21 Tweets About Marriage That Are Funny Because They Are TrueSkip To ContentHomepageSign InSearch BuzzFeedSearch BuzzFeedlol Badge Feedwin Badge Feedtrending Badge FeedCalifornia residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data.Do Not Sell My Personal Information 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc PressRSSPrivacyConsent PreferencesUser TermsAd ChoicesHelpContactSitemapPosted on 21 Apr 2017 21 Tweets About Marriage That Are Funny Because They Are True "Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough." by Remee PatelBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1 Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn Wife: You wouldn't believe the day- *puts TV remote to my ear* Hello? Hey Bob- [hand covering remote] -sorry honey, I have to take this. 07:07 PM - 20 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 2 jomny sun @jonnysun ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption 01:10 AM - 30 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3 David Hughes @david8hughes [crawls out of burning house] "SIR, IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE INSIDE?" [flash backs of wife making me watch Big Bang Theory] "No." 10:15 PM - 29 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4 Twitter: @GrantTanaka / Monkeybusinessimages / Getty Images 5 Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom My husband doesn't seem to realize I'm mad at him which is ridiculous because I just spent the last 20 min convincing him I'm not mad at him 01:07 AM - 06 Nov 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 6 Bazza @garrettbarry70 Wife. Would you cut the label off my dress. Me. Sure *Snip* There you go. Wife. Thanks. Me. No problem. *Kicks pony tail under bed. 10:52 AM - 28 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 7 Dan Duvall @lazerdoov *sitting in the dark at the kitchen table waiting for my wife* Hello Karen. Maybe you'd like to tell me who used all my essential oils 06:33 PM - 15 Feb 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 8 Josh @iwearaonesie wife [on phone] Did you preheat the oven like I asked? me: Yep wife: What temperature? me: 534 wife: That's the clock me wife me: 535 09:35 PM - 16 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9 Michael, still here @Home_Halfway WIFE: We really need to think about sticking to our monthly budget ME: *feeding my pet octopus a bag of emeralds* I agree 07:41 PM - 21 Feb 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 10 Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer Me, "I need to get in shape." Hubs, "What flavor? Chocolate or Vanilla?" Me, "Shape, not Shake." Hubs, "So...." Me, "Chocolate." 07:05 PM - 19 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 11 PunchyK @AnkCoupleTO Wife: How many times have I told you NOT to use my face moisturizer as body lotion? Me: *skin absolutely glowing* is this a trick question? 11:28 AM - 19 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 12 Kim Bongiorno @LetMeStart Husband: UGH that kid is JUST LIKE YOU. Me: Wonderful? H: M: Charming? H: M: Light of your life? H: [leaves room] Me: [shouts] SUPER COOL? 07:35 PM - 24 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 13 Josh @iwearaonesie wife: Let's fool around after the kids go to bed narrator: But they never did fool around 03:10 PM - 02 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 14 Sara Says Stop @PetrickSara Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well... 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch) 06:21 PM - 21 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 15 Twitter: @moooooog35 Vm / Getty Images 16 Marlebean @Marlebean Sometimes I say "you're welcommmme" to my husband for no reason in a super snobby voice just to watch him squirm. 07:11 PM - 17 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 17 Clark Stevenson @treadmilld Marriage is where your sexual fantasies go to die. 03:55 PM - 11 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 18 Stephanie Ortiz @Six_Pack_Mom 50 Shades of Grey, the married-with-kids version: Attempting to sort 50 white (now grey) socks in laundry basket while husband snores. 01:48 AM - 20 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 19 Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 *at Costco* Him: That's a really good deal. Me: We don't eat that. Him: *puts it in cart anyway* This is marriage. 02:47 PM - 18 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 20 Josh @iwearaonesie me[holding wife's shirt] Can this go in the dryer? wife:What does it say on the tag? me:Gap wife:The other tag me:Oh wife me:Made in Vietnam 12:48 PM - 20 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 21 beth can't with this @bourgeoisalien Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough. 01:01 AM - 03 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite Share This ArticleFacebook PinterestTwitterMailLink BuzzFeed DailyKeep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.