19 Tweets About Healthy Eating That Are Funny Because They're TrueSkip To ContentHomepageSign InSearch BuzzFeedSearch BuzzFeedlol Badge Feedwin Badge Feedtrending Badge FeedCalifornia residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data.Do Not Sell My Personal Information 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc PressRSSPrivacyConsent PreferencesUser TermsAd ChoicesHelpContactSitemapPosted on 14 Jun 2017 19 Tweets About Healthy Eating That Are Funny Because They re True "Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower." by Remee PatelBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1 Common White Girl @commonwhtgirIs me: I'm gonna start eating healthy Also me: treat yourself one last time, you deserve it 08:48 PM - 15 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 2 Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom Me: I feel awful Doctor: Try eating a well balanced diet Me: ehhhh. What else you got 12:17 AM - 13 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 3 It's Abby. Yep. @abbycohenwl Personal Trainer: No pain, no gain Me: Deal 11:15 PM - 11 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4 ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s) @3sunzzz I diet every day until about noon. 01:55 AM - 31 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5 Tragic Ally @TragicAllyHere Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower. 09:35 PM - 11 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 6 eric @ericsshadow "Why can't I lose weight?" he thought, while comfortably laying in bed drinking a cookies n cream milkshake. 03:56 AM - 09 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 7 Super Randomish @SuperRandomish Drinking wheatgrass juice is a great way to know what being a lawnmower tastes like. 11:30 PM - 20 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 8 Elvish Presley @_ElvishPresley_ Why do I feel like shit whenever I eat pizza? Am I not eating enough pizzas 01:16 PM - 10 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9 Kardashian Reactions @KardashianHumor me: I'm gonna start eating healthy and exercising *hears bag of chips being opened* me: 11:30 PM - 19 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 10 Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom I long to go back in time and revel in that feeling of desperate optimism that swept over me 6 days ago when I bought this bag of spinach. 11:31 PM - 03 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 11 Timmy @TheTimmyToes SUNDAY: buys $100 worth of groceries MON: baked salmon with asparagus TUES: hamburgers WED: I'm out of ideas let's order pizza 07:01 PM - 06 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 12 SardonicTart @SardonicTart Me: I'm going to start working out tomorrow. Him: You say that every day. Me: Yes but this time I'm not drunk. 10:04 PM - 29 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 13 DaddyJew @DaddyJew Doctor: drink 2 cups of water before each meal Me: why? D: it tricks your stomach into thinking its full M: that sounds like a mean trick 05:44 PM - 12 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 14 Kyle Patrick @kyry5 Me after saying no to mimosas at brunch once 07:33 PM - 12 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 15 Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it* 08:09 PM - 24 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 16 demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon AT A WHOLE FOODS: this change begins now. a better diet means a better me. AT A GAS STATION: whats these two slushies taste like... together 04:59 AM - 19 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 17 Girl On Tapas @girlontapas 1 Wear Fitbit 2. Pack gym clothes 3. Pack salad 4. Go to work 5. Eat donut 6. Go out for lunch 7. Skip gym Rinse and Repeat. 10:03 AM - 12 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18 Khadi Don @KhadiDon When you cheat on your diet. 11:48 PM - 01 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19 beth argyropoulos @bourgeoisalien The best thing about working out and eating well is knowing that eventually I'll be dead and won't have to do this anymore 02:22 PM - 01 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite Share This ArticleFacebook PinterestTwitterMailLink BuzzFeed DailyKeep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.