a magician, for instance. Your vibe is undoubtedly wacky, unpredictable and just a little bit batshit crazy. You’re a dreamer, you have a great attention span and you’re easily pleased. The Flamingo Land party You were probably the biggest name in the playground – a “BNOP”, if you will. Your name went down in birthday party history and low-key is not in your vocabulary. Your attitude was always go big or go home. You’re a fun, adventurous individual who rarely says “no” and you’re the first one to go rogue or suggest something wild. The soft play party A personal favourite. You left with a sugar high, drenched in sweat and missing a sock but it was definitely one of the biggest birthday party destinations on the market. It often ended in tears from either friction burns or a scrap with another pair of siblings. If this was your party, you’re likely an average Joe. Not too wild, not too boring. Like an old blanket, you’re the comfortable mate everyone knows and loves. The Build-A-Bear party This one screams privilege. Everyone wanted it but few were so lucky. The carnage of 15+ screaming children and a bear stuffing machine is a memory that I think will never leave me. If this was your birthday party, my bets are that you’re an only child. Your parents adore you and you milk it. The stay-at-home party To me, this sounds like heaven. Chocolate, cake, sweets and gifts without even having to leave your four walls? Lush. Bonus points if you had a bouncy castle. The kids of stay at home parties are grateful, wholesome people. You’re chilled and patient, you’re a gentle soul and you like to keep the peace. Adult birthdays just don’t hit the same. Related stories recommended by this writer •What’s happening on 24th September 2022? The latest viral doomsday date debunked • TikTok has launched a new instant photo feature like BeReal and people aren’t impressed • Ok so who actually is the guy in the chef in the kitchen meme all over Twitter right no Francesca Eke Guides UK RECOMMENDED READ So here’ s how to get into HUNDREDS of museums art galleries and exhibitions for free All you need is a fiver Art Fund Sponsored BRANDS ‘If I’m not winning, no one should’: Sminty Drop on her shock early exit from Drag Race UK Harrison Brocklehurst Trash UK ‘They had to get rid of me to give somebody else some airtime’ Kwasi Kwarteng only lasted 38 days, but these memes will live on forever Izzy Schifano Agenda UK ‘I’ve had some cheese in my fridge that’s lasted longer than him as chancellor’ This is where the real life family from Netflix’s The Watcher are now Georgia Mooney Trash UK They suggested Netflix include a scene where the house burns to the ground MAFS UK was the wildest show of the year and these 22 memes from the final prove it Harrison Brocklehurst Trash UK Kwame’s bench will haunt us all forever This is what everyone is dressing up as for Halloween, according to Google Georgia Mooney Trends UK Going as anyone from the cast of Euphoria is so pick me x George has been ‘ruled out’ of the Married at First Sight UK reunion by Channel 4 Harrison Brocklehurst Trash UK The rest of the cast will reunite on Monday and Tuesday next week Guys Francis Bourgeois has his own show coming out next week Hayley Soen Trash UK Chloe Burrows from Love Island features too! These 20 Russell Group universities are officially the best in the UK right now Izzy Schifano News UK Brb applying to Edinburgh right now x Real Broaddus family was paid by Netflix for The Watcher and made demands about the show Hayley Soen Trash UK They’ve said they won’t be watching the thriller series about what happened to them Who lives at 657 Boulevard now What happened to real house from The Watcher on Netflix Hayley Soen Trash UK The Broaddus family sold up in 2019 Every cast member of Married at First Sight UK 2022 definitively ranked from worst to best Harrison Brocklehurst Trash UK I will remember the drama they gave us til the day I die Meet the iconic cast full of famous faces in Netflix’s The Watcher Georgia Mooney Trash UK Jennifer Coolidge AND Hannah Montana’s grandma omg The creepy letters in The Watcher are real – here’s what they each said in real life Hayley Soen Trash UK ‘Will the young blood play in the basement? If you were upstairs you would never hear them scream’ People are making their houses into Stranger Things sets for Halloween and it’s incredible Hayley Soen Trash UK HOW do people make them look this good?! Omg, apparently the MAFS UK reunion is so explosive producers had to step in Harrison Brocklehurst Trash UK ‘The previous dinner parties have nothing on what’s about to happen’ As a student with OCD, this is what my university experience has been like Amy Varley Guides UK It’s changed my approach, but I’m still capable Just every single type of seller you will encounter on Vinted Ella Dickson Guides UK 3. The one who should get back to Depop Brianne Howey says season two of Ginny and Georgia is ‘done’ but explains its delay Hayley Soen Trash UK Finally some news! Here’s the chilling true story behind The Watcher, Ryan Murphy’s latest Netflix show Georgia Mooney Trash UK This is my idea of hell Rex Orange County fans are straight up burning their merch and removing tattoos Georgia Mooney Trends UK ‘Who wants to cut my arm off?’ An ode to Adrian: How the world fell in love with MAFS UK’s ‘Captain Curtains’ Harrison Brocklehurst Trash UK The nation cheered when he told Whitney to f*ck off Most Read Who lives at 657 Boulevard now What happened to real house from The Watcher on Netflix Hayley Soen Trash These 20 Russell Group universities are officially the best in the UK right now Izzy Schifano News All the 2022 MAFS UK cast s first Instagram posts compared to their most recent Katelyn Mensah Trash The creepy letters in The Watcher are real – here s what they each said in real life Hayley Soen Trash Meet Ruth Codd The 26-year-old who went from TikTok fame to The Midnight Club on Netflix Harrison Brocklehurst Trash Right just how successful are the millionaire cast of Bling Empire really Hayley Soen Trash The full true story behind the disgusting meat sandwich scene in the Jeffrey Dahmer series Hayley Soen Trash George has been ruled out of the Married at First Sight UK reunion by Channel 4 Harrison Brocklehurst Trash Guys Francis Bourgeois has his own show coming out next week Hayley Soen Trash Real Broaddus family was paid by Netflix for The Watcher and made demands about the show Hayley Soen Trash