Elizabeth Day Man of my dreams I d rather have reality - YOU Magazine Fashion Beauty Celebrity Health Life Relationships Horoscopes Food Interiors Travel Sign in Welcome!Log into your account Forgot your password? Password recovery Recover your password Search Sign in Welcome! Log into your account Forgot your password? Get help Password recovery Recover your password A password will be e-mailed to you. YOU Magazine Fashion Beauty Celebrity Health Life Relationships Horoscopes Food Interiors Travel Home Life Elizabeth Day Man of my dreams I d rather have reality By You Magazine - September 13, 2020 An engagement was announced on Instagram the other day. The post came from Marnie Simpson of Geordie Shore – which bears the notable distinction of being the only reality TV show I don’t watch. So I’d never heard of Marnie or her fiancé Casey Johnson, but I wished them well when I saw it in the news (it’s interesting, isn’t it, the new way engagements are announced: not by notices in newspapers, but by posting online?). Portrait: Dan Kennedy. Stylist: Holly Elgeti. Hair: Alex Szabo at Carol Hayes Management. Make-Up: Nicky Weir. The 28-year-old called Johnson ‘the man of my dreams’. It’s a well-worn phrase and the intention behind it is romantic. But the more I considered it the more I wondered what it meant. The thing about dreams is they are unpredictable and often stressful. One moment, you’re falling off a cliff and the next you’re sitting exams you haven’t revised for, in the nude. Dreams can be bonkers and when you re-tell them, they’re boring. Why would you want this in a spouse? Daydreams are different. You’re in control by dint of being, well, awake. In daydreams, you can imagine yourself into success and happiness. To paraphrase Gloria Steinem, daydreams are a form of planning. But actual dreams are fickle. So it seems bizarre that we describe someone as the partner ‘of my dreams’. It is one of those platitudes that has fallen into the language of love. And it does us a disservice. For years, I wasted time searching for ‘the man of my dreams’ believing I’d find a twin soul who would, in some nebulous sense, complete me. Coming of age in the 90s was no help. There were necklaces featuring two sides of a single heart that you were meant to give to your ‘other half’. Jerry Maguire was a movie sold on the famous line: ‘You complete me.’ For young girls, this contributed to the idea we were lacking until we found a partner. Subconsciously, it made us feel less-than. This misapprehension continued into my early 30s, when I believed that any relationship must be ‘passionate’. Passion, I was told, was the ability to be ‘swept off your feet’ (another absurd phrase: who wants to be knocked over by some sort of cosmic broom?). But what ‘passionate’ actually translated to was me feeling anxious in a boyfriend’s company because I never knew what he was thinking and was too afraid to ask. Often these men would never commit, and we were encouraged to put up with it because the never-quite-knowing was supposedly part of the thrill. In truth, it wasn’t passionate. It was annoying and pathetic. It was only in my late 30s that I realised what I wanted. I did not want to be swept off my feet. I did not want the man of my messed-up dreams. I wanted the man of my ideal reality, who would be stable, honest, kind and funny and make me feel safe, not hovering over the abyss of insecurity, and who would add to my life rather than complete it. I was lucky enough to meet such a man. Last week, we got engaged. Is he the man of my dreams? No. He’s much better than that. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Elizabeth Day (@elizabday) This week I’ m… Smoothing My hair with Living Proof No Frizz Nourishing Oil which has saved my barnet on many a drizzly, damp day. Reading Dear Reader by Cathy Rentzenbrink (which will be out later this week). It’s a gorgeous love letter to beloved books and stories. Lusting After these statement 18-carat gold-plated earrings from British jewellery brand Soru. Heaven! 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