27 Of The Most Smartass Kids Of All TimeSkip To ContentHomepageSign InSearch BuzzFeedSearch BuzzFeedlol Badge Feedwin Badge Feedtrending Badge FeedCalifornia residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data.Do Not Sell My Personal Information 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc PressRSSPrivacyConsent PreferencesUser TermsAd ChoicesHelpContactSitemapPosted on 7 Sept 2017 27 Of The Most Smartass Kids Of All Time "If I'm watching cartoons on the couch, wouldn't they be couchtoons 'cause I'm not in a car?" by Hattie SoykanBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1 Master of Mediocrity @charliedelta7 7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me. 02:20 AM - 13 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 2 Mom Psychologist @mompsychologist 3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: "Privacy, please" 3yo: "Oh, right" *closes door* "Now we have privacy, Mommy" 08:48 PM - 25 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3 Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can't go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing. 12:51 PM - 16 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4 JennyPentland @JennyPentland I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room. 09:11 AM - 06 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 5 ReasonsMySonIsCrying @ReasonsMySonCry My 3yo "accidentally" unspooled the entire roll of toilet paper. But don't worry, he "fixed" it. 12:36 AM - 24 Oct 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 6 James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery. 08:25 PM - 28 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7 dadmissions @Dadmissions dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!" 11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!" 03:37 PM - 30 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 8 Bridget Liszewski @BridgetOnTV My 5yo on her 1st day of K: "They asked me to count as high as I could. I could've done 200, but I didn't want to waste anyone's time." 04:24 PM - 26 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9 James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: Can you buy me a goldfish? Me: No. 7: Is it too expensive? Me: That's not the problem. 7: You could buy me a silver fish. 04:19 PM - 13 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 10 Doyin Richards @daddydoinwork My kid just flushed her socks down the toilet because "dirty stuff goes there." Sound logic, questionable execution. 05:16 PM - 11 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11 Stephanie Ortiz @Six_Pack_Mom Me: "Why are these Legos all over the floor?!" 5: "To keep everyone else away; it's my computer turn." BRILLIANT. 02:00 PM - 21 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 12 James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Me: Pick up your toys 6-year-old: *picks up a toy and sets it back down* Me: I meant pick it up and put it away 6: I'm not a mind reader. 07:08 PM - 11 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 13 Anne Thériault @anne_theriault 6yo: is Santa Claus real? Me: what do you think? 6yo: I think ... I don't want to have this conversation right now 12:58 AM - 25 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 14 Red @Snarkles77 4yo:*takin sip of my Dr. Pepper* what flavor is that? Me:Dr. Pepper 4yo:*looks at me like I'm a moron* That's not a flavor, that's a person. 09:55 PM - 19 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 15 Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old's lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours. 04:35 PM - 15 Apr 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 16 Tired Working Mom @WorkingMom86 My toddler woke up upset because he couldn't find his glasses, but what really set him off was when I told him he doesn't even wear glasses. 04:08 AM - 31 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 17 victor pope jr @VictorPopeJr My son got mad at me yesterday and opened all the bananas in the house. What type of passive aggressive monster... 06:02 PM - 09 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18 ack @Mr_Kapowski 7 y/o daughter: "If I'm watching cartoons on the couch then wouldn't they be couchtoons cause I'm not in a car?" No paternity test needed 08:39 PM - 05 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19 Tragic Ally @TragicAllyHere My 5 yo after I explained the concept of breastfeeding: "can you squeeze Capri Suns outta those things or just milk?" 08:00 PM - 23 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 20 Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom When you're not hungry for the whole pizza, but you still don't want to share. -4yo life hack 06:43 PM - 17 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 21 Tim @Playing_Dad [At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food* 12:39 AM - 03 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 22 James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Me: Guess what time it is? 6-year-old: I don't have to guess. I can read the clock. Me: It's time to clean your room. 6: No, it's 2:45. 07:49 PM - 23 Nov 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 23 Liana Brooks @LianaBrooks Me: Let's go pack your lunch for school tomorrow! 5yo: I went to school today. Me: Yes, and you go again tomorrow. 5yo: What?!?!?! 02:26 AM - 06 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 24 Mike Hogan @MHoganSays 3YO son: "Why are you 45?" Me: "Because that's just how old I am." 3YO: "Is that the last number? Because that's a lot." 02:11 PM - 21 Nov 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 25 James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn To anyone out there thinking about having kids, today my 2 year old threw a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow. 08:29 PM - 23 Mar 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 26 paperwash @PaperWash Was arguing with my 2 y/o for 30 minutes about why he needs to wear his pants and now we're both sitting in our underwear eating donuts 02:17 PM - 13 Oct 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 27 Jess @jessokfine My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives." 02:16 AM - 29 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Share This ArticleFacebook PinterestTwitterMailLink BuzzFeed DailyKeep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.